"Cue the theme music DAAA DAAA DA DA DAAA welcome to another episode of "Kilik P.I." Thanks for the reviews people, and now on with the show"
Chapter 3: The Rat
Back on the street, I could once again think clearly. A hundred questions poured through my head; who was this company, how did Voldo gain so much power so quickly, and most importantly: Why the hell is Nightmare hanging his head out the window? My last question was answered shortly as we passed by a man closing his shop. Letting loose a howl, Nightmare began to bark as loud and as deep as he could. The man closing shop spun around and leapt at the sight of Nightmare.
"Cool it man!" I said tugging on Nightmare's tie "Get back in the damn car"
Oblivious to my pulls Nightmare continued his verbal assault. The store owner fell back against his store front clutching his chest. Finally, as luck would have it we passed from view as I steered the car past the shop. Nightmare ceased his braying and sat heavily back down in the passenger seat. What little remained of my running boards scraped off on the concrete. (God why didn't I shoot him back there?) A long uncomfortable silence drug on as I waited for some kind of outlandish explanation from Nightmare. Nightmare on the other hand seemed totally unperturbed by his behavior. Finally I could stand it no longer and decided it best not to broach the subject; I instead decided to tell him our next phase of action.
"Look Nightmare I think..."
"BIG DAWG!" Nightmare yelled starting to lean out the window again.
"NO!" I yelled at Nightmare (Who oddly enough stopped and listened).
Looking forlornly at another passerby, Nightmare sat back down. He managed to wave glumly at his intended target, who in turn waved back not knowing how close he came to a heart attack.
"Okay look Nightmare," I began again "I think our next move should be to find an informant on this "Company" Voldo mentioned, and I have the perfect one."
At the sound of me mentioning Voldo's name, Nightmare let out a series of low growls. I decided that I couldn't figure out whether or not he was angry or still pretending to be a dog. I dismissed both ideas and kept going.
"Anyhow, I've got a plan. I think its time we paid Yoshimitsu a little visit."
I gassed the car and headed towards the industrial part of the city. We road mostly in silence and I was thankful for that. As more and more gritty houses were replaced by steel structures and smoke stacks, the air grew noticeably grittier. Darkness found us pulling into a seedy back alley where a gang of homeless people warmed themselves near barrels. They eyed us warily as Nightmare and I stepped from the vehicle. The despair that saturated most of the city was strangely absent from here as I surveyed my surroundings. The soul crushing life of the homeless is usually evident on their faces, yet here I don't see any evidence of that. As we stepped towards the group two rather gruff looking men stepped away from their fires. I pulled Nightmare to a halt and we waited for them to reach us.
"Listen guys I don't want any trouble," I explained "I'm just here to see Yoshimitsu."
"Nobody sees Yoshimitsu unless we say so" one of the men retorted.
"Yeah nobody" the other echoed "Especially no coppers see"
"Come on guys," I pleaded "I swear I'm just going to talk to him."
"Nope," one of them responded (The one that called me a cop, I'm not a cop Damnit, P.I.!)
"Hey isn't there any agreement we can come to." I asked them both.
"Weeeeell," He drew out the "well" in a high pitched voice, "You could have your guy face our guy in the ring.
I looked around and noticed that a very large bum (I prefer that to homeless anyway) had stepped from the crowd and was cracking his knuckles. Nightmare turned to look at him and let out another deep growl. (Please don't start barking) Although their guy was big, Nightmare still had about a hundred pounds on him. So I saw no downside to this offer and agreed.
"Oh and I almost forgot" the high pitched one continued "If you lose we take your car."
"Shit-on-that!" I yelled turning on my heels and heading back towards my car. The two "gentlemen" came up behind me and hooked a hand under each arm.
"Too late now officer" High-Pitch said (Damnit! P.I.!, P.I.!, how hard is it to remember that?) "On with the battle."
The "Arena" was actually an old fenced in dirt lot, that the bums had cleared for their personal use. A ring of homeless gathered around the outside of the fence and found makeshift bleachers. The high pitched bum
The other bum stepped up beside him and raised his arms to both combatants. "You know the rules Danny" The large bum nodded and smiled. Turning to Nightmare he said "You can use any weapon you can find and the match isn't over until someone is out, unconscious, gives up, or is dead."
He glanced back and forth between the combatants "Let's get it on!"
Danny dug his feet into the ground and charged towards Nightmare, who was caught unawares. The colossal duo crashed back into a pile of trash and rolled back and forth. Finally, Nightmare grabbed Danny's head and flung him across the lot. The large street ruffian flew backwards until he crashed into an old wooden fence. From the midst of partially broken boards Danny launched to his feet with something in his hand.
"Lookout Night...oof!..." I started to warn Nightmare but a fist in my stomach stopped me.
"Shuddup cop, no spoiling the fun"
"Damnit! P.I.!, P.I.! P...." another fist caught me in the jaw.
Meanwhile Danny had finished his jump and had landed a couple of yards from Nightmare. Nightmare was still trying to regain his feet and climb out of the trash. Danny raised what appeared to be a whisky flask to his mouth and took a long swill. Nightmare finally managed to stand up on an old tractor tire. He began to wade through the garbage at Danny. Meanwhile Danny, with a mouth full of liquid produced a lighter from one of his pockets. Nightmare did not see the connection and so continued his slow march towards Danny. Danny placed the lighter in front of his lips and blew. A searing gout of flame shot forth as the liquid ignited and spewed forth onto Nightmare. Nightmare was caught wide-eyed with shock as he received a face full of flame.
"FIRE BAAAAAAD!" Nightmare screamed rolling around in the trash, trying to extinguish himself.
Danny meanwhile capitalized on this opportunity, grabbing Nightmare in both hands and launching him across the lot. Nightmare hit the ground and rolled into another section of the partially destroyed fence. Danny threw both hands in the air and a great cheer arose from the homeless horde.
"Well it seems your man has failed." One of my guards sneered in my ear.
"It is a nice car though." The other one whispered.
I cringed with the thought of walking home tonight and hung my head. Suddenly a loud bestial growl roared through the abandoned lot.
"FIRE BAAAAD!" Nightmare yelled as he stood, smoking, from the wreckage with a large fence plank in his hand.
I looked up with hope as Nightmare stalked across the lot, plank in hand, towards the not-so-victorious Danny. Danny charged Nightmare again hoping to take him out with a lunging right hook. Nightmare spun in a circle, holding the plank in front of him like an enormous baseball bat. Danny was unprepared as the board caught him across his midsection, forcing him to double over. Nightmare grabbed Danny's neck with his demonic hand (Eww) and punched him in the face with his plank wielding hand. Danny clutched his broken nose and could only watch as Nightmare reared back for a double-handed blow.
"Waid my node... you boke my node" Danny mumbled throwing up a hand as if to block the blow.
Nightmare was unfazed as he brought the plank down on Danny's head. The board shattered with the force of the impact and Danny hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. As I glanced around, I realized that the lot had fallen deathly silent, and that some of the bums had started to filter away, back into the shadows.
"Numu, numu, numu!" came a high-pitched voice from the shadows
The bums now openly ran into the shadows so as not to be blamed for this. A whisper was all I heard as a figure flipped out of the darkness. Before me stood the strangest man I had ever seen, he wore a mask on his face and had a rather goofy entourage. Wildly colored pants and a partial suit of armor was by far the craziest thing I had ever seen. (Even if I consider Nightmare) However, to top it all off he wore a gigantic flag strapped on his back.
"At last Yoshimitsu" I said to, who I hoped was the leader of this motley bunch.
"He says that you better hope that Danny is still alive," a bum that stood beside me said.
"What?" I turned to him, but before he could say more Yoshimitsu stood before us.
"Numu numu numu numu numu" Yoshimitsu prattled on.
"He says congratulations, you found him, now what do you want.
(Oh God why did I ever take this job in the first place?)
And so ends another chapter in the life of Kilik: P.I. , Hope you enjoyed it please R & R, thanks for the reviews and stay tuned next time for Yoshimitsu: Prince of Bums, or as he would call it, NUUUMUUUUUU!