Wow guys, I never thought I would make it so soon, but here we are. The last chapter! I really hope everyone has enjoyed this story so far! Thank you for all the wonderful sparkly (Ryuichi word!) reviews! I love you all:)

Oh, I feel like a complete dork! Last chapter, I said I was going to write a prologue. (as in a chapter set before the story lol!) but what I really meant was that I'm writing an epilogue! ha ha ha! Yep, well, I finished it, too, so I'm posting this all at the same time. (No prologue, though, sorry!) Enjoy the final chapter of "Into Ashes All My Lust"!

'Raped. Raped,' Haru buried his head between his palms, numbed by the distorted images that ran through his mind. Momiji was crying, begging for some sort of mercy, cowering under Akito's shadow. 'I would give anything, even my life, to reclaim those moments and give Momiji back his life. Anything!' But he knew he could do nothing. It was all over.

Scratching his fingers through white hair, the cow moaned. 'If only I had rejected him! I knew that the relationship was wrong, and I had so many opportunities to end it. Now Momiji must suffer as punishment for my own stupidity and selfishness. I can never save him again!'

He rose to his feet and started to pace around the room, grimacing under the aura of painful memories. His eyes scanned the tumult of clothing and rumpled bed sheets, remnants of Momiji attracting his gaze. A pink "Hello Kitty" journal. A little yellow shoe. The scandalous neglige from the night before. 'Why did I let this happen to you? Your life was so much better before I came into it; your smile always shone so much brighter then. I loved you for the happiness that you radiated, but now I've stolen the very treasure that drew me to you. Will you ever be that happy again?'

Sunlight trickled across the floor, eliciting hatred from within Hatsuharu. "How can you keep shining?" Running to the window, he slammed the curtains closed. "How can anything glitter like that when Momiji feels dark inside? He deserves to be happy more than anyone else in the world, but he isn't! He deserves it more than Yuki, and Akito, and especially me, so why does he have to cry? How can people go on with their lives without caring that he's hurt! It's not fair!"

Screaming, he kicked the rabbit's dairy across the floor, causing the pages to ruffle open. As he leaned over the familiar script, tears brimmed in his eyes. "I can't believe that Haru kissed me," the cow read. "This is too good to be true! I've loved him forever and ever, and now, finally, I found someone who loves me back! Ich liebe ihn! Ich liebe ihn! Auf Ewigskeit!"

Haru's heart exploded. "Fuck!" He threw the journal against the wall, watching in satisfaction as it left a dent. Tears streaming down his face, he gasped for air. "It's all a lie, Momiji! If I'd really loved you, I wouldn't have let this happen! I can't make you happy! I'm too stupid! I just ruined your life!" Black flooded his stare, igniting sparks of anger in his blood. "Your life would've been so much better if I hadn't been born!"

Sinking to his knees, the white-haired boy's thoughts became a meaningless blur. He felt his body being torn apart, his nerves ravaged with torment as he pictured Momiji's torture in his subconscious. 'It should've been me. It was my fault, not his.' He moaned, his shoulders slumping into a withered heap. 'I wish it had been me.'

A rapping at the bedroom door awakened his senses. "Dear Hatsuharu, may I talk to you?" The cow heard Ayame ask from the other side of the wall. Although his voice was just as flamboyant as usual, it sounded different: solemn, empty, and strained. "Little Haru-kun?"

'What's he doing here? I told him to stay out of my life!' Rage bit at Haru's heart, though he rose reluctantly to answer the knock. "What do you want?"

"Oh, Haru," surveying the cow's bloodshot eyes and icy expression, the silver-haired man winced. "You poor, poor thing! I feel so sorry for you!" He attempted to wrap his cousin in an embrace. "It's OK, you can cry."

"Stop touching me!" The younger boy spat, tearing away from the other man. "If you have something to say, do it quickly while I still have the patience."

The snake looked strangely serious. "Momiji's awake, and he keeps asking for you. Won't you go to him, sweet Hatsuharu? Won't you go comfort him and protect him?" As he continued, he regained some of his vivacity.

"I can't protect him! I've never protected him," the younger boy insisted as he resumed pacing. "Everything I've done has messed up his life! I preyed on his innocence, using him to please myself. I could've broke it off with him, and I knew even then that it was the right thing to do, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I watched people tease him and hurt him because of me, but I wouldn't break up with him because deep down I had my own interests in mind. I can never take back all the times he cried because of my selfishness!"

"No, Haru-kun, I'm afraid that you're wrong," Ayame sighed emphatically, sinking down onto the bed. "I know that your intentions were good, but he couldn't understand why you were being so coy. He believed that you didn't wish to be with him! I don't think he ever realized that you were acting that way out of love."

Haru did not want to hear his comments. "How do you know?" He sounded stubbornly childish in his interrogation. "I was trying to help him. I wanted to make him happy!"

"Oh, I know, I know," Ayame reached for his younger cousin with gentle fingers. "You thought it was for the best that you leave him. But he was really happy when you treated him like your boyfriend. He came to me yesterday and shared his fears about losing you. That's why I dressed him up and tried to revive your broken romance!" The snake offered a smile, not exaggerated or garish, but soft. "I was hoping that you'd realize how much you both need each other."

The silver-haired man waved his arms emphatically. "While your intentions were obviously noble, you only brought distress to both you and your boyfriend." He silenced his cousin's protests, raising his voice to overcome any opposition. "You should have seen that it doesn't matter if other people approve of your love. The only feelings worth anything in a relationship are the feelings you and Momiji have for each other!"

"I, I," Haru staggered, biting his lip in agony. He could not believe what he was hearing, and he prayed that the other man's words were not true. 'No, I was helping him! Everything was best when I distanced myself from him. I was trying to make things better!' Though somewhere, in his mind, he realized that he was wrong. He cringed as the past month's events flashed before his eyes, for the first time noting his own stony words and the pain they brought to Momiji's face. 'I kept rejecting him, and he didn't know why. Shit! He must think that I hate him! My God, how could I be so stupid?'

The cow sank to the floor. "I, I really did want to do the right thing," he persisted, studying the panels of wood beneath him. "I was trying! I was! But, but," he slumped his heavy head onto his chest, "but he thought that I had stopped loving him, right?" He dreaded the reply.

"I'm afraid so, my dear cousin," the snake met him with comforting arms. "I know that you wanted to make him feel better, and you did make him happy. But when you kept rejecting him, he felt certain that he was losing you because of mistakes he made. You really must come to realize that how other people feel about your relationship isn't something you can control! It isn't your fault!" He sighed, throwing his hand to his forehead dramatically. "You're his boyfriend. It's your job to love him, to offer him solace, not to shield him from outside problems! He never cared much about what other people thought of him, anyway."

Listening attentively, Haru felt the lead weight in his chest dissolve. 'It wasn't my fault? But how? This happened to him because I loved him, right? So I did it! Or, did they do it to us both?' However, as the cow's internal guilt dissipated, a new dread seized his thoughts. 'But I hurt him without even realizing it! I hurt him by rejecting him and questioning my reasons for loving him. Why couldn't I just accept my feelings? Why did I hide everything! I can't believe myself!' As heat swelled in his head, he collapsed against the other man. "I made a horrible mistake! And now it's too late to fix it. He'll never be happy now! He's been hurt too badly to smile again!"

Smoothing his long fingers over Haru's back, Ayame exhaled. "I wouldn't say that! I was afraid that you might never realize your folly, and that you would hide your true feelings for the rest of your life. Of course, I understood what was happening immediately, seeing as I have much experience in dealing with these dilemmas," he chuckled, albeit half-heartedly. "Remember when we wrote Momiji that love note the day you visited my shop?"

"Yes," Haru gave an apprehensive response.

"Yes, of course you do," Ayame managed to sound almost cheerful. "Well, we really chose a lovely poem to send to your little bunny, but I don't think you really understood the words." He nodded to emphasize his point. "The author wrote the poem to state that life is too short to be cautious and hide your emotions in an attempt to be noble. He warned that if people wait too long to show love they'll only lose their chance to be loved in return!"

"Which is what I did, right?" The cow groaned at the irony of the situation.

"I certainly hope not!" The silver-haired man's voice grew instantly brighter. "It isn't too late! My expert opinion feels that the flames of passion are still alight in both of your hearts! I suggest you go talk to him about what happened if you wish for this relationship to continue!"

Haru found the strength to smile, amused by the persistence of Ayame's pride even in spite of the grave situation. "Thank you, Aaya-niisan."

At these affectionate words, the older man's eyes glittered. "I'm always willing to bless you with my help, mon frére super!" Rising to his feet in a graceful motion, he flashed a dazzling grin. "But now it's time for you to go visit your boyfriend! We must bring his cute little giggle back, right?"

Haru nodded, reaching for the door. "Yes, I really need to tell him how sorry I feel. I have to-," his eyes darkened with depression, "I have to make up for all my mistakes."

As he stepped into the hall, however, Haru was shocked to see another figure rushing to meet him. "Momiji?"

"Haru-kun?" A weak voice cried as the boy limped forward, hurrying to wrap his arms around the cow's waist. "Haru-kun, I-."

Welcoming the touch, Haru buried the other boy protectively in his arms. "I'm so sorry, Momiji-kun," his voice splintered as he collapsed around the smaller Sohma. "I've hurt you so badly, I-."

"Little Bunny-kuns, you really shouldn't be out of bed," Ayame placed a concerned hand on the blonde's shoulder. "We were just coming to see you! Does Hatori know that you're up?"

"Hatori's with," the rabbit crumbled, losing his voice to the stress. "He's with A, a, ki," he shuddered convulsively as he fought to gain control of his words. His face etched with fear at the very mention of the family leader's name. "Ha'ri-san's with him."

Pulling back slightly from his boyfriend, Hatsuharu was met by two sunken eyes lined with premature sadness and loss. He saw Momiji's ghostly cheeks, streaked with tears, quiver with uncertainty under his stare, and noticed how the boy's lips contorted into a fake smile. He looked so fragile, like a withering leaf preparing for its final descent. "Why the hell did this happen to you?" His stomach dropping at the terrible sight, Haru swept deft fingers through the blonde's tresses. "And after I was so mean to you. I never meant to reject you, I was just trying to help, I promise. But I didn't. I'm so sorry for all the trouble I caused!"

"It's OK, Haru-kun," Momiji silenced him with a shaky kiss. "I know, it's OK." Giving some reassurance, he grinned weakly. "I'm happy now. I feel safe because you're here with me! I was so afraid that I might never see you again." Leaning his head against the taller boy's shoulder, he allowed himself to cry. "I'm just so thankful to be with you!"

For a moment, Haru paused, letting silence encircle their clinging bodies as he transferred warmth to his boyfriend. Sobs rattling against his chest, he let comforting fingers crawl up Momiji's spine. Biting his lip, the cow finally revived his voice. "Momiji, I, well, I never told you this, and I'm sorry I waited so long, but," his words trickled away. "But, well," he stumbled to produce the foreign words, "Ich liebe dich."

Looking up with chocolate eyes, Momiji's face exploded with a sincere smile. "I know, Haru-kun," he reached tiny hands to caress the cow's face. "I know."

Die Ende

Momiji's German lesson #16 (with a little French thrown in for good measure!)

Ich liebe ihn- I love him

Auf Ewigskeit- forever

Mon frére super- my super brother! (this is a response to Haru calling Ayame "niisan", a japanese affectionate expression for older brother.)

Ich liebe dich- I love you

Die Ende- the end sniff

Notice the list of German is short this time. I just can't see Momiji using German when he's depressed, that all. :) So, did you guys like it? I hope you enjoyed it!