Yay another result of a nighttime inspiration burst! Please enjoy people!
Oh, and for those who think I have a secret bank account in Sweden… It's not worth it to sue me… Even if I did claim to own yugioh. (who would ever think I own it anyway? Like I would write crappy fics if I did! V.V")
Grr, they removed this… But I changed it… and yes! ALL CHEER for: The new, improved and fanfictionrulefriendly version of facing the elements! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Earth 1
It was a nice day, probably somewhere in May.
The sun was shining, the birdies were chirping and our dear Bakura lay on the couch, snoring and drooling. He looked really psychotic and peaceful. As psychotic and peaceful as a sleeping psychopath.
Actually…
that was a dumb thing to say and about as logical as a flying fish…
Our dear Bakura is a psychopath… And at that time… he was sleeping.
Why I used was instead of is?
Because there was a but in the room.
No, not a butt, but a but.
Yes, dear people… There always seems to be a big but. This but was about good things. Because… as it is with all good things, they never seem to last longer than three seconds..
This day with Bakura being a sweet, sleeping psycho was no exception.
Ryou came walking into the room and saw his yami drooling and snoring in all his peacefulness. He sighed. He really, really didn't want to do this. If it wouldn't get him killed, it would leave him with a really, really awake, less peaceful and bad tempered psychopath. Besides… He had gotten pretty used to the peace and quietness of his yami laying on the couch, drooling and snoring. No more deranged take-over-the-world-plans, no more shadowrealms popping up in the middle of the city, no more FBI agents coming to question him about some suspicious, lifeless, but living bodies. The last weeks had been more than relaxing.
And even here was a but to be found.
Malik had called him this morning. They had talked for a while and both came to the conclusion that this peace would eventually leave them with plants instead of yamis. After this, they had informed Yugi, and he too was concerned. So they decided the hikaris had to come into action.
Ryou sighed again. He didn't like the idea of a rampaging psycho in his house, but the idea of a Bakura growing roots into the couch and needing to be watered every day was even less appealing.
"Bakura?"
No response.
"BAKURA!"
Bakura jumped up. "WASN'T ME!" O.O
Ryou sweat dropped. "Yeah right… What I wanted to tell you… I'm going to Yugi this afternoon."
Bakura lay down again and yawned, obviously still half asleep. "You're going to Yugi… Allright… have fun with…"
Suddenly it struck.
/STRUCK/
"WHAT?"
"What's wrong, yami?" Ryou asked, knowing damn well what was wrong. He somehow managed to give away his most innocent of innocent looks.
Bakura, on his turn, did what he always does. He ignored his hikari's most innocent of innocent looks and started an impressive rant.
"Didn't I forbid you to ever, EVER have human contact with that sacred garden gnome?" he ranted.
"No…" Ryou said, innocent as ever.
Bakura did a spectacular, worldrecord-breaking backflip off the couch and disappeared out of sight. Some seconds later his head popped up from behind the table, showing a two feet bump.
"Well," he said, his bump dangerously wobbling up and down when he spoke, "then I forbid you now!"
Ryou sighed and started to pull on his jacket. "Whatever suits you…"
Bakura got himself on the couch (again) and looked at his hikari to see what he was doing. Bakura was, to keep this an understatement, very unpleased with Ryou's new discovered ability of disobeying.
"Hey, I just said that…"
Ryou gave him his most angelic, kawaii, sweet, nice and innocent look of innocence. "Ow, don't worry, Bakura, I'll avoid all contact with the sacred garden gnomes. Now if you don't mind… Yugi is standing in the cold."
Bakura wasn't impressed by Ryou's kawaiiness and gave him the glare of ultimate death and destruction. "Ryou, you freaking /beep/, don't anger me!"
Too bad, Ryou already turned around and the look missed its target. If it hadn't done that, Ryou would probably be reduced to a little pool of hikari soup. Anyways, our brave, innocent and angelic hero was still standing on this planet in one piece to see another dawn, go to Yugi, hear the little birdies chirp and save his yami from the vegetablerealm.
So, Ryou, after miraculously being saved turned back. "Are you coming?" he asked, innocently as always.
Bakura was too startled by his hikari's survival to hide his expression of astonishment, which looked something like this: O.O
"What?" did he ask with his voice matching his eyes.
Ryou threw Bakura his coat. "You're expecting me to leave you here all alone to, accidentally or not, blow up the whole house?"
Bakura found his regular smirk back. "And you expect me to believe that's the reason when your face looks like a white haired tomato? What are we going to do?"
Ryou sighed in relief and instantly jumped out of tomato mode. "So you're coming?"
Now, dear readers, would be the best time to add a really, really, really angry expression from Bakura's side. Just the kind of look that says:
"Now you tell me what I want to know or I'll shove the toaster down your throat."
Ryou was innocent, indeed, but certainly not stupid, and certainly not inexperienced when it came down to angry, threatening yamis. There were three notes he made long ago, considering the handling of those creatures.
They always do as they promise.
Those promises will only seldom be made verbally.
Some may say different, but looks are never deceiving.
He found out that as long as you kept those notes safely in your mind, life with a psycho yami could be at least livable.
So Ryou, with all his experience, immediately saw Bakura's promise and his internal note alert started ringing.
"Right," he muttered. "Well, we decided that you yamis are in desperate need of some fresh air. You've almost grown literally attached to that couch for crying out loud! So Yugi, Malik and I are taking you all on a trip to the mall."
Bakura looked at Ryou as if he just said something really insulting.
"WHAT? I'm not planning to go buy stuff!
A) I can steal it for way less money and effort
B) That's a girls thing, and I'm not and I repeat NOT a girl or anything in that direction!
C) and besides, it is… WAIT! Malik came up with this, right?"
He gave his hikari the most suspicious look he could come up with.
Ryou made quite an impressive sweatdrop sticking to the side of his head. "Well… actually… Yes…" he muttered.
He then started to tell whole stories about their plan, but, unfortunately, the words didn't dig into Bakura's mind. He was to busy thinking, because he felt like he missed point D).
"…Bakura, do you hear me?"
Bakura looked up. "Yeah, I heard your annoying, buzzing voice… Just didn't feel like listening to it…"
Ryou sweat dropped again. "You're hopeless,"
Bakura's look was set to off planet and staring into abyss. "what was point D)…" he muttered, thinking out loud.
Finally, all of a freaky sudden, it reached him.
Start of Flashback
…So Yugi, Malik and I are taking you all on a trip to the mall…
End of flashback
Yugi would be there and where Yugi was…
"I got it!" Bakura's eyes started to shine with happiness and joy, which made him look even more psycho and deranged.
Ryou jumped back, bracing for the definitely incoming impact.
"Point D!" Bakura shouted, inserting a tactical, loaded silence of suspense.
"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE THAT STUFFED UP, FROM MEMORY LOSS SUFFERING PHARAO IS GOING TOO!"
Ryou sweat dropped and wanted to say something, but got interrupted by Yugi walking in the room. He was as always followed by his aura of cheerfulness and by Yami (who looked a bit less cheerful).
Bakura instantly detached himself from the couch, jumped up and pointed a furious index finger at his old enemy.
"OUT!"
Yugi smiled, like he was happiness itself. "Hi, Bakura and Yami Bakura! I thought it was getting a bit chilly outside so I decided to look what keeps you."
Ryou sweat dropped again, risking dehydration. "What keeps us, Yugi, is Bakura's plant like behavior."
Yami smirked. "Ah, so the great "Thief King" Bakura is afraid of the big, bad outside world?" His noble, action figure/Schwarzenegger voice dripped with pure sarcasm.
Ryou wanted to say something but got interrupted by a white/black blur passing in front of his eyes.
"What are you drooling at?" Bakura said with his hand on the doorknob. "I don't have all day…"
Yami Marik stood under a tree in the park and was, while we're still busy placing understatements, not too happy.
"And why, dear friend, are we freezing in here?"
Malik sighed. "Because we have to wait for the two Yugis and Bakurae…. And no… I don't have a clue what takes them so long."
"I'm bored…" Marik took out a lighter.
"OH NO!" Malik screamed. "It took me twenty minutes to explain why I couldn't explain where all those dead bodies suddenly came from and then another ten to explain where they suddenly disappeared to!"
His yami pouted. "But… They looked at me! It hurt… Why are they always looking at me?"
Malik took a critical look at his yami. "You're wearing some oversized, purple cloak and are asking me that?"
For several minutes, Yami Marik stared at Maliks pink tanktop.
"Look who's talking…" he finally stated.
Malik turned purple.
"HEY! I'm not the one with the warping face!"
"And I'm not the one wearing eyeliner!"
"NO?"
"N- never mind…" Yami Marik grumbled. "What I actually wanted to say… …Fuck, I forgot… What did I…"
Malik took a look at his heavily puzzled yami and sighed heavily.
"Why me?" he muttered.
"Oh I remember!" Marik's face beamed. Not warped, beamed, as in happiness.
"I wanted to say that I see no point in standing here any longer. Bye, sayonara, later and tschüs!" Yami Marik turned around with lots and lots of cloak-flapping and started to walk away.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Marik stopped walking. Not because he wanted to, but because something suddenly started to cry like some freaked out moron. But then again… it actually was a freaked out moron. This sucked. If he couldn't stand something, it was the world and everything in it. If he could stand something even less than that, it was his hikari. Even worse, was when his hikari was acting like a freaked moron, because that would be crap to his reputation.
And yes, now he was the lucky person, chosen by destiny and this writer, to be confronted by a freaked out moron, which, accidentally, happened to also be his hikari.
"You can't do this to me!" the freaked out moron sobbed. "It cost me two stoves and a knife to get you here! You can't just leave!"
"Wanna bet?" Yami Marik smirked evilly.
Malik fell down and attached himself to his yami's knees.
"Please!" he begged. "Don't leave!"
Yami Marik almost fell down. "Hey! Let me go!" He shouted, eyes big out of frustration.
Malik only clutched even tighter to his knees. "I'm begging you! Please wait a little while longer! Only one minute!" The sobbing just wouldn't stop.
"No!" Marik said. "There's no way in which you can force me to…"
Malik did the chibi eyes.
"NOOOO! NOT THE CHIBI EYES! Must… resist… the… chi…bi… alright!"
Malik huggled his yami's knees. "Yay! You're the best!"
"Stupid hikaris with their stupid cuteness… /insert lots of unintelligible insults here/ …LET ME GO!" He tried to break free from his hikari's iron grip before anyone would see him like this.
"Hello guys! Here we are!"
Damn, its Yugi! Got… to… break… free…before…
He saw Yami, Ryou and Bakura looking at him.
Fuck
Suddenly, Malik seemed to notice the arrival of his friends and finally let go of his yami's knees, making him fall flat on his ass in the mud.
"Hi to you to!" Malik said.
Yami Marik twitched. "MALIK YOU STUPID MORON!"
"Yeah?" Malik showed his most innocent look.
Marik did a failed attempt to get up. "HELP ME!" He twitched again.
"But…" his hikari pouted. "I first have to tell my friends…"
"NOW!"
So that was it for this chapter. Should I go on? Should I give myself in by the asylum? Should I dance the tango? Please review and tell me so/bows/
For all those people who wondered, here's a little note:
The grabbing the knee thing is actually something ancient Greek (no not Egyptian (for as far as I know)) Always when those people started begging, they grabbed each others knees… (at lest in the stories they do)
I actually don't get why, because someone hanging onto your legs is the most inconvenient thing that can ever happen. Maybe because the other one had no choice but to give in before he/she could walk away… /talks from experience/
I once had two friends hanging onto my knees, begging me for wine balls. Damn, just try to walk then! I almost fell flat on my ass too. /sweat drops/
Our teacher was in the same room as we then and she cast us THE look… My friends are so inspiring… BUT IF THEY EVER GO HANGING ONTO MY KNEES AGAIN!
Hmm… This turned out to be quite a deranged new, improved, fanfictionrulefriendly version… Must have been the lambrusco… v.v;