A/N This chapter is a bit of a departure for me. It's the first non-Ian POV. I hope you like it.
THROUGH AN ANGEL'S EYES – CHAPTER 7
Sept. 16
Ian and Dawn left yesterday. Ian told me to write down what happens so I can learn. Actually I do not see the logic in that, but as he is senior to me, I will do what he says. Faith introduced herself to me and explained that other than combat, I was to go to her with any questions that I had. I was surprised that Ian had chosen her, but I suppose he had his reasons. She suggested that I move into the dorm with the other girls. She said it would help me fit in better. I agreed and she helped move my things to the dorm. She said to expect some questions about who I was; and that I should answer them completely. I explained that a previous Seraph had been killed by slayers, so I might choose to move back out. She said 'that's cool' (reminder, look up 'cool' in a slang dictionary). Once I got settled she went with me to meet Buffy. Buffy ran me through a basic workout to see what skills I had and what I needed. She pointed out that my strength and endurance suck (also look up suck). I said that I could augment them. She knew that but then pointed out that the stronger I was, the less power I would have to use to boost my strength, power I could use for other things. Buffy showed me where the gym is and gave me a schedule of weightlifting. I'm not thrilled by this, but it should help. I was told to go for a run, and then work on the reading list that Ian left for me. I like reading but running sounds boring. I was getting ready to go, when Faith popped her head in as asked 'what's up'? 'The sky' I answered. She found this amusing, but I wasn't trying to be funny. She ran with me and she talked about her life as a singer. I actually learned a lot from the talk. Anyway, I got back met the slayer trainees and read.
Sept. 18
I am not thrilled with the dorm, but it is instructional. I told the girls who and what I was. A couple didn't believe me, but that's OK. Weightlifting sucks (new word), but running is OK. I find myself liking both Buffy and Faith, a little surprising since most of the trainees like one and hate the other; although which one they like and hate varies. I asked why, but the answers were confusing. I believe I understand 'bitch' as a derogatory comment, but 'skank' and 'hoe' are total mysteries (what's so bad about a garden tool anyway). Combat training is OK. I said I prefer to argue, Buffy said that sometimes it's easier to kill than convince. Humans confuse me a lot.
Sept. 22
I now have a nick-name. Faith decided to call me 'Little J'; she said Janice sounded too stuffy. Once Faith started, everyone followed; partially, I believe, because I'm the youngest here. I asked Buffy about the need for nick-names. She said that sometimes a persons name just doesn't fit their personality, so friends come up with names that suit them better. For example Buffy is not her real name, her true first name is Elizabeth. I asked her why she thought 'Little J' was better than 'Janice'; she said that Janice sounded too uptight, I was becoming more relaxed and the name no longer fit. The style of combat I'm learning from Buffy is more circumspect and stealthy. Faith tends to be too direct and just charges in. I guess the nick-name means they like me. I'm surprised.
Sept 25
Two of the girls are sleeping together. I was tempted to ask if they were in love, but I didn't. I asked Faith instead. She told me it was probably urges and not love. I didn't understand. She tried to explain the difference between sex for physical release and sex as an expression of love. She went on to say that she had a lot of sex, but hadn't really loved anyone. I was surprised. I told her that she was an exceptional person, someone was surely interested in her. The problem, she explained, was that she had trouble committing because of her past. This made me sad, she had the capacity for love, but chose not to allow it. Later, I asked Buffy if she had been in love. She said yes. I asked her if she loved Riley. She got a little tongue-tied. She explained that Riley had been a love of her past. I asked how you fell out of love. She got a little more incoherent, and finally just attacked me. Love is very confusing.
Sept. 27
We went out to a club. It was more of this relaxation stuff. I had never been to a club, so far as I can remember I had never danced. Faith came over to work on my make-up. I asked her if I was supposed to have sex after dancing. She laughed so hard I thought she would choke. She asked where I had gotten that idea. I told her that several of the girls had been discussing the possibility and they had all been wearing make-up. Faith assured me that the make-up was just so I fit in. For an outfit, she suggested a very abbreviated skirt along with a very tight shirt and a little shoulder wrap so my wing anchors would not be visible. I was able to move freely enough, so I didn't mind. The club was very loud. Faith took me out to the dance floor and tried to teach me how to dance. She said listen to the rhythm and move my body the way my instincts said to move. She said it was kind of a subconscious thing. I had observed a bit and kind of followed Faith. It felt good. I closed my eyes and visualized how my body should be moving and just let go. When I opened my eyes, there were a lot of guys around me. I was a bit intimidated, but Faith just said it was because I was a great dancer. I heard the word 'hot' used several times. That was true, I could feel my body sweating, so I went to get some water. I was sitting there drinking when a man walked up and asked me to dance, I assume that he meant with him. I didn't know what to say, fortunately Faith walked up and put her arms around me, as though we were a couple. The man went away. She apologized for leaving me alone, and explained that she had acted like we were a couple to chase the guy away. I thanked her for caring, I then asked her what music this was. She asked if I liked it, I said that I did. She told me it was the 'Chemical Brothers' and she seemed pleased. I asked her why and she said that Ian has horrible taste in music and she was afraid that it was my kind and not just him. The fact that I liked this proved to her that Ian was a nice guy, but a musical doofus. (look up doofus). I'm glad that Ian had Faith watch over me.
Oct 1
Buffy and I fought for half an hour without her scoring a hit on me. That's the longest time ever. She said that my weapons work was top notch, so we started working on hand to hand. I didn't do so well in that. It is difficult for me to strike a human being; so I am reluctant to do so. I also worked a bit with Riley today. He is teaching me strategy. After the lesson he suggested that I learn chess. He said it is a game that helps you learn. Whatever works. After everything I asked him if he was missing his old life. He said no, that there were too many memories. I asked if they were all bad. He said no, why would you think that. I told him that if he didn't want to remember something it was because it was bad. He said it was just painful because of the loss of his wife. This I understood. He then asked me about being a Seraph. I explained as best I could; my memories of my prior life are so limited. He asked if I thought what I was doing was worth it. I told him of course. He didn't look like he was convinced. I started reading 'The Lord of the Rings' after dinner. I sometimes wish elves were real.
Oct 3
Chess is fun, especially when I win. A couple of the trainees play, and we had a little tournament. I finished second, but I've only been playing for two days. I finished 'LoR'. I thought Frodo was a 'dipwad' (I learned that word from Faith) but Eowyn was cool. She didn't let expectations keep her down. I worked out with both Buffy and Riley with weapons today. Even with both of them they only got one hit on me in 30 minutes. Hand to hand is coming slowly. I'm going shopping tomorrow with Faith. She said we needed bonding time. I wonder if I should bring glue. Also, Buffy has a second name for me, although she only uses it with Riley. She calls me 'Anya lite'. I wonder who Anya was or is.
Oct 6
Shopping with Faith was fun. We went to a few shops for shoes and stuff, then we looked for underwear. I was surprised at all the different styles and fabrics. Faith said I should find a better bra, but with my wing anchors only a sports bra really works. When we were trying things on, I noticed a scar on Faith's belly, I asked her what had caused it because I thought slayers didn't scar. She told me that Buffy had done it to her, that they had been enemies at the time. This really shocked me. Later, over lunch, I asked her about all of that. She got a pained expression on her face but told me an interesting story. I could not believe what she had done. What struck me, though, was how truly sorry she was about the past. I asked her if Riley being here had sort of brought all that back. She looked surprised but nodded. I asked if that was why she seemed so sad most of the time. That really seemed to shock her. I guess she didn't realize that anyone could tell. Over our nightly chess game, I asked Riley about Faith. He muttered something about a leopard not changing its spots. Despite what she's done he still hasn't forgiven her. I decided that Riley is a bit of a putz (another word from Faith).
Oct 8
I talked to Buffy after our workout today. I asked her who Anya was. She explained that Anya was a vengeance demon that had died helping to prevent agents of the First from taking over the Earth. I thought that was weird, a demon should be helping not stopping an apocalypse. Buffy explained that demons were like people, some were better than others. She went on about Spike, someone I had heard of, and how he was making amends for his life of evil. She reminded me to judge by deeds, not origins. Later, in the dorm shower, a girl asked if she could kiss me. I had never kissed anyone, so far as I know, so I said OK. She put her lips on mine, it felt funny. She pulled back and said I needed to kiss back. I asked how. We tried it again, with me moving my lips a bit. It felt better, but it felt weird kissing a girl. I thanked her for teaching me but said I felt odd kissing her. She didn't seem too upset, and said I had guts for trying (look up 'guts', I don't believe she meant internal organs). I asked Faith, the next day, about kissing. She asked why I was curious, so I explained the encounter the night before. She said it probably felt weird because I was straight. I did not understand. She then said I was most likely heterosexual. This I understood. The next time I'll try kissing a boy.
Oct 9
I could tell Faith was down again today. I tried to talk to her during and after our run, but she would not talk. I had left her alone in the past, but this time I decided to force the issue. I followed her to band practice. I went inside and was shocked to see her surrounded by demons, I charged in there ready to protect her. The demons pulled back, and Faith turned and stopped me. She explained to me that this was her band. She thanked me for being willing to protect her. I asked if I could listen in. She said OK. Part of the way through, I was looking around and found some wooden pipes. Somehow they seemed familiar. I picked one up and played along with the song they were currently working on. They finished and Faith came down, lets hear it again, Little J. I played again, and got some looks of admiration from the band. I guess I could play. I asked Faith what was her problem. She was just silent. So I asked if she and Buffy had had a falling out. She shot me a glance, I'm not sure she said. I asked if she had ever invited Buffy to practice. She looked surprised, you mean ask B to help out. Why not, you have this area of your life that she's not a part of; at least give her the chance. It felt weird giving Faith advice, but I believed it was the right thing to do.
Oct 11
Buffy and I are now unofficial members of the band. She jumped at Faith's request and is now the percussionist. Clem (who is a really nice guy for a demon) will still play the drums, but anything else is Buffy territory. Apparently I can play just about any wind instrument (as long as it has a reed), so I am now 'sax girl'(and yes I've already heard bad jokes about it). Buffy and I also provide backing vocals when needed. It's neat to see them together. They can almost communicate without any words at all, they just look and exchange a word or two, and they are on the same page. I guess if I'm gonna be in a rock-n-roll band, I need a new look. I found out Buffy is going into town in a few days. I asked to come along; it will give me a chance to talk to her about Riley. Right now he's just floundering. I hope I can help him out like I did Faith and Buffy.
Oct 13
My life has taken on a new twist here. I now seem to be the counselor and sympathetic ear to the entire dorm of slayers. Somehow I just know who is having problems and I go and talk to them. Once in a while the girl will tell me to buzz off, but usually they open up to me. It weirded me out so much that I actually put a call in to Ian. He did not sound surprised at all at this turn of events. He told me that I was just feeling the pull of my vocation, and that soon I would not take 'buzz off' for an answer; that I would be incapable of not helping. Scary when you think about it. Anyway, I told him to say HI to Dawn for me. He said he would. And that he would see me in about a month. He also suggested that I give the 'Harry Potter' books a try. I hope they're better that the Charles Dickens junk I've been slogging through. You could edit 80 out of these books and not miss a darn thing. The more I read, the more it seems that if a book is clearly written and has an interesting plot, critics hate it. Nothing makes sense on this plane, even literature.
Oct 16
Faith's birthday is coming up and I want to do something for her. I asked Buffy and she gave me a few ideas, I also got a couple from the guys in the band; except from Whistler; the guy can only talk in riddles and its really annoying. I finally settled on a couple of things. When Buffy went into town, I bought a couple of things and got my hair cut. It looks better shorter. Anyway I hope Faith likes her surprises.
Oct 18
I gave her a present at breakfast like everyone else. I got her a pair of earrings that were skull and crossbones; I thought they looked like her. She seemed embarrassed by the attention. After my morning run, I went and prepared for her afternoon surprise. When
Faith walked in for band practice; my hair had been waved, I was wearing bright red lipstick, black eyeliner, leather pants and an old 'Rolling Stones' shirt. Faith was speechless. Buffy took one look at the pair of us and doubled over laughing. Faith just had this huge smile on her face. Buffy calmed down for a moment and told Faith that Faith had corrupted humans and demons and now she was corrupting angels. Faith just turned to her and said hey, the kid has taste B. Practice was a ball, all of the guys were calling me 'mini-me'. I didn't understand the reference, but everyone kept laughing. After diner and my chess game with Riley I went to Faith's room. She said come in when I knocked, her face lit up when she saw me. She jokingly asked me if I wanted some more fashion tips. I said no and got a bit serious. She noticed and asked me what was up. I said I had a favor to ask. She just raised her eyebrows and said nothing. I said that I didn't have anything like a family, that what I could remember of my original family wasn't good. I then looked her in the eye and asked if she would be my sister. That really seemed to rock her. Her eyes got wide, but she only asked me if I was sure. I said I realized it would be a pain for her, dragging me around, but that I could think of no one I would rather have as family. She looked away, and thought a bit, then she just nodded. She was still looking away, but I hugged her anyway and thanked her. She straightened a bit and held me, I could feel her shaking a bit, and I believe that she was crying. I found myself doing the same. I have friends, now I have family.
Oct 20
Riley has been extra broody lately. He's been helping teach the girls strategy, but other than that and our chess game, I don't see him around much. I asked Buffy, but she could not tell me what he's up to most of the time. I'm afraid that he's feeling kind of useless. I think I need to take a day and see what he does. I saw my first movie today. It was about these toys that were alive. Some of the girls thought it was boring, but I was enchanted.
Oct 22
I asked Riley what kind of movies he liked during our evening chess game. He looked thoughtful for a moment, and said that he liked silly comedies, like the 'Three Stooges'. I have never heard of them, but I'm interested in trying. I tried to draw him out a bit more, but he became lost in thought. I wonder if he was thinking about watching movies with his wife. It is difficult to talk to him because I don't know the relationship that they had. Was it love or something short of that. Maybe he feels guilty for not missing her more; or maybe he misses her so much that he can't properly function. I wish feelings were like math, one answer, cut and dried.
Oct 25
I'm still trying to figure out Riley. I asked him about the past, with him and Buffy and Faith. He actually talked for a while. The things he said about Faith surprised me, but I tried to keep a poker face (another Faith expression). After he was done, I thanked him for being so open. He seemed happy, like it was stuff that he had wanted to tell for a while and finally had the chance. Later, I asked Faith about the whole episode. She was very open both about what had happened and about how she regretted it. I pointed out that she couldn't have been that bad if she had tried to save those people in the church. She tried to pass it off as just slayer instincts, but I wasn't buying. I asked her about her favorite movies and she said she liked an actor named Jackie Chan, who made movies about fighting. I told her that that sounded like her. She laughed.
Oct 28
I had my first kiss with a guy. A few of us had gone into town and went to the movies. It was something romantic and funny. Anyway after the movie we went to a club. I was just dancing with the group, when suddenly there was a guy there next to me. It was weird, I looked at him and my belly got all fluttery, like whether or not he liked me was important. He and I started dancing together. A slow song came on and we were in each others arms. His face was really close to mine so I just kissed him. He seemed surprised that I had kissed him and not the other way around. He kissed back, and I realized why everyone makes such a big deal out of it. It was way different then kissing the girl back in the dorm. So the music is playing and we are just kissing on the dance floor and I start to feel flushed. We go to sit down and start chatting, when I realize that this guy is an idiot. He couldn't find east with a sunrise and a compass. It kind of hurt, really reacting to him and then feeling let down because I had been attracted to a 'dipwad'. Fortunately I saw Buffy at another table and I explained that I needed to go talk to her. He seemed disappointed but said it was OK. I told Buffy about it and she chuckled and told me that I had just discovered the difference between love and lust. I thought about that, I had had lusty thoughts, but I could never be in love with a guy like that. Ah well, at least he was a good kisser.
Oct 31
Halloween. This is such a cool holiday. We decided to have a big party at the academy. We were told to dress up, so I dressed as Faith again. Most of the girls hadn't seen my Faith get-up and thought it was cool. Buffy and Faith got made up as vampires which I thought was neat. Even Riley showed up, dressed as a medieval count, he looked very handsome. The nearby town had been invited and quite a few people showed up. We had hidden the weapons so everyone thought it was just an exclusive girls school. The guys in the band even made an appearance, folks who didn't know then thought they just had great costumes. I was keeping an eye on Riley. I saw him dance a bit with various trainees, and even once with Buffy, but suddenly I realized that he had slipped out. I extended my senses and realized where he was. I decided to talk to him about it in a couple of days. Meanwhile, the party was fun. I managed to kiss another guy, Faith joked that I was turning into a tramp. I laughed and punched her in the arm, surprisingly this just made her laugh harder. It was a fun night.
Nov 1
I talked to Ian again. I told him about Riley at the party. He asked me what I thought. I said he was feeling guilty because he didn't miss his wife as much as he thought he should. Ian said that was most likely the case. He asked what I was going to do about it. I said that I didn't know. He told me to go with my instincts; then broke the connection. I was hoping for more help. During our chess game, I asked Riley if he wanted to see a movie tomorrow. I could tell that he wanted to say no, but he said yes. Hopefully, I can use it to get him to open up.
Nov 3
We saw a movie called 'Pleasantville' yesterday. I didn't understand all of it (I lack some of the cultural references), but I did like it. I saw it as a metaphor for striving to become complete, not just one dimensional. I asked Riley what he thought. He said that to him the message was that change is inevitable, and you can't change back. I agreed, and pointed out that change in one, ripples out and effects all. He was pretty quiet after that. I hope he will open up a bit more. I want to help, but he isn't making it easy.
Nov 6
I've been sparring against the trainees, Buffy or Riley up to now. Today I sparred against Faith. I was sooooo nervous. I did my best to remain calm, but she could tell I was uneasy. Her speed was incredible, as was her strength. I tried to remember what Buffy had taught me, but I was so intimidated that I could remember nothing. I was ashamed of my performance. Faith told me not to worry, I'd do better tomorrow. Buffy agreed with her. Surprisingly she told me that I had all the physical skills, I now only needed to become used to them. I guess that means that I spar against Faith everyday from now on. I've got to remember to go to the bathroom before the next session.
Nov 8
Riley is becoming more withdrawn. He never shows much emotion any more. Any time he comes close, he just runs away. I don't know what is up with him anymore. Maybe Ian would have some ideas. I've been sparring against Faith. Since the first time, I've done much better. I haven't scored a hit on her yet, but I can hold her off for at least twenty minutes. She says that I should be concentrating on defense anyway. After our sparring session, Faith and I just lazed around in her room, listening to music and talking. It was fun just hanging out and doing nothing. I asked Faith about her time in prison. She told me a bit and then said something cool; she pointed at her head and said that the true prison was there. It took a second but I got what she said. Anyway I'm glad she got out of both of them.
Nov 10
I have an idea about Riley. We were having our nightly chess game in his room when Faith popped in with a question for me. Riley went berserk. He started yelling at Faith to get the #$ out of his room; and never set foot in there again. Faith didn't say anything, she just nodded and left (I was astounded at her control). It was the first bit of passion that I had seen out of him. I also realized that Faith could look a lot like Sam with just some slight changes in her make-up and hair style. I was thinking that she would get Riley to finally express himself, to excise whatever was eating at him. Anyway Ian should be back soon. I want to wait until he is here to try my idea.
Nov 11
Ian and Dawn are gonna be back tomorrow. I can hardly wait. I was so stoked that I suggested I spar against both Buffy and Faith. I could not believe how fast I was moving, the sword was acting like an extension of me. It felt great. I could not believe that I was never hit and I managed to score a hit on Buffy. We stopped and Faith just gave me a huge hug, then she twitted Buffy on being hit when she hadn't. Buffy just said it was me playing favorites. Anyway, they both said I was ready to return to my calling, and not just because of the fighting, because I was helping all of the trainees. I just wish I had been able to help Riley, but I know that I can't really help someone if they don't want it. I hope I sleep tonight.