CH.2
Me! Why not you? This was your idea anyway. Vincent was whispering harshly at Cid. Cid rolled his eyes at Vincent.
Look, you have to be the one to grab Tifa, because you are the Cid held up both hands and made imaginary quotations around the word gentleman', mocking Vincent. Vincent scowled.
Believe me Vinny, I'd love to be the designated boob-squeezer, but she'd know it wasn't an accident if I fell on those puppies. Cid explained.
Will you stop calling them puppies? Vincent grumbled.
You know the plan right? Cid asked completely ignoring Vincent.
It's not terribly complicated Cid. You pilot the Highwind, announce and take a sharp turn. I'll be talking with Tifa, therefore standing next to her. When we all go tumbling over due to your imaginary turbulence, I will grab Tifa's breasts, as though it were an accident, and verify if they are indeed real, or have been surgically enhanced. Vincent reviewed.
That's perfect Vincent! Cid praised as Vincent rolled his eyes. We just have to clear a few things up though.
Vincent eyed Cid questioningly. What things? he asked.
Well for one, have you ever groped a boob? Cid blurted out. You need to be able to know if it feels unnatural and all.
There's that damn blushing sensation again, Vincent thought to himself. I really hate that.
Of course I've groped boo-, I mean, breasts before! Well, not really groped. More like Vincent stated, trying to sound at least a little dignified.
Dammit Vincent, we don't have time to caress! I want you to grab on and squeeze! Cid yelled, completely unaware of the look he and Vincent were getting from the nearby Barret.
It's not what it sounds like Barret. Vincent insisted. No, it's a lot worse than what it sounds like, Vincent thought to himself. Barret just nodded, looking confused and skeptical, but eventually turned his gaze elsewhere.
Will you keep it down! Vincent hissed at Cid.
Cid said, barely audible. Anyway, you thank you can do that? Don't sit there and try to titillate her, Mr. Gentleman
Oh shut up, I think I can manage. Vincent replied.
Good. Now, the other thing. Cid continued. Be careful with that damn claw. Don't slice off her-
Okay Cid, I got it! Vincent interrupted. And I thought I was morbid, Vincent told himself.
Okay then. You go talk to her, and leave the rest to me. Cid made his way to the cockpit, and took the controls. Vincent took a deep breath and strolled casually but confidently to Tifa. Here goes nothing
Tifa was standing in her usual position, gazing out the window of the Highwind, blissfully unaware of all the plotting and scheming going on behind her back. Vincent approached her, and stood as close to her as he could without arousing suspicion. Tifa turned to Vincent and smiled sweetly.
Hello Vincent. she greeted cheerily. Vincent gulped, feeling guilt spread through him like a virus. No turning back now, he told himself.
Hello Tif-
Cid shouted at the top of his lungs. The Highwind took a sharp and sudden turn, lurched forward and dove. Everyone except for Cid, who was hanging on to the controls for dear life, went flying this way and that way. Tifa lurched forward, right at Vincent. Now's my chance, Vincent realized. Putting his right hand forward, he prepared himself for a handful ofYuffie?
Somehow, the turbulence Cid had created, had been enough to launch Yuffie into the main deck, across the room, between Vincent and Tifa, and had neatly placed Yuffie's breast in Vincent's hand. The Highwind returned to normal, with Cid cussing up a storm over the failed plan. Vincent was standing shocked at what he was holding. Yuffie was smiling sheepishly, and blushing. Tifa and the rest were cracking up over the whole scene. Vincent jerked his hand away, and damned if he didn't see disappointment in the teenage ninja's face.
Vincent, I didn't know you had Lolita syndrome! Tifa teased.
Yeah, looks like you got some action! Cloud jeered.
Damn cradle robber! Barret laughed. Vincent wasn't quite sure how many shades of red it was possible for a human being to turn, but he was sure he was setting a record.
Sorry Yuffie, I Vincent began.
Oh it's okay, Vinny. Yuffie insisted. I don't mind.
Vincent turned around and stormed out of the main deck. Cid followed.
Look Vincent, it isn't a total loss! I mean, now your memory of what the real thing feels like is refreshed
Oh shut up! Vincent snapped. That was humiliating. I'm sure I'll never hear the end of this. Vincent stormed off, leaving a helpless Cid behind.
Vincent said as he turned to his friend. hers were mostly padded anyway.
Cid thought. Time to move to plan B!