Salvation
Author: Fraoch A'Ronaigh
Summary: AU, Semi-Cannon. It's been five years since the birth of Darth Vader. Believing his wife and unborn child were murdered by his own hand, Vader willingly cast aside the last connections of his humanity and, along side the Emperor, he became one of the most feared beings of the Galactic Empire. Will he stay this way, or are forces beyond his control about to change his destiny once again?
Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to the creative genius of George Lucas.
Rating: M. It may eventually go down to an M rating, so it's best to just rate the whole thing M..
A/N: Heavy spoilers for Episode III. Anakin/Padmè pairing. I've never actually written a fan fiction before, mainly articles about real life situations, so this is new to me. Think of this as Episode III ½ J
Darth Vader strode across the landing dock with none of his inner turmoil showing. Issuing a command that his ship be readied and this one be placed under full guard, he went to his rooms located in the former Jedi Temple. Once he enter his room he allowed his emotions free reign. Screaming in pain, the young Sith Lord tossed his desk across the room.
She was alive. His wife. His reason for being who he was now was alive. His child has survived. It was all for nothing. He became who he was for nothing. Seething, he walked into his private chambers and threw a chair against the wall. He snatched the hologram of Padmè off of his desk and stared at it.
Everything was for nothing, his mind screamed. Nothing. They're all dead for nothingHe thought of his former Masters and felt his heart crack again. He murdered them all; the younglings, the Masters, the Padawans, all of them for nothing. The power he craved was never needed.
My young apprentice, you know that is not true. The voice of his Master entered his mind. Everything happened for a reason. This is your destiny Lord Vader.
You gave me those visions, Sidious, Vader screamed in his mind at his Master. You made me think she would die.
I showed you only what I saw, young one. Nothing more, nothing less. Even my visions can be incomplete. I have given you power beyond your wildest dreams. You are meant to be where you are today.
Either way, Master, I will accompany Padmè and find my daughter.
Of course you will, Lord Vader. I wouldn't have it any other way. Feeling the bond between the two of them return, Darth Sidious cut communication with his apprentice and began to form a plan on how to best use this information.
A short while later, Vader joined Padmè and Jamillia on his ship The Executor. He had a regiment of clones brought aboard in case they were needed, gave his orders to the droids in the control room and then went in search of Padmè. Even knowing that she rightfully hated him, he couldn't stay away from her.
He found her in her quarters, sitting on her bed holding a hologram. He could always sense her feelings and this time was no exception. Her heart was breaking as she stared at the image in her hands. He waited a moment for her to acknowledge that he was there and when she didn't he asked if the image he was holding was of their daughter.
"Yes. This is my daughter Leia," she replied softly, too deep in sorrow to even attempt to push him out of the room.
"May I see it," he asked and was shocked when she held the image out to him in response.
Barely able to contain his excitement, he snatched the image from her and looked upon the face of his daughter for the first time. She was small for a five year old. Her hair was twisted into intricate braids and her eyes, as dark as her mother's, were lit impishly as she waved to whoever was taking the hologram. She was, he recognized, at the lake house he and Padmè had stayed at so long ago.
Tears, unseen by Padmè but felt, streamed down his face as he looked at his baby. She was so happy, so full of the light it practically seared him from the image alone. "She's beautiful," he said in awe. "She looks exactly like I imagined you as a child."
He turned to her and saw that she was staring at him, her eyes heavy with unshed tears. "Padmè," he reached out to comfort her only to be denied and she jumped away from him and stood.
"No." She shook her head at him, the tears finally falling. "No. You are not him. Don't touch me. Don't." She shouted as he stood as well and tried again to reach for her.
"Padmè, I am still him," he said quietly.
She continued to back away and replied. "You said it yourself. Anakin is dead." She spat at him next. "You killed him."
"No-I, I'm still here, Padmè," he pleaded as he tried to capture her hand.
"Stop it. Just stop it, Vader," she hissed. "You're not my Anakin and you can never be my Anakin."
Impotent with rage, the Dark Lord stood immobile in the center of the room as her words crushed him. She wouldn't listen to him. She refused to hear him. In the silence he became aware of her muffled sobs and his heart ached with wanting to comfort, but he also became aware of something else. His own breathing.
The sound of his breath coming out of the mask became foreign to him. She's right, he thought. I'm not Anakin. I could never be the man she wants again.
He turned and stumbled to the bed to sit as the realization hit him. I can't be who she needs.
Padmè stared at the broken creature before her. She refused to call him a man, let alone think of him as her Ani, but it was difficult to watch the obvious struggle he was going through. Her very being wept seeing his anguish, but felt there was nothing she could do. He was a part of the Dark that surrounded her world now. He wasn't Anakin.
That didn't stop her from stepping closer. No matter how much her mind rebelled at the thought of this creature being her husband, her body and her heart betrayed her. She reached out a hand and placed it on his shoulder. She felt him shudder once and then he grasped her hand in both of his and he began to sob.
His sobbing was odd sounding to say the least, she thought, through the mask She sat next to him and squeezed his hand. "Anakin," her voice broke as she said his name and she had to compose herself. He lifted his head and looked at her and she could barely make out his eyes behind the mask. "Why don't you take off your mask?" she asked softly, wanting nothing more than to look at his face again.
"I can't," he replied. She felt, rather than heard the regret in his voice. "I'll die without it on."
"What?" Padmè was shocked at his words.
"Obi-wan." His voice hardened at the mention of his old Master's name. "Obi-wan damaged my lungs when we battled. I can't breath without the respirator."
"Oh, Anakin. I didn't know. Obi-wan never said anything about it."
"Why would he? I didn't matter to him." He said, devoid of emotion now. Thinking of his old Master was not what he wanted to do now.
"Anakin, Obi-wan would have told me if he hurt you that badly," Padmè began, but was cut off by Anakin.
"Told you? Padmè, he cut my arm and legs off," he shouted to make her understand. She flinched away from him and he forced himself to gain more control. "He cut my arm off, he cut my legs off and he left me there to die."
"I don't believe you," she replied softly. "I'm sorry, but I can't believe that."
Vader stood and began to pace the room, his heart beating wildly at the thought of her defending Obi-wan. What did he expect though, everyone always believe Obi-wan over him.
"Anakin," Padmè's voice trembled slightly as she stood. She could feel the heat radiating from him and knew he was close to losing it again. "Please. Please listen to me."
He turned to her and allowed her to speak. "Obi-wan didn't do that to you. I know it, Anakin, because I would have felt it happen. Our love," she tripped over the word slightly but continued on. "Our love would have allowed me to feel it."
"Then how do you explain it, Padmè? I felt the pain rip through me before I blacked out from it. I remember it happening, all of it."
"Ani," His heart skipped hearing her call him that, "Maybe you felt my pain. Maybe Palpatine used that against us and clouded your mind."
"What?"
"We were both so in tuned to each other, it is a possible explanation. I felt it when you and Dooku fought. I felt it when you were hurt in the Clone war when fighting in Cato Niemoidia. It's not such a stretch to think that you felt my pain."
"Palpatine," he began, only to be cut off by Padmè.
"Is a liar, Anakin. His entire existence is based upon lies. He lied to you, to me, to the Republic. Why do you believe him on this?"
"Why would he have me enclosed in this if it weren't true, Padmè? It makes no sense."
"Let's find out the truth together. Take off your helmet," she replied simply, knowing that nothing would convince until she saw his face.
Vader stood in front of her, unsure of what to do. Even if it weren't true, he could survive for a short amount of time without it on. He did it every night prior to going to bed and hooking himself up to the respirator in his chambers. He could show her and put his mask back on before any damage was done. But did he want her to see him as he is now? No longer the handsome man she loved, but a distorted image of his formal self.
He could barely stand to look at himself and she wanted to see him. Could she handle it? Despite her belief that nothing was wrong with him, he's seen it with his own eyes. Will she forever be lost to him if she showed her?
Padmè reached out and touched his arm. "You once told me that you would do anything I asked of you, Ani. All that I ask now is that you allow me to see your face, please."
With a sigh he turned his back to her and pointed the fasteners. "I need help removing it." Padmè unfastened the helmet and lifted it over his head revealing closely cropped hair, similar to what he wore as a padawan. He pulled the front of the mask off while his back was still to her and stood there, afraid to turn around.
"Anakin?"
Hearing the plea in her voice he turned to her and tried to ready himself for her reaction. It was what he expected.
"Ani, oh Ani," she sobbed uncontrollably when she looked at him for the first time in five years. His scar running down his eye was more prominent and dark circles marred under his eyes and he was very pale, but he was still her Ani.
"I'm sorry, Padmè," he said softly, in his own voice. "I had hoped that it were true and I was still the same, but," he stopped when she continued to stare at him, not in revulsion he realized, but amazement.
"Padmè?"
Just hearing his voice without the mechanical enhancement sent warm shivers through her body and Padmè unconsciously leaned closer to him before replying. "You're still the same. Pale, but still the same."
"That's impossible," he muttered and turned to find a viewing glass. He strode over to the glass hanging above her vanity table and look at himself. The same as always, ruined skin and twisted lesions spread across his face in a spider web pattern. "Padmè, I'm still the same," he said softly as he turned to her.
"I know Ani," she replied with a sob.
"No, I mean it's the same as before, the scars. Don't you see them?" He questioned her, quite astonished that she seemed oblivious to them.
"Ani, they aren't there. I swear it, I don't see them."
"This is impossible," he repeated through gritted teeth, scared and unsure of what is happening.
"Ani, come here," Padmè said to him and held out her hands. He walked over to her and grasped them, confused at what she wanted, but happy none the less that she wasn't frightened of him any longer.
"Do you notice, Anakin, that you're not struggling for breath? You're breathing on your own without the respirator."
He stared at her, his eyes filled with wonder at the fact that she was right. He was breathing just fine. It had been minutes since he had taken off his mask and he was breathing fresh air again. "Padmè, I don't understand this," he said with his charismatic grin she remembered so well. "But, I'll go with it."
Padmè laughed quietly and her eyes devoured the face she dreamed of every night since that that dreadful day five years earlier. He looked so tired to her. His eyes were heavy with lack of sleep and the marks from his mask had dug grooves along side his eyes and mouth. Without realizing what she was doing she lifted and hand and lightly ran her fingertips down the marks causing Anakin to freeze in place.
"I'm sorry," she murmured as she pulled her hand away. "I shouldn't have done that."
"No, it's alright," he grabbed her hand and brought it close to his heart. "It's just that it's been so long since anyone has touched me, it startled me." He looked down at her, his eyes as expressive as always, and brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "You, m'lady, are free to touch me any time you wish it."
Padmè stared at him silently, wanting so much to just let go of the past and be with her husband again, but she couldn't. There were too many questions that needed answering and the barest glimmer of an idea occurred to her to test something out on Anakin. Without thinking about it, she pulled both her hands out of his and grasped his face.
"Anakin, you can feel my hands on your face, correct," she asked him.
"Of course I can," he murmured as he burrowed his face against her hands. Her scent, the one he remembered so well, filled his senses.
"Close your eyes and tell me what you feel, Ani," she said softly and she began to outline his face with her fingers. She started with the puckered scar that ran across his right eye.
"Nothing. I feel nothing when you touch there."
"What about here?" She ran a fingertip down the side of his cheek and smiled slightly when he groaned.
"I feel you, Padmè," he replied with another groan as she did the same to the other side of his face.
"And here?" She rubbed her thumb across his bottom lip and actually felt a jolt of desire from him that was so strong it nearly made her knees crumble. He kissed her thumb in reply.
"Don't you see, Ani? You can feel my touch everywhere except for on your old scar. You're not scarred. You're the same as before," she said gently as she continued to explore his face.
"I don't understand," he replied, the confusion evident in his voice. "What purpose would it served for me to think I'm scarred?"
"To stop you from seeing your humanity, Anakin. He didn't want you to see that you were still Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight and my husband."
"No," he replied with conviction, his faith in the Overload automatic. "He wouldn't lie to me, Padmè. I am his apprentice. I will succeed him one day. There is no reason for him to lie."
"Then you explain it, Anakin," Padmè exclaimed, anger filling her. Anger at the situation, anger at his blind obedience and most of all, anger at herself for allowing herself to think that anything had changed.
"You don't understand," he cried out to her. "He saved me. He gave me everything, for nothing, Padmè. Nothing." His gripped her shoulders and shook her slightly to emphasize his point. "He asked nothing more of me than to give him my word that I would follow him and he more than kept his end of the bargain."
"Follow him, Anakin? He made you sell your soul to him," Padmè shouted. "You gave him everything. And you're too blind to see it." She turned from him to try to compose herself and he grabbed her by her arms and spun her to face him.
"Don't turn away from me, Padmè." Anakin kept his tone even, despite the hurt that was filling his soul. "You did it on Mustafar, don't do it here too. Don't you turn against me again. Not when we were just starting to connect."
Padmè tilted her head to look up at him and her eyes were as cold as ice. "We've been here before, Anakin." Her voice, as cold as her eyes, chilled him to the bone. "This is where you try to kill me - again."
"No. Never again. I will never hurt you again, Padmè."
"Hurt me? What do you think you're doing now, making love to me?" She shrugged his hands off of her shoulders and turned her back to him. "Ever since you joined him you've done nothing but cause me hurt."
"Padmè, please listen to me. I am the same person I was before. I am still Anakin. You showed me that today." He brought his fist to his heart and held it there realizing that it was true. "My heart still beats like it used to. My feelings, they are still the same for you. Nothing has changed, Padmè." His voice trailed off when she spun to face him.
"Nothing has changed, you say? Nothing? You murdered hundreds of people, if not thousands on his orders!" Her chin trembled as she fought back tears. "You destroyed the Jedi, Anakin."
"It was war, can't you understand that?"
"War," she cried out in disbelief. "That's your defense? It was war?" She walked towards him, her anger surging again. "You call killing innocent children war? What kind of monster are you?"
Anakin just stared at her with hooded eyes. She couldn't read his thoughts and she shivered with fear, afraid that she went to far and was about to die. Instead of killing her like she thought he would, he reached out to her again.
"No." She shook her head at him, denying him the right to touch her. "I allowed myself to believe that you could change, Lord Vader. But I was wrong. You aren't the man I love."
She walked away from him and opened the door to her room. "Leave me," she said quietly as she turned to look at him.
Anakin stood in the center of her room, his anger obvious to her. His jaw was clenched tightly and she could almost see the darkness the surrounded him. She knew his temper well, he had held back as long as he could and she pushed him too far, forgetting again that he was not her Ani. There was nothing to stop him from killing her where she stood. She braced herself as he walked towards her, his fury evident in every step he took.
"Fine," he grit out between clenched teeth as he walked past her trembling form. "You know where I am if you need me." With that said, he left her standing shocked and alone in her room.