X-men: Evolution: "The Mightiest assemble!" An original fan fiction based on the Misfits Universe (Thanks for Red Witch for letting me use her universe, if you haven't checked her stuff…well, you wouldn't be reading this if you hadn't already!)
Legal Notice: I don't own X-men Evolution (if I did, it would be on the air right now), or GI-Joe, or "Avengers", and I don't own the Misfit's Universe series of fan fiction work either. Once again, thanks to Red Witch for allowing me to use her wonderful universe…this time to pay tribute to earth's (and comic's)mightiest heroes.
Chapter Two: "Avengers ASS-emble…!"
S.H.I.E.L.D´s Ultima base…sometime around 11 AM
Steve Rogers couldn't remember the last time he actually cried, or even was on the verge of tears, since witnessing both war and the horrors of mankind's greed and hate did that to men like him.
However, the part of him that was a soldier felt like it was about to burst in tears, since he now had officially been sat all alone in the private dining hall of the base which was reserved to everyone in the "Avengers" project, all by himself…and for almost three whole hours.
"I sent them a Memo, an email, and I even announced it on the PA system... "First Avengers assembly during breakfast at 8:00"…then why I am all alone here?"-The man who was Captain America wondered aloud.
"Well, I do believe Master Stark and his…colleagues, like most young people these days, have this despicable habit of promptly and effectively disobey anything that seems like an order, my dear Captain."-A quite bald man dressed in a butler's traditional clothing replied, as he filled Captain America's cup of coffee for the tenth time. He spoke with a dry and slightly acidic British tone of voice.
"Well, Jarvis, I expected something like this from most of them but Tony Stark…his file says he's been in the top five private British schools!"-Captain America replied, as he looked at the portable screen in his hand, where he had upload all the data and personal records regarding each of the members of the Avengers project.
"My dear Captain, while my role as Master's Stark's right hand man and first confident urges me not to point my humble personal views on the matter we are discussing, I believe the actual reason for him being in each of those five top notch schools is that he was subsequently expelled from each one, until no respectable school would take him, no matter his status, either financial or social. Especially after that rather nasty incident over that pop singing tart with one of the heirs to the throne…The press did have a jolly good time with that one; I mean it was a fistfight that evolved into a knicker pulling contest…right in front of most noblemen and VIP's...it was graduation, after all…although if you ask me, several people seemed to overly enjoy it"-Jarvis replied, with a smirking look.
"Yeah, yeah, why don't you tell him when I nearly blew half of MIT's research wing, you British creep? Why do I have a butler for, anyway?"-Anthony "Tony" Stark asked as he walked (actually, he was performing the hangover equivalent of walking, which is walking too, only more painful and distasteful to look at and experience firsthand).
"Well, something has to clean the messes you tend to make, young Master…either on society OR topography"-Jarvis replied, as he helped Tony to a chair, and served him what seemed to be his personal mug for coffee (Which was unlike anyone else's, as it seemed to be custom made…with maximum holding capacity as the main required feature).
"No one was using that hill anyway, you Monty Python reject!"-Tony snapped back as he jumped up, only to be placed back on his chair by Jarvis with a single finger.
Captain America stared at the bizarre word exchange, which seemed like the perfect metaphor for explaining the relationship between Tony and Jarvis…a classic "orphaned youth/parental figure" type of relationship, but with the open trust (meaning, foul language) and respect (meaning, "a love/hate relationship") any therapist or sociologist would have a field trip with.
Choosing to ignore them, he checked his portable screen for all available information on Tony, as his plan was to check the files on each of the kids at the same time he meet and got to know them better.
A complete orphan at an early age, Tony Stark was easily one of the smartest human beings in history…his scientific and financial knowledge allowed him to expand his family's business into the biggest mega-corporation in the world…and he was fifteen by the time.
However, Tony suffered from a weak heart condition, which medical doctors had established would probably kill him before he turned thirty…but this only encouraged Tony, as he built the "Iron-Man" suit to empower his weak heart with the strength nature had denied him.
That was just the important stuff, Tony had been the first teen to reach the top of Mt Everest, and he pretty much was the sole contractor of the US military…and the main contractor with several other countries, as his technology had pretty much stopped interest in atomic and hydrogen weapons…Tony had actually stopped most wars from happening by manipulating each country's access to weaponry, tricking countries into an armament race, where he was the only winner.
He also was the world's most eligible bachelor, the world's biggest philanthropist, and any other "world's biggest whatever" you could think off. However, the lack of real parent figures, a live fast and die young attitude towards life and an excelling genius made him something of an egomaniac, but in a good way. That is, he only competed with himself in seeing "who's better?"
In few words, if James Dean, Bill Gates and Donald Trump had a child (Authors Note: I'm deeply sorry for any mental images readers may get from that phrase) Tony would be more dashing, smarter and richer than him by a longshot.
"Well, Tony, I'm quite please to have someone like you on the "Avengers" project…but I believe you weren't recruited by S.H.I.E.LD, but you actually volunteered…why?"-Captain American asked, looking at the hangover teen.
"Well, frankly, I got bored with corporate and scientific stuff…not completely, just, not enough interest in my part to make them a full time priority…and looking at the stuff going on with the mutant conflict, The X-men, Cobra and GI-Joe…well, I liked the idea to play hero and do something good for mankind, you know?. Plus, being a superhero would pretty much raise my scoring potential to infinity"-Tony smirked.
"I agree with the young Master, although I have a different view on this whole thing…is rather some kind of Community Service the young master was entitled to do, in a karmic sense of things"-Jarvis added, as he served Tony breakfast.
"Why did my father kept you around for, Jarvis? I mean, besides tormenting me with stale sarcastic witticisms"-Tony moaned.
"Well, someone has to clean the messes you make, "Iron-Jerk""-Clint Barton said as he sat on the other side of the table…which was a rather good thing, as he was only wearing boxers. He had several piercings on his ears, and his hair was rather spiky.
"I'm not going to lower to your level and play these insult games you use as a replacement for actual social interaction…"Hawk-ass"-Tony replied.
"Very funny, rich boy…shouldn't you be doing corporate scams or something like that?"-Clint replied as he took out a can of nutrient drink and sipped on it.
"Clint, may I remind you that the first objective of having breakfast as a team, or what has gathered so far of it, it's to get to know each other better?"-Captain America said.
"Oh, shut up, Soldier Boy! Who made you the boss of me anyway…oh yeah, "The Man", well, the man can kiss my…"-Clint started to rave on, whit several explicit words and rather controversial opinions…he seemed completely unaware to the fact that no one was listening to him.
"I think it's a good time to check Hawkeye's file…"-Captain America though, as he looked at his portable screen.
An orphan, although during his early teens, Clint Barton was born and raised in the odd world of traveling carnivals, and immediately found he had a gifted and unparalleled aim, specially when it came to bows. However, his upbringing had made him an ambitious and selfish teenager, and soon abandoned the carnival scene in seek of a sense of adventure and thrill.
Which he found in high stakes thievery…in fact, Clint Barton had been on Interpol's wanted list for years, specially after the series of fine art robberies he performed across Europe, even though he always returned what he stole a few days later to the authorities…to many a curator relief.
In fact it had taken a joint operation between Interpol, S.H.I.E.L.D, the FBI and the C.I.A to actually capture him, as Clint tried to steal the Academy Award for best picture…during the actual ceremony, which, needless to say, was quite memorable, as few Hollywood stars would ever forget seeing a teen with a bow and arrows take down wave after wave of security agents.
Clint Barton was taken by S.H.I.E.L.D and relocated to the "Avengers" project as a chance to put his talents to something productive…unfortunately, his personal anarchic view on the world and his utter hate of authority figures made him a wildcard, even though he was the best field agent a man could use in a thick situation.
"Besides, everyone knows its corporations who elect the president, not the people! Its conspiracies, everywhere around us! Always messing with the little guy"-Clint proceeded on his speech, still unaware of the fact that not a single person was listening to him.
"Clint, if you would please stay quiet for a second…"-Captain America moaned, rubbing his temples, as he felt a headache coming.
"No way am I going to shut up just because YOU said so! You may be the boss of this little government's puppet squad, but you aren't the boss of me! I'm a free man, I'm independent, I'm…"-Clint raved on.
"…about to have my face covered in cereal?"-Tony interrupted him.
"What?"-Clint managed to say, when something grabbed the back of his head and pushed it forward, right in his cereal bowl.
Captain America jolted up, getting a better look at Clint's aggressor. It was blonde girl dressed in clothing that seemed like military combat armor designed by a Goth fetishist. It seemed to glow with aggressiveness and fury, just like the girl herself.
"Err, Carol, I think Clint's drowning?"-Tony said. This caused the blonde girl to pull Clint's face from the bowl, and walked away like she hadn't done anything wrong.
"You psychotic skank! You nearly killed me!"-Clint screamed, just as he made a swift motion, pulling out a bow and arrow out of nowhere and shoot at Carol, who just about to sit down.
"Clint, that's an explosive arrow!"-Captain America yelled, but it was too late…
However, the arrow was grabbed in one blurring hand motion by Carol, who then crunched the arrow head in her fist…it exploded with a small sound a and a puff of smoke.
"You are getting better…a couple milliseconds and it would have actually hit me"-Carol said, as she threw the remains of the arrow over her shoulder, and served herself some fruit from a nearby plate.
As things strangely returned to normal, Captain America decided to check his personal screen again…
Carol Danvers…daughter to a high ranking army general, she had lived all her life in secret military bases across the country, making her a lonely and secluded teenager with rage and anger to spare.
This situation didn't improve when she was accidentally exposed to an experimental chemical compound her father's research team was working on…turning her into a living Weapon of Mass Destruction…not only did she had the ability to fly and move at high speeds, but she was inhumanly strong and endured most weapon fire with ease. She was able to lift a tank with one hand and tear it apart like paper. She also had enhanced reflexes, intellect and superb combat skills
Carol spent the last eight months of her life locked in a facility, forced to testing and experimented upon to discover how she had gained her abilities…with no positive results whatsoever. On the negative side, Carol had become a brooding, aggressive young woman whose loner tendencies and aggression probe behavior made her a perfect weapon and a perfect nightmare…hence the military had classified her as "Warbird".
Oddly enough, she was strictly vegan and loved animals, plants and small children….she pretty much hated everything else.
"Carol…is something wrong?"-Captain America asked.
"You asking me because you actually care, or to update my psychological records?"-Carol retorted, as she munched in a much un-lady like fashion on some celery.
"I do care, Carol…despite what SOME people think, I'm not just your field leader and figure in command, but also your guardian…"-Captain America replied, as he gave Clint a look.
"So…that makes you our dad/mom or something like that?"-Carol cynically replied.
"I suppose so…AGHHH!"-Captain America yelled as he was tackled by a dark orange blur…once he managed to get up, he found a girl covered in dark orange short fur, with reddish brown hair and glowing yellow eyes…but the cat like ears that popped from the top of her head and her twitching furry tail were the strangest thing about her. She was wearing boxer shorts and a sports top.
"Yay, Cap is our mommy/daddy now!"-the girl squealed in delight as she lifted Captain America as if he didn't weight at all, and gave him a crushing bear hug.
"Greer…can't breathe!"-Captain America barely managed to say, as he turned a shade of blue.
"Keep hugging him, if he turns red and white, he wont be needing an uniform anymore"-Carol said, munching on her food without any concern about the situation.
"Eek! Sorry Cap!"-Greer said as she released him from the bear hug, then jumped backwards making several spins in midair, finally landing perfectly on the seats next to Cap's, in front of which were several fishes laid on a plate.
"Air…good, harmless air….GACKTH"-Captain America was interrupted in the middle of speaking by what looked to be a breathing spam of some sort, which ended when he promptly grabbed a nearby trashcan and stuck his head inside it, several disgusting noises reverberating through the whole room.
"Hair...in windpipe…bad case of sore throat, need water!"-Captain America panted as he gulped down a big jug of water in one sitting.
"Sorry Cap, I forgot to tell I'm shedding today…"-The cat like girl sheepishly said, shuffling her feet around in embarrassment.
"Its okay, Greer, I'll just need to brush my teeth a few times…and drink a few shots of whiskey"-Captain America added under his breath, as he once again checked his personal screen.
Tigra…the poor cat like girl had been found by Captain America himself in a secret Cobra laboratory deep in the Amazon, encountering the girl in an stasis tank, with no memory of who she was or used to be. As far as S.H.I.E.L.D was able to investigate, she wasn't exactly human or mutant, but some strange hybrid between the two. Tigra was gifted with enhanced senses, agility, endurance and strength, along with perfect vision in total darkness, while her physical appearance could have been a side effect from experimentation…fur, tail, claws, fanged teeth and her glowing yellow eyes made her status as something more than human evident, therefore, she had been give the fake name of Greer Grant Nelson for protection and legal purposes, but she considered Tigra her real name.
Whoever, the real problem with Tigra was that years, perhaps a lifetime away from human contact had left her in a child like state of mind, despite her age being somewhere in her middle teens. Tigra was easily amused and always curious, along with a naïve nature that made her somewhat unreliable in the field, but her natural hunting and survival instincts made up for this most of the time…except when she was in sugar rushes or caffeine OD's, as for some reason, Tigra was extremely affected by sugar or caffeine overdoes, making her a real threat to everyone's sanity in those occasions…in fact, after a rather…traumatic series of events, pixy sticks had been banned from the whole base.
Although Captain America hated to admit it, Tigra was by far the most stable member of the team.
"It's Tigra, Cap…Greer's not who I am!"-Tigra pouted as she devoured a whole fish in one bite.
"Speaking of Tigra, Cap, could you convince her to wear that stupid flea collar Fury got for her? I swear, she slept on the couch in the recreation room last night, and she left bloodsucking buggers everywhere!"-Clint complained.
"I second him on this…either that, or force her to take a flea bath!"-Carol added.
"NOOOOOOO! No bath or collar! Tigra don't like!"-Tigra screamed in terror as she jumped from her chair and made a dive for the door seeking an escape route.
However, her escape route was blocked by the biggest teenage boy Captain America had ever seen…he had memories of training with several soldiers and martial artists back in his glory days, but none of them had the impact of this boy's physical presence…by all logical means, he should had been completely shapeless and grotesque, but he just looked perfectly proportioned, despite the huge amount of muscles in his whole body.
Then was the point of the hammer…it looked like it weighted tons, despite being the size of an ancient battle axe, and it looked both ancient and sparkly new at the same time…and the boy carried it in one hand, as if it weighted nothing.
"Thor! Lemme down, you big oaf!"-Tigra whined as the smiling boy picked her up with one hand and threw her over his shoulder.
"Come on, fair feline maiden, its time for our morning feast! Surely thou were not going to deprive us all of thy company in such glorious ritual!"-Thor said in a powerful, joyful voice, oblivious to the fact that Tigra was biting him on the shoulder and pulling his blonde ponytail at the time.
"Thor, Buddy! About time you got up!"-Tony exclaimed as he made a toast.
"Come on, verily it wasn't as if we drank and feasted that much last night!"-Thor replied as he sat next to Tony, and forced Tigra to sit next to him…which she reluctantly did, making a pouting face.
"Thor, you and Tony crashed an Oktoberfest celebration in Munich, ignited seven bar fights and destroyed three bars, and I'm not even going to go in details of what happened after you actually BOUGHT an entire beer brewery and drank it to the ground in just one night! Germany is experiencing the first day in its history in which beer isn't a commodity!"-Captain America snapped.
"Ahh that was good ale…specially the one inside those metal contraptions"-Thor said, with a dreamy look.
"Yeah, but there weren't enough hot girls…you know Thor, if you and your dad ever get back in good terms, I would love to meet some Valkyries…"-Tony added, a dreamy look on his face too.
"Its official, this place is a frigging frat house…"-Carol moaned, while Captain America decided to check the information available on Thor again…as he had triple checked it last night and still was unsure what to believe.
The young boy who called him Thor was found in a field in Iceland several months ago, and promptly locked in a mental institution…for exactly a minute, as the place suddenly was engulfed by a storm and a lighting bolt destroyed the wall of the boy's room…a huge hammer found in the rubble, which was grabbed by the boy, who then escaped…by actually throwing the hammer and holding to it, disappearing in the horizon.
The boy then appeared in the war torn regions of the Baltic area, helping those in need…but S.H.I.E.L.D actually stepped in when Thor actually wiped a whole separatist army from the face of the earth in one stroke, enraged at their "ethnic" cleansing.
Accepting an offer by Fury to help all of mankind, Thor joined the program…on three conditions: First, he wasn't paid as the other members, his salary (which netted in the six figure numbers a day) was transferred to the international aid fund. Second, he would not allow any experimentation or research on himself or Mjolnir (his hammer). Lastly, if he ever grew dissatisfied with the program he would quit…no matter why.
Fury of course accepted his terms…after Thor actually managed to repel an attack by the Hulk on a small town in a battle that lasted for just fifteen minutes…Thor claimed he was the God of Thunder, temporally exiled (In other words, kicked out) of Asgard by Odin, due to a "god thing" (Actually, one of his usual fights with his half brother Loki almost triggered Ragnarok, and therefore, the end of all creation)…and that he had been exiled to Midgard (that is "Earth", think of it as a fancier named the gods prefer, as Earth isn't very attractive for immortal beings of supreme power).
Bottom line, Thor was one of the strongest beings on earth, possessed a battle hammer that had too many uses and abilities to mention, and he was the Asgardian equivalent of your average older teenager...Weapon of Mass Destruction isn't the exact term that came to mind here, as it was too small to fit him.
"Look, Thor…while I still have some personal doubts about your…claims…to godhood, I think you shouldn't act as if your status as a…Heavens help me, "god", allowed you to do as you please…this is Earth, and we have laws and rules…even unwritten rules, such as "You shouldn't fly with an ancient war hammer after drinking a whole brewery!"…"-Captain America said.
"I agree with you, Captain…surely the son of Odin cannot behave in such primitive and foul ways…perhaps I should drink just half a brewery next time?"-Thor replied, in a fair and honest voice…as he gulped a huge mug of dark beer as breakfast.
"That would be a nice start, Thor…now; I believe Janet and Hank are still missing?"-Captain America asked.
"Janet's still in the freaking bathroom, as always…I swear, one of these days, I'm gonna shove that mirror down her throat!"-Carol snapped, as she crushed the fork in her hand without noticing.
"I see…and Hank?"-Captain America asked when right on cue, the whole room, and base, trembled as if an earthquake had started…then everything went back to normal…if normal means the sound of a really strong slap echoing through the room.
"I guess he's out of the lab, by the feel of things"-Clint added; when the main doors slid open…revealing a brown haired girl in silk pajamas, who despite her beauty, had an extremely weird overall look…mainly because of the whole jar of skin cream that was on her hair, jar included.
Right behind her, a good looking blonde boy followed, but in his case, the good looks were ruined by the overall combination of lack of sleep, lack of recent showering, and the glowing, recent mark of a female hand in one cheek.
"Well, if it isn't America's sweethearts!...You know, I would never had guessed skin cream was the secret behind your perfect, ever-changing hair, Jan! "-Carol said in a darkly amused voice.
"Oh, shut up, you Hot-Topic poster child…My morning's enough of a drag already, so please spare me the "I'm an angry harlot who desperately needs attention" routine"-Jan replied as she used the towel in her hands to clean herself, then sat down and served herself a cup of mocha.
"Hand me the icepack, someone?...My cheek really hurts"-hank moaned as he dropped on a chair, and took a sip of a blackish cup of coffee.
"There you go, Buddy…I already had one ready"-Tony replied as he threw one at him.
"Thanks…by the way, I apologize for that mild tremor…I was testing the ceramic tiles for the Quinjet prototype"-Hank said as he pressed the icepack against his cheek, moaning in relief.
"Testing this, testing that…all you test is my patience, Hank Pym! Instead of those stupid tiles, you should be working on ways to reverse our condition!"-Jan exploded with rage.
"Jan, I've tried everything…its irreversible…"-Hank tried to say, only to be interrupted midway through.
"IRREVERSIBLE? You want to know about irreversible? Your medical condition is going to be irreversible if you don't find a way to change us, Hank Pym, because if you don't, I swear I will shove that big brain of yours down your…"-Jan's berating of Hank kept on, to the amusement of the rest of the table.
Except Captain America, who decided to check his screen for the last time.
Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne…The fathers from each one of them were senators, and the mothers were socialites, born and bred. Both families were actually neighbors since decades, and their parents were so close, they had actually arranged Hank and Janet to marry each other…a match made in heaven, according to the parents…if they had paid any attention to their children, they would have done some serious thinking about the whole deal.
First, neither Hank nor Janet were anything like their respective parents…Hank was a scientific genius with an introvert personality and a disdain for things teens his age though of as normal…while Janet was pretty much the definition of popularity, with an affinity for designing clothes and creating new fashion trends.
Second, Hank and Janet had practically grown together…and hated each other's guts since day one (day one was actually when they shared a maternity room…along with a birthday).
Third, their parents through Hank was at MIT, while Janet was on design school in Paris…the truth was that both Hank and Janet were in S.H.I.E.L.D's custody, after a mishap at Hank's secret laboratory in the Vail area…Fury had arranged a cover story for their parents.
As far as S.H.I.E.L.D knew, the story was like this: Hank used the excuse of a skiing trip with Jan to take some time and work on his research on a new kind of particles he had discovered, which he named "Pym particles"…he was on the bringe of a breakthrough when Jan, enraged at finding out he had used her as an excuse, broke into his laboratory…everything else was unclear, as the following explosion had leveled the whole resort and changed the topography of the area forever.
Whoever, hat wasn't the only thing that had changed, as both teens had been exposed to a massive amount of "Pym Particles" long with other substances, changing their genetic structures…Hank was now able to increase and decrease his size and the size of anything in contact with him at will, while Jan was able to decrease her size to a few inches, along with the ability to manifest not only two red insect like wings on her back, but also to generate "stings" of bioelectricity from her hands.
Their social lives ruined forever (Well, just Jan's, as Hank didn't have much of a social life), both teens had been drafted into the project, receiving the codenames of Ant-man and Wasp.
To Hank, it was as if a dream came true, while to Jan…well, it was total nightmare. And therefore, Hank's dream was a nightmare too. Mostly everyone in the psychiatrist wing in the base thought deep down, Hank and Jan liked each other…but several thick layers of hate, bickering and plain anger laid over those barely existing feelings.
"Okay, now that the whole nuthouse, I mean, the whole team is finally together, I wanted to hand you the final, and I do mean final, weekly timetable…Any complains about it will end in a reduction of the time assigned to "personal" hours"-Captain America said as he gave each of them a paper.
"Okay, I understand training is the top priority here, Captain, but I do have a multinational conglomerate to manage"-Tony immediately retorted.
Captain America braced himself immediately, as he knew what was about to happen…
"I second him on this, I mean; this will set all my projected experiments back a month!"-Hank moaned.
"Who cares about your stupid projects? This is so totally unfair, I mean, I will have to cancel all my morning shopping runs!"-Janet managed to give her statement an unnatural level of priority.
"While I support the good Captain, this plan doesn't take in consideration any…"recovery" I might need from nightly feasts and dances!"-Thor added.
"Tigra likes training, but this is too early! Tigra doesn't sleep much at night like you guys!"-Tigra pouted.
"Stop whining you wusses…none of you is actually seeing the REAL problem here!"-Carol snapped, effectively rendering everyone silent.
Captain America watched in horror as they all stared at Carol with puzzled looks.
"Hello? An hour a day of psychiatric therapy sessions? That's just plain wrong!"-Carol said.
"I second that…in Warbird's case; it should be three times that!"-Clint said out loud, making every youngster burst out laughing.
"That's it, you insensitive jackass, you are so dead!"-Carol exploded in rage as she lifted the huge steel table with one hand and began to chase Clint around, while utter chaos began to form among the others.
"I don't care what Logan or the Joes say"-Captain America though as the dinner room became a war zone in seconds- "Their job has to be easier than this!"
Chapter Two end.
Next: The first training sessions (both individual and as a team) further shatter Captain America's resolve on making heroes out of the kids, while Cobra gets their hands on Project U.L.T.R.O.N.
Plus, the introduction of the Avengers project "handler" officer…to know her is to fear her…literally!
Don't forget to comment on any future stuff you want to see, or which characters you want to see more of!