So reading over this upcoming chapter, I realised that it has very very little substance at all…but it gets good at the end….stick with us.
Neither myself or Aisha know anything about stocks, shares, buying things or anything to do with money, other than we don't have any. We don't own Marks and Spencers. It's not like we'd be richif we did.
Chapter 8: Suits, Stocks and Sandwiches
Harry's POV (thinking)
(In his dorm, sitting on bed) Ah well, just another one of those days at Hogwarts, I guess. Ron's gone missing, 'Mione's still talking like Shakespeare, Dobby and the house-elves installed a nice new boiler in my memory and it seems to be working well… I actually had a shower with WARM water!
Toad's POV (all you can hear is croaks)
Harry Potter! Such a pleasure to…. Is that a fly? Oh now…no please, I think I'm just about to do something very yuck…like eat a fly….eeeew….(crunching noises)
The next day…
Dumbledore's POV
(In his office talking to Fawkes E/N-or Fwakes if you're Aisha) Ahhh, once again things are back in order at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Mr Potter gave me quite a heart attack with him gone so would the placing request if he did E/N-huuuuuh?. Oh , by the way, Fawkes, could you please deliver this letter to the Weasley's telling them that the school cannot take any responsibility for Mr Ronald Weasley's…mental condition? Though rumour has it that Ms Granger… I…I mean…would you take this Fawkes?
Dobby's POV
(In the kitchen E/N–No, really?) No no not Marks and Spencers for Dobby knows it is going down the chamber pots as well. Yes he does. OH MY GOD! What is this that Dobby sees? Finally it is Dobby who has clumsily tripped over a major plot point! Dobby must make a dramatic entrance into Dumbledore's office! But what will he say? Winky!
Five minutes later…
One more time, Winky, please – you Dumbledore, Me Dobby (storms out of boiler cupboard into kitchen) Dumbledore sir! Dobby must tell you something that will give you a heart attack! (Winky says with no expression "Whatever is the matter, Dobby.") Dumbledore sir, terrible things are to happen at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!
Dumbledore's POV
(Just walked into kitchen (for some cocoa) and overhears Dobby) Dobby, you said that in second year also, well yeah, you were right. (begins to make some cocoa) But this time you must give us more information, since the whole "Let's keep it a mystery so Mr Potter can fix it" thing is really not working for us anymore. It just keeps getting Mr Potter nearly killed as well as other people and I am sure that that has a part in Mr Weasley's mental health problem….
Dobby's POV
(thinking) If fat Dumbledore sir would just shut up…oh BAD DOBBY (runs into wall) (says) Dumbledore sir! Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is in great danger! For it is on the STOCK EXCHANGE!
Dumbledore's POV
My GOD Dobby say it ain't so! (pauses) Why are you so interested in the stock exchange though?
Dobby's POV
Dobby was doing nothing but getting himself some shares. Dobby has a little money now after working in Dominoes as a summer job E/N-Meet Dobby the Dominoes pizza elf in our other story, "What a Day"! But Dumbledore sir, a little wise word, Marks and Spencers is going down the chamber pots!
Dumbledore's POV
OH MY GOD….my school…STOCK EXCHANGE….(faints)
Dobby's POV
Well…Dumbledore took that like a girly girl…
The next day… Hermione's POV
(sitting in common room with a huge Financial Times newspaper) Hmm…I see Harrods is making a million less than last quarter…ohmygod! HOGWARTS! HOGWARTS! ON THE STOCK EXCHANGE! (Runs round room waving paper above head madly. Nobody cares.) Well that went down like a Marks and Spencers' share…(Runs down to Dumbledore's office, still waving paper)
Harry's POV
(looks confused) What the hell was that all about?
Dumbledore's POV
(sitting at desk, elbows on desk, head in hands) Oh my poor dear school! Whatever shall I- (Hermione bursts in) Miss Granger? Ah. Yes. Hogwarts is indeed on the stock exchange. (Hermione says "And making a loss of £25,000,000?") It seems so. Take heart…that's only 14124294 galleons and 2 sickles (A/N – don't quote me on that) (Bursts into tears) We'll (sniff) have to be (sob) BOUGHT OVER!
Meanwhile...
Ron (wild man of the woods)'s POV
(In forest, he went back after his brief appearance last chapter. Yes, we know you all love him.) (sings) "Whistle while you work (whistles)…" (searches around for another pine-cone) "Doo doo doo doo doo…" (aims wand at pine-cone, there is a flash of yellow light) (Whistles) (scene fades out) (A/N – and what a scene it is….)
Meanwhile…
Malfoy's POV
Ooh! This owl from Father is most interesting! He says Hogwarts has been put on the stock exchange, and it's being bought over! I wonder who will buy it…maybe Father will put in a bid, and turn it into a dark school. Or maybe dear, sweet Hermione will buy it and educate the fluffy creatures of the forest! YES! YES! THAT'S IT! But I don't get enough pocket money….
Several days later, at the London Stock Exchange…
Malfoy's POV
Bring it on! (Looking very dapper in a suit)
Dumbledore's POV
Bring me a sick bag…
Ron (wild man of the stock exhange)'s POV
Let's get funkeeeeeeeeee! (A/N – Anyone watch Green wing? Anyone?)
Dobby's POV
(Wets self with excitement) Wheeee!
Stock Exchangy Person's POV
Ladies, gentlemen…aliens (Dobby says "Dobby is a house-elf!) Ok…ladies, gentlemen and "house-elves", we are bidding today for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Let's start the bidding at £100,000…(Malfoy raises hand) Ok, we have 100,000 from the weirdo in the suit…any advance? £500,000? (Ron nods) Thank you, red haired man in the corner! (Malfoy yells "Where'd'ya get the money, Weasel? Sold Hagrid to a freak show?") (Dumbledore discreetly hexes Malfoy under the chairs) So, an advance on 500…anyone - yes, blond sir, £750,000! Any more? Going…going…(Ron yells "TWO MILLION!") (Malfoy faints) GONE! To the red haired man! Thank you, ladies, gentlemen and house-elves (turns away, says quietly:) Join us next time on Bargain Hunt…
Ron's POV
(Does victory dance) Ahem. (Leaves with Dumbledore and Malfoy)
Dobby's POV
Ooh ooh Dobby is next, Dobby is next!
Stock Exchangy Person's POV
So, next up is Marks and Spencer's. Let's open the bidding at £200,000….(Dobby raises hand) The bidding is opened by the house-elf at £200,000! Any advances? No? My god, SOLD to the house-elf! (Faints)
Later, back at Hogwarts…
Dumbledore's POV
So, Mr Weasley, you now own my school. What made you buy it? (Ron says "I'm going to give it to Hermione for her birthday.") YOU WHAT! And what exactly is she going to do with it? (Ron says "uh…") (Dumbledore laughs sadly) And how are you going to wrap it… (gazes into fireplace)
Dobby's POV
(Bursts into room) Dumbledore, sir! Dobby has just come to say that the kitchens are under new management! Marks and Spencers are now working with us, Dumbledore sir! It is fantastic!
The bell for dinner sounds…
Hermione's POV
(To Harry) Hope it's something good, I'm famished…
Harry's POV
Yeah, I have a real craving for Yorkshire puddings….(They sit down)
The golden platters fill with…
Hermione's POV
Ready made sandwiches? (Picks one up) In plastic boxes? From Marks and Spencers? (Harry says "Where!")
Dumbledore's POV
(Stands up and taps a glass for attention) Well, I'm sure you've all noticed the change in our foodstuffs…I hope you'll agree it's for the better… (Everyone goes, "Uh…no!") (Sighs) God! Just be thankful it wasn't sodding McDonalds! (Storms out)
Total silence in the hall, after Dumbledore's outburst…
Ron's POV
(Sitting at the Gryffindor table, silently gets up and wanders to the teacher's table and stands where Dumbledore usually does.) Well I think now is a good time to tell you all. I am the new headmaster of Hogwarts. You don't like it then TOO BAD. What are you all looking at? EAT! (Plonks himself down in Dumbledore's seat and starts scoffing the sandwiches.)
Harry's POV
(Stands up from Griffindor table) Huh! Ron…you bought Hogwarts and you never told me? No fair! I'm your best friend!
Ron's POV
(Stands up, face stuffed, yet outraged) Shut up, HAPPY! Do you know the years I have spent as your little sidekick, well NO MORE! Now the time has finally come for you to be forgotten HAPPY…. I… eh mean HARRY! I will FINISH YOU! People will say, "Harry? Harry who?" AAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Harry's POV
Gees, Ron, you never told me that you felt that way. And don't you mean that people won't forget me?
Ron's POV
No! I mean yes! They will say, "HARRY? HARRY WHO!"
Harry's POV
Well then they won't forget me 'cause they will have to know I was around to say, "Harry who?"
Ron's POV
No, no, no, I meant I will say "Remember Harry?" and they will say "Harry who?"
Harry's POV
Well then not everyone will have forgotten me 'cause you'll remember me. Plus they will all be really sad that I'm gone 'cause they will be saying "Harry? BOO HOO!"
Ron's POV
Not BOO HOO as in sad crying boo hoo, I mean as in Harry WHO, WHAT DO YOU MEAN HARRY, I DON'T KNOW ANY HARRY. Even Hermione will say "Harry who?"
Harry's POV
You sure she won't be saying "boo hoo"?
Ron's POV
Sure!
Harry's POV
Are you very sure that….
Ron's POV
YES! Now I am going to expel you for trying to be smart!
Hermione's POV
(Stands up) Ron! You can't expel Harry! You'll run us down the chamber pots! You need to run this school in…….plus, I would say "boo hoo"….
Ron's POV
(Dreamy voice) Oooooookaaaaay, Hermione…..
Well…that last bit was some wasted time on your part. Is anyone still here? ANYONE? (Listens to echo..)
The next one is better, we promise…(Jane isn't so sure but Aisha looks convincing)