Trashed 2
Kiss the bride.
Brass. Naked Brass. Naked Brass standing proudly on a lawn chair, holding a toilet brush aloft like the statue of liberty. Catherine stood on the ground near him, tilting her head and nodding like an aspiring fashion designer before carefully wrapping his legs in toilet paper. Warrick was sitting on the ground next to her, fashioning what looked like a veil from toilet paper. "Welcome to America" Brass grandly called to Nick. "Can I please see your passport?". Hearing this, Warrick looked up from his handiwork and did a double take at the homicide chief standing above him, "Dude, what is up with THAT?". Brass looked down defensively, viewing his major shrinkage, before barking at Warrick "Its cold okay!" Warrick returned to his veil-making duties, but not before muttering "Its never THAT cold". Catherine shushed them both and finished wrapping Brass's lower half in toilet paper, finishing with a fancy bow that thankfully covered his privates. Having run out of toilet paper, she was about to order Warrick inside when Sara skipped out onto the path, oddly enough carrying another roll. "Dude" said Warrick, nodding at Sara, who threw Catherine the roll of toilet paper and took a flying leap onto Warrick. "Oof" the air escaped from his lungs as he struggled to stay upright. Ignoring them both, Catherine fashioned a toilet paper boob tube for Brass, leaving his shoulders and protruding belly exposed. Brass preened, twirled and spun around in his t.p. wedding dress, before winking at Warrick. "Do you think I look pretty?" Sara leapt up and growled at Brass –"Stay away from my man, bitch!". Warrick blinked. "Dude".
Catherine leant forward and hugged Brass around the knees, "I think you're beautiful" she told him sincerely, before snagging the communal tequila bottle and pouring it down her throat. Brass fluttered his eyelashes coquettishly and began to wiggle his hips and sing "Isn't she lovely" to himself in a falsetto tone. Catherine passed Brass his bouquet (the only remaining roll of paper artfully attached to his toilet brush), and ducked as Nick began throwing handfuls of confetti (corn chips) onto the blushing bride. Brass smiled and sniffed at his bouquet. Catherine climbed onto the chair with Brass, wobbling precariously as she balanced the veil on his head. Nick raised his hands to the heavens and solemnly intoned – "Dearly beloved – we are gathered today to join Brass and Catherine in holy matrimony. Flower girl, do you have the communal wine?" he glanced at Warrick, who was nonchalantly draining the tequila bottle. Sara nudged Warrick in the ribs as Catherine grabbed at the bottle, causing him to snort in surprise, spluttering tequila all over Brass's dress. Brass squealed "my dress, my beautiful dress!" and burst into noisy tears. Nick realised that the tequila had caused Brass's dress to go transparent and squeezed his violated eyes shut, hurriedly running through the rest of the vows. Greg wandered out of the house dragging his precious lamp, lighting a cigarette. Catherine leaned menacingly down towards Warrick, swinging the tequila bottle at his head, screaming "YOU'VE RUINED OUR WEDDING DAY! YOU MONSTER!". Sara leapt towards Warrick to save him from the wrath of Catherine, tackling him under the arms and accidentally knocking the wobbly chair Cath and Brass were standing on. The chair jolted backwards, bumping into Greg who automatically put both hands up to protect himself. The cigarette touched Brass's tequila soaked dress, Nick screamed "YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE!", Catherine abandoned ship, Sara landed on Warrick, Brass's dress went up with a whoosh. As the chair fell the bride threw his bouquet which flew across the yard, solidly connecting with someone's head. In the ensuing chaos, no-one noticed the newcomer rub his head, pick up the toilet brush in confusion and turn towards the group. The deep voice though, was unmistakeable as it echoed across the yard- "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"