Ok, Lauren's chapter. FOREWARNING!!!! This chapter was made for the goddess of dateless girls and hot guys herself, so it's a bit-shall we say- raunchy? You have been warned. Some things to know
1) Amazons- race of female warriors. They used men for slaves and breeding
2) Gorgons- 3 sisters who were so ugly that they turned men to stone. Medusa, the mortal one, was killed by Perseus
3) Vesuvius- a huge volcano that erupted, burying Pompeii in ash, and Herculaneum in lava
That's it- enjoy!
It was currently 4:00 am, and Lauren was being visited by 26 demons, 2 really hot guys ( one named Orlando Bloom), and a plaid chameleon named Joseph. Unfortunately Joseph was really hungry, so he decided to make a meal of the demons and Mr. Bloom. This left Lauren alone with her main man Ares. Just as she was leaning in for an all out make-out session... a splash of really cold water brought her shivering back to reality. Well, as close to reality as possible when one was on a caffeine high.
"Holy Friggen Aye!" the blonde goddess yelled. She whirled around to face her attacker, but instead became entangled in her pale blue satin sheet and fell out of bed. By the time she pulled herself away from the invading blanket, the perpetrator was already down the hall and out of sight. Lauren let out an annoyed sigh, then yawned. As the caffeine effects finally started to ebb away, she switched her clothes and snuggled back under the covers, dreaming of that special someone...
Seven hours later, a rather groggy Lauren came trudging down the stairs, looking far from ready to tackle the day. She squinted suspiciously at her fellow goddesses as they lined up for breakfast, hoping to catch the guilty one's eye. No one noticed her glare or fell to their knees, confessing, but that didn't stop her. Finally the blonde realized that there was someone missing. That someone must be the culprit of her drenched experience. She was probably hiding under her bed that very moment, hoping to avoid justice. Lauren would not let that happen.
"IT WAS LINDSAY!" she yelled accusingly. Her outburst caused Nicole and Katie to drop their plates, Megan and Colleen to let out vocal bursts of surprise, and Liz and Aubrey to jump. Sonomi kept going along the buffet table, collecting her breakfast. "What was Lindsay?" Nicole ventured cautiously. Lauren gave a triumphant smirk.
"She drenched me with water last night. Since she's not here, she MUST be the culprit! It's all very logical!"
Megan, Liz and Nicole exchanged sad glances. "Lindsay's still on her hermit island." Megan pointed out. "That's why she's not here." Lauren contemplated this with a pained expression on her face. "Oh. Nevermind." She said. "But SOMEONE drenched me with water last night."
"Not someone, me." said Liz proudly. "After all I AM the goddess of pranks."
Lauren let out an angry gasp. "On mortals, not on fellow goddesses!" she screamed as she tried to pounce on the prankster goddess. Liz coolly stepped out of the blonde's goddess's wrath, and before long the fight was over, with Lauren sprawled out on the floor, laughing hysterically in disbelief. Liz gave a satisfied nod. "I'm off." She said. "Hermes'll be pleased by this." Lauren watched the brunette flounce off through slitted eyes. She began concentrating.
"5...4...3...2...1"
Suddenly an ear piercing scream resounded from outside. All of the goddesses rushed to the windows, just in time to see a terrified Liz rush past, closely followed by a herd of drooling men. Lauren let out an evil cackle as the entourage rounded the corner. "I now have power over you all!" she squealed with delight. The rest of the goddesses gave her looks of terror, except Colleen, who smirked. Not me she commented. The rest of the goddesses turned a surprised gaze her way. "What do you mean not you?" Lauren gasped.
Colleen looked around frantically for a means of escape. "Uhhh... oh nothing. Gotta go. Bye!" she sputtered. Then she took a flying leap and jumped out the nearest window, sprinting off to Ares' castle.
Lauren blinked in amazement and yawned. "Ugh. I'm going to lessons. Bye." She said finally. With that she proceeded to the door, and walked into the door jam. She somehow managed to get the door open and stumble outside. Squinting in the bright sunlight, she began making her way to training session.
Aphrodite's palace was made of coral and sea glass, decorated with pale blue scallop shells and was located right next to a peaceful bay where dolphins played and mermaids rose to sing and sunbathe. There was a small dock with two small boats situated by it, and a marble stable which housed the love goddess's milky white mares and pink quartz chariot. Once Lauren caught sight of the pale orange cupola atop it, she headed straight to the stable. She was greeted by soft nickering as she went to see her treasure; the black mare named Lightning Rod that she had gotten yesterday. The blond goddess stroke Lightning Rod's white diamond on her forehead, and gave her a soft kiss on the nose. The horse whinnied softly and pawed the ground slightly with her white ringed feet, impatient to be off for a morning ride. "Not yet girl," Lauren whispered to the anxious mare. Then the blonde goddess left the stable and proceeded to meet with her tutor; Aphrodite.
The love goddess was already awake and dressed, enjoying a light breakfast of sugared apples when Lauren walked in through the door "Hi Lauren how are you I'm fine but I feel a little unsettled about Zeus' new illegitimate child I really think he should cool down and this is coming from the goddess of sex herself but I'm rambling aren't I what do you want to do today?"
Lauren smiled. "Nice to see you too Aphrodite." she said. She was used to the beauty goddess's morning sugar highs now. "I think we should work on hot guys again today" said Lauren hopefully.
Aphrodite rolled her eyes "You've already aced that lesson and the only reason you want to do that is so you can feast your eyes."
"So?" Lauren pouted. "I like eye candy" Aphrodite grinned.
"I think we should work on something a bit more challenging today like hooking up the dateless girls and hot guys."
Lauren sighed "Fine." She consented "But I should be allowed to steal a kiss or two." Aphrodite shrugged.
"You always were." She replied.
Lauren groaned inwardly and urged Lightning Rod into a gallop once more. Perhaps this time Aphrodite would take the hint and stay back there! The blond goddess had been talking non-stop for the last ten minutes, and even Lauren, who was usually the hyper one, couldn't take it. Still it looked as if the effects of sugar had worn of the love goddess, and by the time she caught up to Lauren, she was her regular old self again. "Where would you like to play matchmaker first?" the now sane goddess asked her fellow blondie. Lauren furrowed her brow in thought, gazing at the glassy glue sea that was to the left of them in the distance. Suddenly she remembered a group of girls that she hadn't thought of before. Surely they'd enjoy her talents.
"I say we go help out the Amazons."
Aphrodite gave a surprised squeak and turned towards Lauren with a wide-eyed expression. Then she started cracking up. "What?!" shouted Lauren, who didn't think there was anything wrong with her request.
"You can't be serious." Said Aphrodite, wiping a tear from her eye. "Those un- feminine girls will skin you alive. They don't like men, and never will. Butch lesbians if you ask me."
Lauren lifted her nose arrogantly into the air. "Well, I want to try anyway. Perhaps they're just lonely." Aphrodite shook her head.
"Fine. Let's go."
Lauren let out a delighted war whoop and spurred her horse into a gallop, heading for the sea. The salty air whipped her face and tossed her hair wildly. She laughed happily as the shore line came closer and closer. All of a sudden something came to her mind. She dug her heels into the side of Lightning Rod, coming to a screeching halt right at the edge of the shore. With the small waves lapping at he horse's feet, she turned to Aphrodite, who had just managed to catch up.
"Umm... so where exactly ARE the Amazons?"
Five minutes later, Lauren and her mentor were standing at the edge of the Amazon kingdom. Rows and rows of marble and stone huts were bordered by gardens and the dense jungle. There were huge racks lining the streets with various weapons, ranging from bows and arrows to short swords to axes. Huge lions, leopards and hyenas snoozed, chained to doorways and fences. There were signs of life everywhere, except there were no Amazons. "Where is everybody?" Lauren whispered. Suddenly, as if in response, they heard a faint shouting far off.
The blond duo rode on cautiously to the sound of the shouts. Soon they could hear the sound of an excited, anxious crowd roaring it's approval. The shouts came from a large outdoor amphitheater made of wood, and embedded with various gems. On the gold fence around it perched the heads of various men, all of whom obviously offended and ticked off the female warriors.
I think I'm gonna be sick. Thought Lauren.
"Right behind you." answered Aphrodite.
As they entered the arena, the goddesses saw a throng of Amazons all gathered around a person standing on a podium. Lauren squinted and gasped.
It was Megan.
"And so, we need to fight together to rid the world of this disgrace and live in peace like all chicks should!" she screamed, and was met with applause by many.
"Megan!" Lauren called. "What are you doing here?!" The brunette turned, surprised to see her fellow goddess here, but not shocked.
"Just giving these gals support. What are YOU doing?"
Lauren cleared her throat and addressed the throng of Amazons before her. "I am Lauren, goddess of dateless girls and hot guys. I am here to save you all from the clutches of singleness and get you dates!" The entire amphitheater was silent, save for the soft thudding of Aphrodite hitting her head against the wall in despair. The Amazons just stared at Lauren. Then they started cracking up.
Ugh! thought Lauren, as a few members fell to the floor, powerless to stop their laughter. Megan turned to the annoyed blonde, a smirk on her face. "I win." She said simply. Lauren watched, shocked and helpless as the Amazons went back to listening to Megan. The blonde's mind raced. How could she convince them? Just as Aphrodite came over to take her away, she got an idea. "HEY!" Lauren screamed. "You all can be pimpettes!"
The idea was once again met with silence, but no one started to laugh.
"Hmm... pimpettes." Started one.
"Using guys" mused another.
Soon the whole tribe was getting a bit excited about this idea. Megan was not. "What is wrong with you?! I thought you were the warrior gals! You kill guys!"
"Well we do." One pointed out. "But can't we pretend that we like them, and THEN kill them? We can get stuff out of that deal!" Everyone agreed. Megan let out a huge sigh. "Fine. What ever." And so it was decreed that the Amazon warriors were fearsome pimpettes too.
7777777
"Well that went well." Lauren commented to her teacher as they left. Aphrodite responded by trying to strangle herself with her scarf.
"They're off buying top hat and canes!" she choked out. "Not to mention huge tacky gold medallions!"
Lauren shrugged. "So?" she said. Then another idea lit in her eyes. "I know!" she exclaimed. "Let's help the GORGONS next!" Aphrodite gave a small banshee cry, a dying wail, and fell off her horse. Lauren rolled her eyes and walked her horse over to the love goddess, who was busy rolling around on the ground, moaning and crying. "Fine." Lauren said softly, "I'll just send some hot guys to them as a sympathy gift for losing Medusa."
Before Aphrodite could stop her, she began to concentrate far off to the distance. As storm clouds rolled in, a small storm of guys came running to her out of oblivion. They stopped right in front of her, on their knees, pathetic puppy expressions painted on their faces.
"What do you want us to do oh babe?" they all whispered. Lauren smiled and gave them each a pat on the head.
"Go flirt with the Gorgon sisters. They're lonely."
"Yes ma'am." They responded in unison. With that, the small heard of generic hot guys sped off. Lauren watched them to, satisfied. Then she turned to her grim and pale teacher. "All right, what's next?"
Up until lunch, Lauren practiced hooking up those within her power. She and Aphrodite rode all across Greece, through cities and towns, along seashore and through hills. They had just stopped in the little town of Herculaneum when there was a soft rumbling from the massive volcano, Vesuvius, nearby. As citizens ran in fear, Lauren and Aphrodite spurred their horses to Mount Olympus. They had just reached the celestial doorway (a.k.a. the entrance to the hall of the gods), when lava came spewing and bubbling out of Vesuvius. The goddesses watched in horror as the entire town was engulfed in molten red rock. Oops came a small voice in their heads It's lunch time.
The first thing Lauren did when she got inside was find Jason. She had him backed up against the wall, cowering beneath her wrath. "I didn't mean to do it." the fire god sputtered. "I just wasn't paying attention to the pot I was boiling."
"What WERE you paying attention to then?!" Lauren demanded. Jason gave a sly little smile.
"For one thing, your tutor."
Lauren let out a howl of rage and proceeded to beat Jason over the head with her shoe. Fortunately for Jason, she wasn't hitting very hard, and at that moment, Katie and Liz walked into the room. They both grabbed the rampaging blonde's arms and pulled her off of a bruised Jason. Lauren gave a small growl and glared at the Filipino boy. Then she flounced off to lunch, leaving her saviors very confused.
Lunch was pleasantly uneventful, save for the egg that Megan "left" on Colleen's seat. It was pretty funny to see the two running around the table, but after a while, Lauren decided to go outside and get some fresh air. All of Megan's involuntary eeping was giving her a headache. She smiled to herself as a gentle breeze caressed her cheek, pulling gently at her blue gown. Soon a rather tired Megan came outside, and sat next to her on the stone bench. They just sat, enjoying the silence. Then Lauren saw it.
"Look! Random fluff!" Lauren exclaimed, not realized the foreshadowing of that statement (insert dramatic chord for the author is using symbolism!) Before Megan could pull her back to sanity, the blonde was off, prancing across the clouds, trying to catch the fuzziness. The clouds beneath her changed from angelic white to a foreboding black very suddenly and quickly. Lauren didn't notice this, but she was aware of the random thunderbolts that shocked her feet. "Ow! Must get fluff." She said, silently vowing that nothing would get in her way. Presently, something did get in her way, and Lauren ran smack-dab into a well-toned stomach of iron steel.
As Lauren started to fall backwards, she was caught by two strong arms. Looking up, she was shocked to come face-to-face with, you guessed it, her secret hunk Ares. The war god gave a cool smile while setting the now bright red and stammering goddess back on her feet. "My pleasure." He said sexily, flexing his biceps leisurely. He wore a pure black toga today, complete with a diamond stud earring. Sunglasses perched on his head, the perfect accessory for such a hot guy. Well of course he knew this, but Lauren didn't care. "Well, I should get going." She stammered. But before she could go anywhere, the god caught her arm.
"Not so fast." He said impishly. "I expect a reward." Lauren turned to him, about to say "Like what?" Then she saw him leaning in.
Oh. OH! she thought.
Suddenly something inside her warned her that this spit exchange wasn't such a good idea. "Uh oh, uh oh." She wailed softly, flailing her hands. Ares didn't seem to notice thought. Just as his lips were about to meet hers...
She burped.
Right in his face.
Ares reeled backwards and fell to the ground on a stupor, his tan face now a sickly green. Lauren just stood there, blinking. Then what just happened hit her. Damn it! she thought. Sooo close! Sighing, she turned to leave, but something caught the hem of her skirt. It was Ares struggling to get up. "You don't expect to get away with out at least an APOLOGY kiss now do you?" he teased weakly.
"But...but I have to get to class." Lauren stammered. Ares wrapped his arms around her and drew her in close.
"I don't think the love goddess will mind if you're a few minutes late."
Fill in the blank peoples
Lauren crept in cautiously, careful not to make any noise. Aphrodite was sitting on her couch, reading. Lauren tiptoed quietly past her, making for the wash basin. "You're ten minutes late." Aphrodite said, not looking up from her book. "And your lipstick is smeared all over your face." Lauren blushed and hurried to pump water to clean off. "Sorry about that." she apologized. Aphrodite shrugged, her eyes still on her book. "As long as it was a good spit swapping session than it's ok."
Oh it was thought Lauren, giddy all over again. Once her face was clean, she walked back over to the sitting area, and plopped down on a silk chair next to her mentor with a sigh.
Aphrodite read a few more pages, then closed her book with a snap. "Well" she said, stretching, "I think we should do something a little more relaxing than our task this morning." Lauren looked confused. "I mean not something as hectic for ME anyway." Aphrodite explained.
"Oooooohhh. Gotcha." Lauren said, thumbs up.
"Anyway," the sex goddess continued. "I think that since it is our job to make women presentable to men, then we should look our tip-top best as well." Lauren jumped up with a squeal.
"Are we getting liposuction?!" she gasped.
Aphrodite gave her a very odd look. "No." she said slowly. "I don't know what that is."
Duh sighed Lauren, smacking her head.
Aphrodite leaned in close, as if to tell her student a big secret. "How about we spend the afternoon at a spa." She whispered. Lauren let out a war whoop that would have broke Aphrodite's eardrums had she been mortal. "BETTER THAN LIPOSUCTION!" she yelled. "LET"S GO!"
Ten minutes later, Lauren was nearly asleep as a nymph massaged her back with warm almond oil. Aphrodite had gone off to get her nails done first; it was tradition for her, she said. Lauren let out a yawn and lazily brought a grape to her mouth. All around her were gold and silver fish, who created little specks of jewels as they swam around. Lauren dipped her fingers down to stroke one gently. The massaging on her back stopped abruptly, and the blonde goddess looked up to see what was going on. Just in time, she remembered that she wasn't wearing any top. The nymph came back into the room, giggling slightly at Lauren's embarrassment. "Here," she said, handing the goddess a small package. "It's for you."
Lauren slowly unwrapped it as the nymph began her massage again. Inside was a thin, gauzy red scarf. (anyone remember from Colleen's chapter?) She didn't know who sent it, but she guessed that it was Ares. Why he would send a scarf, she had no idea. "Hmmm... OW!" Lauren shrieked. "You little spazzass!" she yelled at the nymph, who had to decided to take it upon herself to wax Lauren's back. Snapping her fingers and changing into her clothes, she flounced out to see what other luxuries this place provided.
Lauren had gotten her hair trimmed and shampooed, her nails done, and a pedicure. Now she was off to go get another massage (those things were addicting.) . Perhaps the nymph would forgive the goddess if she gave her any hot guy she wanted. With the exception of Ares of course. She had just rounded the bend, when a burly arm- not to mention well tanned and muscular- grabbed her by the shoulder and hauled her into a near-by closet. She wasn't too afraid, considering she knew it was Ares by the mental connection. But suddenly she felt something moist touch her lips. THAT HAD BETTER BE YOUR MOUTH she thought angrily. Then she felt his tongue, sliding through parted lips to meet hers. Ok, that's better. she said, relieved.
Happy Lauren?! Geesh the things I do for you people!
It was currently ten minutes after meditation had started, and Lauren still hadn't showed up. Katie was watching from the window while Liz played the organ and everyone else danced. Of course, Liz couldn't really play the organ, and there really wasn't any organ in Hestia's villa, but they could pretend. Besides, they were goddesses, and what immortals says goes. Liz had just finished a lively rendition of "Turkey in the Straw" (Sonomi was the turkey and everyone chased after her) when Katie's voice broke through the music, loud and menacing.
"UH OH, LOOKS LIKE LAUREN GOT SOME!" she screamed. Everyone came running to the window. There came Lauren up the walked, a huge goofy grin on her face. Her lipstick was once again smeared across her face, and there were smudgy fingerprints on her neck and shoulders. She walked as if in a daze, stopping only to trip and laugh hysterically.
Oh my god. Nicole said
I hear ya. came a shocked Megan.
I wonder if she's still a virgin. Lindsay thought.
Everyone turned to give her disgusted looks "What?" the red-head said innocently.
Lauren came bursting in through the door like a ray of sunshine. Well actually she sort of melted through the door, the grin still plastered onto her face. No one would go near her. Finally, Liz and Sonomi went over to help her up. "So..." Megan said, hands on hips.
"So what?" Lauren asked, trying to wipe off some of the evidence.
"Are you still pure?" Katie and Lindsay said at the same time. Lauren looked confused so Nicole translated for her.
"Oh. OH! Ew." Was her response. "No I wouldn't do that! I'd just make-out with him in dark closets."
Lucky bitch came Aubrey's response. Before anymore questions could be asked, Hestia came into the room and order was restored.
"Now today I want you all to do something that you may find dangerous and painful. But I feel that it is important that you realize you all have weaknesses and you must overcome them." With that she passed out little dolls to each girl. Lauren looked at hers and did a double take. It looked like Katie. Sure it wasn't perfect, but there were her glasses and blonde hair. Soon everyone had a doll. Megan had Colleen's doll, Aubrey had Liz's, Sonomi had Lindsay's, Katie had Nicole's, Colleen had Sonomi's, Liz had Lauren's, and Lindsay had Aubrey's. Nicole started cracking up at this little doll exchange. "What's so funny?" Megan asked.
Nicole held up a miniature Megan. The boy torturer paled.
"No" she whispered.
"Yes." Nicole hissed evilly.
"All right, the rules are try and hurt your doll in anyway. The person who is represented by this doll must overcome the pain and torture of this. Begin." With that Nicole took the Megan doll and twisted it's ear as hard as she could. "OWWWWWWW!!!!!" Megan screamed. Nicole laughed, giddy. Sonomi, caught up in all the excitement, bit Lindsay's leg. "SONOMI YOU LITTLE&$$#" yelled Lindsay. Soon they were all getting in the spirit of things and attacking each other through their dolls. Liz had a black eye, Aubrey had a few missing teeth, (don't worry, their immortals- they grow back) and many others had countless numbers of injuries. After being poked in the head with a pin, Katie soon found the ultimate punishment. Snapping her fingers, she produced a small little vial, which she unscrewed. She then placed a few drops of the liquid within onto her little Nicole voodoo head. Everyone gasped and stopped fighting immediately, except Sonomi, who was ripping Lindsay's head apart like a dog.
"What is it?" Nicole asked, finding everyone staring at her. Katie started cracking up while Liz leaned in close.
"Nicole, your hair is green. Sludge green."
Sure enough, a look in the mirror revealed that Nicole's hair was no longer brown. "KATIE!!!!" the former brunette screamed. She whirled around and grabbed the Katie doll out of Lauren's hands and promptly ripped her entire scalp off. As Katie's screams resonated through the villa, everyone decided that they should do that. Soon there was a massive voodoo doll war, with everyone grabbing everyone's doll. Lindsay had ended up finding hers and was currently in the corner, petting it and trying to shove food down it's stuffed mouth.
Suddenly there was a clap of thunder. Everyone stopped grabbing, relieved to feel all their pains go away. "That's enough for today." Hestia said, trying to suppress a giggle. "I suggest you all go home to sleep." As they all trudged wearily outside, Megan called out. "Hey Lauren, we never found out who you got laid by." Lauren cackled.
"It was Ares." She said simply.
"WHAT?!" screamed Colleen. Lauren shrugged.
"He's HOT." Was her only answer.
Later that night, with a fresh breeze coming through her window, and the stars twinkling merrily, Lauren thought about her excursions today. Has she been wrong? Was she being dishonorable? Was she really just a slut? And was that REALLY Ares' mouth?
"Oh shut up." Lauren moaned groggily to the little fairy sitting on her window. The pixie gave a small huff and flew off, not bothering her with anymore questions. Lauren fell asleep with a blissful, caffeine-free smile on her face.
The end. HAPPY LAUREN?! I swear this chapter was cursed. It was so hard to write. And it's not very good. Next I believe is Sonomi, to add some innocence. Well, she's not really that innocent, though she pretends to be. Unless Aubrey skewers me alive, then it's Aubrey's chapter next.