Ch. 6
The next few days on the Highwind were awkward for Cid. He wanted to discuss plan C with Vincent, but every time he got close enough to him to do so, Tifa would walk by and wink at them. To make matters worse, Vincent was enjoying Cid's discomfort and embarrassment as revenge for his own, and had taken to playing along with Tifa's assumptions about their relationship. Vincent would smile and wink back at Tifa, and then lean in just a little too close to Cid. At one point Vincent had grabbed Cid's butt in full view of Tifa. Cid twirled around, ready to cuss Vincent out, but Vincent just gave him a dangerous smirk that read 'Go ahead, Cid. I dare you,' and Cid knew that holding his tongue was all he could do.
Cid had been doing his best to dispel Tifa's questions about his sexuality. It wasn't that he had anything against homosexuality. It just made him feel awkward that he was perceived as being gay. 'Yeesh,' Cid thought. 'I can't even admit that Shera isn't so bad…well, it could be worse. At least Tifa thinks that I'm into Vincent, and not someone like Barrett.' Cid shuddered. Still, Cid did his research on cross-dressing men to find a defense for himself.
"Aha!" Cid had been poring through psychology books on the floor of the cockpit late one night with Vincent nearby, brooding in the corner like he used to.
"Look here, Vinny!" Cid shouted excitedly as he held a very hefty book out in one hand, lifting it as though it were precious relic he had just discovered. Vincent turned nonchalantly to Cid with a completely disinterested look on his face, just as the old Vincent had before the traumatic experiences of groping Yuffie's breasts and gender-bending.
"This book says that the majority of cross dressing is found heterosexual males; not homosexuals!" Cid grinned at Vincent, who, to his surprise, was grinning back. 'Not a good sign.' Cid realized. 'The old Vincent wouldn't be grinning at me. This is the traumatized Vincent. Ah, shit…'
"But honey, I was the one cross dressing. You were the one who wanted to watch." Vincent replied mockingly. Cid's mouth dropped. Vincent was right! He couldn't use that argument…
"Oh, hell, what does it matter?! We're getting distracted from the more important thing here! Tifa's boobs! We need to know if they're real!" Cid yelled. Vincent started and nearly slapped his loud friend.
"Would you shut up!" Vincent nearly tackled Cid, clasping his big mouth. Cid realized just how loud that little exclamation had been, and gasped. Slowly, Cid pried Vincent's hand down from his mouth, glanced wide-eyed at him and mouthed 'sorry.'
"You two are so cute." Vincent and Cid looked up to see Tifa standing in the doorway. She was smiling at the two men, who were standing just a little too close to each other. Cid still hadn't let go of the hand Vincent had used to stifle his voice, and the two had been whispering to each other in an apparently intimate fashion. Cid's face went bright red, but Vincent just smirked.
'Don't you dare, you bastard.' Cid was thinking as he looked at Vincent's mischievous expression. 'What ever the hell you're thinking, don't you dare!'
"Hello Tifa." Vincent replied. "You'll have to excuse Cid and I. We just rendezvoused here to be alone and gaze out at the beautiful night sky. I'm afraid you caught us as things were just about to heat up." Vincent chuckled warmly (or maniacally, to Cid's ears) and pulled the pilot dangerously close to him in an embrace.
Cid felt like decking him, and it took every ounce of patience within him to keep from doing so. 'I remember when you couldn't even pat this bastard on the back without him flinching,' Cid thought to himself.
Tifa giggled. "Well, I'm sorry to interrupt such an intimate moment, but I was about to go to bed when I realized that I lost an earring. I think it might have fallen off somewhere. Have you seen it? It's a little ruby."
"Maybe ol' Vinny here took it." Cid said, trying to wriggle out of Vincent's arms. "You know how he likes to look pretty and all." Cid gave Vincent a satisfied grin, as though he had just given him the insult of a lifetime.
'Oh, Cid. Is that the best you can do?' Vincent thought.
"Now hon, you know I'll only wear silver hoops. Remember? You like them. You said they reminded you of handcuffs."
Cid's mouth dropped open, and his cigarette hit the floor. 'What the hell?' he thought. 'Handcuffs?! What kind of a pervert thinks that kind of stuff up?!"
Tifa was laughing hard now. "Cid! I didn't know you were so kinky!" Vincent was laughing with her now, a rare, if not unheard of event with Vincent.
'Bastard's really enjoying this.' Cid thought.
"Oh yes, Cid's kinkier than you think." Vincent went on. "You wouldn't believe the kind of things he asks me to do to him! You think he has a dirty mouth, well it's nothing compared to his mind. He's really into role-playing too. You know, the whole pilot and Turk thing…"
Tifa was practically rolling on the floor now, and Cid was about to explode. Vincent thoroughly enjoyed every second of Cid's humiliation. Finally, just when Cid was about grab his Venus Gospel and take the two out, Tifa stopped laughing. She smiled at the two men, taking one of Cid's hands in her own, and one of Vincent's as well.
"I'm so glad to see you two so happy. This is what Lucrecia would have wanted for you, Vincent. To be happy. And Cid, you're not getting any younger. It's good to see you've found someone." Cid and Vincent looked at each other, as if to say 'do you ever feel guilty for what we're doing to this sweet woman?'
"Anyway, I'll leave you two alone." Tifa said with a mischievous smile on her face. "Let me know if you find my earring!" With that, she was off.
Cid turned to Vincent, and socked him hard in the shoulder. Vincent just laughed at him.
"Did I embarrass you Cid? Do forgive me if I did."
"Oh fuck you!" Cid yelled. "You're enjoying this a little too much, you know that? Either you are one sadistic sonuvabitch, or you really do have a thing for me!" Cid yelled.
Vincent took a step closer to Cid. "You are pretty cute when you get angry." Vincent said in a low and serious voice. He reached one hand out and rested it on Cid's cheek. Cid gulped.
"V-Vincent? You really mean that?" Cid asked, suddenly feeling intimidated, uncomfortable, and even a bit flushed.
Vincent just raised his hand from Cid's face, and slapped it back down. "Of course not! You think I enjoy this! It's only payback for all that you've put me through! You think I enjoy grabbing your ass? Or even suggesting that we role play?!"
Cid let out a long breath, and lit up a cigarette. "Well, you put on a damn good show of it!"
Vincent just shook his head. "This ends now. Poor Tifa, she's so happy for us, so good to us, and all we can do is think about how find out if her boobs are real! Of all the sins to commit…"
"Say, that reminds me!" Cid cut in. "I've got to talk to you about plan C! This one's sure to work, Vinny! I've been thinking it up all night!"
"Are you even listening to me!" Vincent exclaimed. "I said this ends here! No more!"
"Do you ever watch those spy movies, Vincent?" Cid went on, ignoring his friend. "You know, where they scale down the sides of buildings, dressed all in black?"
"Cid, you're cracked. I said I'm through…"
"Well, if we scaled down to Tifa's room at the next inn, and wait for her to change into her pajamas…"
"Cid, no."
"What do ya' mean, 'no?'"
"I mean, no."
Later that evening, at the inn in Kalm…
"I can't believe I'm doing this, Cid…"