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*****HERMIONE***** (RIGHT AFTER THE CONFRONTATION WITH DRACO MALFOY)
As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I saw the disappointment in his grey eyes,my heart broke.I couldn't bear to see his face again,I quickly turned and left.
I wondered to myself if I was being a lousy mother to Elan...My life is so messed up now.My head's in a whirl and my heart tells me different things at one time.I was just so utterly disappointed with what had happened over the course of the last few days.Parkinson with a suicidal attempt;my confrontation with Dra-no Malfoy...things just were so screwed up.
Elan could have and would have been reunited with Malfoy,his true father,instead of a faceless image he is use to being told about.I would have had a shoulder to lean on when I'm upset or feeling down,I would have a husband and Elan,a father.
Maybe some can't really phantom the pain I went through, or the anger I felt.But no one ever will except myself.Malfoy told me he still loves me and that he knows the pain.
Knows?Does he know the extend of how deep his knife has cut through my heart?Does he know that my heart breaks into pieces that I cannot fix back together whenever I see him and his wife?
I was wary of going back into his arms again.And logically,I have a very valid reason.He is married,his wife is pregnant.What other reason do I need to NOT go back?
But being alone in bringing up Elan was both satisfying and painful.Reminding me of someone who was there silently to help me,to give me some well-needed support.Gregory Smith.
When Malfoy told me his father was a Death-Eater,it came as a shock,then later I became defensive when Malfoy yelled in anger.My head said that no big deal,afterall Malfoy's dad was a DeathEater too,but my heart worried,why didn't he tell me?He had just came as someone nice,someone willing to help.
We met 3 years ago,and he has always supported me in whatever I do.Once as a struggling failing model;a desperate mother and thirdly,as my fake fiance,to save me from embarrassment.Normal women would have fallen for him months before everything like this has to happen.I wondered why I didn't.
I knew he loves me too,I know that he wanted to show me that he is the one for me.He wanted to erase my pain and curb my anger,he wanted to help bring Elan up.Greg wanted to help me so badly that he devoted so much of his time to Elan and me.Yet,all I can give him back is thank yous and money.
I can't give him love,no matter how guilty I felt.And I really felt extremly guilty,seeing him fawn over Elan with a obvious motive;an obvious request.But to see how I pretend not to notice,people would call me a fake.
I truly wanted to love him and try to love him,but I never placed my heart in it.No matter how much love he showered on me and Elan,Malfoy's face would swing into my mind.
Sure,Greg curbed my anger and somewhat erased some pain.He was a father figure and besides everyone else in the muggle world long said that he was my husband,not good friend as we claimed to the press.So why not go into a relationship with him?.......
That question left my mind in a huge question mark.I had been pondering about the entire week and the confrontation with Malfoy,while walking in the long corridors,leading to the Head Room.My eyes filled with soft tears,but I refused to let them flow.My hands curled into tight fists,trying to prevent the tears.I was about to return to the room when I saw a familiar shade of blonde hair in front of me.
Malfoy.
I hid behind a corner and watched him.He walked to the potrait yet did not go in,instead he stood outside,waiting....for me.
I bit my lip,what the hell should I do now? I asked,but then something else spoke,"Go." I went and I walked to the potrait too.Immediately his face lit up.
"Hermione,I need to talk to you." he said."Whatever about Mr.Malfoy?" I said quietly.Malfoy's face dipped alittle,but he did not bother.
"What did you mean by that last sentence just now Hermione..."He asked patiently.I looked him in the eye and replied,"I meant that there is still someone out there waiting for me to tell you 'no' Malfoy." Malfoy was definitely shocked,his eyes showed anxiety.
He repeated the name i had in my very mind,Gregory Movan Smith.Just when he told me Greg's father was a DeathEater,that truly shocked me.
It made me realize how little I know about Greg,how sudden he came and how eerie it was.Looking back,Greg literally walked right into my life,at the point when I was most down and most disappointed,and he gave light to me in my darkness.
No woman could deny such comfort in a man could they?No woman as silly as I am would not commit to a man like Greg.
But it was that very person that kept me from doing the things I should have and would have done.Draco Malfoy barred me from committing into another relationship;stopped me from loving;ceased my every fantasy.With him embedded in my mind,it was like having another voice inside my head.A voice that warned me,a voice that taunted me.
It was unbearable.
With the memories of his kiss,Malfoy enraputured me in my once real fantasy,he was magical,and I mean it.Even though I never spoke to him all the years that I had Elan,it seemed like he was a wall,blocking me and being overprotective.
Looking at Elan;I see him.Looking at Greg;I remember him.
My life has ceased into that one circular shape,with Malfoy riding on it like a master rides his horse.
Every second that we had together,comes back everyday to remind me how deep I was hurt,to remind me how in love I was.Something both bitter and sweet.
That few hours when I returned back to his arms were deeply embedded in my heart and mind.In that few hours I felt revived;I felt like I had taken another breath of fresh air,breathing and living again.Radiant and glowing,something that had never happened to me after breaking up with him.
But I failed to learn my lesson even when the same thing happened twice.Parkinson attempted suicide,my hopes dashed.Like it was 3 years ago.
I guess I'm just stubborn not to learn,but now I have learnt it well,and never will I fall again.
*****HERMIONE***** (RIGHT AFTER THE CONFRONTATION WITH DRACO MALFOY)
As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I saw the disappointment in his grey eyes,my heart broke.I couldn't bear to see his face again,I quickly turned and left.
I wondered to myself if I was being a lousy mother to Elan...My life is so messed up now.My head's in a whirl and my heart tells me different things at one time.I was just so utterly disappointed with what had happened over the course of the last few days.Parkinson with a suicidal attempt;my confrontation with Dra-no Malfoy...things just were so screwed up.
Elan could have and would have been reunited with Malfoy,his true father,instead of a faceless image he is use to being told about.I would have had a shoulder to lean on when I'm upset or feeling down,I would have a husband and Elan,a father.
Maybe some can't really phantom the pain I went through, or the anger I felt.But no one ever will except myself.Malfoy told me he still loves me and that he knows the pain.
Knows?Does he know the extend of how deep his knife has cut through my heart?Does he know that my heart breaks into pieces that I cannot fix back together whenever I see him and his wife?
I was wary of going back into his arms again.And logically,I have a very valid reason.He is married,his wife is pregnant.What other reason do I need to NOT go back?
But being alone in bringing up Elan was both satisfying and painful.Reminding me of someone who was there silently to help me,to give me some well-needed support.Gregory Smith.
When Malfoy told me his father was a Death-Eater,it came as a shock,then later I became defensive when Malfoy yelled in anger.My head said that no big deal,afterall Malfoy's dad was a DeathEater too,but my heart worried,why didn't he tell me?He had just came as someone nice,someone willing to help.
We met 3 years ago,and he has always supported me in whatever I do.Once as a struggling failing model;a desperate mother and thirdly,as my fake fiance,to save me from embarrassment.Normal women would have fallen for him months before everything like this has to happen.I wondered why I didn't.
I knew he loves me too,I know that he wanted to show me that he is the one for me.He wanted to erase my pain and curb my anger,he wanted to help bring Elan up.Greg wanted to help me so badly that he devoted so much of his time to Elan and me.Yet,all I can give him back is thank yous and money.
I can't give him love,no matter how guilty I felt.And I really felt extremly guilty,seeing him fawn over Elan with a obvious motive;an obvious request.But to see how I pretend not to notice,people would call me a fake.
I truly wanted to love him and try to love him,but I never placed my heart in it.No matter how much love he showered on me and Elan,Malfoy's face would swing into my mind.
Sure,Greg curbed my anger and somewhat erased some pain.He was a father figure and besides everyone else in the muggle world long said that he was my husband,not good friend as we claimed to the press.So why not go into a relationship with him?.......
That question left my mind in a huge question mark.I had been pondering about the entire week and the confrontation with Malfoy,while walking in the long corridors,leading to the Head Room.My eyes filled with soft tears,but I refused to let them flow.My hands curled into tight fists,trying to prevent the tears.I was about to return to the room when I saw a familiar shade of blonde hair in front of me.
Malfoy.
I hid behind a corner and watched him.He walked to the potrait yet did not go in,instead he stood outside,waiting....for me.
I bit my lip,what the hell should I do now? I asked,but then something else spoke,"Go." I went and I walked to the potrait too.Immediately his face lit up.
"Hermione,I need to talk to you." he said."Whatever about Mr.Malfoy?" I said quietly.Malfoy's face dipped alittle,but he did not bother.
"What did you mean by that last sentence just now Hermione..."He asked patiently.I looked him in the eye and replied,"I meant that there is still someone out there waiting for me to tell you 'no' Malfoy." Malfoy was definitely shocked,his eyes showed anxiety.
He repeated the name i had in my very mind,Gregory Movan Smith.Just when he told me Greg's father was a DeathEater,that truly shocked me.
It made me realize how little I know about Greg,how sudden he came and how eerie it was.Looking back,Greg literally walked right into my life,at the point when I was most down and most disappointed,and he gave light to me in my darkness.
No woman could deny such comfort in a man could they?No woman as silly as I am would not commit to a man like Greg.
But it was that very person that kept me from doing the things I should have and would have done.Draco Malfoy barred me from committing into another relationship;stopped me from loving;ceased my every fantasy.With him embedded in my mind,it was like having another voice inside my head.A voice that warned me,a voice that taunted me.
It was unbearable.
With the memories of his kiss,Malfoy enraputured me in my once real fantasy,he was magical,and I mean it.Even though I never spoke to him all the years that I had Elan,it seemed like he was a wall,blocking me and being overprotective.
Looking at Elan;I see him.Looking at Greg;I remember him.
My life has ceased into that one circular shape,with Malfoy riding on it like a master rides his horse.
Every second that we had together,comes back everyday to remind me how deep I was hurt,to remind me how in love I was.Something both bitter and sweet.
That few hours when I returned back to his arms were deeply embedded in my heart and mind.In that few hours I felt revived;I felt like I had taken another breath of fresh air,breathing and living again.Radiant and glowing,something that had never happened to me after breaking up with him.
But I failed to learn my lesson even when the same thing happened twice.Parkinson attempted suicide,my hopes dashed.Like it was 3 years ago.
I guess I'm just stubborn not to learn,but now I have learnt it well,and never will I fall again.