Chapter 3: The PLAN
Meanwhile, at Voldemort's top-secret hideout...
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Voldemort laughed maniacally, spinning in his spinny chair, and unaware that Harry Potter was also spinning at that same moment, many miles away. "My EVIL PLAN is a success. I win again!"
Wormtail yawned. "Remind me again how beating me at "Snakes and Ladders" is part of your evil plan, sir."
Voldemort rolled his eyes. "Because snakes are evil, duh. This is the only board game I could find that has snakes in it. And with my EVIL PLAN, I can never lose!"
Wormtail was dozing off, but he was soon awakened by a kick from Voldemort. "Hnnnh? Wh- what evil plan is that, sir?"
Voldemort grinned evilly and sat back in his spinny chair. "Well... if you start by taking the third ladder from the top..." He paused, then scowled. "You think I'm going to trust an imbecile like you with the details of my EVIL PLAN? Besides, you can't even say it right." He kicked Wormtail again. "And stop falling asleep while I'm lecturing you!"
"I'm awake..." Wormtail mumbled, his eyes half closed "You were just talking about your evil plan."
"No, no, no. It's EVIL PLAN! EVIL... PLAN! Pronounce it just like that, with the capital letters and italics!" He waited, then aimed another kick at wormtail, who quickly opened his eyes.
"Evil plan." Wormtail mumbled with as much enthusiasm as he could. Then, to distract Voldemort, who was looking murderous, he said "Sir, why are we playing board games this late at night, again?"
"Can't you ever remember anything I tell you?" Voldemort ranted. "We are waiting for a report from my spy in the house of Harry Potter!" Voldemort's eyes glowed red with pride as he thought about his best scheme ever. "At this moment, my spy is undoubtedly collecting some invaluable information about Harry Potter. Soon I will have my revenge! MWAHAHAHA!" He cackled with laughter. "But until then, we must wait. Though I suppose we could play poker. No, poker doesn't sound very evil. Crazy eights? Gin rummy?" He frowned at the obvious non-evil-soundingness of these card games.
"Blackjack sounds a bit evil, sir." Wormtail suggested.
Voldemort considered this for a few moments, then his face fell. "No, I need something truly evil, like 'The Dark Bloody Evil Serpent Demon Spork Death Murder Card Game of DOOM!" He smiled, then realized that this was definitely not a real card game. "Maybe we could make it up?" He began, turning to look at Wormtail. The minion was fast asleep and snoring, having drugged himself with sleep potion to escape Voldemort's ranting.
"Drat. I'll just have to play solitaire then." Voldemort tried to shuffle the cards, which immediately went flying in every direction. He glared at them, strewn across the floor of the dungeon.
"Oh, this is boring. Perhaps my spy has some news for me. Now, where did I put my Secret Room of Plottingness?" Recently, Voldemort had had the brilliant idea of moving the entrance to his top-secret workspace to a different area every day. However, this often caused some unforseen problems. "Is it behind the shower curtain? No, that was last week. Behind the plasma TV? No, we don't have a plasma TV." As Voldemort wandered around his secret hideout, muttering to himself, some other stuff was happening...