Qui-Gon led her out of his apartment and they left the building to continue talking outside. They made their way to the inner courtyard that could be seen from Qui-Gon's apartment. Many other windows overlooked the enclosed space, a serene landscape of greenery, rocks, pools, smoothly raked gravel. They passed three novices on a path, young children far from being old enough to be chosen as Padawans, but having left the nursery behind. One of them raised his eyes from the respectful bowed head posture they all adopted when they passed a Master. He boldly flashed Valia a friendly grin of recognition from his days in the nursery, and quickly dropped his face again as they passed, continuing on whatever errand they had been sent.
Valia and Qui-Gon smiled, watching them go. Then Qui-Gon sighed. "The Council brought up that incident in the park from last year."
"Oh, please," Valia said with annoyance. "We didn't do anything wrong."
"I know. And I told them it has no relevance. But nonetheless, the two of us cannot take any children out of the Temple or off the grounds until further notice." Valia sighed in disappointment.
The year before, a minor Senatorial aide had happened to see Qui-Gon and Valia in one of the city parks. They had taken three of the nursery's oldest children out for a rare leisurely afternoon of some sunshine and play on the grass. Since children were occasionally allowed outside the Temple only under a Master's supervision, this was not an unusual sight. What had caught the aide's eye were the stolen kisses between the two adults in the deep shade beneath a tree. By the time word of the incident reached the ears of the Council, it had been distorted into a tale of a half-nude romp in front of innocent children. The Council had determined the truth of the matter, considered it briefly and then dismissed it. But it had been brought up again in light of recent events, and this additional slap on the wrist was to ensure proper Jedi conduct was maintained at all times, even off Temple property, and that nothing could be misconstrued by any observers.
"It was two kisses."
"I thought it was more like three," said Qui-Gon "At least."
"Two, three, whatever," said Valia, waving her hands. Qui-Gon gestured toward a bench in the center of the garden. It was pleasantly shaded by a cluster of bluish-green arropia trees and looked over a small round reflecting pond. They sat down together.
"Are you sure it wasn't four?"
Valia aimed a glower upward at him from beneath her bangs. Who needed the marriage when they were already beginning to sound like an old married couple bickering over some long-ago triviality? But she realized she was being teased when she saw the trace of an impish smile on his face. "However many there were," he said with a quirk of an eyebrow, "They were very nice."
She leaned back and smiled. "I haven't kissed you even once in two months, you know," she said.
"That's a very long time."
"I think so. I could kiss you right now."
"I could kiss you right now, too."
Valia quickly glanced around at all the windows looking over the courtyard. Something must have told him she was going to self-consciously point this out and offer up some kind of protest. In the next second she found herself wrapped in two strong arms and bent over the back of the bench, locked in the longest, laziest, most whiskery and passionate kiss of her life.
Quite some time later he pulled her upright and she sat there, slightly dizzy. She pushed a few stray strands of hair out of her face, enjoying the pleasant warm hum that coursed through her veins. Qui-Gon wore an expression of content bemusement on his face. She'd given as good as she'd gotten.
Qui-Gon tipped his head and appeared to be listening intently for something. "I didn't hear it."
"Hear what?"
"The foundation of the Temple cracking," he quipped.
Valia laughed, a bright and joyous sound. "So is that what it would take to bring it down? A little hanky-panky in the garden?"
"You would think some believe that's so," he said.
"Why are they making such a big deal over this now?" she wondered. "If what I gather is true, that they see me as nothing more than a physical and emotional entanglement for you," Valia said with a trace of bitterness, "Then they must believe sooner or later you'll 'get over it' and that will be the end of the 'problem'".
"Some of the Council believe that," said Qui-Gon. "But there are some, and Yoda is one of them, who feel this is more than a passing entanglement. They decided a 'wait and see' approach is most wise. Given my age, some feel I may soon choose to end my days as a Knight anyway. And they have indicated they trust my maturity and skill level to keep my emotions and behavior under control," he said with a self-deprecating twinkle of humor in his eye.
"It is the depth and strength of the emotion that is the concern," he said in a more serious note. "Love can equal fear or hate in strength. And so can the suffering and despair that may follow, if there is loss. That's why they are 'making a big deal' about it." Qui-Gon looked at her and took her hand again, the one with the ring on it. "Valia...when first told you I loved you, I meant it. When I say I love you now, I mean it. Even if I sometimes seem to not show it."
"I know," she said. "I know. You don't throw words around, and say things you don't mean. I have always believed you. And you don't take these kinds of matters lightly."
"No. And that's why I will not defy the will of the Council in this matter, and we will wait. I won't have you involved in something that serious," he said. "But more importantly than simply following their dictates, I will not leave the life of a Knight until I can do so without reservation."
"But you should be free to leave it whenever you want."
"I am. But my feelings tell me the will of the Force is for me to not leave the Order, not yet, to enter a life with you."
Valia nodded. This was the hard part for her to accept, yet she could begin to understand it. He had told her once his heart belonged to her. But it may be it was not quite his entirely to give. Or if it was, something else was exerting a pull on it. The Force, she thought, and sighed. She had spent enough time in this place to know the unique ways of its inhabitants, so she ought to accept a simple statement like this from one of them. She wondered how it might sound to someone on the outside, who knew nothing about Jedi and their ways. Another thrown piece of crockery might well be the result. She smiled with chagrin. But she was quite sober now, and Qui-Gon was very serious.
"And I will not marry you secretly." Valia looked down at the toes of her shoes, resting in the soft, fine gravel below the bench. That very thought had crossed her own mind, but she had not suggested it out loud, dismissing the idea herself. "I will not have this be something devious and hidden," he said. "When the time comes, we will marry in the open, and in the full light of day, in front of anyone who cares to attend." Valia smiled and remembered Ravi in her dream.
"And I will not have us pretend to be married," he said.
"How would we be pretending?"
"Living together, for example." Valia shrugged, wondering what was so wrong with that? He was gone so often, they would hardly spend more time together than they did now, even if he did move in with her. Still, she was warmed by the thought that he respected and honored that future relationship with her, and did not want it to begin with a casual arrangement.
"But there are occasional moments, now and then, when I don't mind pretending," she said with a sly, suggestive smile. She leaned against him and affectionately jostled him with her shoulder. She watched his face and the play of expressions across it as it became clear he knew exactly what moments she was referring to. Fond remembering, sobering, and then one of humility.
"Lia, I hope you know I never meant to take something from you that was not meant--"
"Oh, Qui-Gon, I hope you aren't actually worried about that after all this time." She gave his forearm a gentle reassuring squeeze. "Believe me, you didn't take anything from me that wasn't freely given. Or begged for in return," she added with a grin. Qui-Gon smiled at her again.
"And there is the matter of Obi-Wan's training," he continued after a quiet pause.
Obi-Wan. Yes, she had thought of him, and how attached he was to his Master.
"Yes. I want him to have the best training. And the best teacher," Valia said. "For as long as it takes. I won't let you leave him. I...I love him, too."
"There is much he needs to see, and be taught," he said. "It is my duty to see that he achieves his full potential. And one day, to see him receive his Knighthood..." He paused and looked out over the garden. "Then I will know I have done right by him, and all that we stand for." Then his voice dropped to nearly a whisper. "I cannot accept another failure."
Valia had kept her hand on his arm, and she slid it forward to take his hand. The turning of his former apprentice to the Dark Side and his loss still haunted him. Here was the one place where his wounded pride and ego surfaced for her to see. Surely he was not so anxious that one misstep in Obi-Wan's training would undo everything. She squeezed his hand. "That's not going to happen. And the failure was not yours. From what you've told me, Xanatos sounded like he was on his own path even when you accepted him as your apprentice," she said. "And Obi-Wan is older than he was, far beyond that point now," she said.
He nodded and seemed to accept her reassurance. "I only want what's best for him."
"Of course you do."
"And for you, too."
"All this talk of duty, and doing right by the Order, and wanting what is best for everyone else..." She shook her head. "I'm not saying it isn't the right thing to do, and it's incredibly noble, but is that all you truly want?"
"Yes."
Valia reached up and softly tapped his chest with a finger, right over his heart. "Qui-Gon. What do you want?" she said.
Qui-Gon looked down into her eyes. What were the things he wanted, in his heart? No one but her had ever asked him that, to look at his own personal desires. He had been trained to look away from those all his life. Beyond what he had just told her, what were they? He couldn't think of a quick answer for her. Not yet. He always thought he'd had a clear vision of what he wanted, until with one look or touch she could turn it all upside down. He'd need some time to sort it all out.
"I want to show you something," was his answer for the moment.
"And what would that be?"
"Come with me, and you'll see," he said, rising from the bench.
He led her to the other side of the garden. They re-entered the Temple and they walked through a series of wide corridors. They came to a large sliding door, and Valia could feel moisture in the air as they came close to it.
"That must be an entrance to the Room of a Thousand Fountains," she said.
"Yes."
"Only Jedi are allowed inside it," Valia said. "It's private. Non-Jedi aren't permitted in there."
"But I feel you would very much enjoy it." Qui-Gon kept her hand in his, and with the other pushed the control to open the door. It smoothly slid into a pocket in the wall, letting out a gust of cool humid air, and the sound of water spraying, splashing, dancing.
"Oh, I'm sure I would, but--"
"Please," Qui-Gon said. "Indulge me." He led her through the door. He tucked her arm into his elbow and they walked forward into the green indoor oasis. "I find myself in a rule-breaking mood today."
Valia had to stop when they had walked a short way into the cathedral-like room, simply to look around her. It took her almost a minute to take it all in. Over there was a large waterfall, cascading in a series of steps between cleverly piled huge rocks. There was a simple arching bridge over a placid stream, and over there, a cluster of fountains set at different heights sparkling in a sunbeam. Everywhere there were copious amounts of crystal clear water set in every possible motion. All of it was tastefully laid out so that each feature could be enjoyed and contemplated by itself in a series of loosely connected garden 'rooms'. There was an air of the sacred or hallowed about this place.
Valia turned slowly in wonder, to see everything that could be seen just from their vantage point on a small cobbled circle set amid the greenery. A crystalline glass ceiling far above their heads let in the light, and she could see the white clouds in the blue sky through it. Tall tree ferns waved in the damp breeze generated from the waterfall.
"Well," she said, her eyes resting on another joyously leaping cluster of fountains, and then surveying the room in general, hand on hip, "This would certainly go a long way toward explaining why the rest of us in the neighborhood have to put up with such lousy water pressure."
Qui-Gon openly smiled down at her dry comment that was made in spite of her evident delight in seeing this place. He led her around the edge of a small pool with a low, rippling fountain in the center. They walked along the paths slowly for a while, pointing out the sights. In spite of the sounds of all the water, Valia found it soothing and soon became comfortably lulled by its unbroken steadiness. She could see why this place was spoken of as a favorite among the students, Padawans and Masters.
Valia spied a most inviting-looking secluded patch of velvety green grass at the base of a tree and led Qui-Gon toward it. They sat down together, Qui-Gon leaning against the trunk of the tree, and Valia reclining on her side next to him.
"Speaking of neighborhoods," she said picking up a train of thought she had meant to ask Qui-Gon about. "Did you talk to my landlord sometime in the last two months?"
Qui-Gon's eyes sparkled beneath half-closed lids as he lounged comfortably, stretching out his long legs. "Yes," he answered with a smile. Valia waited for him to elaborate, and it became clear he was not going to be forthcoming on any details.
"Have there been any changes in your rent?" he asked.
"Strangely enough, yes," she said, smirking at his innocent-sounding question. She went on to tell him that she had been informed that the raising of her rent had been a mistake, and in fact, it would be slightly less from now on. In addition, if she wanted to move, there was a unit which had suddenly become available in another of the landlord's building spaces. It was within sight of the Jedi Temple, it was that close to it, and nearly double the size of her present apartment. There were abundant windows and a large balcony. And the rent for such a find? Amazingly enough, barely more than she was currently paying.
"Are you thinking about taking the new place?" Qui-Gon asked.
"I'd be crazy not to," Valia said. "And I'd be crazy to not get it all down in writing with that rat's signature in blood," she added, referring to her landlord. "It's really a beautiful unit. My plants will love it. And you'll be so much more comfortable. When you're visiting, that is," she added with a smile.
Qui-Gon smiled back. Extended overnight visits and living together were not at all the same thing, he thought, admiring the way the wispy tendrils of hair falling from the nape of her neck were coiling up into charming, fuzzy spirals in the humid air. She was gracefully reclining close enough for him to simply reach out and touch one of them if he wanted to.
"Part of the reason I wanted a bigger apartment was for you," she admitted. "So you would be more comfortable."
"It only took one rap in the head to make me forever aware of that low clearance spot in your kitchen," he said with a shrug. Valia grinned and reached up to affectionately stroke the long-since recovered spot on his forehead. "Anyway, thank you," she said. "Whatever you said or did."
"You're quite welcome. I know it was something you wanted for some time," he said. "But I hope you'll forgive me if I don't get to see your new place for a while."
"You're going to be gone again," she ruefully predicted.
Qui-Gon nodded, and explained that he'd been chosen for several delegations and diplomatic missions that would keep him off Coruscant for most of the next few months. And, he added, it had been strongly suggested by the Council that he take a week-long retreat at one of the few scattered off-world sites run by Jedi. Quiet places for rest, relaxation and re-focusing for Knights who had been through particularly arduous missions, or those who simply needed to take brief sabbaticals.
"Ki-Adi-Mundi made an eloquent statement about becoming weary or emotionally fixated to the point of not seeing the forest for the trees," Qui-Gon said, folding his hands on his lap and raising his eyes upwards to gaze at the tree branches and leaves above them.
"Referring to you? What exactly did he mean by that?" Valia pushed herself up and sat cross-legged on the grass near his knees. Qui-Gon explained that the Council would rather have seen Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan speedily return Jax to prison after they caught him, and spend much more time on Darat, where more serious issues had been, than on Nyme' with her people. Simply because they were her people.
"But isn't that a bit trivial? After my family and the neighbors got over the shock of one of their own turning into a criminal and you having to hunt him down on their own farms, they were grateful for all you did to straighten everything out afterwards. I'm positive that you'll be always remembered as a hero there."
While that wasn't why Qui-Gon pursued the life of a Jedi Knight, it was her optimism and faith in him that helped make the prospect of the coming hard months and years suddenly so much more bearable. He smiled and followed through on that impulse to reach out and caress an errant wisp of soft hair and her cheek.
"So, what is this Jedi retreat like?" she asked.
"Mind-numbingly boring," he informed her bluntly. "I foresee I will be miraculously rested and re-focused in only two days," he said with a glint in his eyes. "At most."
After a short while, they stood up and continued their tour of the room. Valia mentioned the good news to him about her cantankerous walk-in cooler. It had turned out that repairs had been all it needed, at least for now, and an expensive replacement was not necessary.
"And I had an accountant go over everything, and it turns out I'm in better financial shape than I thought. Even with starting out in a restaurant partnership. There were some extra funds to be found." She gave in to temptation and took off her shoes. She stepped off the path and wriggled her toes in the soft grass. What did they do here to get it to grow so beautifully indoors, she wondered.
"If you don't think it too forward of me for suggesting it," Qui-Gon said watching her, "I have an idea what you could think about saving those extra funds for."
Valia looked at him expectantly. He said nothing, but his eyes flicked pointedly downward toward the area around her stomach and then back up to her eyes again. "It is completely up to you, of course."
Valia's mind was blank for an instant, and then it became quite clear to her what he was talking about.
"Oh," she said. Her hand, the one not holding her shoes, automatically went to her belly in a hesitant, almost thoughtful gesture. She rested it there and felt the pink creeping into her cheeks. She dropped her eyes downward as well, wondering how this man did this to her, how he could sometimes make her feel like a shy, giddy, blushing maiden. So very impractical. While Qui-Gon sought to memorize for all time the gentle picture she made standing there, barefoot on the grass, back-lit by a sunbeam so that she almost appeared translucent, her slender hand resting over that part of her which was broken, but not forever lost.
"Oh," she said again, and all the old fears and reasons for not having restorative measures automatically came back to her mind. Growing the tissues for a new uterus took time. Lots of time. And implants didn't always work. Or, if what she had still within her could possibly be repaired, the idea of cold, unfeeling mechanicals operating on her again made her breath catch in fear. Days of recovery time, fears of something going wrong... why not leave well enough alone? She looked up at Qui-Gon hopefully standing there, and could not help smiling at the idea of him actually thinking that far ahead, and along the lines of having children with her. His child in her. That thought alone might possibly make her ridiculously giddy.
"But...if we aren't going to be...I mean, if it's going to be a long time...why rush out and have surgery to repair things now, if..."
"Lia, it's only a suggestion."
"There's lots of time before we need to think about all that. The women from my world historically have very long reproductive lives," she said. "There is such an almighty big deal made on Nyme' about giving birth. I don't think there should be."
"I happen to recall a conversation in which you once told me it would mean a great deal to you," he said softly as they continued to walk along the path. Valia said nothing, thinking of what was in her grasp if she would only avail herself of the technology.
"Lia, if you do decide on surgery, it is something you should do for yourself. No one else. Not even so much for me," he turned to look at her. "Think more of it as an act of overcoming the past. Healing old wounds. And, of course, a promise for the future."
Valia nodded, not meeting his eyes because the upwelling of mixed emotions threatened to flood her heart and her own eyes. She idly twisted an edge of her tunic. She suddenly wanted to go through whatever it took for him.
"I'll go with you," he said. He stopped on the path and waited for her to stop and turn to him. Those four words did more to allay her fear than anything else could have. "Whatever you decide. Whenever you decide it."
Valia let him take her hand once more and they walked slowly down the meandering path, approaching the far side of the room. She wanted to look at her ring again, but to her growing amusement, her beloved seemed to want to hold that hand, keeping her from examining it. It was almost as if he wanted to feel it for himself on her hand, or prevent any chance of it slipping off.
So far they had only seen two other Jedi in the room, and they had been quietly occupied by themselves, reading or resting. Ahead of them on the path was a third. A large, imposing dark-skinned man in tan robes was coming toward them. As he got closer, Valia recognized him as Mace Windu. A formidable Council member, renowned in wisdom and physical strength, the mere sight of him caused Valia to falter on the path. She would have immediately detoured off the path to slip out of sight behind some shrubbery, but Qui-Gon stayed firmly on it, holding her there as well. His grip on her hand tightened. "You're with me," he told her simply, in a tone that was gentle and reassuring but adamant. Valia looked up into his deep-set blue eyes and at once felt the strength of that statement. She was with him, and nothing else mattered. She could do anything, be anything, go anywhere. She kept her place at his side, and they continued forward on the path.
Mace Windu strolled slowly along the path, his fingers steepled together contemplatively in front of him, his thoughts appearing to be directed deeply within. When they approached closely enough to acknowledge one another, the two Masters inclined their heads in a reserved, formal greeting. Valia respectfully inclined her head too, but when she raised it again, something inside her simply could not help it. She flashed him her most winning smile, looking directly into his dark eyes. Those nearly black eyes that saw everything spared only the briefest glance at her, then rolled away to rest once more on the path before him. The somber expression on his face had not changed a flicker. But as he passed, Valia could have accurately guessed the identity of one of the Council members it had been who had voted to not keep her in the Temple nursery.
Valia let out a gusty breath of relief when they reached the door exiting the Room of a Thousand Fountains, and turned to see no sign of Mace Windu anywhere amid the plantings and the water. "Brrr," she said with a sardonic arch of an eyebrow, hugging herself as if caught in a sudden draft. "The temperature dropped a bit just then, wouldn't you say?"
"Don't be too hard on him," Qui-Gon said lightly, pausing to look back before opening the door to let them out. "We'll let him see me escort you out of here, and then we'll find some place warmer to go."
"Hmmm. You know, the sight of all this water makes me think of how long it's been since I've gone swimming. Or taken a good, long, hot soaking bath." Her face became dreamy. "Or even a shower with lots of water. Refresher stations are efficient, but they get tiring after a while. They just aren't the same."
"So it's more water the lady is asking for," Qui-Gon said thoughtfully. "I hear there are places around the City that cater to such a need."
"I know there are. Several very good ones."
"I suddenly remembered I have absolutely nothing planned for the rest of the day," he said. "And your schedule just cleared as well."