Ch.4
"Let's see, sexy lingerie, check...Mmmm, it's even scented. Sexy perfume, check. Wig…you don't need this. You wouldn't look good as a blond anyway…Hey a diamond tiara…
Cid had found Cloud's cross dressing material and had hauled it into the women's bathroom on the Highwind. Vincent was hesitant to enter the ladies room, but Cid insisted upon it, since it was the only place with a vanity on the ship. Vincent stood and watched Cid sort through the women's items, shifting uncomfortably at the appearance of the skimpy lingerie he was going to have to wear.
"Cid, I don't know about this." Vincent said as he held up a lacy red thong. Cid was too busy concentrating on the rest of the women's material to reply.
"Now how the hell could someone wear this and be comfortable…where the hell are you supposed to wear that…
It's useless to atone for my sins now, Vincent thought. Where do I even start? If Lucrecia could see me now…Oh Lucrecia…forgive me, my dear sweet Lucrec-
"Goddamit!" Cid suddenly yelled, surprising Vincent into grabbing the gun at his holster. Man, I'm almost as bad as Barret, Vincent realized, slipping the gun back into his holster. Although, accidentally shooting Cid might have been the best thing I could've done…
"What's the problem, Cid?" Vincent asked.
"We can't use this dress! Tifa's already seen it on Cloud, and will recognize it in an instant, and my perfect plan will be completely foiled! Shit!" Cid kicked the wall and shook his fist angrily as he growled obscenities. Vincent just sighed in relief.
"Oh well, guess we can't dress me up after all. Too bad." Vincent said cheerily. Cid's obscenities continued in the background. Vincent was just smiling. Odd to think that this is what it takes for me to smile after all this time, he thought.
"Wait!" Cid suddenly yelled. "Shera! She has a wardrobe on the Highwind! You could wear one of her dresses! Yeah, that would work!" Vincent's mood plummeted even further than usual. Desperately, he searched for some excuse as to why that wouldn't, no, couldn't work.
"Cid, Shera is half my size. There's no way I could…Cid? Cid?" Vincent glanced around the bathroom. Cid was already gone, looking for Shera's dresses. Vincent shook his head. How did I get myself into this situation, Vincent wondered? It's yet more punishment for the sins I have committed. It wasn't enough to be genetically altered into something less than human and being sealed in a coffin for 30 years. Or losing the love of my life to Dr. Frankenstein's protégé. Or having a dead weight with razor sharp tips to replace one of my arms. No, that just wasn't enough. Now, some nutcase pilot is dressing me in women's clothing, and is trying to get me to molest poor Tifa's chest. And it's working! So many sins to atone for…and I'm not even Catholic…
"You know, that Shera has got to have some of the most unflattering god dammed dresses for a woman! She's so fuckin' frumpy!" Cid was back with a pile of Shera's dresses in his arms. "I wasn't sure which one of these would flatter you the most, so I brought a whole bunch."
"Lucky me." Vincent remarked.
"Let's get started here!" Cid went on. The dresses were very typical of Shera. One of the dresses was long sleeved and dark blue, with a skirt that would have reached the middle of Shera's shins. On Vincent, it would show off a lot of knee, "which would be sexy if it didn't look like a dress of some damn old schoolmarm," as Cid put it. Another dress was pink, and that was enough to keep Vincent from even touching it. Another white, and looked somewhat like a church dress, which wasn't risqué enough, according to Cid. Then Cid came upon a dress that was very not Shera. It was deep red, and came just to the knee. It was made of silk, and had spaghetti thin straps, with a neck line that plummeted dangerously low.
"What the-- I ain't ever seen her in this before!" Cid exclaimed as he held it up and admired it. "Wouldn't mind if I did though…"
Vincent smiled. "Perhaps she was saving it for when you ask her on a date, Cid." he suggested. Cid just blushed.
"Ahem! Anyway, I think we've found a winner, Vinny!" Cid said, happy to change the subject.
Vincent's smile slowly faded into a look of disbelief. The dress probably covered just enough of Shera to keep her from getting arrested for indecent exposure, but Vincent would have bigger problems than that.
"Cid, we'd be lucky if that dress covered my butt." Vincent pointed out.
"I know!" Cid exclaimed. "You'd look damn hot in this thing!
"I find it bizarre how excited you are to see me dressed as a woman, Cid." Vincent said.
"Oh, come on! Can't ya take a fuckin' compliment? Now let's get started."
And so, Vincent's transformation began. Vincent's first problem came with the panties. Try as he might, there just wasn't enough room to fit all of himself into them. Cid suggested to "tape that sucker back" but Vincent insisted that though he had felt unimaginable pain to the very depths of his soul, peeling tape off of himself down there was not a pain he would ever be ready to deal with. Then Cid suggested casting Mini on it, but once Vincent started to look for his Death Penalty, Cid shut up. Finally, the problem was remedied with an extra pair of pantyhose to restrain Vincent's troublesome manhood.
Not long after that problem was remedied, Vincent couldn't stop complaining about the thong. For the life of him, he could not figure out how women could stand a never-ending wedgie all day long. Cid told him to suck it up and be a man about it, while Vincent wondered if he was being mocked or not.
Next came the bra. Once strapped on, the cups drooped against Vincent's chest. Cid immediately grabbed the roll of toilet paper for stuffing. One full roll of toilet paper later, and Vincent was still complaining that he was misshapen, lumpy, and lopsided. Cid insisted that while he was no Tifa, it would still do.
The pantyhose were a nightmare. Neither of the two men was familiar with how to dress in the dainty clothing and Vincent's claw was of no help either. After accidentally pushing his toes through the feet, and ripping the waist to shreds with his claw, Vincent reluctantly asked for Cid's help. However, the pilot was even less gentle than Vincent's claw had been, and soon there was nothing left of the pantyhose but little shreds. Cid handed Vincent a razor, pointed at his legs, and told him to start shaving, but Vincent insisted that some women didn't shave, and he would have to one of those women. Cid nodded, realizing there would be no way in hell that a pair of pantyhose would make it onto Vincent's legs in one piece.
Finally, the dress was the next step. While Vincent was rather thin, he still had the bone structure of a man. Once squeezed into the little dress, Vincent stared into the mirror and scrunched up his nose.
"I look so slutty." he complained. The dress was dangerously short on Vincent, coming barely over his butt just as he had predicted, and was hugging his hips far too tightly. His lopsided breasts jutted out awkwardly, making the lack of cleavage painfully obvious. He looked even less like a woman in women's clothing.
"Cid?" Vincent looked to his friend, who was busy trying to figure out what went wrong, as though it weren't obvious. Vincent continued.
"As you know, I've taken on many frightening forms. A purple beast, a sort of Frankenstein monster, a misshapen psychopath in a hockey mask, and a grey, winged demon. My usual self, in fact, has red eyes and a sharp metallic left arm. But never, ever, have I been more frightened of the sight of myself until this very instant. And it's all thanks to you my dear friend."
"Yeah…I see what you mean…" Cid replied slowly, not picking up any hint of sarcasm in Vincent's comments. "Hey! I know!" He continued. "All you need is a little makeup and hairstyling!"
Vincent shrugged, thinking (naively) the worst was probably over. Cid pulled out a makeup bag and began to dump the contents out onto the counter. Then he pulled out some hot curlers, hair spray, mousse, and the diamond tiara he had found with the rest of Cloud's stuff. Vincent gulped as Cid examined an eyelash curler as though it were a surgical instrument. Vincent closed his eyes and took a few deep breathes. Cid took a few deep breathes himself, as he examined the feminine contents on the counter, half of which he had no idea what to do with. Vincent opened one eye cautiously, and watched his friend's confused expression deepen.
"I assume you at least know a little about what you are doing." Vincent said. Cid looked to his friend, and then back to the mysterious things scattered across the counter. He scratched the back of his neck, shrugged, and sighed.
"Sure…I know a little about this kind of stuff. I've seen Shera use these things once in a while…Ah hell, enough yappin'! let's get started!"
First, Cid applied half of the bottle of mousse to Vincent's long hair. When Vincent asked if that was too much, Cid insisted that "women love using lots of hair shit," and proceeded to add half the bottle of hair spray to Vincent's head as well. Vincent began to cough violently in the hairspray-thickened room. As Vincent gasped for breath, Cid just shrugged, supposing the years of cigarette smoke his lungs had endured had made him immune the dangers of inhaling the toxic fumes that women love to coat their hair with. After Vincent finally was able to breathe without hacking up a lung, Cid moved on to the heat curlers.
"SHHHHIIITTTT!" Vincent screamed as Cid rolled a blazing hot curler a little too close to his forehead. "What the hell are you trying to do, Cid? Burn my fucking hair off?" Vincent yelled. Cid scrambled for a wet wash cloth to nurse the burn.
"Geesh. You've been hanging around with me too long, Vincent." Cid told his friend, who was still muttering a stream of obscenities that would have made Cid proud in a different situation. "Hey, what's that smell?" Cid asked. Vincent sniffed the air. Indeed, a very unpleasant smell was in the air.
"It smells like burnt hair." Vincent replied calmly. Cid's eyes widened as he realized a small stream of smoke was coming from Vincent's head where the curler was.
"Shit Vinny, I AM burning your fuckin' hair off!" Cid screamed as he jumped forward to save his friend's hair. Cid toppled over Vincent, knocking him off of the chair he was sitting on and on to the floor. He pinned Vincent down and straddled him. What little modesty the dress had left Vincent with was gone now, and Cid was desperately trying to save Vincent's hair without burning himself as well. At that moment, a wide-eyed Tifa walked in.
"Let's see, sexy lingerie, check...Mmmm, it's even scented. Sexy perfume, check. Wig…you don't need this. You wouldn't look good as a blond anyway…Hey a diamond tiara…
Cid had found Cloud's cross dressing material and had hauled it into the women's bathroom on the Highwind. Vincent was hesitant to enter the ladies room, but Cid insisted upon it, since it was the only place with a vanity on the ship. Vincent stood and watched Cid sort through the women's items, shifting uncomfortably at the appearance of the skimpy lingerie he was going to have to wear.
"Cid, I don't know about this." Vincent said as he held up a lacy red thong. Cid was too busy concentrating on the rest of the women's material to reply.
"Now how the hell could someone wear this and be comfortable…where the hell are you supposed to wear that…
It's useless to atone for my sins now, Vincent thought. Where do I even start? If Lucrecia could see me now…Oh Lucrecia…forgive me, my dear sweet Lucrec-
"Goddamit!" Cid suddenly yelled, surprising Vincent into grabbing the gun at his holster. Man, I'm almost as bad as Barret, Vincent realized, slipping the gun back into his holster. Although, accidentally shooting Cid might have been the best thing I could've done…
"What's the problem, Cid?" Vincent asked.
"We can't use this dress! Tifa's already seen it on Cloud, and will recognize it in an instant, and my perfect plan will be completely foiled! Shit!" Cid kicked the wall and shook his fist angrily as he growled obscenities. Vincent just sighed in relief.
"Oh well, guess we can't dress me up after all. Too bad." Vincent said cheerily. Cid's obscenities continued in the background. Vincent was just smiling. Odd to think that this is what it takes for me to smile after all this time, he thought.
"Wait!" Cid suddenly yelled. "Shera! She has a wardrobe on the Highwind! You could wear one of her dresses! Yeah, that would work!" Vincent's mood plummeted even further than usual. Desperately, he searched for some excuse as to why that wouldn't, no, couldn't work.
"Cid, Shera is half my size. There's no way I could…Cid? Cid?" Vincent glanced around the bathroom. Cid was already gone, looking for Shera's dresses. Vincent shook his head. How did I get myself into this situation, Vincent wondered? It's yet more punishment for the sins I have committed. It wasn't enough to be genetically altered into something less than human and being sealed in a coffin for 30 years. Or losing the love of my life to Dr. Frankenstein's protégé. Or having a dead weight with razor sharp tips to replace one of my arms. No, that just wasn't enough. Now, some nutcase pilot is dressing me in women's clothing, and is trying to get me to molest poor Tifa's chest. And it's working! So many sins to atone for…and I'm not even Catholic…
"You know, that Shera has got to have some of the most unflattering god dammed dresses for a woman! She's so fuckin' frumpy!" Cid was back with a pile of Shera's dresses in his arms. "I wasn't sure which one of these would flatter you the most, so I brought a whole bunch."
"Lucky me." Vincent remarked.
"Let's get started here!" Cid went on. The dresses were very typical of Shera. One of the dresses was long sleeved and dark blue, with a skirt that would have reached the middle of Shera's shins. On Vincent, it would show off a lot of knee, "which would be sexy if it didn't look like a dress of some damn old schoolmarm," as Cid put it. Another dress was pink, and that was enough to keep Vincent from even touching it. Another white, and looked somewhat like a church dress, which wasn't risqué enough, according to Cid. Then Cid came upon a dress that was very not Shera. It was deep red, and came just to the knee. It was made of silk, and had spaghetti thin straps, with a neck line that plummeted dangerously low.
"What the-- I ain't ever seen her in this before!" Cid exclaimed as he held it up and admired it. "Wouldn't mind if I did though…"
Vincent smiled. "Perhaps she was saving it for when you ask her on a date, Cid." he suggested. Cid just blushed.
"Ahem! Anyway, I think we've found a winner, Vinny!" Cid said, happy to change the subject.
Vincent's smile slowly faded into a look of disbelief. The dress probably covered just enough of Shera to keep her from getting arrested for indecent exposure, but Vincent would have bigger problems than that.
"Cid, we'd be lucky if that dress covered my butt." Vincent pointed out.
"I know!" Cid exclaimed. "You'd look damn hot in this thing!
"I find it bizarre how excited you are to see me dressed as a woman, Cid." Vincent said.
"Oh, come on! Can't ya take a fuckin' compliment? Now let's get started."
And so, Vincent's transformation began. Vincent's first problem came with the panties. Try as he might, there just wasn't enough room to fit all of himself into them. Cid suggested to "tape that sucker back" but Vincent insisted that though he had felt unimaginable pain to the very depths of his soul, peeling tape off of himself down there was not a pain he would ever be ready to deal with. Then Cid suggested casting Mini on it, but once Vincent started to look for his Death Penalty, Cid shut up. Finally, the problem was remedied with an extra pair of pantyhose to restrain Vincent's troublesome manhood.
Not long after that problem was remedied, Vincent couldn't stop complaining about the thong. For the life of him, he could not figure out how women could stand a never-ending wedgie all day long. Cid told him to suck it up and be a man about it, while Vincent wondered if he was being mocked or not.
Next came the bra. Once strapped on, the cups drooped against Vincent's chest. Cid immediately grabbed the roll of toilet paper for stuffing. One full roll of toilet paper later, and Vincent was still complaining that he was misshapen, lumpy, and lopsided. Cid insisted that while he was no Tifa, it would still do.
The pantyhose were a nightmare. Neither of the two men was familiar with how to dress in the dainty clothing and Vincent's claw was of no help either. After accidentally pushing his toes through the feet, and ripping the waist to shreds with his claw, Vincent reluctantly asked for Cid's help. However, the pilot was even less gentle than Vincent's claw had been, and soon there was nothing left of the pantyhose but little shreds. Cid handed Vincent a razor, pointed at his legs, and told him to start shaving, but Vincent insisted that some women didn't shave, and he would have to one of those women. Cid nodded, realizing there would be no way in hell that a pair of pantyhose would make it onto Vincent's legs in one piece.
Finally, the dress was the next step. While Vincent was rather thin, he still had the bone structure of a man. Once squeezed into the little dress, Vincent stared into the mirror and scrunched up his nose.
"I look so slutty." he complained. The dress was dangerously short on Vincent, coming barely over his butt just as he had predicted, and was hugging his hips far too tightly. His lopsided breasts jutted out awkwardly, making the lack of cleavage painfully obvious. He looked even less like a woman in women's clothing.
"Cid?" Vincent looked to his friend, who was busy trying to figure out what went wrong, as though it weren't obvious. Vincent continued.
"As you know, I've taken on many frightening forms. A purple beast, a sort of Frankenstein monster, a misshapen psychopath in a hockey mask, and a grey, winged demon. My usual self, in fact, has red eyes and a sharp metallic left arm. But never, ever, have I been more frightened of the sight of myself until this very instant. And it's all thanks to you my dear friend."
"Yeah…I see what you mean…" Cid replied slowly, not picking up any hint of sarcasm in Vincent's comments. "Hey! I know!" He continued. "All you need is a little makeup and hairstyling!"
Vincent shrugged, thinking (naively) the worst was probably over. Cid pulled out a makeup bag and began to dump the contents out onto the counter. Then he pulled out some hot curlers, hair spray, mousse, and the diamond tiara he had found with the rest of Cloud's stuff. Vincent gulped as Cid examined an eyelash curler as though it were a surgical instrument. Vincent closed his eyes and took a few deep breathes. Cid took a few deep breathes himself, as he examined the feminine contents on the counter, half of which he had no idea what to do with. Vincent opened one eye cautiously, and watched his friend's confused expression deepen.
"I assume you at least know a little about what you are doing." Vincent said. Cid looked to his friend, and then back to the mysterious things scattered across the counter. He scratched the back of his neck, shrugged, and sighed.
"Sure…I know a little about this kind of stuff. I've seen Shera use these things once in a while…Ah hell, enough yappin'! let's get started!"
First, Cid applied half of the bottle of mousse to Vincent's long hair. When Vincent asked if that was too much, Cid insisted that "women love using lots of hair shit," and proceeded to add half the bottle of hair spray to Vincent's head as well. Vincent began to cough violently in the hairspray-thickened room. As Vincent gasped for breath, Cid just shrugged, supposing the years of cigarette smoke his lungs had endured had made him immune the dangers of inhaling the toxic fumes that women love to coat their hair with. After Vincent finally was able to breathe without hacking up a lung, Cid moved on to the heat curlers.
"SHHHHIIITTTT!" Vincent screamed as Cid rolled a blazing hot curler a little too close to his forehead. "What the hell are you trying to do, Cid? Burn my fucking hair off?" Vincent yelled. Cid scrambled for a wet wash cloth to nurse the burn.
"Geesh. You've been hanging around with me too long, Vincent." Cid told his friend, who was still muttering a stream of obscenities that would have made Cid proud in a different situation. "Hey, what's that smell?" Cid asked. Vincent sniffed the air. Indeed, a very unpleasant smell was in the air.
"It smells like burnt hair." Vincent replied calmly. Cid's eyes widened as he realized a small stream of smoke was coming from Vincent's head where the curler was.
"Shit Vinny, I AM burning your fuckin' hair off!" Cid screamed as he jumped forward to save his friend's hair. Cid toppled over Vincent, knocking him off of the chair he was sitting on and on to the floor. He pinned Vincent down and straddled him. What little modesty the dress had left Vincent with was gone now, and Cid was desperately trying to save Vincent's hair without burning himself as well. At that moment, a wide-eyed Tifa walked in.