He made his way back into his room and tried to fall asleep, but nothing came. He laid in bed with his eyes closed, but fully awake, just like every night, and every night to come.
The sleeplessness and nightmares frustrated Obi-Wan. Night was the only time he found peace, even during the Clone Wars. He could be hiding on some remote planet waiting to strike in the dead of night, and he would be extremely calm. Not now, not anymore. Night was now the time in which thoughts rained upon him, like a Kamino downpour. He felt most venerable at night, even with his lightsaber tucked under his pillow.
He gave in, he always gave in, gave into the fact that tonight would be another sleepless night. He laid on his stomach, face pushed into a pillow.
A creek.
Obi-Wan's eyes shot wide open. His left eye scanned the room, his right still pushed into the pillow. Nothing, he closed his eyes again.
Another creek.
Obi-Wan rolled his head over slowly. This time he felt out with the Force. Someone was there, but it was too dark to make out if it was a friend or foe. It wouldn't have mattered in his state of mind. Obi-Wan slowly reached for his lightsaber. He pulled it out from behind the pillow. In one, swift movement, he jumped on his bed and clicked it on, and pointed it in the direction of the intruder.
The blade created a soft blue light in the dark room. His eyes adjusted and he saw Allura standing there, her eyes wide open.
"What are you doing?" he demanded.
"We really have to stop meeting this way," she replied. "Aggressive negotiations?"
"What are you doing in my room?" Obi-Wan asked, this time more firm.
"I was looking for the bathroom," she answered. "And I can see this isn't it."
Reasonable answer, but Obi-Wan didn't click off the lightsaber, he didn't get off his bed. He remained there. He kept a close eye on Allura. She stood there, unsure of what to do. All kinds of thoughts ran through Obi-Wan's head. Was she Sith? He asked himself. He could only wonder.
"Master Kenobi, please place your weapon down," Allura said. "Master Kenobi?"
"Think you can sneak into my room and off me in my sleep?"
Allura stared at him blankly.
"Have you? Sith! You-you were sent here, not by Master Yoda but by Darth Vader, haven't you? Kill Obi-Wan Kenobi, huh? Finish the job!" Obi-Wan began to yell. "Couldn't do it yourself, Vader, could you? You were always cowardly! No pawn of yours can bring me down!"
Allura was scared, unsure of what Obi-Wan would do. She walked closer. She feared his actions, she didn't fear the man. She saw Obi-Wan grow more and more tense as she got closer. She was close enough to him that she was able to use the Force to quickly get Obi-Wan's lightsaber from his hands. Obi-Wan jumped back when she did this, convinced now she was going to kill him.
"Go right ahead," he said, very calmly. "I have no fear, no will to live now."
Allura looked into his sad eyes. She clicked the lightsaber off.
"I have no desire to kill you," she told him. "I am no Sith, no pawn of Vader's. I am a lost Padawan in need of guidance." She stood beside him. "Master Kenobi, I am not going to hurt you, I want to help you."
Obi-Wan wouldn't calm down. His mind raced with a million bad thoughts. Allura placed the lightsaber down. She stood up on the bed and placed her hand on the cold flesh of his arm. She felt the tension in his body, she didn't need the Force to tell her. She placed her other hand on his forehead and tried to calm him with the Force. Slowly, she was able to sit him down.
"Fear will consume you," she told him. "It will cause you to think ill thoughts."
"Spoken like a true practicing Padawan," Obi-Wan replied. "But, ill thoughts will always come. They always have. Being stuck in purgatory will do this to a mind." He paused. "You better get back to bed, it's very late. Oh, and the bathroom is the next door down."
Allura smiled at him and left.
Obi-Wan let out a long sight and fell back onto his bed. Once again your thoughts have gotten the best of you, he thought. He knew there was no sleeping now, definitely not anymore. His lightsaber caught the light of the moon. The hilt shown bright. Obi-Wan grabbed it and held it in his hands. It was light, and he flipped it in his hand.
He placed it back under his pillow. What he would give to go back in time, relive the better days of the Republic, before the war. Back when the Republic meant something, and the politics of it all weren't as corrupt, or at least they never seemed to be. Back when being a Jedi wasn't being a solider, but a peace-keeper, being respected not for fighting skills, but for the mystical aura they seemed to show. Now Jedi stories talk about the Clone Wars and how hard they fought, not about the mystery, the Force, none of that. Those were the better days. He would do all of it different, well, most of it anyway. He'd keep Anakin closer, listen to him more, be more supportive. He would have been the father Anakin had called him. He would keep his eyes open. He was feeling one of the most dangerous feelings, regret. Even more dangerous than love.
This was something new to keep him up at night. The question of "what if" tossed about in his head. He tried to suffocate these thoughts and feelings with his Jedi training, but he was unable to. The sun would be up in a few hours. Another morning with a heavy conscious.
Allura was a bit scared. Obi-Wan had let his guilt run core deep, and he placed himself in paranoia. She was scared he would forever be this way, afraid she couldn't help him. Obi-Wan was indeed one of the best Jedi. Now he was a lonely man stuck in purgatory, as he put it.
She got back into bed, unsure if she could go back to sleep. This was the second time in one day a lightsaber had been drawn on her. It had been a most interesting day, to say the least. Two lightsaber incidents and nearly being chocked to death, but none of that made her change her mind. It just made her even more determined.
The sun rose in the sky. Obi-Wan could only look out the window again, just like every morning. He watched the sun rise and walked out of his room. His bare feet shuffled on the floor, bits of sand sticking to them. He knocked softly on Allura's door before entering.
"Good morning, Master Kenobi," Allura said. She was meditating on her makeshift bed. "How are you?" She knew the answer.
"Fine," he lied. "I apologize for my actions last night."
"That's quiet alright," she replied. "You haven't scared me off."
"No, I sense that it will take more than that to scare you. I sense an almost fearlessness in you, something I've sensed before. But, that's not the point. I should be over this but-" He paused, afraid, again, to give too much away. "Come, we have work to do."
Obi-Wan walked out of the room. He wanted to tell her, tell someone, but he couldn't be venerable. He couldn't show any weakness, any sign that he wasn't the Jedi that he used to be. In his mind he wasn't, he wasn't even half the Jedi he once was.
Obi-Wan shuffled to the kitchen. He hoped he had something that he could feed his guest, feed himself. He had nothing. He went back into Allura's room.
"I have to go to the market," he told her. "I will be right back."
"Please, let me come," she said standing up.
"I don't know," Obi-Wan started.
"I'll be real good, you won't know I'm there. Please." Obi-Wan looked at her. "Please."
"Conceal your identity. No lightsaber flashing, Force using, any of that. No one is to know who and what you are. Got it?" Allura nodded. "Tuck your braid under your hair, change your clothes. Nothing can tie you to being a Padawan."
"Thank you," Allura replied with a smile.
Obi-Wan nodded reluctantly and went back into his room. He changed from his robes and into typical Tatooine clothes. He tucked his lightsaber into his vest. He walked out of his room and waited for Allura. When she came out, he tried not to stare.
Allura had taken the rags and old clothes that were part of her bed and created an outfit. She had cut a shirt small enough to have eyes wander, both in length and this slit in the middle. She wore her normal pants and a piece of cloth hung over her arm.
"It's a cover up," she said. "See." She put her arms into a long jacket that went to the floor. Obi-Wan simply nodded.
"Right, um, we'll take the speeder," he finally said. He began to walked, then stopped and turned around. "I'll drive."