Theory of Plate Tectonics
Disclaimer: Neither Shaman King nor do the theory of plate tectonics belong to me. Yoh conquering the world with oranges came from the mind of resurie.
Yoh and Lyserg, both middle aged men (30 year olds, in fact), are sitting in a sand box, at the height of their sand box playing career. They both have plastic airplanes in each hand.
"Pilot to copilot...psshhhtt, over." Yoh said in his best pilot voice.
"Copilot reporting...WHOA!...did you see that, pilot?...A huge cumulus cloud wants to attack our flying shuttle!...psshhhtt, over." Lyserg replied, swerving his body to the side in order to steer the plane away from doom.
"Copilot, I think your pants are undone and that you have had too many Smarties before take off...psshhhtt, over." Yoh said, gliding his toy airplanes across the surface of the sand, his nose running steadily. (Which is very unbecoming of a middle aged man, mind you)
"Pilot, you are WRONG!...I only ate...(counts fingers)...FIVE Smarties before I boarded the plane, and...(checks pants)..My pants are buttoned and the zipper is zipped, thank you very much! Speaking of which, would you like an extra absorbent calendar for your extra absorbent paper needs?...psshhhtt. over."
"What he needs is this," Anna said, towering above the pilot and copilot, an orange sphere on her outstretched palm.
"Nooo! Not that, Anna! ANYTHING but THAT!" Yoh cried, eyes searching madly for an escape route.
"You will eat it. You will eat and you will like it." Anna said, stuffing the entire orange into his gaping mouth, peel and all.
"What's this?" Yoh said, asking no one in particular, chomping away on the sphere of vitamin C. "My runny nose...is no longer runny! That...that...thing you fed me was MAGICAL, Anna!"
"It's called an 'orange', Yoh, and within it was vitamin C you dummo." Anna said, shaking her head, feeling the strangest desire to lick something.
"Pilot—it is as you say! That orange...isn't any ordinary...orange. It is as you say—MAGIC!...psshhhtt, over." Lyserg said, eyeing the remnants of the magical slightly oblate spheroid.
"Indeed, copilot Lyserg. They're all lies! Vitamin C, my grandmother!" Yoh shouted, getting bashed on the head by a licorice...thing, his grandmother being the bashing woman.
A two-ton bag of oranges appears next to Yoh, and he grabs the licorice thing and stuffs it in his pants for safekeeping. His grandmother, in turn, takes the bag of oranges and starts whacking him on the head quite violently with it.
"Gaaah! Pilot! Stop the evil licorice-bashing-orange-whacking-woman before your brilliant plan is foiled!...psshhhtt, over." Lyserg said frantically.
Yoh takes the bag or oranges from his grandmother. She runs away, screaming, "How dare you attack your own grandmother, pilot!"
"Copilot Lyserg, I think that serendipity has cast a dark shadow upon our well being and that we must take on this grave situation with the utmost seriousness...psshhhtt, over." Yoh said. "We will annihilate those who dare to get in our way of world domination by way of the oranges!" "O-o-o-okay, p-p-p-pilot!" Lyserg said trembling, hiding underneath a park bench.
"These oranges in all their orange-like glory will serve us well. They will momentarily distract those humans while we, the supreme pilot and copilot, take on their armada of French workbooks. They will know what it is like to be betrayed by their most favored fruit!" Yoh said.
"Wonderful, pilot! I applaud your ingenious thinking!" Lyserg said, trying to stand, but bumps his head on the bench instead. After several unsuccessful tries, he manages to free himself. He runs to a Popsicle stand and steals the cart, throwing the contents aside.
"YOH!" Anna shouted, appearing out of nowhere. Yoh's blood ran cold. Even one who wants to entire dominance of the world through the power of oranges fears their wife.
"Nani?" Yoh whispered.
"You forgot to finish the rest of your slightly oblate spheroids," she said, pointing to the two-ton bag.
"Those are for world domination, not eating, Anna!" he replied in earnest.
"Oh really? Than perhaps you wouldn't mind eating them all?"
"Iie..." he said, weeping. How he had wanted to have complete dominance of the world!
"Is that ending even logical?" Lyserg asked the audience, sitting in the Popsicle cart's freezer, whistling nonchalantly and dueling with the best of those people who duel.
AN: I named this chapter "Theory of Plate Tectonics" because the story had nothing to do with that particular theory, therefore the titling makes perfect sense. It seems as though world domination is a reoccurring theme in my stories...
resurie: I took "Fly Away Butterfly" (that was chapter 2) off FF .net, so in a twisted way, you did review chapter 3. I apologize for any confusion or damage to your brain this may have caused. (I say that in a nice way...) When you gave me that idea, I think you meant his headphones, but I took it literally and used the fruit (yay)! Thank you for updating your story, friend! Hopefully, inspiration shall come your way, thus causing you to update! Woot woot...
KimBob: What would a comedy be without producing disgusting images in the mind of the reader? For one thing, the comedy would be...so...not disgusting! And wouldn't that be a shame...
darkshadowgirl: The stuff you wrote about Marco was funny! I am elated that you thought my story amusing. Perhaps that means I've fulfilled the duty of writing a comedy?
RenFan33 (sorry if the underscores aren't there): To your crazy ideas, I can honestly say that they were random. There were so random, in fact, they I couldn't make any sense out of them!
Karasuu: I am a bowtard. I do not know what "ROFL" means. Please, feel free to poke me.
Pyro and Proud of it/Proud to be Pyro: Wow, you have alternate personalities? I don't, seeing as how my brains would not even fill a tea cup. And your wee friends are rather...friendly.