Thanks to all our reviewers!
Disclaimer: The songs belong to Savage Garden, TaTu, D-Side, Delta Goodrem (get well soon!), Enrique Iglesias and whoever made the Wizard of Oz. I think I've scared you…..
Chapter 4: Freedom, Fools and Funky Chickens
Hermione's POV
Gosh! (Rubs head) Glad to see he's gone! (Looks up) Where is Harry? No! Or, do I mean yes, do I mean, yes, he's gone, or yes, I don't have to see him.…. ahem. Or do I really mean oh no he has gone? Or oh yes he has gone! Do I mean yes, or no? Do I mean yes, meaning no? (Hermione gets up, and starts looking for Harry).
Ron's POV
(Ron is sitting on his bed looking traumatised) Has Harry done it? Is Hermione interested in him? But why? I drank a potion for her, what about me? I love her! I have to stop Mione from seeing him in that state, god knows what she'll do to him! And Harry still thinks he is a house-elf! Maybe he thinks he is a free house-elf now? Oh no, you need clothes to be free….. (a little light bulb appears beside his head) That's IT! (Runs off, with a hat his mum knitted him, to go and find Harry).
Harry's POV
(Singing quietly) I am invisible, I can just scooter where I please, I am invisible, I'll be naked tonight, I can fix hearts, all I need to do is strip! We should all be free, I am invisible, I'm Harry the elf! (E/N- Send cheques to help Aisha's plea for a place in a mental hospital to…..)
Draco's POV
Mione! Where are you rushing off to? (Hermione says "Must – find – Harry") (Draco thinks: Noooo!) (Suddenly all goes dark in the hall and a spotlight goes over Draco, and backing music starts Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden) (Draco sings: ) I'll be your spell, I'll be your jinx, so evilly, my dear, I'll be so rich, and buy you everything that you need, I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do….oh yeah. I wanna sing for you on Pop Idol, I wanna fly with you on my broom, I wanna be with you for ever, until my dad finds out then it's my tomb (swaying like a backing singer) (E/N-Again, the Editor must plea for Aisha's sanity)
Ron's POV
(Ron is walking quickly through the corridors, singing 'Not gonna get us' by Tatu (E/N HELP AISHA!)) (Ron sings: ) Starting from now, I make a promise, Hermione will not see him like this, I will do whatever it takes now. I'll raise all the alarms (starts headbanging) NOTHING CAN STOP ME, NOT NOW I LOVE HER, SHE'S NOT GONNA SEE HIM, SHE'S NOT GONNA SE HIIIIIIIM!
Hermione's POV
(Stops in tracks and looks confused) Why do I have a feeling that my life is turning into a musical? (shrugs shoulders) Must just be me. (Keeps walking).
Draco's POV
(Still singing in the spotlight) I'll strip bare if that's what it takes for you, As long as you swear that you won't tell too, I'll tell you when I saw what you had for Harry I started singing…..for you to hear me…..for you to love me…..and care for me too. (A crowd of students and teachers has gathered round).
Hermione's POV
So where is my lovely Harry? Such a shame hat he thinks he is an elf. It changes him completely! And it takes away almost all the reasons for me to love him (sighs dreamily). I have to get him out of his elfish ways! Plus I have to see him. I need to (coughs) see my friend. (She quickly walks off down yet another corridor).
Malfoy's POV
(Still singing…..) Oh baby you don't have to close your eyes, I am super handsome oooh oooh oooh hoohoo yeah oooh hooo hooo yeah oohoo hoo yeah ooh yeah yeah E/N that's what she wrote, guys, she needs to be put in the loony bin, trust me (The music finishes and everyone claps, and Draco takes a bow. McGonagall flicks a tear out of her eye. "That…..that was beautiful Mr Malfoy." Dumbledore scratches his head. "I don't know, I still think that doing the funky chicken turns girls on." Everyone gives him a strange look, but not McGonagall, who has a look of total understanding cross her features. Snape is standing in a puddle of tears.)
Hermione's POV
Where can my Harry be? BAM (Harry scootered right into Hermione, and fell on top of her, leaving her in utter shock. Then she realises just who is lying on top of her, and hugs him, because she finally found him.) Oh, thank you god.
Harry's POV
Why is this human lying on top of Harry? She seems be pleased…...
Ron's POV
(singing) Not gonna see him! (twirls the hat round in his hands) Hey, I have a better song. (starts to skip (A/N being a dancer I have to correct that and say it's step ballchange, but since I wrote it, well, yeah) down the corridor) Oh look, there's a load of teachers crying. Maybe Malfoy did something stupid like sing, and they're all crying with laughter. (sings) We're off to find Hermione, and stop her from snogging Harry. If ever and awful couple there was it's them because because because because becaaaaau--- (He skips around the corner where Harry and Mione are and skids to a halt) OH MY GOD!
Hermione's POV
Oops.
Ron's POV
She's – not – just – snogging – Harry – oh – my – gosh – this – isn't – fair – must – get hat – on Harry – (He jumps on Harry from behind, shoves the hat on his head and winds up lying spread eagled over all of them). Ha HA! He's FREE!
Hermione's POV
Talk about pulling the wool over his eyes…...
All the Professors and Malfoy come over to see what's going on…
No-one's POV
McGonagall's mouth fell open, and she fainted. Snape…..well, Snape was just Snape. Well, a warm and fluffy Snape. Draco covered his eyes and ran off. Dumbledore laughed.
'Mr Potter,' Dumbledore said, humour in his voice. 'While a threesome may seem a, well, interesting prospect to you, I must ask you to refrain from experimenting in the corridors.
Snape began to shake with suppressed laughter.
'Harry is honoured, Professor Dumbledore, sir,' Harry said, standing up, 'that you address him as an equal. But Harry is a free elf now, sir!' Harry grinned.
Snape let out a guffaw, and everyone stared at him. 'Sorry,' he mumbled, and stuffed his fists in his mouth.
Dumbledore looked back to Harry, keeping eye contact :-P Hermione stepped out in front of Harry, took off his hat, and made him hold it over, well, ahem.
'Thank you, Miss Granger. So, Mr Potter, I must ask you to take your scooter away, and put some clothes on. Then I will send an owl to St Mungo's. God knows you've had that coming,' he finished in an undertone.
Harry pouted, got back on his scooter, and scootered sadly back to the Gryffindor Dorms. Hermione watched him until he went round the corner.
No one noticed Ron was gone.
Ron's POV
Hi video diary. Hermione wants HIM, not me. Why? I love her! I did so much for her! That's it. I have decided Harry must die. Well, not die. Just injure him enough to send him to the hospital wing for a year or two, so I can win Mione over. (Harry scooters into dorm) Aha! (Ron picks up Harry's broom and whacks him over the head with it) Finally, the stupid twit is unconscious. (Harry says "Oh, better get some clothes on.") Oh well, maybe not unconscious. Harry, are you still a house-elf? (Harry says, "House-elf?") Take that as a no then. (Turns off camera).
Harry's POV
Yuck! That Hermione, she was all over me! I guess I shouldn't have been lying on the floor anyway. And why was I naked?
Draco's POV
(Sings Lost without you) I'm lost without her, I keep trying to find a way but I want that Harry…..(E/N I don't get it either)
Hermione's POV
That was great! I got to cuddle him while he was…..stop it Mione, hehehe.
Draco, Colin Creevey and Ron's POV
I think I LOVE her…..
Colin's POV
Suddenly I have noticed that I am in love with Hermione Granger. (He turns round and looks at his wall, which is plastered with pictures of Hermione). No. I think I have known it for a LONG time (presses side of face to wall, and says in sicko mental breathless way as he strokes the pictures-) You can't be anyone else's, I love you. No-one understands you like I do.
Draco's POV
La la la la laaaaaaa I'll be a singer!
Dobby's POV
(In the kitchen, talking to Winky) Winky, Dobby thinks he loves you! (Winky says "Well Winky knows she doesn't live you!") Noooo! (Dobby grabs a knife and runs off to find Harry.)
Winky's POV
Treat them mean, keep them keen…..(gulp) more butterbeer!
Ron's POV
(Talking to himself) I wouldn't say I'm a weirdo or a bad friend. Not like I'm going to kill him, no. Just gonna damage him hehehe. I wonder what happened to You-Know-Who?
Dobby's POV
Harry Potter, sir? Dobby feels he must ask you a question. May Dobby please ask his question, please, Harry Potter sir?
Harry's POV
Yeah, whatever.
Dobby's POV
Thank you sir, Dobby is honoured, well…..ahem (his ears go red). Does…..does Harry Potter…..love Dobby, sir? No-body loves Dobb---
Fred & George's POV
(Doing some Quidditch practice) Over there Fred! (George points towards rapidly falling Bludger) What? That's not a Bludger, George, that's a…..(the thing hits the ground with a hollow thump) That's a…..Dobby?
Harry's POV
(Leaning out of window, having just kicked house-elf out of said aperture) TAKE THAT, YOU HOMOSEXUAL…..HOUSE-ELF, YOU! (There is a silence, like the world just stopped coz some poor house-elf came out the proverbial closet).
Hermione's POV
Oh, what a shame! How could anyone say that to a poor defenceless house-elf? Wait a minute…..that sounded like – HARRY?
Draco's POV
(By now a substantial crowd has gathered round the motionless House-elf lying outside the castle.) Worthless beast. What's it doing with a knife, anyway? (Nonchalantly) Next thing it'll be revealing the family secrets…..family secrets! NO! Dobby, I know you can't hear me, but you have to promise never to tell anyone about that time you caught me…..well (laughs nervously)…..yeah…..oh good, I feel a song coming on…..
Dobby's POV
I…..
See…..
Socks…..
Ron's POV
They're all being so noisy out there…..but no one cares to come and ask me if I want to join the party, do they? No one thinks about the, do they? I'm just unwanted.
Harry's POV
Scum. He deserved what he got. (Someone on the ground starts a chant of "Killer! Killer! Killer!")
Hermione's POV
(Goes tearing down the stairs to get outside) I hate it when my loyalties get torn like this. Do I side with my eternal love, who may be a killer, and no one will speak to me if I do, or do I side with the cute little house-elf that is defenceless in this merciless world? Oh, and everyone will love me if I go for the house-elf…..but Harry won't…..
Oh! Choices!
Dobby's POV
Get………………………………(the crowd gasps)
Hermione's POV
S.P.E.W. it is! (Harry comes down the stairs muttering with rage) Harry! How could you kick this poor defenceless house-elf out the window? This is not the Harry I fell in love with! (Crowd starts muttering in scandalised tones) As a friend, of course. (Crowd starts muttering in disbelieving tones) IT IS!
Harry's POV
(Thinking) Yeah, sure you don't love me, Hermione. (Hermione says "I DON'T!") Huh? How did she break into my thoughts? (Everyone looks at author) A/N- Hehe, wasn't me…..(Aisha whistles and looks up at the sky…..)
Hermione's POV
Harry, why? WHY? (Gets distracted by his "handsome" face and tries to resist) (E/N- AISHA!) Then again, those big strong muscles of yours….. (clings to his arm) (E/N- Aisha, ratings…..)
Ron's POV
(Comes running out of castle with frying pan) GET AWAY FROM HER! YAAAAH! (in slow motion with 'Chariots of Fire' playing in background, Ron leaps into the air and lands on Harry) bang bang bang bang! You bastard, you call yourself my friend? Ahhhahahahaha you little f (runs off like the insane twit that he is into the Forbidden Forest.)
Hermione's POVNoooo! (kneels beside Harry and breaks down into tears) What has he done to you? (Harry says "Hit me repeatedly on the head with a frying pan?") Ye-es, but…..HARRY!
Dobby's POV……………………..Winky……………
Draco's POV(Slides smoothly into the scene) I think this calls for a song. Cue the music, Crabbe! (Starts singing) I can be your hero baby, I can kiss away the pain….. (Hermione says, "SHUT UP DRACO! MY Harry, yes MY Harry is DYING!" The crowd moans and leaves.)
Reviews………..need………reviews………sustenance……(head droops and thunks onto keyboard)
E/N- I spend waaay too much time on the ASCEML……