Wow! I didn't know there are actually peepers here who adore the AxL pairing like I do… and to think that I was actually expecting that no one would check out this crappy fic… Ureshii! Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, minna-san! Please keep 'em coming, ayt? Athrun x Lacus R.U.L.E.Z.! XD
Disclaimer: Kidou Senshi Gundam SEED is a certified property of © 2002-2004 SOTSU AGENCY · SUNRISE · MBS… Happy now?
Fading Light
By: Sechskies
Song 02: Escape
Lacus' crystal-blue eyes stared emptily at the cold, reflective water of the bathtub situated before her motionless figure. She had been in that position for quite some time now, paying no attention to anything but the water itself.
"I'm a lot like it," she mused dully. "No one can really see past my surface either…"
She heaved out a deep sigh, knowing very well what she must do. She had come to this place for one sole purpose, and she was determined to accomplish it no matter what. Slowly approaching the tub, she bent down to look at her own reflection on the water and suddenly felt her eyebrows furrowing in distaste.
"Pathetic, Lacus… Truly pathetic…"
She knew she could think of something far more creative than this, but it couldn't be helped. She was in the Eternal after all, a Mobile Suit transporter, so resources would evidently be limited. She had no other options anymore but to merely resort to this one.
"I deserve it like this anyway... as wretched as can be… What have I got to lose?"
With this, a bitter smile graced her dried lips. "Nothing," she whispered, her voice quivering. "Because I've already lost everything…"
Images of her father and everything that had taken place before then flashed in her mind, and tears began trickling down her pale cheeks yet again as she pondered about how she had lost them instantly. The experience was awfully tragic, and it was too painful for such a fragile heart like hers to handle that merely reflecting on it was already creating a slow and painful death for her.
Lacus could no longer take it; therefore, she had decided, and had firmly made up her verdict.
"This is too much…" She straightened herself and removed her jacket, its white length sliding smoothly down her back to the tiled floor of the lavatory. "If living the rest of my life means having to endure all of this, then…"
Tonight was the night that she would end all of it.
oOoOoOoOoOo
Parting his eyelids, Kira woke up and hastily sat up from his bed, amethyst-purple eyes filled with what seemed like sheer fright and confusion. Cold sweat trickled down his creased forehead, and he coarsely wiped them off with a shaky hand, his breath coming in short gasps.
"What the…" he huffed, clenching his blanket. "L-Lacus…"
Papa... He's d-dead…
Her voice was frail and weak.
It was all my fault…
Her whole body was quivering.
I… I deserve to die…
Her grip on his shirt tightened.
Because I couldn't do anything, Kira!
Kira closed his eyes, feeling drained all of a sudden. He could only remember those fragments from the dream he just had, but they were more than enough to trouble him greatly. The look on Lacus' face was just purely distressing, and he felt his chest tightening as he heard her cries echo inside his head.
I couldn't do anything, Kira!
He cringed, sadness etched on his young face. "I couldn't do anything for you either, Lacus…"
Falling back to his pillows, he tried picturing her usually smiling face, and felt his cheeks slightly burning as he thought of how pretty she looked. He imagined how she would always smile at him sweetly whenever they would come across each other, but immediately shrugged the notion off as her tear-stained features came into his mind once again.
She's completely broken…
Grumbling, he squeezed his eyes tighter and scratched the back of his head crossly. Athrun's words to him during their earlier conversation had also left him greatly bothered, and his eyebrows furrowed as he remembered how his friend looked at him with annoyance during that time. He had never seen him that provoked, but Kira wasn't struck by it at all. Despite the stern tone of speaking, the angry remarks and the scowl on his face, he wasn't intimidated in any way, because he knew that the blue-haired Coordinator was feeling just as lost, confused and worried as he was.
"For Lacus…" he mentally added, sitting back up once again.
Suddenly, his eyes caught a glimpse of something glinting, and he turned to his side, thoughts about Lacus and Athrun disappearing from his mind for the time being. He gradually extended his arm to reach for the shining object that was on his bedside table, and when he did so, his eyebrows rose in question as he finally perceived the item as a ring.
"How did it get here?" he asked to no one in particular, thoughtfully eyeing the round material. The ring was made of pure white gold, and it was engraved with complicating star outlines. It looked very expensive, and the way the silvery object glinted in the darkness made it appear more elegant.
Yet, Kira, being a man as he was, wasn't much of a fan of jewelries, so he merely overlooked the thought, and decided to find the owner – whoever he or she was - some time later. He was feeling too exhausted, after all.
Yawning lightly, he was about to place the ring back to the side table and return to his musings when he suddenly spotted something imprinted in its inside. At first, he didn't really give much thinking to it, but curiosity soon got the better of him, and as he took the item once again, he squinted his eyes to get a healthier look at it.
"…C-Clyne…" he read the small, embossed letters broodingly, before the thought actually made sense to him. "Clyne… Lacus?"
Kira arched an eyebrow in confusion, and as if something hit him hard, he jerked back, eyes widening in surprise at a sudden notion that entered his head.
Returning his gaze to the ring he was holding, his face suddenly blanched. "J-just now…" he stammered, his voice barely a whisper.
The thought had just hit him the moment he realized that the object was actually the pink-haired girl's property and it didn't make any sense at all, yet he couldn't seem to get it off him. The unsettling feeling gnawed at him from the inside and try as he might, he couldn't ignore it.
"S-somehow… Just now…"
A smiling image of Lacus' beautiful face flickered in his mind for the last time that instant, and the young man unconsciously clenched the ring tighter in his hand. Shoulders trembling, he clutched his chest with his other hand and hung his head limply, his brown hair failing to plaster the stunned and frightened expression on his face.
"Her smile… Lacus' smile…"
Tears had started trickling down his pallid cheeks, yet Kira was oblivious to it, for his mind was converged on to nothing but the most dreadful thought that he could come across.
"I don't think…"
Was this why he was feeling so uneasy and bothered? He still didn't know, but he seriously wished this wasn't it. It had to be something else.
Not this one.
Anything but this one.
"…I don't think I'll ever see it again…"
oOoOoOoOoOo
Athrun's face paled as he entered the ship's loft, learning that his attempt of finding a pink-haired figure was futile for the nth time. He had been searching for her for quite a while now, and had already reached the very last room of the Eternal, yet he still couldn't come across any traces of her. Time was running out, and panic was already threatening to enshroud his mind, but he suppressed himself from submitting to it. Still, he couldn't help but feel aggravated about the whole situation.
"Damn it, where could she be?" he growled, annoyed and edgy.
Banging a clenched fist to the doorframe, he gritted his teeth, his pair of emerald-green eyes glinting angrily. He felt his knees buckle with so much pressure, and finding no other way to release himself from his frustration, he punched the wall very hard, letting out a howl of rage as he did so.
"FUCK!" he cursed again.
Why was he feeling this worked up, he still wasn't sure. All he knew was that things were happening all too fast for him to comprehend. It wasn't too long ago when he was merely helping out Kira build micro units for his school project back in the moon, and now, he was in the Eternal, trying desperately to find his ex-fiancée who was about to commit the biggest and most imprudent mistake of her life. It confused him greatly, and the many indescribable emotions flooding in his mind didn't help the situation from getting any better either.
"Why did I get into this all of a sudden anyway?" Athrun found himself wondering. He closed his eyes tiredly and leaned his forehead against the partition, his mind involuntarily wandering off to that fateful moment.
For what reason are you fighting?She looked up to him, her pair of crystal-blue eyes staring intently at him as if she could see right through his persona. Is it for those medals that you've received? Or your father's orders?
He narrowed his eyes, lips drawn to a slight frown.
If so, then there is absolutely no doubt that you'll be fighting against Kira again. Her smile slowly faded as she stood up, her Haro bouncing playfully beside her. And you'll be fighting me, as well.
He sighed heavily, eyebrows creasing with worry. "Lacus… Where are you…?"
If you're willing to play the role of your father's puppet, then shoot me. She took a step toward him, and he, in turn, backed away. I've been a traitor to my kind after all, an enemy who should be destroyed.
His emerald-green eyes flashed with conflicting emotions at the sternness of her face and voice, and before he could even realize it, she was already standing a few inches before him, his gun pointing directly at her face.
So you might as well kill me now. Athrun Zala of ZAFT!
Clenching his hands into fists, Athrun took a deep breath and straightened himself, a firm, yet calm resolve evident on his young, handsome face. Recalling those words from her would always spark something unexplainable near the center of his chest, but he knew that this wasn't the time for him to ponder over such notions. Whatever discomfort and uneasiness that he was feeling currently, he would just have to deal with it later. There were other things to worry about after all, and that included finding the whereabouts of a currently dispirited pink-haired songstress, which he had momentarily disregarded.
"Ninny!" he scolded himself.
Sprinting in the corridor once again, the young elite carried on with his neglected task. He thought of all the best possible places where he could find his sought figure, and soon made up his mind that he would just start on his pursuit all over again to be certain.
Turning to a darker hallway, Athrun descended the stairs that would lead him to the ship's storage room, deciding to check the place as well, just in case. He knew that the possibility for her to be there would evidently be null, but he wouldn't give up; he had to find her, and his instincts were telling him that he would.
"I just hope that I won't be too late in doing so…" He grimaced, anxiety shimmering in his olive depths. "Please be all right, Lacus… Please be all right…"
oOoOoOoOoOo
With all her clothes now discarded, Lacus slowly took the first step into the bathtub. Its cold liquid lapped at her knees, causing her to shiver, and she had to bite her lower lip to prevent herself from withdrawing. There was no turning back now; her fate had been concluded, and she would follow it regardless of what.
"It's too late for regrets after all…"
The water seemed to urge her on in a strange sense, ever swaying softly in every move she made, and before she could even realize it, she had already sat in the bathtub. It was ice, since the heater was broken, and Lacus couldn't help but gasp out loud as the cold liquid stabbed her bare body. It was painful against her delicate skin, yet she made no move to flee from it. She wouldn't cower, because this was what she deemed had to be done.
Leaning her head against the tiled wall, Lacus took a deep breath. It was all coming together, but it was now time for it to fade away. She didn't care if everyone would laugh at her for choosing this – of all approaches – to pass away, because this was what she deserved. She had been a very pathetic and shallow girl after all, and by this point, she also felt that living was already all too painful for her.
Yes, she knew she was being utterly selfish, but she didn't want to be alone anymore; she didn't want to feel this miserable, so she had to make herself take the final step.
This was for her sake.
And for the others, as well.
"This is all for the better…"
With one final forlorn glance to the light hovering above her, Lacus did just that. The water instantly began to stab excruciatingly at her helpless body as she submerged herself in its icy length. Drawing her knees closer to her chest, she lay in a fetal position, allowing a single tear escape from the corner of her eye and mingle with the liquid enveloping her. Memories and quiet pleas surged through her mind, but she could do nothing of it now.
The decision was made; the actions had been taken, and now Lacus would finally be relieved of her grief and sorrow.
"LACUS!"
Eyes growing heavy, she felt all her energy drain out from her already weakened body as blackness claimed her vision, and the last thing she saw before darkness took her completely was a hazy image of a familiar, blue-haired young man from above the tub, his arms ostensibly reaching for her.
"Athrun…?"
And then she felt no more.
(tsuzuku)
January 31, 2005
Hmmm… What do you think of this chappie, guys? Well, if you ask me, this chapter…frustrated me SO much! I felt as though I might go insane and just smash my computer to pieces! T.T I must have rewritten this one at least 5-7 times. I knew how I envisioned it to be, (I think up each chapter as though it were an episode in the anime – Seccie-chan's Secret No.1! XD) but I was never satisfied with what I wrote down. I'm still not particularly happy with it, but it's as close as I can get to what goes on inside my head. X.x AND PLEASE PARDON ME IF THE CHAPPIE IS SHORTER! T.T No, it's not Writer's Block… Something like it, though… But I just don't have any idea where to end the chappie, and I thought that scene would be a good cliffie… so… err… I'll just try revising this chappie if it wasn't good enough for y'all. That is, if I have the time… And yeah, forgive this poor writer if there were any misspelled words and wrong grammars there. I uploaded this without consulting my beta-reader about the final corrections.
Anyway, do you think it needs something more? O.o All suggestions and comments are very welcome! (",)
And to clear out some things, Lacus IS committing suicide… Her preferred way? Drowning herself in the bathtub! XD Okay, screw me for that, but I actually like the idea. I find it more dramatic for her part, and hey! She said it herself, right? She wanted to take on such an act because she believed that dying pathetically would be more than suiting for a traitor and disgrace like her. Other than that, I like the idea of Athrun seeing her body appear lifeless in the tub… NEKKID! XD Nyaha! (Warning! Seccie-chan in hentai mode!)
By the way, Lacus attempted to kill herself in an abandoned lavatory near the storage room, which was why Athrun wasn't able to find her during his earlier search. Well, that's because he was looking for her in the regularly visited areas of the ship… and it didn't really occur to him that she'd be in there – of all points. Get it? O.o And why the hell was Lacus in such a place? Well, she wouldn't want anyone to see what she was going to do, would she? Whoo! I'm getting confused here! I think I'll just explain this further in the next chappie, if peepers ask for it. :D My author's remarks are getting too long, after all.
As a final note, I've decided that I'll be giving a reply note to all the peepers out there who have taken the time to give me a review for my fic. Why? Because you gave me confidence, and neglecting y'all peepers, esp. those who have asked questions, would be unfair now, would it? This is my own weird way of saying "Thank you!"! O.o Get it? Meh! Screw it! Anyhoo, I'm only new to this, so please bear with me! XD
oOoOoOoOoOo
Lacus-chan - Gee, thanks for being my 1st reviewer! I remember you as one of the members in the Entwined Hearts group, and I'm really glad that you've given this fic a chance! It's an honor that you consider this as the best fic ever, and I'm really pleased to meet another true-blooded AxL fanatic like me! XD Hope to hear from you again!
Ariel - A cute story, you say? O.o Well, I guess so… in its morbid kind of way. Haha! Thanks a lot for the review! Hope you give me more. :-)
Feathertop - So you also reviewed? Waii! Hehe... There was only a single word there, but it was more than enough to raise my spirits! Tell me if you think this chappie is as cool as the other one, ayt?
RVD - I was thinking back there that you didn't like my story... err... Anyway, thanks a bunch for the review! Yeah, death wouldn't solve anything at all, would it? Haha! I was expecting someone would say that in their reviews. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to check out my story! I'll be really happy if you continue reading!
djb21212/Steeldramon21 - Thank you for your comforting words! It really made me more confident with my fic. Also, you're an anti-AxC fan? Sweet! Nyaha! I hate them too. XD Oh! Thanx for telling me about Heero de Fanel. I've read all his AxL fics and I really enjoyed it. :D And you're a Kira x Cagalli fan, right? Well, I'm not much of a fan but I prefer their pairing rather than AxC. Kira and Cagalli seems like a cute coupling, since they seem to understand each other better (despite them being siblings, but I'm very open with incest. I actually find it cool! XD I'm planning to get them together in this fic of mine, though I'm still debating whether it should be in a romantic way or not. O.O Nyweiz, please continue supporting me! I was really glad when you told me that the fic was worth reading. Ureshii desu yo!
Tenpou Gensui - Yo! I changed your perspective regarding the AxL pairing eh? Haha! I'm better than I expected! Hehe.. Thanx for the info regarding the series, you Gundam freak you! XD Review ka ulet para masaya!
Shinigami Zero - Wow! Your review has gotta be one of muh faves, man! I feel truly happy that someone praised me like the way you did. Thank you! Truly, I am! I'll do better in the next chappies, and Kira will have more focus in the future ( I think…). :D Please keep on reviewing! It's reviewers like you that make struggling writers like me really happy!
atori- I'm glad you find my fic well-written. Hehe... I'm also happy that you share the same perspective I have on the pairings of SEED. Athrun and Cagalli just don't seem right for me. I don't hold any grudges about KxL too, since I think they're also cute together. :D But my fave is really AxL. Heck! I even cried when their engagement was cancelled! Hidoi wa Zala-sama wa! T.T But I'll do my best in this fic and make their pairing in here as believable as possible! Please back me up! (",)
Cruel Fate - Another AxC hater! Yappo! XD I'm glad to have found another good Samaritan who shares the same ideals as I do! So whaddya think of this chappie? Hope you review!
fluffybmine- Thanks for liking my fic a lot! Truly honored! XD I'll make this the most promising AL fic just for fans like you, ayt? And oh! Was there something you didn't like with my fic? O.O Please don't hesitate telling them in reviews, ok?
(dearest reviewer who goes by the name of 3 dots) - You really think I made it work? XD I'm so happy! Thank you for your wonderful comment! I hope I was successful in 'somehow' changing your say on the AxL pairing!
mongolian-bbq- You really checked out my fic? Thank you! I'm really glad that the fic has greatly caught your interest! Thank you also for taking the time to give me a long review. Your comments made me really happy, and have greatly motivated me to do better. :D And I made you an instant fan! WAHAHAYAYAHAHA! XD Thank God! Another AL fan born! Hehe.. Once again, thanks for all the wonderful praises! You don't know how much they mean to me! I'm glad you think of me as a great writer, and I'll do my best just to make good supporters like you happy! Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!
wheeXD – wOOt! thanks for the review! XD Hope you liked the new chappie!
cherry-990- I like KxL too, but not as much as AxL! Thanks for liking my fic! I'll definitely work harder! XD
Chloe - Thank you for the wait! Hope the new chappie was a satisfaction to you! C",) Looking forward to your review as well! XD
lonely-dreamlover - I also find THAT part sweet, y'know! Esp. when the 2 of them are leaning into a kiss! How I wish it was on the lips! Hehe! Thank you for the review! XD And yeah, Sechskies is a K-pop boy band. I took the name because I truly adore Kang Sung-hoon, one of the lead vocalists in the disbanded group! He's such a cutie, and I'm working very very hard to be his future wife! XD Nyaha!
ConfuseDAngel - Thank you for the inspiring comments! I'm glad that I have been an example to you! I'll work harder so that I won't disappoint you! AND NO! I won't kill Lacus... or will I? (grins sadistically) XD Promise to be your best friend forever if you'll review!
missashlee28 – Yeah, there really are many peepers out there who like the AxL pairing! Guess we're not really as alone as we think we are, huh? Good for us then! XD Thanks for reviewing! Hope you enjoyed this chappie!
onegai – You really think that this fic should be included in the real storyline! O.o Whoa! I dunno what to say! Err… I think I'm happy... ah- I really am! XD Thanks for cheering me up, man! Though you're not much of an AxL fan, you still gave this fic a chance. Hontou ni arigatou gozaimasu! XD I look forward to your next review! C",)
BEAVER – Yo! Thanks for the editing the fic! Need I say more? XD Review ka ulet, okish? Kisses!
Lara – Thanks a lot for reviewing, dear, and I most definitely will keep it up! Just please be patient with my slow updates, okay? I'm a struggling writer after all. Hehe! XD
Umi-chan– I hope so too, you know! XD Hehe… I really like this pair and want people to know that AL is as interesting as the official couples of SEED. This fic was actually made to gather up and unite ALL Athrun X Lacus fans out there, and I'm glad it really did! I'm super happy that I'm not the only one who actually adores this cute pairing. You're a real AxL aficionado (I can tell!), and you share the same insights as I do, to boot! Hehe! Are we like soul mates or something! O.o Haha! Please keep supporting me, okay?
Crazy Neko– Oh my! I'm REALLY happy to learn that my fic has actually perked up your interest, despite being an AxC fan. XD Thank you very much! Your review was such an inspiration, and I'm truly honored that you actually regard me and my fic as the best! I promise to do MUCH better to satisfy good peepers like you, so please support me all the way! Douzo yoroshiku onegaishimasu! XD
-- This time, I would like to thank LKC-CHAN for helping me with this chappie! Hugs and kisses to you, girl! XD --