Title : Small Steps

Author : Helen C.

Rating : PG - 13

Summary : Oliver is back, and makes a mess of things again. Set in season 2.

Spoilers : Everything that's been aired up to The Rainy Day Women is fair game.

Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Undying gratitude to my beta, Joey51, for her advice and her kind words and the time she spent working on this!

Epilogue

Seth and Ryan sat in the kitchen, trying to convince themselves that the end of Spring Break wasn't as great a tragedy as, say, the end of the world. They were only moderately successful.

Characteristically, Ryan was psyching himself up in silence, resigned to his fate.

Uncharacteristically, Seth was equally silent as he stared gloomily at his orange juice.

Seth finally broke the silence, saying in a subdued tone, "This is it, I guess."

Ryan nodded, finding his friend's unusual quietness both entertaining and unnerving. He was relieved that Seth was finally beginning to speak. Ryan may complain abundantly about Seth's chatter, but he had grown used to it, and often found himself relying on it when he was tense and needed something to distract him.

"The time when the holiday ends," Seth added.

"We knew it was going to happen eventually," Ryan pointed out helpfully.

Seth glared at him—at least, Ryan assumed that was what his friend was trying to do, since Seth looked more depressed than angry.

Ryan smiled encouragingly. "Look at it this way," he said. "In two months, we get a two month reprieve from high school."

Seth brightened. "And then, senior year, which is supposed to rock," he said.

Ryan didn't voice his doubts about that. He was sure fate would find a way to screw it up for him, and even if fate didn't intervene, Ryan was more than able to find trouble on his own.

Seth, however, seemed a lot more confident. "That'll be cool."

Ryan half-shrugged, pleased that his friend seemed more upbeat.

Ryan didn't truly dread school, and he never had. It wasn't fun, but it was bearable. He had always considered it as one of those things he just had to wait out, like indigestion or a bad cold, except there wasn't a remedy to soothe the effects of school.

That said, he was more nervous than usual. Marissa would be there, and she would be either needy or apologetic, and maybe even both at once. And there would be the same sideways glances Ryan had already noticed at the party. Newport's rumor mill was an impressive thing. There probably wasn't anyone in town who didn't know what had happened between Oliver and The Boy From Chino, as some people still called him. And if there was someone at school who didn't know, they would soon be filled in.

Ryan didn't anticipate true problems. While there were students who resented him, most of them didn't actually harass Ryan. He tended to keep his head down and stay as unnoticeable as he could, and the other kids at school were content to ignore him back and keep their venom for other targets. Besides, most of these kids didn't know how far they could push Ryan, and weren't eager to find out. During his first months at Harbor, Ryan had heard a lot of rumors about what his life had been like in Chino, most of them bordering on the ridiculous, and he had never done anything to deny them. Let the Harbor kids think he had put someone in a coma during a fight; that would make them think twice before they attacked him.

Of course, that kind of thought wasn't even remotely amusing anymore now.

Yet another thing that Oliver's death had changed, and Ryan wondered how many other things had changed in his life without him noticing.

"You know," Seth said, "I've often overheard my parents saying that they should just lock me up until I'm old, so they won't have to worry about me. And I've got to tell you, on a day like this, I wouldn't mind."

Ryan bit back a smile. "By 'overheard,' I assume you meant, 'eavesdropped?'" he asked.

Seth looked at Ryan too innocently to be sincere. "Who, me?"

Ryan shook his head. "They probably wouldn't let you out for the concerts or the comic book conventions, let alone the parties," he pointed out. "After all, it's where we always end up in trouble…"

Sandy and Kirsten entered the kitchen, causing Seth and Ryan to stop talking. Better not give the Cohens any ideas.

"Ready to go?" Sandy asked, patting Seth's head.

Again, Seth tried to glare, and again, he just looked like a kid who had been denied his dessert and sent to bed early. Ryan almost expected him to ask in a whiny five-year-old voice, "Do we have to go?" but Seth managed to restrain himself. Ryan couldn't help being impressed.

Kirsten smiled gently. "Be nice, Sandy," she said. "Remember how high school was."

Sandy tried to look contrite, but didn't quite pull it off.

Ryan yawned and hung his head self-consciously when he felt Kirsten's gaze fall on him. He knew he looked exhausted, despite the fact that he had slept seven hours the previous night.

"Are you all right?" Kirsten asked.

Ryan bit back the, "If only I'd had a penny each time you've asked me that," that wanted to escape. Snapping at Kirsten or Sandy after they'd been so incredibly supportive would only make Ryan feel ten times worse. "Yeah," he said.

"Perhaps you should stay home for a few more days," Kirsten suggested.

Seth's head shot up, his eyes wide. He caught Ryan's gaze and shook his head frantically. Ryan smiled. "No, it'll be fine," he said. The idea was tempting, but he knew that the longer he waited to go back to school, the worse it would be. Besides, Seth obviously counted on Ryan for back up as much as Ryan counted on Seth for support.

"Are you sure?" Sandy asked. "It's not every day we make offers like that, you know."

Ryan snorted. "Right," he said. "I'll be fine, really. And finals are—"

Seth cut him off, waving his arms extravagantly. "No, no, do not say the 'f' word, please. You never know what might happen."

Ryan, Kirsten and Sandy looked at Seth, who nodded seriously. "You never know," he insisted.

Ryan got up. "I guess we should go," he said, trying to look enthusiastic and, he could tell from the look on Kirsten's face, failing miserably.

For a brief moment, she looked like she was about to say something, but she kept quiet. Ryan was glad she didn't reiterate her offer to stay home. He wasn't sure he would have turned her down a second time if she had asked.

"Well, come on, I'll drive you boys," Sandy said, grabbing his keys and making a beeline for the door.

Ryan looked at Seth, who shrugged and downed the last of his orange juice.

Ryan put his dishes in the sink and shouldered his backpack, pausing when Kirsten caught his arm. "If you want to leave early, call me, I'll come get you," she said.

He nodded gratefully, warmed by her concern, and left the kitchen, Seth on his heels.

At least, he thought as he made his way to the car, he'd had a few weeks to come to terms with Oliver's death. He may not be back to normal, but he certainly felt more balanced than he had at the beginning of the holiday.

He had spent a lot of time wondering what else he could have done, and he had reached the tentative conclusion that, while he should have called the police or Sandy instead of entering the house on his own, what had happened after he had entered had been unavoidable.

He had taken the only chance he had seen to tackle Oliver, and if Ryan hadn't shot, he would probably have ended up hurt, or worse. And what would have happened to Marissa then? Oliver had been pretty set on killing her.

He didn't like what he had done, but if he was put in the same situation again today, he wasn't sure he'd act differently. He would maybe, probably, call someone first. But he wasn't even sure he'd be able to wait outside, not knowing what was happening inside.

Besides, he reflected, there was still a possibility that the police wouldn't have come simply because a seventeen-year-old told them he had a bad feeling.

"Dude?" Seth asked, waving his hand in front of Ryan's face. Ryan startled and focused on Seth.

"Yeah?"

"You spaced out for a second, there."

Ryan noticed that they had reached the car, and that Sandy was watching him worriedly from behind the wheel.

"Thinking," Ryan told Seth, shooting an apologetic smile at Sandy and getting in the backseat.

When Sandy looked at him in the rear-view mirror, Ryan mentally begged him not to ask if everything was fine. Sandy seemed to hear the unspoken plea and started the car.

As they were going down the driveway, Seth began telling Ryan about Summer, and how wonderful this holiday had been as far as their relationship was concerned, and how he hoped school wouldn't be awkward—"well, it'll be, because it's school, but you know, there's awkward, and then there's awkward. Right?"

Ryan smiled and nodded, thinking that today would probably rate very high on the scale of awkward first days. "Right," he said, leaning over as Seth resumed talking, and never noticing when the house that had been his refuge from the world for the last two weeks dropped out of sight.

END

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