I updated a week ago, planning to put this on, but the QuickEdit decided to break, and all of a sudden I kept seeing this weird "Out of Order" pop up...
My interest for this is quickly dwindling, so don't be surprised if this story suddenly decides to leave our lovely planet earth and join a galactic space party. But have no fear, for that won't ever happen……until a few minutes later.
Oh yes, and I've read several random humor stories, and some have disappointed me for their lack of a plot…line…..thing……amabob…..(I'm not being a stupid hypocrite, really, I'm not. You're just crazy.)
Disclaimer: See. See spot. See spot run. See spot die. See spot die. See spot die. See spot…
(Oh wonders of all wonders! Everyone has survived the broccoli massacre, and are now settling down, only to find themselves being harassed by a random person)
Shikamaru: (flatly) So why are you here?
Random Person: (shrugs) The author of this story just wanted to throw in a pitiful distraction, but other than that…..I want a name.
Ino: Why?
Random Person: Well, you know, I figured, people want to be recognized, but not improperly recognized, such as the "depressed" person, or the "mean" person, likewise, being a "happy" person does not suit people. "Random", is just too much. So, I demand a name.
Neji: (distantly) It's not your destiny to have one…
Sakura: (nods vigorously) Yes yes! Random Person is a good name! You should be happy with yourself! Make friends! Enjoy life! In fact, making friends IS a joy of life! Friendship and love will rule the world! Nobody can survive without friendship! Friendship is like chocolate chip cookies, and is as good as sugar, spice, and everything nice! Love is also nice! Love can make you feel like the happiest person on earth! But what's more wonderful is friendship! For the first stage of love is usually friendship! Friendship then sprouts into love! Love is wonderful! Friendship is even more wonderful! Friends are what bind us together and we have such treasureable moments! Friends help us to not feel lonely, pain, or suffering! Instead they help us heal! They help us to look forward in life and to not dwell in the past where there is much agony! Friends are the best! They love us and we love them! FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD! Am I right? Huh? Huh?!
Everyone: Zzzz…..zzzzz…..
Naruto: (drooling) ….sasuke….mmm….zzzzz…….yum….ketchup on ramen…..
Sakura: Hmph! (huffs, then withdraws a—what's this? A permanent marker?) Jigglypuff! (runs down and scribbles on everyone's face)
(3 hours later)
Everyone: (wakes up groaning, and slowly coming back to life)
(suddenly, a shriek pierces the air)
Ino: (horrified) My face! My oh so beautiful face! (has "Ino-pig" scribbled all over)
Sasuke: …. (has cat whiskers and attempted neko ears drawn out on his face)
Naruto: (yawns) …what? (face is blacked out)
Neji: (has "loser" imprinted on his forehead)
Shino: (looks like he has a grocery list on his face)
Naruto: ……wait, where's Sakura?
Kiba: You know, one day I saw a dog, and I said to myself, 'Kiba, go catch one of them little buggers' and so I did. And look where it got me now! I have me self a scrawny dog! It's not even good enough to be a hot dog! Then I started drinking……(randomly takes a swig of scotch)
Pyschiatrist: So you have a drinking problem?
Kiba: (hic) Not now! Hee hee hee! (hic) And so I named it Akamaru!
Psychiatrist: If that's the name of a cheeseburger, I'm going to scream.
You-know-who: Since none of you are willing to give me name, I'll force it out of you! So fear me! Remember my name! It is not: He-whose-name-is-hyphenated, or He-who-wears-glow-in-the-dark-underwear, but it is….You-know-who!
Naruto: …..waaaiit, your name sounds familiar….aren't you that voldemort guy?
Hagrid: (pops up) Don't…say…his…name! (walks out)
Everyone: O.o
You-know-who: No, I'm not voldemort. I have better things to do than terrorize black-haired-green-eyed boys with a lightning scar on their forehead. Now! Onto more important matters, such as getting myself a name! Hahaha! I have found my secret weapon!
Neji: Is it a gun?
You-know-who: ….No
Sasuke: ….A bloodline?
You-know-who: (irritably) No
Naruto: Is it a demon that plans to manifest itself upon the world so that it can have world domination and then use cheerios as his minions?
You-know-who: No! Wait….I forgot….Let me think of it again….
Naruto: Is it macaroni and cheese?
You-know-who: …..maybe…..
Shikamaru: I always knew those noodles looked a bit menacing….
Random person: No! I have it! Aha! It's….(pulls out a lever that pops out of nowhere and a platform appears; with a girl sitting elegantly in the middle)
Sasuke: ……no….
Shino: ….It can't be…..
Lee: …..It's a….
Naruto: ….MARY SUE!
Mary Sue: (giggles lightly, and her eyes open up to be a light blue green haze, as if it can't decide to be blue or it can't decide to be green, and has natural blonde streaks in her brown, luscious hair. Her clothes are identical to a French Maid) Hello! My name is Penelope Gurstidiouslypoe, and I like animals and ninjas and live in Beverly Hills!
Neji: …..I feel strangely drawn to her….Yet is it my destiny?
Naruto: (sobs) I want to hold her and kiss her!
Sasuke: (frowns) I feel…..as if I want to…..hug her….(repulsed by the idea)
Mary Sue: Oh no! Wait! I'm now a girl who's name is Low-Self-Asteem, and has had a horrible childhood and needs loving! (wipes away an artificial tear)
Lee: Noooooo! I being drawn in!
Shikamaru: I want to kiss away her troubles!
(thunderous voice appears)
thunderous voice: Shame on you! It is horrible to capture the Mary Sues and use it on innocent men, and it goes against the rules of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness!
Shino: …..Who are you?
Sakura: (steps from under the shadows, and is wearing an outfit similar to Sailor Moon) It's me! Sakura Haroonoo, who stands for the rights of friendship, chocolate chip cookies, and happiness! Now! I call upon youuuuuu YAOIIIIII FAN SERVICE, ATAAAAAAAACKKKKK!!!!!!! (a blinding neon light spurts from the end of her wand and falls upon everyone)
Sasuke: (looks at naruto) ….Oh Naruto….(sees the blonde covered in shojo bubbles and bright, beautiful fuzzy eyes)
Naruto: Oh sasuke…..I've never seen you so dark…..so alluring….
Sasuke: And you….I've never seen you so light….so pure……so innocent!
Naruto: Sasuke! (glomps the dark-haired boy)
Sasuke: Naruto! (huggles)
Kakashi: (already pounced on poor Iruka)
Iruka: Ohhhh Kakashi….A bit lower….
You-know-who: (aghast) What have you done?!?! My plan is ruined! RUINED!!!
Sakura: It was easy. I used yaoi fan service, for nothing can withstand yaoi! Not even your Mary Sue!
You-know-who: (taken away by the random chuunins and jounins) Damn youuu Sakuraaaa!
Ino: So when does this yaoi wear off?
Sakura: (shrugs) I'm not so sure. I think it should be wearing off right about—
Sasuke: (roars) WHAT THE—?!?! WHY THE HELL AM I KISSING THE DOBE!?!!?!
Sakura: (nods happily) Yeah, right about now.
Kiba: (hic) So THEN, (hic) I told my beautiful wife here in the middle of the night—(waves at Akamaru)—that I'd catch some MORE little buggers…(hic) ahhh, the encouraging words she told me (hic)….she said: Kiba, you dorkazoid, your name sounds like a noise that a dying donkey would make, and you should let me sleep…..(hic hic) Ahhh, she was so sweet and endearing….(hic)
Psychiatrist: Oh joy.
This story is quickly deflating! What will ever happen to Random Person/You-know-who? And will Kiba ever stop drinking? When will yaoi ever REALLY come in the story? When will Gaara ever come in? And when you think about it, what IS a yam?