Behind That Smile
By: behindthatsmile
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Author's Notes:
Chapter 3 of Behind That Smile is here and running! Thanks for the reviews and please review again! I will very much appreciate it if you tell me what you think of this story so far.
To those who reviewed:
Yukyungtang ... Are you asking why was Sakura sad? Read over Chapter 1 again, please! If that's not clear enough, oh man, I'm a bad author.
Crazee-animefwreak ... The "22's" were supposed to be dividers. I changed it to horizontal lines now, seeing it's more convenient that way. If you want, you can go look at it again. Now, I think it's less confusing. Sorry for that, by the way!
Thanks for all the reviews! Keep them coming please!
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS.
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Chapter 3: Pain
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"Right here," a voice said. Sakura turned where the voice came from and there he was. Her angel.
She did what she thought first of doing. She screamed on top of her lungs. It was ridiculous because of three reasons.
One: no one could hear her. She lived in an apartment building - all the walls are thick enough so that other neighbors could not hear each other's commotions.
Two: Didn't she ask a question? And Syaoran, being there, felt obligated to answer so he did. Yeah sure, she asked through her thoughts but what did she expect? He was her angel after all - he could read her thoughts.
And three: She just noticed him!
After more than thirty minutes of walking around her room preparing to sleep, she just noticed him! C'mon! Was she really that dense? Sakura stared at Syaoran in shock.
"Who are you!" she demanded, pushing off her blanket ready to beat him up if he would do something wrong. "How did you get here?"
Syaoran rolled his eyes and stood up from where he was sitting. Sakura was now standing up by the side of her bed, alert and ready. "Don't come near me or else!" she shouted at him.
Once again, Syaoran rolled his eyes. With one long sigh, he spread his wings out and did not dare to miss our Sakura's reaction.
She was suddenly smiling. The angry contours on her face a while ago were gone. It was as if she had not freaked out and burst.
Syaoran eyed her closer. She really was smiling - admiring his wings. "Pretty," she whispered. Then she realized something, "Oh—my—god!"
"Thou shall not use the Lord's name in vain, girl," Syaoran said.
Sakura was looking at him in awe. "You're an angel?" she asked him disbelieving still.
"Yup, Syaoran Li at your service," Syaoran introduced himself; bowing gracefully causing some of his feathers to fall off to the floor. He did not mind though. It did not mean anything as far as he knows.
Sakura picked a feather up but then she could not. Once she came in contact with it, it suddenly disappeared. She frowned.
"You really can't pick it up," Syaoran explained. "You can't even touch me." He held out his hand.
Sakura reached for his hand but she did not feel anything at all. Her hand just passed through.
"That sucks," she muttered. "Anyway, so when will I wake up?"
"Girl, you're not dreaming," Syaoran insisted, losing his temper. "Are you stupid or what? I'm here. Your angel. What else do you want?"
"Aren't angels supposed to be nice?" Sakura objected, raising an eyebrow at him. "Whatever. I'm sure I'm going to wake up from this madness soon. Nice meeting you, Syaoran Li. I'm Sakura Kinomoto, by the way. Thanks for hanging out in my little dream."
Syaoran growled and made his wings disappear. "Fine! If you don't want to believe it, then don't! I still don't understand why you have to be able to see me! It's annoying!"
Sakura seemed to not listen to him and it annoyed him even more. Too bad, he was famous for being impatient and being so annoyed quickly. He did not change - angel or not, he was still grumpy.
He watched her walk towards her bed, getting ready to sleep again, mumbling to herself. Maybe she was praying again. It was no use anyhow, if she was wishing that he would be gone, wasn't it too late since he was already there?
He could not go back to heaven now that he had taken the obligation to guard her, right? And besides, he couldn't accept being sent back to heaven again because he was not a satisfactory angel.
He sighed in defeat and had stopped convincing Sakura that he was real.The next thing he knew, Sakura was finally asleep. He made himself comfortable on the couch near her bed again and watched her sleep.
Syaoran wondered why she had wanted an angel. Sure, her life was not perfect and happy at all. He could clearly see it in the pictures posted in her room. Pictures never lied. Pictures could show the truth to someone who knew which angle to look at..
But everyone's life was not perfect and happy. Wouldn't that mean that she was just like everyone else? So why did the Chief make her sound so special? What was so special about her? Was it because she's stupid and would never ever believe that he's real?
When Sakura woke up the next day, she found Syaoran still in her room and she wished she could go back to sleep again. She had no clue why she was freaking out seeing her angel. It was supposed to be a good thing, right?
Angels would always be there for you no matter what and they would never leave you. That was what she needed - someone who would never leave her so how come she didn't want to get to know Syaoran better?
It was a Saturday and Sakura wished that she had plans to go out. She refused to go with Tomoyo and the others, not wanting to see Tomoyo and Eriol together. It would just hurt her. All she would feel is pain and nothing more.
So she pretended not to notice Syaoran the whole day. Well, until noon.
She had breakfast. Syaoran followed her down to the dining room. Her father totally had no idea that an angel was flying around in his kitchen. After breakfast, she said goodbye to her dad then watched TV. Syaoran watched with her but they never uttered a single word to each other.
And now, it was lunchtime.
"Time to cook," she said loudly but more to herself. She was still ignoring the fact that Syaoran was there. But no matter what she does, she could not get rid of him.
"Do you always stay at home during Saturdays?" Syaoran finally asked. And that was a start of a real conversation.
He seemed surprise when Sakura answered. "Not really. Usually, I would be out at the mall but not today. Too lazy."
"Too lazy or trying to get away from someone?" He eyed her closer then added, "or people?"
Sakura rolled her eyes. "That's mean. You're reading my thoughts."
"Well, sorry for doing my job!" Syaoran said quite rudely.
"What exactly is your job?" Sakura asked, walking towards his way. "Because for me, it seems like your job is to annoy me and freak me out. What are you doing here?"
"You asked for an angel, remember? I guess that's why I'm here."
"Aren't angels supposed to be invisible?"
"Don't you like to see your angel? And hey, take note of this: I'm one good-looking angel," he said, smirking.
"No, really, why? How come I can see you?"
"Don't ask me! They just told me up there that you will be able to see me. And mind you, I don't like this."
"As if I do," she muttered.
"I heard that!" Syaoran shouted.
"Good," she finally said and that was the end of their conversation. She proceeded to the kitchen and cooked something for lunch while Syaoran stayed at the living room and just stared out the window, wishing that he could watch over her but not letting her know that he's there. It would be better that way.
Sunday came and went. They never talked to each other. Syaoran was stupidly following her around all day, not that he wanted to closely guard her but because he wanted her to know that he was really there. It didn't work though. She still wasn't comfortable with him around.
That night, Syaoran talked to the heaven, hoping that the Chief Angel's attention was on him.
"I don't like this," he whispered. "I don't like this at all. What is my purpose here? To be ignored? To feel that I'm unwanted? She bloody doesn't give a damn about me!"
The heaven seemed to hiss at him after he cursed. "Syaoran Li!" a voice from the heaven said. "How dare you say a bad word! You are an angel!"
Syaoran recognized the voice immediately. "Chief, I was wondering now why I'm an angel," he said.
"For the last time, we did not make a mistake on making you one, ok?" the Chief Angel said.
"Whatever," Syaoran said, not caring now. "Look, why don't you assign another angel to guard this girl? She's impossible! She asked for an angel but then she doesn't like me around her!"
"She'll get used to you," the Chief Angel replied simply.
"When?" Syaoran said. "Tomorrow?" he added sarcastically. "I'm telling you, she doesn't give a single damn about me!"
"Sure, she doesn't because she doesn't have to! Syaoran, you're supposed to care about her. You're supposed to make her feel safe. So the best thing you can do is to stop acting like a child and start doing your work! Make her feel special because she is! Why in the first place can she see you huh? And if you say another bad word—"
"Am I going to be doomed?" Syaoran interrupted. "Flash news: I'm already dead!"
"If you say another word—" the Chief Angel repeated as if Syaoran had not interrupted him. "—we can bring you back to earth and trust me, that won't be a good thing."
Right at that moment, Syaoran suddenly felt scared - he didn't know why. He just felt scared. Angels should never feel scared - they should be the stronger ones that people, like Sakura, could lean on.
Maybe Sakura sensed a weakness in him and now she was revealing it openly to the world. No, if he didn't stay strong, he would cease to exist.
It was then Monday morning. Time for school. Sakura got up slowly after her father woke her up. Syaoran watched her run around her room, fixing her stuff on the last minute. Procrastinator.
Sakura did not know that Syaoran would be following her around school too. He was there, at the back of the room, listening to the teacher intently.
'What the hell! Leave! Stay out of my life!' her thoughts came screaming at him.
'That's not a good thing to say to your angel,' Syaoran relied, telepathically, smirking.
'Out of all the angels I can have, why does it have to be an arrogant, grumpy asshole like you?' Sakura said.
'Don't question what the people up there do and decide. I tried to object but too bad, they don't listen to me. You have no choice but to bear with me. And hey, really, you should be thankful that you can see me - that you can see your angel,' Syaoran said with his most calm voice.
Sakura did not talk to him any further. Her thoughts were suddenly about how annoying math was and Syaoran totally was not interested on how she viewed his favorite subject. The bell finally rang and it was time for lunch.
Syaoran followed her to her locker. He could feel how weird Sakura was feeling because she could see him passing through the students in the hallways. 'Can you not!' she said to him through her thoughts.
'Man, you're good in sending your thoughts. Anyway, can I not what?' he asked, looking at her closely, now that she had reached her locker and had opened it.
'Can you not pass through people?' she asked him.
'What do you want me to do then? Be solid and bump into people? Wait, I can't do that.'
'Can't you fly?' Sakura said, giving him a look, then closed her locker shut. 'I mean, when you're up there, you have no one to pass through and it won't look weird to me. Oh damn…'
Her last sentence was not meant for Syaoran. Coming towards her were Eriol and Tomoyo, Naoko, Rika, Chiharu and Yamazaki - her circle of friends.
'Your friends?' Syaoran asked her and she just gave him an isn't-it-obvious look.
Sakura smiled at all of them and chatted with Rika and Naoko. Eriol and Tomoyo were doing their thing and Sakura chose not to look at them. Syaoran figured it all out already - Sakura's situation with her friends.
He could feel her smile gently being unreal just for the sake of her image towards her friends.
On their way to the canteen, many people greeted them. Not that they were famous, they were just naturally friendly. Little do they know that someone among them was faking every smile she flashes.
Sakura, seeing Syaoran was still 'passing through' people, was sending him cautious looks while walking to the canteen. Syaoran finally got the hint and spread his wings then flew slightly.
Yet again, Sakura found herself dumbfounded by the sight of his wings. She had stopped walking that Yamazaki bumped her since he was behind her.
"Sakura!" Yamazaki groaned. "Someone's behind you here! It's pretty rude to just stop walking. What the hell are you staring up there!" Yamazaki yelled angrily seeing that Sakura was ignoring him.
Everyone else stopped, even Tomoyo and Eriol, to laugh at the situation.
'Sakura, if you continue staring at me, your friends will think you're crazy,' Syaoran said, bring her back to earth.
'Stop showing off your pretty wings then!' Sakura shouted at Syaoran, though only in her thoughts. "Sorry, guys. You said something Yamazaki?"
"Nothing you're interested of, I guess," Yamazaki said, sulking.
The others laughed. Chiharu was the one who explained to her what happened. She laughed after hearing the story along with the rest of her friends. But in reality, she forced a laugh to satisfy her friends. And Syaoran was the only one who knew that.
Syaoran followed Sakura to the gym for her volleyball training. Tomoyo, Chiharu, Naoko and Rika were there too. The guys were nowhere to be found. He then figured out that they were out in the soccer field.
By the looks of it, Sakura was the best among her friends in the team. There were people better than her but it was because they were older and had more training last year.
Sakura and her friends were freshman in high school. They were the newbies. But comparing the freshies in the team, Sakura was the best. She was the most active one and she was the one who least complained.
Everyone else was complaining on how many laps they have to do, how many push-ups and sit-ups they have to do for warm-ups. Sakura, on the other hand, just did her thing and relaxed and still smiled as if she couldn't hear all the whining of her team mates.
Volleyball was her passion. She knew that she's not good enough for the sport yet to be in varsity but she's trying her best. She would be in varsity next year and her friends could not make her sacrifice that.
Fifteen minutes before their training ended, the team had a little game against themselves. The two coaches divided up the team and joined each. Sakura was with Chiharu while Rika was with Tomoyo.
It was a fun game indeed but then the tension became obvious all of a sudden. It was Sakura's serve and the ball went to Tomoyo's direction. Tomoyo, unluckily, did not hit the ball. Sakura served once again and yet again, it went to Tomoyo. Tomoyo failed to get it back.
Syaoran watched at the benches and was finding it hilarious because it was as if Sakura was aiming for Tomoyo. Tomoyo's team then adjusted their positions but once again, Sakura's ball went to Tomoyo. This time, Tomoyo hit it then other two girls succeeded giving it to the other side. Three hits from Sakura's side. Then a girl passed the ball to Tomoyo then Tomoyo jumped to spike and she did but then Sakura blocked it and the ball landed straight tothe floor.
Tomoyo sulked while the coaches congratulated Sakura's awesome block. Some of Tomoyo's teammates complimented her with her spike but then the whole team did not let go of Sakura's "awesome" block until the end of the training.
Even in the locker room while the girls were changing, Tomoyo was still sulking and was definitely pissed.
"Are you going to your locker after changing?" Sakura asked Tomoyo, trying to figure out if that would ease up the tension between them. She was wrong.
"No," Tomoyo simply replied. "I need to go home early. Flute and singing tutorials."
"Oh," Sakura managed to say. "See you then," she added while watching Tomoyo leave the locker room.
When Sakura got back home, her father was not there yet again. She sent her driver away after making him eat dinner.
Sakura did her routine before sleeping but then she was completely ignoring Syaoran again.
"What's wrong?" Syaoran asked while she was putting her blanket over her.
"Nothing," Sakura softly replied.
"There is something wrong," he insisted. "Tell me. That's why I'm here."
"You're here to protect me right?" she said. "Then you should have warned me not to go out of the locker room yet a while ago!"
"What are you talking about?" he asked her, totally clueless.
When she entered the locker room to get changed, Syaoran did not dare to follow her. He was giving her privacy but then he made sure of course that he could sense her environment inside.
Nothing seemed wrong a while ago. Syaoran did not wait for her outside the locker room but outside the school. He saw her with Chiharu and Rika. They must have gone earlier than Naoko and Tomoyo because he had not seen them go out of the school yet.
"It hurts, Syaoran," Sakura whispered and with her lights off, her tears were shining because of the moonlight coming from her open window.
"What hurts? What's wrong, Sakura? Spill it already."
"You're my angel right?" Sakura said, totally obvious that she does not want to answer his question.
"Yeah."
"Will you do anything for me?"
"I don't know where this is going but if you're going to ask me to bring back a dead person, I can't do that. Just tell me what's wrong - maybe you'll feel better."
"Can you make the pain go away?" she then asked him and for the very first time, Sakura was looking straight into his eyes that she memorized every detail of his amber eyes in only thirty seconds.
"How am I supposed to do that if I don't know what had hurt you!" Syaoran tried to control his temper but he could not understand Sakura. And oh, he was no good in front of girls who cry. Angel or not.
"Tomoyo and Eriol are together!" Sakura cried out. She didn't bother to wipe off her tears and continued talking. "I saw them! Kissing each other! Like there was no tomorrow! They're together! And it's just like that! He forgot about me already! Just like that!"
"…Just like that," she cried one last time, her voice crackling because of her sobs.
Looking at her, Syaoran wished that he could hold her but he couldn't. The best thing that he did was to hush her and waited for her to calm down and sleep.
Author's Notes:
Chapter over! To be continued.