Chapter 9
"I may be tied up in nylon rope, now," said Calvin. "But I now know that YOU'RE to blame."
"Won't do you any good now, Earth Potentate." said Chill crossing his arms.
"Wait a minute!" Hobbes yelled. "You called Calvin the Earth Potentate! Does that mean..."
Chill threw his head back and laughed evilly.
Then, he pushed a button on the control panel. At once, the walls parted, and a small prison cell was shown, revealing...
"THE REAL MR INSPECTOR COLD!" Calvin screamed.
"but then who's the imposter?" asked Spiff.
"I'll give you ten guesses." said the fake Chill.
"Dumbo?" asked Calvin.
"No." said the fake Chill.
"Martha Stuart?" asked Hobbes.
"No." said the fake Chill.
"David Letterman?" asked Galixoid.
"I'll give you a hint." said the fake Chill. "alien"
"GARFIELD!" shouted Calvin.
"JIM CARREY!" screamed Hobbes.
"MARK TWAIN!" insisted Spiff.
"LEMONY SNICKET!" screamed Stupendous man.
"SHERLOCK HOLMES!" cried Tracer.
"THE PRESIDENT OF RUSSIA!" yelled Galixoid.
"THE GUY WHO INVENTED MARBLES!" Nebular yelled.
"HANK THE COWDOG!" Calvin yelled.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" The fake Chill screeched.
"THIS IS WHO I AM!" The fake Chill reached up, and took off his glasses.
There were no human eyes underneath. Instead, there were a pair of compound, bug eyes.
Calvin had only seen those on the aliens.
Calvin gasped.
The fake Chill grabbed his hair, and tore it off too, then his head started to take on the shape of the other alien's heads, (chrome shaped) and his skin started to turn grey. His fingers snapped together, creating tentacles. More tentacles shot out of his sides, and his shoes burst, and two more tentacles grew out.
Then, it was done.
Chill wasn't Chill.
HE WAS AN ALIEN!
"Oops." said the alien. "I forgot something."
he reached over to the desk and picked up a red crown, and put it on top of his slimy head.
Everyone gasped. "HE'S THEIR KING!" everybody yelled.
"Yes" the king hissed. "You almost ruined my plans of taking over Earth, but I ALWAYS get my planet. After all, I already have the rest of the Milky Way under our control."
Spiff had pulled a laser gun out of his utility belt during this speech, and was in the process of lasering the rope off.
Hobbes was doing the same with his claws, Tracer was sticking his gun out, and Stupendous man was using his strength.
(Calvin couldn't do anything about the rope)
"is there any way to set the planets free?" asked Spiff.
"Why should I tell you that?" asked the king.
"We're all tied up." said Hobbes.
"Yeah" said Spiff . "and I was just curious"
The king pointed to a box on the wall marked "control panel"
"there's a button over there that shuts down all our take over a world 3000s."
Just then he noticed Spiff grin evilly.
"What do you have behind your back?" he asked.
"Umm. Nothing?" Spiff guessed, trying to pull the laser back into the rope.
The king glided over to Spiff.
(ok maybe he didn't "glide" but he did something with his tentacles that gave Calvin that impression.)
The king peeked over Spiff's shoulder and SAW... whew.
Ok, relax.
You think he saw Spiff's laser, and all of their plans were ruined, right?
Ha, ha.
Nope.
Do you know what the king saw?
IT WAS CALVIN'S DUFFLE BAG!
"Oh." said the king. "Heh, heh. You'd get sued for obsolete equipment if you had that on MY planet."
he slithered over to the bag.
"Lets see what we have in this dinosaur." he said, sticking his tentacle into the bag.
ZZZZZT!
"AAAAA" the king shot into the air, and electricity surged through him.
"Calvin!" Hobbes said. "He found your hot shot!"
Calvin blinked.
The king turned a dark glare on the bag.
"This thing CAN'T hold a hot shot! The bag will catch fire!" he yelled.
He picked up the bag, turned it upside down, and shook it as hard as he could.
SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE!
Nothing came out.
The king blinked, and shook harder.
SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE!
Nothing.
The king, utterly confused, held the bag over his head, and looked inside.
"I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WERE YOU!" Calvin warned.
"I'm not you." said the king. "Now shut up while I..."
BONK!
Just then, a key board fell out of the bag, and slammed on top of the kings head.
The king drew back in surprise.
The bag still held over his head. He didn't notice a cord hanging out of the bag over his head.
CRASH!
"There goes my microwave" said Calvin.
CRASH!
"There goes my piano" said Calvin.
CRASH!
"There goes my refrigerator." said Calvin.
CRASH!
"There goes my cloned dinosaur" said Calvin.
(Four minutes later)
CRASH!
"Gee" said Hobbes. "That last cement truck knocked him out cold."
"Out cold?" Spiff asked. "GREAT!"
Spiff snapped the ropes.
Hobbes, Tracer and Stupendous man did the same.
"Great work guys!" Calvin said. "Now untie me!"
nobody turned around.
"Hello?" Calvin asked. "Will someone help me?"
"I'm trying to save the galaxy right now." said Hobbes staring at the control panel.
"I'm trying to start the ship!" said Spiff.
"I'm trying to keep the king 'asleep'" said Stupendous man, slamming his hand into the king's head.
"I'm looking for a room to shove the king into." said Tracer.
Calvin boiled with anger.
(Six hours later)
"Oh look how silly of me!" said Hobbes. "I missed the free other planets button!"
"Oh look, how silly of me!" said Spiff. "I missed the start button."
"Oh look how silly of me!" Said Stupendous man. "I missed the tag that said 'will stay out cold for ten hours'"
"oh look how Silly of me!" said Tracer. "I missed the closet!"
Everyone turned to Calvin, who was struggling with the ropes and yelling unfriendly things.
"Sorry to keep you waiting." everyone said.
This made Calvin angrier.
(Later)
"Spiff I think I should drive the ship." said Calvin, worriedly.
"You know nothing of spaceships." said Spiff, dully. "Sit down."
"Calvin." Hobbes said. "Spiff's been driving spaceships since you made him. Why are you upset?"
"BECAUSE!" Calvin exclaimed. "SPIFF GOES WAY TO..."
just then, the spaceship lurched forward, and Calvin, Hobbes, Tracer, and Stupendous man all slammed into the wall.
"fast" muttered Calvin.
"You guys are just a bunch a weenies." said Spiff, dully.
The spaceship bolted all around the Earth.
Meanwhile, up in the mother ship, two aliens watched the ship zap around.
"Shouldn't they be getting rid of the SEP down there?" asked one of them.
"Oh you know those guys, always running from things." said the other. "They're such a bunch a weenies."
"SPIFF!" Calvin yelled. "STOP THE SHIP ALREADY!"
Spiff pushed the "total shutdown" button on the panel with a bored expression on his face.
SCREEEEE!
SPLAT!
Calvin and the gang all slammed into the window.
Spiff sneered at them.
"Weenies" he said.
Calvin crawled down, and glared at Spiff.
"SPIFF!" Calvin yelled. "We're just trying to get home! Forget the stupid thrill ride!"
"Hey!" Spiff yelled. "I was looking for camp pine! I wasn't doing a thrill ride!"
"Then how do you explain that we're in Africa right now?" Calvin asked crossing his arms.
"WELL!" Spiff exclaimed. "If you didn't want to see lions and cheetahs on the way, why didn't you just tell me?"
"He'd rather see tigers" said Hobbes prying himself from the windshield.
Calvin rolled his eyes.
"Hey." said Stupendous man. "Where's Galixoid and Nebular?"
everyone turned. The two aliens were GONE!
They had escaped, and were now on a spaceship heading for their home planet.
"... so they just forget us!" Galixoid exclaimed. "We're going home! The food there was bad anyway!"
"Couldn't agree more, Nebular." said Galixoid.
The two aliens on the mother ship stared at Galixoid and Nebular as they zoomed pass, complaining about the food on Earth.
"O-kay" said one of the aliens walking away.
"Now then," said Hobbes. "Shall we free the real Chill?"
"Lets." said Calvin turning to the cage.
BOOM!
Just then, The king burst out of the closet, and he didn't look like he was about to say the pledge of allegiance.
"YAAAH!" Calvin exclaimed.
Stupendous man, Spiff, and Hobbes spun around for a fight.
CRACK!
A net trapped Spiff, Hobbes, and Stupendous man on the floor.
The king turned to Tracer.
"Why aren't you trying to stop me?" he asked.
"Gun's not loaded." said Tracer.
The king blinked, and then picked up the bag filled with Calvin's friends.
He held the bag over...
OVER THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL?
"Calvin." the king panted. "Give me earth, and I'll let you're friends live. If you don't... we'll cover that later."
Calvin's eyes bulged. "Oh no" he muttered.