The muscles in Allura's arms were burning, but she didn't want to show Obi-Wan any sign that she was tired, she couldn't afford that. The Jedi Master still had his hand on his beard, looking down at the ground. Her attention changed from the manner in which Obi-Wan was standing to his physical appearance. She had seen him before, he didn't know who she was, he wouldn't have known; but she had seen him around the Jedi Temple on Coruscant plenty of times, he had been preoccupied with his own missions. That Obi-Wan was clean cut and tight, his hair and beard in line. Now, they were a bit wild.
"Master Kenobi," Allura said a bit softly. So soft that it sent a chill down Obi-Wan's spine.
"Yes?" he asked.
"I know you still don't trust me," she began. "It's ok, I wouldn't trust me either, but perhaps we can try an exercise."
"An exercise?"
"Yes, I have just the one." She paused and smiled a bit. "Let me cut your hair."
"Excuse me?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Cut your hair, you know, make it look better, it's, no offense, not that great. Five years ago, I remember, it looked very good."
"What are you talking about? You saying I'm not good looking anymore? You know, I take offense to that." Obi-Wan was half joking.
"No, sir, I meant no offense, I was just suggesting-"
"It's ok, I was only joking," Obi-Wan replied. "You see, the trust is not in your ability to cut my hair, it's if I trust you with a pair of scissors. They can be very dangerous."
"Yes, and this is were the trust comes in, Master Kenobi. The whole point in the exercise." She paused, then smiled. "Just because you are the Master doesn't mean you can't learn something."
"Oh, believe me, I know that," Obi-Wan replied. "There is never a moment in which we stop learning."
"So, what will it be then?" Allura asked with a smile.
The smile is what got him.
"Alright, but here's the deal, you mess up, you're out."
Allura looked at him, unable to hide her shock.
"I'm kidding," Obi-Wan said. "Lightsabers will not count as scissors."
"Of course, Master," she replied.
This was a matter of trust, an exercise to prove trust. Allura knew that Obi-Wan didn't trust her, didn't really know her. She wanted to do all in her power to make him trust her. This, as crazy and foolish as it sounded, was a way to gain his trust. It was a very crazy way, but at least it was a way.
"Now, Master, you're going to have to sit still, I've never done this before."
"Wait, what?" Obi-Wan asked, jumping out of the chair he was in.
"Don't worry, I'll let the Force guide me, I won't hurt you."
Reluctantly, Obi-Wan sat back down in the chair, letting Allura wet his hair. He knew what this was about, and her almost pleading eyes didn't help the situation. He took a deep breath in and left it all up to the Force. It was out of his hands now. It was a very creative way to gain someone's trust.
Obi-Wan felt the cold water droplets fall from his hair onto his neck. Goosebumps began to rise on his skin as Allura began to cut and part his hair. He heard the scissors cut through his hair and saw them fall to the floor. Wet pieces fell.
"I do hope you know what you're doing," Obi-Wan said.
"I've seen you around the Temple, you never saw me, or knew me, but I've seen you," she replied. "It's hard to forget your face."
Obi-Wan had never seen this girl before. The Temple? The only Temple Obi-Wan had ever been at was the one on Coruscant. Which would mean, she had been on Coruscant, her Master was from Coruscant. He could have very well known her Master. Then how didn't he know her? It was possible, the war had sent him all over the place, the Temple was not a meeting ground. She could have been standing right beside him one day, and he would not have known. Then, something inside him clicked. He had felt this kind of presence before.
Allura had finished with Obi-Wan's hair and faced him. She brought the scissors to his face and began to trim his beard. She rested on her knees in front of him. She was fully concentrated. Nothing could break her concentration. She looked up, right into Obi-Wan's blue eyes. She didn't see pain anymore, but peace. She smiled, and saw Obi-Wan's eyes light up when he smiled back.
Allura's green eyes were stunning. Obi-Wan couldn't look away. Her smile always made his heart lift. A piece of her hair and brushed her face, and Obi-Wan wanted to reach up and place it behind her ear, but dared not to. Every now and again she would look back up at him and a smile would appear on her face.
"Almost done," she replied.
"Take your time," Obi-Wan replied. "It's peaceful."
"Yes, I look into your eyes and see that, instead of a rush of pain. If I had known, I would have done this before you tried to kill me in the night."
"I apologize for that, it was very unlike me."
"It's ok, I know why you are the way you are, but you have to realize what happened wasn't your fault. Things happen to us, it's the will of the Force. All we can do is live by the Code, try and lead a good life, try to be honorable Jedi." Allura paused. "Well, an honorable Master and I an honorable Padawan learner."
Allura's words seemed to seep into Obi-Wan as he sat there. The will of the Force. Everything he had ever done was up to the Force, he depended so much upon it, still depended upon it. The Force was life and life was the Force, there was no way to go around it. He had never looked at Anakin's fall as the will of the Force, never. He always saw Anakin's fall as his failure, his fault. His insides began to turn.
"It is very easy for you to say that," Obi-Wan began. "But it's another thing to believe it. I would love to think that what happened was the will of the Force, but I cannot. I cannot stop believing that what happened could have been prevented if I had let Anakin come with me to hunt Grievous on Utapau. If I had watched him just a bit more carefully, maybe he wouldn't have done the things he did."
"We can live our whole lives in a world of what if's, but we cannot. To regret is to question the actions we've done, and that questions the Jedi Code itself. Our decisions must be based on the Code, and to question them, question our motives is to question the Code, question the Masters on the Council."
Her words were so strong, as was the voice behind them. Obi-Wan felt a bit taken back with the power behind Allura's voice. He felt as if he had insulted her, and in a way, he had. He had insulted every Jedi who died during the Clone Wars, every Jedi who died at the hands of Anakin. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan, did not feel that same way.
"I did not mean to insult," Obi-Wan finally said.
"No, it's ok. I seem to forget the Order is dead," Allura replied. "No one thinks of a Jedi as they used to. I remember being a Youngling, thinking about how great it was going to be to be a Jedi Knight, and a Master. I would be able to bring peace to the galaxy, help those in need, use all that I have trained for and put it to good use. I never would have imagined I would spend my whole apprenticeship use what I had learned for war. I never thought I would learn from war, and that the Force was a great battle strategy. My Master hated the war, hated what it stood for and that the Jedi were forced to be involved. He hated that the Chancellor had manipulated all the Senators into believing the war was necessary. When in reality he was behind it. Even in battles my Master tried to uphold the Code, the real reason why Jedi are here. He was such a great man, and now, his memory has faded."
Allura placed her head down. Her hands folded into her lap and she rested back on her heels. She looked up at Obi-Wan, tears in her eyes. She couldn't let him see her cry. She had tried so hard to uphold an image, that she was tough, she could handle anything, but she was slowly breaking. She placed her head into Obi-Wan's lap and began to quietly cry.
Emotion. Obi-Wan had been so consumed with his own he had forgotten how to deal with others. He was unsure if she could let her sit there, if he should place his hands on her, or if he should bring her close to him and hold her. He brushed his hand down his beard, realizing it was only half done. He then brushed his hand on Allura's head, feeling her soft hair.
There were a million things Obi-Wan could have told her, but nothing came to mind. He felt helpless, and he hated that. But how could he even help someone else when he couldn't even help himself.
He cupped Allura's head in his hands and brought it closer to him. He met her eye to eye, such sad eyes. Beauty shouldn't see such sadness. Pain is for the deserving, and Obi-Wan knew she did not deserve it. He wanted to hold her close to him, reach out and grab her, and bring her close. It took everything in him not to.
Allura closed her eyes and brushed her head on Obi-Wan's hand. Something in her head told her this was safe, it scared her. She should not feel anything, but she couldn't help it. She felt Obi-Wan place a piece of her hair behind her ear. Obi-Wan couldn't see her like this, Jedi don't cry, her Master would never allow it. Jedi are strong people who never involved themselves emotionally in anything. What would he think of her? If he had been alive, she would not be in this situation. But, somehow, part of her was glad she was.
"Allura, I did not mean to offend," Obi-Wan said. "There are not many of us left, whatever is heard about Jedi are war stories. We are not honored like we once were. It is very sad and tragic what has happened to our Order, but we must accept it's fate and move on-"
"Or do something," Allura interjected. "Why can't we do something? Why not save our Order, take it back from the one who stole it from us?"
"The time isn't right," Obi-Wan answered.
"When will it!" Allura yelled. "I'm sorry, Master Kenobi, I did not mean to raise my voice."
"No, Allura, you are right," Obi-Wan said. "Why must we sit and do nothing wile the Emperor and Vader rule the galaxy? I am no where near strong enough to take on Emperor Palpatine, Master Yoda could not beat him. To bring down the Dark Side of the Force we need several Jedi, and we do not have that."
Obi-Wan noticed the look of dissatisfaction on Allura's face.
"I am not as strong as you may think. I could never face the Emperor, and to face Anakin again, my mind can't handle that."
"Even if it meant saving the Jedi Order?" Allura asked.
"Darth Vader is not Anakin Skywalker, they are completely different. Darth Vader is stronger, more powerful than Anakin ever was. His connection with the Force is too strong.
They would kill us, and any hope of recreating a new Jedi Order will be lost," Obi-Wan paused. "I know this upsets you my young Padawan, but you must understand."
Allura's eyes dropped.
"Yes, Master Kenobi, I understand," she replied.
She picked the scissors up and finished what she had started. Though, now, the manner in which she did was completely different. Her eyes did not hold that peacefulness and beauty they did, they were now sad and desperate.
Obi-Wan hated himself for saying what he had said to Allura, and making her feel that way, but he knew it was the truth. He knew he could not face the Emperor, he knew he never could. He also knew of this Darth Vader and his powers, how he hated that name, Darth Vader. His battle with Anakin on Mustafar would be different than any battle he may have with this Vader. He should have made sure Anakin died that very night, instead of walking away. But the sight was more than he could bare.
Obi-Wan thanked Allura for what she did, but she had no response and went straight to her room. She had every right to be mad at him, and he knew this. Her life had been disrupted by the war, everyone's had. Obi-Wan knew if she had seen what he had, dealt with what he had, she would know. But, she never saw that side of the war, not many Jedi did. The Council did not want to worry any of them.