Wallow in Your Mucus
Disclaimer: Shaman King isn't mine. The idea about burnt cookies leading to the apocalypse belongs to Celestial Huntress.
"Horo...please...don't forget..." Ren wheezed, while sitting upright in his white hospital gown on his so-called deathbed.
"Yes, Ren, go on! I'm listening!" Horo cried, tears pouring out of his sockets uncontrollably, sitting on the left side of Ren's bed, and holding both hands of the patient.
"Before I die...could you...could you please...dump this mucus bucket over my head?" Ren said, indicating the bucket in his lap.
"H-h-huh?" Horo said in the midst of tears. Then, remembering that Ren probably wouldn't be in this world any longer, took the bucket in his hands dumped the slimy, yellow, mucus over Ren's head. It oozed slowly out of the bucket, forming a small pool around Ren. After doing that, Horo hugged his pet squirrel thoroughly.
"As I lie here dying, I'll remember that the last thing I did on Earth was wallow in my own mucus. Thank you, Horo, for making my last day here on Earth meaningful," Ren said, wallowing in his mucus. With one last cough and one last wallow, his eyes closed forever, never to open again.
If HoroHoro had the IQ of the squirrel, then perhaps he would have recognized that this was all an elaborate joke. Unfortunately, he does not, therefore producing an extrmely pathetic storyline.
"Nooooo! RenRen!" Horo cried, squishing his butter snack out of its fancy packaging. The wonderful squirrel ran off, for some followers of Horo's squirrel had congregated in the hospital parking lot. They all wore crispy looking sweaters and formal pants.
"You forgot your ex-lax, Ren!" Horo shouted, crying loudly. How horrible it was to journey to the spirit world without first consuming laxatives! And yet...how amusing it would be to watch Ren's face, twisted in funny shapes, when constipation made itself present.
"You're so stupid, Horo-nii," Pirka said, skipping forth from behind the white hospital curtain, wearing a flamboyant unicorn costume. "You walked straight into the cleverly concealed trap the authoress set up."
"How could I have walked right into this trap? Doesn't reading the phonebook and memorizing its contents prepare you for things like this in life?" Horo said, asking no one in particular.
"Bwa ha ha! This wallowing is great fun!" Ren exclaimed from his hospital bed, wallowing in his viscid substance, waking from his formerly eternal slumber.
"How cooooooould you, Ren? You had me all worried over your so-called death! I'm going to pound your face in! And you call yourself my bestest buddy!" Horo said, speaking to a stuffed animal.
"Horo-nii? Did you not hear me? It was all an elaborate joke, and it was the only thing the authoress could think of before putting her head in toilet water out of defeat!" Pirka said.
"You idiot...I'm on the hospital bed!" Ren said to Horo, while watching him pound the daylights out of the inanimate object. "Does my face really resemble that of a stuffed animal's?" Ren thought, worried that his face was quite unlike a face. "I think this is going to have a big impact upon how I'm going to grow up..."
Pirka—or however you spell her name—donned her flamboyant unicorn costume, &danced in circles with her newfound friends. They both strangely resembled an old man and the other a piece of fruit. Together, they all formed a theory that if anyone were to bake cookies and burn them purposefully or unintentionally, it would lead to the apocalypse. Which, of course, is completely illogical and would probably never happen.
"This plastic is yummy! Come try some, Ren!" Horo said, licking and then attempting to bite the plastic vase of flowers that had been placed on Ren's nightstand.
"That's quite alright! I prefer mucus over plastic, thank you very much!" Ren happily said, who was still wallowing in his mucus.
"Stupid, stupid Horo-nii..." Pirka sighed. "This theory is most likely a scientific breakthrough! Armed with this single theory, my friends, we'll overthrow the government!"
"Ren...is Pirka scaring you as much as she's scaring me?" Horo said, munching on a butter snack.
"No, of course not. I think when she goes all crazy and random like this, it brings out her masculine light more." was Ren's reply.
Horo looked, and sure enough, Pirka was emitting a light that was manly. "My pants, Ren, you're right! She's emitting a manly light, a light that has all things masculine in it!"
"What I meant was that Pirka's inner man comes through when she acts...psychotic," Ren said slowly so that Horo would have time to comprehend it.
"Don't call me a pimp!" Pirka said "pimp slapping" Ren with her unicorn hove, which caused Ren to fall forward. (Just what exactly is a pimp, anyway?)
"Yay!" Ren shouted as his face landed into a bucket of mucus that a certain person, who eerily resembled an old man but wasn't quite an old man, had happily produced at the last second.
"What? Pirka, you never told me that you were... PHLOGOPITE!" Horo said spitting out his butter snack, which splattered across the white hospital walls.
"Now, now, Horo, that's very un-lady like of you!" Pirka scolded, handing Horo a handkerchief.
Horo took the lacy white thing and ripped his outfit...to reveal what Ren and Pirka could have gone without seeing their entire lives. In the midst of shredded clothes and a lacy white handkerchief, there stood Horo in lederhosen.
Upon seeing this, Ren did, of course, wallow in his mucus once again. Pirka made a snorting noise and perused through a calendar from 1965.
Following this odd string of events, a sock puppet show is in order, to save us all from ourselves.
The SOCK PUPPET SHOW
The beginning of the show includes various scenes of socks being tortured. Some extremely annoying music is heard in the background, and scenes of socks speaking fluently in Latin accompany it.
"Blorg!" an anonymous sock that resembled a monkey said.
"What he means by this, people, is that there is no squid. In this simple, non-existent word, he is telling us all that socks should be the dominant gender." sock reporter general pacifier II said.
"I think it insane that this cow was fed quality socks yesterday!" a blue fluffy sock said, pointing to a picture of a cow from a picture book.
"Yes! That cow has no idea how much that sock that's going through its digestive system would be worth on the Sock Market!" sock man 56 go pants go said.
"Did you hear that?" a sock with many holes said. "An adorable squirrel is going to take control of our misguided lives!"
"You're completely wrong, you feminine sock!" a sock with a mustache said. "I have betrayed you all for this plastic bag! Run in fear as an INCERDIBLE FORCE that you have yet to comprehend conquers you all!"
"How terribly frightening!" the socks all screamed and ran in fear as an incredibly cheap scene of terror is shown with artificial food coloring.
A sock who has a nice, blood thirsty picture of a muffin on it pops up and bids everyone farewell:
"That's it for this week, children, adults, and old men! Next up is THE RETURN OF THE BEAST. Adieu, my friends, adieu."
"How terribly disgusting!" Horo said. "That was educational, and it made sense! For some odd reason, I feel the strangest urge ever. It's telling me to worship my socks..."
Pirka happily takes the calendar and rips it in half, then proceeded to recycle it. "I'm going to save the environment, calendar by calendar!" she said proudly.
"Mua ha ha! Wallow wallow!" Ren said as he tried to get his face out the mucus bucket.
Inulover4eva-My pants, you review so promptly! It is pretty wrong...you wanting to be that label maker...if only label makers could look like eggs, too!
Celestial Huntress-You were the only one who suggested I do something! That makes you extra-super-wicked-exuberantly special! Did you spot your idea? It's there! I think it's a pity though that I couldn't expand upon it, though that is what I get for being a beast.
resurie-It's a pity that story was a mere one-shot! Then...then...SQUIRRELS COULD RULE US ALL! Yay! Please update "I'm just using you"! Please? I think I know you know you want to…right?
MerndaSaysDownWithWormtail: I heart your random noise making, dear. Remember that, now.