Chapter 7

Why can't the past just die?

Author's note: Christine and Erik have quite a lot to work out, and hopefully most of it will be aired out in this chapter. I wanted to try and add a little realism to their relationship. These two people, in my opinion, are meant to be, and so they have to work out the kinks before they both can truly be happy. Also, I have been asked how many chapters this story will be. The answer is that I haven't figured that out yet. My ideas come in block form, and I have to sort it out and make the chapters like that. I don't anticipate many more chapters though…I want to find a perfect stopping point, and then maybe…a sequel? I don't know yet. What do you guys think?

And to Liniya: How would you like it if in the coming chapters I explore the Phantom a little more? I hadn't really thought to go deeper into the Phantom's past. Tell me what you think.

Disclaimer: The odds of my owning the Phantom of the Opera are about the same odds of me being cast as Christine in the Broadway musical…zip, zilch, nada, zero, none, and so forth.

Disclaimer Part 2: The song used in this chapter is called "No One Would Listen", and it's off the special features disc of the Phantom of the Opera DVD. If you haven't heard this song, please please please find some way to listen to it. It broke my heart the first time I heard it...

And now, on with the story…

As soon as Erik heard the boat begin to move across the misty lake, he relaxed. The façade that he was building up slowly dropped as he realized that the three women who had saved his life truly had done what he requested. Erik leaned back against the bed, and sighed quietly. He was a little disappointed, to be honest. He hadn't expected Christine to leave so soon without a fight. He closed his eyes, and willed the flood of emotions that he knew was building up to stay put beneath his cool exterior. It was too much; and suddenly, all the doubt and anger, hurt and betrayal, pain and anguish swam before his eyes as he thought of Christine. Christine…didn't he come back because she asked it of him? Didn't he give up some sort of Heaven, a place where his abhorrent face was the same as everyone else's…Isn't that all he wanted? To be normal? Why had he come back? The anger was building sharply through him, adrenaline rising to match the heaving of his chest.

She left you! His mind screamed over and over again, all logic forgotten. Erik buried his face in his hands as the voices in his mind took over. She promised herself to another man, right in front of you! She is a viper, she is manipulative, she doesn't love you! She doesn't know what she wants! This is some kind of ploy, or jest…you are a monster here! She can't see past your face…

"Why…why, Christine…oh why!" Erik said softly to the shadows. He would give up anything, and everything, to hear her say his name, to hear her sweet voice, to feel her smooth touch against his cold flesh…He had given up Heaven. The realization built in him at this thought. He was still a broken man. The trust was gone-had he ever had it? When had he forgotten that the world hated him, that the world would never accept him? He remembered exactly…It was the first time he had peered through the chapel stain glass and saw the small child of seven, crying for her father to send her an Angel of Music. He smiled at the memory…he knew that he could make this girl happy; he felt like this little girl needed him. He had never realized that by becoming Christine's Angel he would be saved from his solitude, that he would know love; he felt that he had received his soul through the unconditional love of his Christine…

But this was something different. Christine was a grown woman now, and free to give her love of her own choosing. Erik felt foolish for ever thinking that Christine would willing forget the world she knew and choose to be with him. The anger was growing again. Damn, he was a fool! When had he become so weak? Christine was merely a woman, there were thousands of women in Paris…why was she so special? Why did she have a power over him? Because you let her…the angry voice in his head had become pitying, and that enraged Erik more. You let her through, she saw the real you, she saw your soul…you can't be the Phantom of the Opera if someone knows your torments and your tears…

"NO!" Erik screamed. He looked about wildly, believing for a moment that the voices in his head were real, and that if he looked hard enough he could wrap his hands about a throat to stop the voices…It was at this moment that Christine came running toward the bed. Damn that lying Delilah! She hadn't left! Christine lifted the veil around Erik's bed, and was immediately at his side.

"Erik, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?" Christine asked calmly and intently. She looked straight into his eyes, and was shocked to find them bright and mad. What was going on?

"You Christine. You will plague me 'til my death! You brought me back, and now what do you intend to do? I was happy! I was alone, but I felt no pain…tell me now: What is it you want from me!" Erik's voice rose out above the lair. The turmoil and anger in his voice were very evident, and at first Christine could do nothing but stare in shock.

"Damn it, answer me! What do you intend to do this time? Will I give you my heart for you to rip out again? Will I give you my ring so you can toss it in my lake? Will I love you with all my being, to see you declare your love for someone else? WHY DID YOU COME BACK TO ME!" Erik roared with every last bit of his anguished existence. His face flushed, he slumped back against the bed, the last strength of his body spent. He looked up, and at the look of horror on her face, he instinctively place his hand over the right side of his face. He had done it. He had said the burning, evil things that the voice in his head had said, but instead of feeling better, he felt horrible.

"I came back for you."

Erik lifted his head slightly to gaze at Christine at these simply words. Tears were rolling down her face. But her eyes…they were burning with a fire that he had never seen before…

"I was never given a choice, Erik. My whole life has been lived under the sheltering wings of someone else, whether it my father, or you, or Madam Giry, or even Raoul. You didn't give me a choice. You just expected me to make your choice; a choice that would have consequences for the rest of my life. Could you really have expected me to pick fairly, when I didn't want Raoul's life to end? That first kiss…it was a ploy, I know. I did it for Raoul, and my soul burned in hatred for you, for making me kiss you when I had no desire to do so…"

"But, you kissed me twice! I didn't ask for that. You just wanted to see if you could still manipulate me!" Erik's head came up at these words, and he looked expectantly at Christine for an answer.

"Is that what you think? That I am here to cheat you, manipulate you? That second kiss changed my life, Erik, and I refuse to allow you to take that feeling away from me! You know nothing…" Christine turned away from him swiftly. "In a fleeting moment, I saw the true you. I saw your soul, and it was a twin of mine. When you freed me, when you made my choice for me, it didn't take me long to see that there was no choice for me…It will always be, simply, you.

Christine rose from her knees, and stared into Erik's eyes. They glittered with unshed tears; the piercing blue-green was diminished, and all she saw was pain.

"I think that I have caused you enough pain; enough pain for a lifetime. I can never express to you how sorry I am for what has happened; I should never have unmasked you in Don Juan. I shouldn't have even performed. I was twisted every way; I didn't know what was right and what was wrong. And for a moment, I didn't care. All I know now is this unbearable love that I have for you…perhaps it is just compensation for me to know that you are alive and well, but that I can never have you…" Christine leaned down, as if to kiss Erik on the cheek, but thought better of it. She straightened abruptly.

"I will not bother you anymore…when Madam Giry returns with the boat, I will return to the Opera House." Christine turned, and left Erik's bedroom area, going back to her work of trying to gather all of Erik's music. She stopped for a moment, pressed against the organ, and let herself cry those angry, sorrowful tears. She sobbed silently. And then, music penetrated her soul once again:

No one would listen

No one but her, heard as the outcast hears…

Shamed into solitude,

Shunned by the multitude,

I learned to listen,

In my dark, my heart heard music.

I long to teach the world,

Rise up and reach the world,

No one would listen,

I alone could hear the music.

Then at last a voice in the gloom

Seemed to cry, I hear you,

I hear your fears, your torment and your tears!

She saw my loneliness,

Shared in my emptiness,

No one would listen,

No one but her, heard as the outcast hears…

Christine heard the words, but more than that, she heard with her heart. She felt Erik's pain, frustration, and hope. She felt the connection that had established itself when she had kissed Erik grow stronger, and suddenly she didn't care what logic and sense told her. There was but one place for her, and that was by Erik's side. She found herself rising from the floor and moving toward Erik's bed. He had ended the song, and was now leaning slightly to the left, sobbing hard against his pillow. Christine went to the other side of the bed, and timidly crawled in. Erik lifted his tear-streaked face to look at Christine, a flash of surprise playing across his face. She reached for him. Christine took Erik into her arms, cradling his head against her chest, and she held him. All the pain, the fears, everything that had built up inside this man for his whole life poured out of him, and for once, he let every defense he had established down. There were no protective barriers as Erik cried. And for once, he didn't feel ashamed. He felt that he belonged here in this moment; here with his Christine, leaning against her, feeling her sweet breath as she murmured words of sympathy and love. Erik had never felt that he belonged anywhere; the world was supposed to hate him! But now, it seemed, that the angry voice wasn't there in his head anymore. Perhaps the voice was happy to be held by Christine too.

Erik felt the tears drain away. He looked up into Christine's brown eyes.

"I'm sorry Christine. I sho-" Eric started to apologize for his outburst before, but found Christine's finger pressed against his lips.

"Don't. If the past can't die, then we can never be together. We have both made mistakes. But we can move past them. I promise you, I will never leave your side again. Please, believe me!" Christine pleaded, both with her words and her chocolate eyes.

Erik leaned over a bit, and reached to touch a bit of her velvety curls.

"Christine…I love you," Erik sang the words lightly and quietly. Still, the effect echoed through Christine's soul. Erik leaned over, and for the first time, initiated the kiss that he had wanted for so long. Christine responded, raising her arms to hug his neck. This deepened the kiss, and Erik thought he would die now of pleasure…

Erik hissed into Christine's mouth as pain filled his body. Christine pulled away from him, and realized that she had been pressing him very hard across the chest.

"Ooops! I'm sorry…" Christine raised her hand to her mouth in horror. At Christine's expression, Erik laughed.

"My dear, I would trade that little bit of pain for that pleasure any day…" Erik broke into a huge yawn. His eyes were growing heavy, and he knew that sleep was beckoning him.

Christine noticed this as well. "You should sleep, my Angel. You need your strength. If you need me, I'll be just outside…" But Erik apparently had other ideas. "Please…stay with me. Just for a while."

Christine blushed, and nodded. "Before you go to sleep, can I check your bandages? Then I won't worry so in the night…"

"Sure, what can I do?" Erik said, hiding another yawn behind his hand.

"Just lie still. I need to make sure that you haven't bled through or anything. Madam Giry told me to watch out for that."

Christine looked first at his cuts on his knees. When Erik had first fallen, he landed squarely on some glass from the broken mirror. The pants that Erik had worn were so tight that Madam Giry couldn't roll them high enough to reveal his cuts, and so they had to cut them. They were in tatters now. Christine felt the bandage. Everything looked and felt dry. She moved up to the more serious wound: his gunshot wound.

"Erik?"

"Hmmm?"

"Meg said that when the mob came down here they couldn't find you. How is it that you became injured?" Christine asked delicately.

"It was…very ironic. I was standing in a hidden room in the back of my lair. There was a tapestry serving as my door, and a man stood right in front of my hiding place and had a shoot-out with another man. The two men fired, and I was unlucky enough to be standing where the bullet was heading…" Erik closed his eyes as he remembered the shock and pain that spread through his body. He opened them again and found Christine still leaning over him.

"My dear…Meg took my mask. I would like to have it back. Can you ask her about it?" Erik seemed almost embarrassed to ask such a thing, but Christine just smiled.

"She left it here for you. Hold on." Christine left the bed a moment, and returned with the white mask in her hand. Erik reached for it automatically, but Christine stopped him.

"This mask is not who you are. This mask belongs to the Phantom of the Opera, and I do not believe that you are that person any longer. Do you really need this?"

Erik smiled sadly. "The world is not as accepting as you are, Christine. I hide in the shadows because I am not wanted elsewhere. This is all I can truly offer you, Angel. I can offer you my love, my music, and my night. That's all I have to give…But I promise you: from this day forth, the Phantom is gone. No more will I be a ghost, a specter. I will be a living, breathing man. But as for tonight…"

Erik reached once more for his mask. This time Christine gave it to him, but to her surprise he didn't put it on. He merely set it beside him, and gestured to Christine to join him. Christine leaned onto the bed, and in a moment they were locked into a loving embrace. Erik felt the pain in his chest ebb away as his heart beat in time to Christine's. He finally closed his eyes, content.

"Tonight, I will just be Erik."

Awww fluffy stuff! Don't worry guys…the Phantom will still be the sarcastic, prideful man we expect him to be, but Christine now knows the Phantom's true self. I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Hope you enjoyed reading it! Thank you again to all those that review my story: thanks for taking the time. Until next chapter!

Note: I just wanted to say special thank you to Hans and Nidia. I hope that you continue to like the story.