A/N: Since I got some lovely reviews I decided to update a little sooner. I plan on getting the rest of this thing up by the end of next weeks so that I will be free for the summer to finish writing the Interlude and the Sequel. If you guys have any suggestions for titles or idea please let me know. Now on to the story. I hope you enjoy.

Two Worlds Apart

Chapter 12: Her Confessions

Rikku stood in the living room of her cottage and cursed herself. How could she have been so stupid as to invite Baralai to stay with her until he found a new home for him and Meja? Paine had been like a sister to her and there was no way that she could let her best friend's child go back to that house. Of course at the time she hadn't figured in that Baralai would have to come too because that was Meja's father. And then again Baralai had not turned her away when she had no place else to go. But could she really do the same for him as he had done for her?

Sitting down on the sofa her face twisted with confusion. She knew that she still loved Baralai and she knew that deep down he loved her back. But then Baralai had just lost Paine and she knew he loved her very much. Besides her heart was still pulling her towards Wakka. And not to mention that Wakka's wife had left him and their son for another man. Neither of her love interests were in any position to be rekindling old romances. She didn't even know who she loved more or who she wanted to be with. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to know but she knew the time was coming where she would have to choose. It was just a feeling that she had. And it didn't help that she had been close to both of their wives. Lulu had been like a mother figure to her and she and Paine were like sisters. How then, could she be with the father of one of her best friend's children?

Baralai entered the house with a fussing Meja in his arms. He tried in vain to maneuver the bottle in her mouth all the while trying to balance a bag of groceries in the other arm. Standing up Rikku took the bag from Baralai and took it into the kitchen. When she returned she saw Baralai nuzzle his daughter and gently rocked her as he coaxed the bottle into Meja's mouth. She had to admire him for being such a dutiful father. She had a feeling that Meja was going to grow up spoiled and overprotected.

"Rikku, can I ask you a question," Lai' asked once he had placed a sleeping Meja in her bassinette.

"Sure," she replied as she started to put the groceries away.

"Why in Yevon's name did you buy a house so close to the Moonflow?"

"Because it was pretty," she simply replied.

"Because it was pretty," he repeated. "You know, sometimes I wonder if you are still seventeen. You know what kind of effect the Moonflow has on people yet you still move less than a quarter mile from it. And all because it was pretty."

"You know those are just rumors," she said evenly.

"Oh really?" Baralai retorted. "You mean to tell me that you haven't felt more depressed since moving into this morbidly "pretty" house. You sure don't seem to be you usual bubbly self these days. You know as well as I do that the pyreflies in the Moonflow feed on pain, insecurities, fear, and desire. You know that they speak to you emotions. And if I recall correctly didn't Gippal find you here with your wrists slit shortly after you moved here? After you fled Bevelle."

"Shut up you son-of-a-bitch! Just shut the fuck up! How dare you! You've got no call throwing that up in my face you bastard!" She yelled.

"So what, you like being depressed? You like feeling worthless and self-loathing? Oh wait, I get it. You want to die. Don't you? Don't you, Rikku? Answer me," he said grabbing her by her wrists pulling her towards him.

Tears began to flow in rapid streams down Rikku's sand-buffed cheeks. "Yes," she finally whispered.

"What?" Baralai said slightly taken aback by her reply. "What do you mean yes?"

"You don't know how its been for me Lai'," she said pulling away from his grasp. "You want to know the real reason I left you Baralai? Do you really want to know Lai?"

When he didn't answer and just continued to stare at her in disbelief she continued to speak. "I left you because I miscarried your child and I couldn't live with myself. Yes, I was pregnant. Four months along. It's all my fault too. You told me not to go on that mission with the Gullwings because I was ill. But no I didn't listen. I thought that I was fine. It was a boy you know. After I lost our son I just couldn't deal. So I ended things between us. And now I feel guilty because if I had just been honest with you we would never have broken up and we would still be together. You wouldn't have married Paine. And she would still be alive. It would have been me who died giving birth to Meja. Not Paine. It's all my fault. And all because I couldn't admit the truth and my shame."

Baralai scooted closer to Rikku and wrapped his broad arms around her frail frame as she slumped against the floor. He hadn't realized how skinny she had become. Pushing back some tear soaked strands of hair from her face he tilted her head up to look at him. "Kiki, it is NOT your fault. It is not your fault that Paine is dead. And you shouldn't have been ashamed of having a miscarriage. I would have understood. You should have told me. I had a right to know."

Looking up at him Rikku wiped her eyes. "Lai, I wanted to tell you. I really did. I was just so scared that I was dreaming it. That maybe if I said anything I really wouldn't be pregnant. And when I lost our son I felt so ashamed. You know that it's a Yevonite custom that women who lose children to miscarriages are weak and not fit for duties as a wife. And we weren't even married. And Yevon means everything to you. You're the fucking Praetor for Yevon's sake."

"Rikku Annalise Chitila," he said cupping her delicate face in his masculine hands. " I could never be ashamed of you. NEVER. You are more than fit to be a wife. And you are definitely NOT weak. I have never stopped loving you. Do you understand me? Never."

Slowly she nodded without making a sound. They sat there for a little while huddle together on the kitchen floor. At times they both cried for Paine and others for their dead unborn son. But they knew that eventually they had to move forward. Now that she had told Baralai the truth she felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.