(Demented Chapter Number Eight)
As Draco was walking down the stairs, he was mentally, emotionally, and physically shaken. How could this have happened? It had to be a nightmare. No other explanation could be possible except for...
"Dark magic. Dark Bloody Magic." as he said this with spite, pausing in mid-step, Petunia came charging up the stairs like an American football player gone mad.
"DUDDY DROODY DUMS! DEAR, DEAR, DEAR, DEAR!" Hugging and sobbing, she looked offended that "Dudley" was not returning the affection. They were making so much noise on the stairs that a thin, pale boy with matted hair came stumbling out from below them, sneezing and shaking sawdust from his oversized clothes. Looking up the stairs, he yelled,
"Awwww, look at this...Ikle diddykins is getting hugged by mummy!" 'Mummy' replied victoriously, (and in somewhat of a ghetto "oh-no-you-di'n't" tone),
"Better check yourself, boy, if you want to keep eating!" At this, the boy said,
"Oh, I'll check myself alright, 'Petty; and I'll take up your offer on not eating your rat poison too."
Petunia's mouth went agape, and as Harry pulled out his wand and stunned her, Vernon came barging through the door out of nowhere.
"Now you're going to get it, boy! No bloody use of that thing outside school..." but he was cut off mid-sentence by Harry's 'sassy' reply,
"True 'dat, 'Vern, but as you'll soon see, I don't give a bloody fuck about school." With that remark, and a shot of sparks, Vernon too was stunned; and Harry grabbed his bags and Disapparated.
Of course, Draco, watching this, was utterly confused. Why was he here? Why was Harry here? Why had he gained two hundred pounds and lost his 'sexy' 'do? Why was Petunia still alive? Why was he? Why, why, why...but the most prodding question was, why the hell were all these Englishmen speaking as though they were from East Cleveland? Soon though, his question was answered, when an envelope shot through the downstairs mail chute- going downstairs to retrieve it, he saw on the front vandals with golden teeth spray painting bridges, and on the back-
"To my dearest brother Vernon...we miss you here at home..."