-Delicate Petals-
n.n Good chapter comin' up, I think.
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I slowed to a stop to catch my breath. I had been running. Hiei had decided to do some individual training. I smiled. It felt good to be alone for a while. Hiei was good company. Funny company.
"Hey, Kurama." I turned around and came face-to-face with Botan. I stepped back and blinked.
"Hello, Botan." I replied. She smiled at me and noticed the sweat on my shirt and forehead. She looked up into my eyes and raised an eyebrow.
"Jogging?"
"Running." I corrected. She nodded and stayed silent for a minute.
"Kurama, are you certain that you don't want to go to the party? I mean, it would be nice if you were there. There's going to be dancing and such." I sighed.
"I don't know if I'm ready for all that, Botan." I said in a quiet tone. She bit her lip thoughtfully.
"Please?" She gave me a pleading look. I stared at her for a second before nodding my head.
"Fine, I'll go." She instantly brightened and I felt better. I didn't need to avoid her but it was better that I did. I don't feel like crying at all. In fact, her smile made me feel light-headed. I suppose the feeling never faded. It will never fade. She hugged me.
"Thank you!" She kissed my cheek. My face felt hot as I stood there. I couldn't breathe. She giggled. "Are you okay?" I swallowed the lump in my throat but I still couldn't say anything so I nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow night, then." She walked backwards for a minute, waving. All I could do was stare, wide-eyed after her. I touched my cheek and gave her retreating figure a half-smile.
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I dressed in a pair of black pants and a white button-up shirt with a black overcoat. I smiled to myself. Hiei was just wearing his normal black outfit. Nothing could ever change him. I'm surprised I even convinced him to go. We left a few minutes later. I smiled to myself. Tonight should be fun for all of us. No problems or worries. The only thing was, I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"I don't know how you convinced me to go with you." I heard Hiei mumble. I smiled smugly and looked at him.
"Yukina is no doubt going to be there with Kuwabara." I said with a shrug. "It isn't my fault that you want to protect her from.. the idiot, as you call him." A spark lit up in his crimson eyes and I knew I had him. He wasn't going to back out. He was going even if he didn't want to. We got there and I knocked on the door. Keiko opened it and smiled.
"They're here!" She cried to the whole gang. When we walked in, it was as if we were the center of attention. I saw Koenma sitting by himself, drinking some tea. I was able to pretend he wasn't there and continue in answering questions. When everything was cleared up, Botan came up to me and I stared at her, speechless. She was beautiful in everything I've seen her in. She looked stunning. She was wearing a simple spaghetti-strapped purple shirt that contrasted perfectly with her eyes, a simple black skirt, and black low-heeled sandals. I smiled at her and she smiled back.
"Save me a dance?" She gave me a grin. "For old times sake?" I didn't know what she was talking about, but I agreed, saying a simple 'of course'. After all, what other girl was here that I would dance with? Maybe Keiko, if Yuusuke didn't have her all night. Hiei would probably kill me, but I want to ask Yukina to a dance, as well. Just to talk to her. Keiko started the music and it was partially fast-paced. I stood in the corner, next to Hiei. He wouldn't dance with anyone. I smiled slightly. That was just Hiei. If Yukina asked him, he would give in. But she still didn't know about him. It almost seemed like she never would. I glanced at Hiei out of the corner of my eye. He seemed to be in a broodingly silent mood. I looked back out on the floor. The girls were mostly taking it up, except for Yukina. She was talking to Kuwabara. After a few more fast dances, Keiko decided to let slow songs play for a while. Kuwabara stayed out of it and so did Shizuru. Keiko dragged Yuusuke up and into the middle of the room. I looked down at Hiei.
"You're not going to hold a grudge against me if I dance with your sister, right?" He looked up at me.
"It's not you who I mind." I nodded and took that as an 'okay'. I saw Botan with Koenma then turned my attention to Yukina.
"May I have the pleasure?" She looked up at me with her large crimson eyes. She smiled.
"Alright." She slipped her hand in my own and we walked out. I smiled down at her. "I saw you over there. You looked sort of lonely." Her quiet voice calmed me a little. She reminded me so much of Hiei.. without the perks of a bad temper.
"I was standing with Hiei. It really isn't so bad." I said with a glance around. We positioned ourselves and she smiled.
"You're a wonderful dancer."
"I try." She blushed slightly. I took this oppertunity. "What do you think of Kuwabara?" She looked up at me and a twinkle appeared in her eyes.
"He is really nice." She answered. "That tough guy act is all hiding his true self. I think that might be the case with him, over there. Hiei, wasn't it?" I nodded.
"Yes, that is the case with him. He is arrogant and may seem scary but he wouldn't harm anyone close to him." I said, looking over at him. He had his eyes on us. I sent him a grin.
"You seem to be close to him."
"We are close." I said sincerely. "I think of him a brother and I'm sure he thinks of me the same way. We do spend a lot of time together." She nodded. "That seems to be the case with you and Kuwabara." She blushed.
"Yes, well, we get along very well. Some of the things he says are flattering, but some of them, I don't really know what to think of." She paused. "I'm still confused." I smiled.
"You need more time to spend with him and get to know him better. He likes you and we all can tell." She looked up me then over at Kuwabara, who seemed to be watching us as closely as Hiei. Of course, Hiei knew what I was talking to her about.
"You really think so?" There was hope in her voice and her eyes. I nodded. The song ended and I smiled down at her.
"Thank you for dancing with me. I felt like I was missing out on all the fun." She smiled.
"And thank you for pointing out some things that I never noticed before." I grinned then turned back to walk to the corner and talk with Hiei, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was a delicate touch. One that I knew well.
"I thought I heard you say that you would save a dance for me." I looked over and stared into her amethyst eyes.
"Of course I said that." I smiled and she took my arm, pulling me into the middle of the room. The song started. I wanted to spill my mind to her, but I couldn't. I felt those feelings coming back.
"Have you been avoiding me?" She asked, getting into position. I didn't answer. We started dancing and I thought about what to say to her. The truth only came up.
"Yes." I answered, a bit hesitant. I knew she caught it. She frowned slightly.
"I was a bit upset. When you ran away from me." She looked up at me and I felt the sadness of her gaze.
"I'm sorry.." I looked away from her. My eyes started to sting with tears. I never meant to hurt her, but I couldn't help it. "I never meant to hurt you. I felt so lonely and it sort of has to do with you." Her expression didn't change. She just stared up at me. I want to promise myself and her that I'll never hurt her again. I don't that promise is possible. Our friendship was important to me. She was important to me. I couldn't help but feel bad.
"I know you wouldn't intentionally hurt me, let alone anyone else." She smiled, which made me smile slightly. "The fact is, that I'm just happy to see you now." She looked down, avoiding my gaze. I was surprised that she would still want to be my friend after all the pain I must've caused her. "You weren't yourself so I can't blame you." Guilt overpowered me.
"Yes, you can. It was my fault. All of it. I shouldn't have acted that way at all but I'm so confused."
"Your life right now is as fragile as delicate petals." She said softly. I looked down at her. "They can fall off and lay on the ground, vulnerable to shattering by someone's foot. I understand. I sort of know how it feels." She paused. "Koenma and I are walking on thin ice."
"Really? What's wrong?"
"Just a relationship problem that'll probably work itself out." I nodded. Sensible enough. Botan and I were probably never meant to be. My heart is just in the wrong place. I couldn't figure it out though. I couldn't pull my heart from it's holder. I smiled slightly. She would have my heart forever, that was for sure.
"Well, I'm not good on the subject." I said with a tiny glance at her. She smiled.
"I'm awfully surprised, considering how many you seem to have now." I paled. She then frowned. "I was just kidding. I know you don't have a girlfriend."
"But the relationship problems come without the girlfriend." The next song started and we continued to dance. She raised an eyebrow.
"Really? And how would that be?" I shrugged.
"The girl I fell in love with is with someone else. You don't need me to continue." She shook her head and stared at me thoughtfully.
"I see your point." Her voice was so soft. I could've sworn she knew it was she was the problem. "You still won't tell me who this girl is?" I shook my head. Maybe she didn't know. I sighed. Tonight was going to be a long night.
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Despite what I thought, last night went really fast after that. I smiled in remembrance of my time with Botan. Hiei was at the park. He had been distant since I told him what Yukina had said of Kuwabara. He needed his space and I understood perfectly. I needed my space right now to think.
"Suuichi?" My okaasan came in with a small smile on her face. I looked back at her.
"Okaasan?" She sat down next to me on my bed. She looked cheerful. "What is it?"
"I found this." She handed me a picture and I stared at her. She gestured to it. I looked down and my breath caught in my throat. It was a picture I had treasured until recently. It was of Botan. She had her hair down and looked surprised but still had a smile on her face. I closed my eyes and set the picture down on my lap. This picture was reminding me of how special our times were when we were together. I know now that I must treasure my friends and her because this time was not going to last forever. I looked over at my okaasan and tears started to run down my face. I felt the heat of them on my skin as they slowly made their way down my cheeks.
"Thank you.." I embraced her quickly then stood up. I held the picture in my hand as if it were a treasure. And it was. I raced out of my room and ran toward where I might possibly be able to find her. I had to tell her about the mishap I had with my emotions. This overbearing weight was too much for me. I raced around everywhere. I couldn't find her. I walked into the ramen shop where Yuusuke and Keiko were sitting. I wasn't about to sit with them when Yuusuke waved me over. I took the picture out of my back pocket so that I wouldn't sit on it. I then placed it in my coat pocket.
"Hey, Kurama." Keiko said cheerfully. I smiled at her. "What are you doing here? I didn't think we'd see you today." I shrugged.
"I.. I just needed some time to think. I needed a walk." Yuusuke nodded and moved over so that I could sit next to him.
"Sounds like you have a lot on your mind." He said with a small smile. I didn't know whether to nod or shake my head or what. I was dumbfounded. Of course I had a lot on my mind, but it was going to be gone when I find Botan. "Have you seen Botan at all today?" I looked up and shook my head.
"No, and I've been all over." Looking for her.. I added in my head. "Not a sign of her, I'm positive." I assured them when Keiko was about to say something.
"Hmm.." The girl looked down worriedly. "I'm starting to worry. She told us she would meet us here and she's two hours late." I blinked. It really wasn't like Botan to miss something, let alone be late.
"Do you know where she might go?" I asked. They shook their heads. "There isn't any way to get to Reikai." I chewed my bottom lip worriedly. I heard the ringing of the bell on the door. I looked up but it was just some guy with his girlfriend. I looked down at the table.
"It isn't like her to be late or miss a meeting. I hope she's okay." Keiko looked out the glass windows. My heart was starting to race. Something had to be wrong. I just didn't know what. I stood up. I had to tell my okaasan good-bye before she went on a weeks vacation, thanks to her job. However, it was a trip for one so I couldn't go. I told her to have fun and to accept it. She did and she was leaving today.
"I've got to go. I'll keep my eyes open for any sign of her." I departed for home. As soon as I was around the corner I started running.
"Suuichi!" Okaasan when I got home. I was breathing heavily and needed to catch my breath before I could speak again. "I was worried that you wouldn't get home before I had to leave."
"I'm here." I said, blinking. "Have fun on your trip. I'll talk to you later, I assume?" She nodded and hugged me.
"Good-bye, honey. I'll see you when I get home. I'm so sorry you couldn't come with me."
"It's okay, okaasan. I wouldn't have went anyway." I kissed her on the cheek and helped her carry her things out to her car. I watched until the car was out of sight.
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I heard a knock on the door about four hours later. The stars glittered in the sky as bright and cold as every other night. The full moon cast it's silvery light over the city. I walked to the door and opened it, not expecting to see Botan standing there. She was crying. I instantly knew that this problem was why she wasn't around a while ago. I grabbed her gently by the arm and pulled her in.
"What happened?" I closed the door and led her over to the couch. She cried for a few minutes after we sat down. I hugged her to me and let her cry. She could tell me when she was ready.
"Ko-Koenma.." She cried harder, trying in vain to stop her tears. "He.. broke up.. with me! All for.. Ikuko!" She hugged me and rested her head on my shoulder.
"When did you find out?" She started hiccuping. Then she started to choke on sobs so I rubbed her back and soothed her hair down. I rested my head on top of hers and she told me the entire story. I listened, trying to hold back my own tears. Her pain.. I could feel it. She was upset. If she wasn't happy then I wasn't. I could feel her shaking as I sat there, my tears finally giving way as they left hot trails down my cheeks.
"I was.. so upset that I.. forgot all.. about Keiko and Y-Yuusuke.. I was crying all day long." I pulled her closer to me and closed my eyes. I whispered comforting words to her, encouraging her to let it all out.
"He shouldn't have let someone as good as you go." I said and she looked up at me. I felt her gaze, even as I looked away. I was too afraid of what I might see in those eyes of hers. Pain and hurt. Something I had gone through just to make her happy. Now, both of our worlds are in turmoil.
"What?" She asked softly. I swallowed and repeated what I said to her.
"He shouldn't have let someone as good as you go, Botan." I said in a serious tone. "You're a wonderful person. I would think that someone who asked for your love and got it, would treat you with the proper respect." I stopped myself from furthering those incessant ramblings. Yes, they were ramblings because I could go on and on forever about how beautiful and sweet she was. I felt her move and heard her crying again.
"Kurama.." I never felt closer to her in all my life. I felt important. Like a lifeline that was needed to support her and help her. I felt needed. I pulled her to me again, unable to grasp the feelings of my old love for her. I felt a new, stronger love burst from my emotions. I felt hot tears falling from my eyes. The warmth. The heat. The feeling of her in my embrace. She wrapped her arms around me and returned my embrace.
"Botan, I'm here for you." I whispered. Those words were what she needed to hear, and I knew it. "I will always be here for you." She started to cry harder and I cried with her, though not for the same reasons. I was over crying for lost love that would never come back. Lost love that would always remain lost.
"Thank you." Those words were clear and undaunted by tears. Untouched by the cracking of the voice in such emotional states. I need her. She needs me now. She needs my comfort and my support. I would give everything I was to her. I would give my life if she were to be happy. The minutes ticked by and I had never felt so needed.
"Your welcome." My words matched hers in contrast. They were as clear as crystal and as hard and solid as diamonds. The words could not be broken. For they were our support. They were our comfort. I closed my eyes and my tears increased. Even simple manners mattered. Because then we'd know that we were there for each other. That we would always be. A simple term, such as friendship, means more than the world itself. You could have anything, riches, jewels, and treasure.. but nothing would add up to the person you loved most. To the people you love most. Without them, you would be lost. Hopelessly lost in a dark and dingy world. Without them, you would not be able to have what you do. You would not have been able to give and receive without greed, to be joyful at giving something to someone.
Friends are real. The world would not survive without them. The people would not be able to feel and to feed off that feeling to make it stronger.
Life is hard. Take the hits. Take the pain. For someday, everyone will find true happiness.
I have not won the battle yet. She is not mine. She is my friend right now. Emotions are put on hold to the friend of the hurting, because you feel it too. When someone close to you is hurting, you can't help but feel hurt as well. I held her close to my heart now. My heart was beating wildly with the knowledge that she needed me. I fed off that need and realized that I needed her just as much. I let out all of my anguish with her. I let out all of the pain with her. Our tears flowed freely. My emotions overflowed with grief. Her grief. Our grief. What she has lost, I have lost. She has lost her happiness, as have I. We will get over it. Together.
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Thats it for now. I will update. I'm anxious to continue writing. Seriously.
-Jess-
n.n Good chapter comin' up, I think.
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I slowed to a stop to catch my breath. I had been running. Hiei had decided to do some individual training. I smiled. It felt good to be alone for a while. Hiei was good company. Funny company.
"Hey, Kurama." I turned around and came face-to-face with Botan. I stepped back and blinked.
"Hello, Botan." I replied. She smiled at me and noticed the sweat on my shirt and forehead. She looked up into my eyes and raised an eyebrow.
"Jogging?"
"Running." I corrected. She nodded and stayed silent for a minute.
"Kurama, are you certain that you don't want to go to the party? I mean, it would be nice if you were there. There's going to be dancing and such." I sighed.
"I don't know if I'm ready for all that, Botan." I said in a quiet tone. She bit her lip thoughtfully.
"Please?" She gave me a pleading look. I stared at her for a second before nodding my head.
"Fine, I'll go." She instantly brightened and I felt better. I didn't need to avoid her but it was better that I did. I don't feel like crying at all. In fact, her smile made me feel light-headed. I suppose the feeling never faded. It will never fade. She hugged me.
"Thank you!" She kissed my cheek. My face felt hot as I stood there. I couldn't breathe. She giggled. "Are you okay?" I swallowed the lump in my throat but I still couldn't say anything so I nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow night, then." She walked backwards for a minute, waving. All I could do was stare, wide-eyed after her. I touched my cheek and gave her retreating figure a half-smile.
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I dressed in a pair of black pants and a white button-up shirt with a black overcoat. I smiled to myself. Hiei was just wearing his normal black outfit. Nothing could ever change him. I'm surprised I even convinced him to go. We left a few minutes later. I smiled to myself. Tonight should be fun for all of us. No problems or worries. The only thing was, I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"I don't know how you convinced me to go with you." I heard Hiei mumble. I smiled smugly and looked at him.
"Yukina is no doubt going to be there with Kuwabara." I said with a shrug. "It isn't my fault that you want to protect her from.. the idiot, as you call him." A spark lit up in his crimson eyes and I knew I had him. He wasn't going to back out. He was going even if he didn't want to. We got there and I knocked on the door. Keiko opened it and smiled.
"They're here!" She cried to the whole gang. When we walked in, it was as if we were the center of attention. I saw Koenma sitting by himself, drinking some tea. I was able to pretend he wasn't there and continue in answering questions. When everything was cleared up, Botan came up to me and I stared at her, speechless. She was beautiful in everything I've seen her in. She looked stunning. She was wearing a simple spaghetti-strapped purple shirt that contrasted perfectly with her eyes, a simple black skirt, and black low-heeled sandals. I smiled at her and she smiled back.
"Save me a dance?" She gave me a grin. "For old times sake?" I didn't know what she was talking about, but I agreed, saying a simple 'of course'. After all, what other girl was here that I would dance with? Maybe Keiko, if Yuusuke didn't have her all night. Hiei would probably kill me, but I want to ask Yukina to a dance, as well. Just to talk to her. Keiko started the music and it was partially fast-paced. I stood in the corner, next to Hiei. He wouldn't dance with anyone. I smiled slightly. That was just Hiei. If Yukina asked him, he would give in. But she still didn't know about him. It almost seemed like she never would. I glanced at Hiei out of the corner of my eye. He seemed to be in a broodingly silent mood. I looked back out on the floor. The girls were mostly taking it up, except for Yukina. She was talking to Kuwabara. After a few more fast dances, Keiko decided to let slow songs play for a while. Kuwabara stayed out of it and so did Shizuru. Keiko dragged Yuusuke up and into the middle of the room. I looked down at Hiei.
"You're not going to hold a grudge against me if I dance with your sister, right?" He looked up at me.
"It's not you who I mind." I nodded and took that as an 'okay'. I saw Botan with Koenma then turned my attention to Yukina.
"May I have the pleasure?" She looked up at me with her large crimson eyes. She smiled.
"Alright." She slipped her hand in my own and we walked out. I smiled down at her. "I saw you over there. You looked sort of lonely." Her quiet voice calmed me a little. She reminded me so much of Hiei.. without the perks of a bad temper.
"I was standing with Hiei. It really isn't so bad." I said with a glance around. We positioned ourselves and she smiled.
"You're a wonderful dancer."
"I try." She blushed slightly. I took this oppertunity. "What do you think of Kuwabara?" She looked up at me and a twinkle appeared in her eyes.
"He is really nice." She answered. "That tough guy act is all hiding his true self. I think that might be the case with him, over there. Hiei, wasn't it?" I nodded.
"Yes, that is the case with him. He is arrogant and may seem scary but he wouldn't harm anyone close to him." I said, looking over at him. He had his eyes on us. I sent him a grin.
"You seem to be close to him."
"We are close." I said sincerely. "I think of him a brother and I'm sure he thinks of me the same way. We do spend a lot of time together." She nodded. "That seems to be the case with you and Kuwabara." She blushed.
"Yes, well, we get along very well. Some of the things he says are flattering, but some of them, I don't really know what to think of." She paused. "I'm still confused." I smiled.
"You need more time to spend with him and get to know him better. He likes you and we all can tell." She looked up me then over at Kuwabara, who seemed to be watching us as closely as Hiei. Of course, Hiei knew what I was talking to her about.
"You really think so?" There was hope in her voice and her eyes. I nodded. The song ended and I smiled down at her.
"Thank you for dancing with me. I felt like I was missing out on all the fun." She smiled.
"And thank you for pointing out some things that I never noticed before." I grinned then turned back to walk to the corner and talk with Hiei, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was a delicate touch. One that I knew well.
"I thought I heard you say that you would save a dance for me." I looked over and stared into her amethyst eyes.
"Of course I said that." I smiled and she took my arm, pulling me into the middle of the room. The song started. I wanted to spill my mind to her, but I couldn't. I felt those feelings coming back.
"Have you been avoiding me?" She asked, getting into position. I didn't answer. We started dancing and I thought about what to say to her. The truth only came up.
"Yes." I answered, a bit hesitant. I knew she caught it. She frowned slightly.
"I was a bit upset. When you ran away from me." She looked up at me and I felt the sadness of her gaze.
"I'm sorry.." I looked away from her. My eyes started to sting with tears. I never meant to hurt her, but I couldn't help it. "I never meant to hurt you. I felt so lonely and it sort of has to do with you." Her expression didn't change. She just stared up at me. I want to promise myself and her that I'll never hurt her again. I don't that promise is possible. Our friendship was important to me. She was important to me. I couldn't help but feel bad.
"I know you wouldn't intentionally hurt me, let alone anyone else." She smiled, which made me smile slightly. "The fact is, that I'm just happy to see you now." She looked down, avoiding my gaze. I was surprised that she would still want to be my friend after all the pain I must've caused her. "You weren't yourself so I can't blame you." Guilt overpowered me.
"Yes, you can. It was my fault. All of it. I shouldn't have acted that way at all but I'm so confused."
"Your life right now is as fragile as delicate petals." She said softly. I looked down at her. "They can fall off and lay on the ground, vulnerable to shattering by someone's foot. I understand. I sort of know how it feels." She paused. "Koenma and I are walking on thin ice."
"Really? What's wrong?"
"Just a relationship problem that'll probably work itself out." I nodded. Sensible enough. Botan and I were probably never meant to be. My heart is just in the wrong place. I couldn't figure it out though. I couldn't pull my heart from it's holder. I smiled slightly. She would have my heart forever, that was for sure.
"Well, I'm not good on the subject." I said with a tiny glance at her. She smiled.
"I'm awfully surprised, considering how many you seem to have now." I paled. She then frowned. "I was just kidding. I know you don't have a girlfriend."
"But the relationship problems come without the girlfriend." The next song started and we continued to dance. She raised an eyebrow.
"Really? And how would that be?" I shrugged.
"The girl I fell in love with is with someone else. You don't need me to continue." She shook her head and stared at me thoughtfully.
"I see your point." Her voice was so soft. I could've sworn she knew it was she was the problem. "You still won't tell me who this girl is?" I shook my head. Maybe she didn't know. I sighed. Tonight was going to be a long night.
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Despite what I thought, last night went really fast after that. I smiled in remembrance of my time with Botan. Hiei was at the park. He had been distant since I told him what Yukina had said of Kuwabara. He needed his space and I understood perfectly. I needed my space right now to think.
"Suuichi?" My okaasan came in with a small smile on her face. I looked back at her.
"Okaasan?" She sat down next to me on my bed. She looked cheerful. "What is it?"
"I found this." She handed me a picture and I stared at her. She gestured to it. I looked down and my breath caught in my throat. It was a picture I had treasured until recently. It was of Botan. She had her hair down and looked surprised but still had a smile on her face. I closed my eyes and set the picture down on my lap. This picture was reminding me of how special our times were when we were together. I know now that I must treasure my friends and her because this time was not going to last forever. I looked over at my okaasan and tears started to run down my face. I felt the heat of them on my skin as they slowly made their way down my cheeks.
"Thank you.." I embraced her quickly then stood up. I held the picture in my hand as if it were a treasure. And it was. I raced out of my room and ran toward where I might possibly be able to find her. I had to tell her about the mishap I had with my emotions. This overbearing weight was too much for me. I raced around everywhere. I couldn't find her. I walked into the ramen shop where Yuusuke and Keiko were sitting. I wasn't about to sit with them when Yuusuke waved me over. I took the picture out of my back pocket so that I wouldn't sit on it. I then placed it in my coat pocket.
"Hey, Kurama." Keiko said cheerfully. I smiled at her. "What are you doing here? I didn't think we'd see you today." I shrugged.
"I.. I just needed some time to think. I needed a walk." Yuusuke nodded and moved over so that I could sit next to him.
"Sounds like you have a lot on your mind." He said with a small smile. I didn't know whether to nod or shake my head or what. I was dumbfounded. Of course I had a lot on my mind, but it was going to be gone when I find Botan. "Have you seen Botan at all today?" I looked up and shook my head.
"No, and I've been all over." Looking for her.. I added in my head. "Not a sign of her, I'm positive." I assured them when Keiko was about to say something.
"Hmm.." The girl looked down worriedly. "I'm starting to worry. She told us she would meet us here and she's two hours late." I blinked. It really wasn't like Botan to miss something, let alone be late.
"Do you know where she might go?" I asked. They shook their heads. "There isn't any way to get to Reikai." I chewed my bottom lip worriedly. I heard the ringing of the bell on the door. I looked up but it was just some guy with his girlfriend. I looked down at the table.
"It isn't like her to be late or miss a meeting. I hope she's okay." Keiko looked out the glass windows. My heart was starting to race. Something had to be wrong. I just didn't know what. I stood up. I had to tell my okaasan good-bye before she went on a weeks vacation, thanks to her job. However, it was a trip for one so I couldn't go. I told her to have fun and to accept it. She did and she was leaving today.
"I've got to go. I'll keep my eyes open for any sign of her." I departed for home. As soon as I was around the corner I started running.
"Suuichi!" Okaasan when I got home. I was breathing heavily and needed to catch my breath before I could speak again. "I was worried that you wouldn't get home before I had to leave."
"I'm here." I said, blinking. "Have fun on your trip. I'll talk to you later, I assume?" She nodded and hugged me.
"Good-bye, honey. I'll see you when I get home. I'm so sorry you couldn't come with me."
"It's okay, okaasan. I wouldn't have went anyway." I kissed her on the cheek and helped her carry her things out to her car. I watched until the car was out of sight.
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I heard a knock on the door about four hours later. The stars glittered in the sky as bright and cold as every other night. The full moon cast it's silvery light over the city. I walked to the door and opened it, not expecting to see Botan standing there. She was crying. I instantly knew that this problem was why she wasn't around a while ago. I grabbed her gently by the arm and pulled her in.
"What happened?" I closed the door and led her over to the couch. She cried for a few minutes after we sat down. I hugged her to me and let her cry. She could tell me when she was ready.
"Ko-Koenma.." She cried harder, trying in vain to stop her tears. "He.. broke up.. with me! All for.. Ikuko!" She hugged me and rested her head on my shoulder.
"When did you find out?" She started hiccuping. Then she started to choke on sobs so I rubbed her back and soothed her hair down. I rested my head on top of hers and she told me the entire story. I listened, trying to hold back my own tears. Her pain.. I could feel it. She was upset. If she wasn't happy then I wasn't. I could feel her shaking as I sat there, my tears finally giving way as they left hot trails down my cheeks.
"I was.. so upset that I.. forgot all.. about Keiko and Y-Yuusuke.. I was crying all day long." I pulled her closer to me and closed my eyes. I whispered comforting words to her, encouraging her to let it all out.
"He shouldn't have let someone as good as you go." I said and she looked up at me. I felt her gaze, even as I looked away. I was too afraid of what I might see in those eyes of hers. Pain and hurt. Something I had gone through just to make her happy. Now, both of our worlds are in turmoil.
"What?" She asked softly. I swallowed and repeated what I said to her.
"He shouldn't have let someone as good as you go, Botan." I said in a serious tone. "You're a wonderful person. I would think that someone who asked for your love and got it, would treat you with the proper respect." I stopped myself from furthering those incessant ramblings. Yes, they were ramblings because I could go on and on forever about how beautiful and sweet she was. I felt her move and heard her crying again.
"Kurama.." I never felt closer to her in all my life. I felt important. Like a lifeline that was needed to support her and help her. I felt needed. I pulled her to me again, unable to grasp the feelings of my old love for her. I felt a new, stronger love burst from my emotions. I felt hot tears falling from my eyes. The warmth. The heat. The feeling of her in my embrace. She wrapped her arms around me and returned my embrace.
"Botan, I'm here for you." I whispered. Those words were what she needed to hear, and I knew it. "I will always be here for you." She started to cry harder and I cried with her, though not for the same reasons. I was over crying for lost love that would never come back. Lost love that would always remain lost.
"Thank you." Those words were clear and undaunted by tears. Untouched by the cracking of the voice in such emotional states. I need her. She needs me now. She needs my comfort and my support. I would give everything I was to her. I would give my life if she were to be happy. The minutes ticked by and I had never felt so needed.
"Your welcome." My words matched hers in contrast. They were as clear as crystal and as hard and solid as diamonds. The words could not be broken. For they were our support. They were our comfort. I closed my eyes and my tears increased. Even simple manners mattered. Because then we'd know that we were there for each other. That we would always be. A simple term, such as friendship, means more than the world itself. You could have anything, riches, jewels, and treasure.. but nothing would add up to the person you loved most. To the people you love most. Without them, you would be lost. Hopelessly lost in a dark and dingy world. Without them, you would not be able to have what you do. You would not have been able to give and receive without greed, to be joyful at giving something to someone.
Friends are real. The world would not survive without them. The people would not be able to feel and to feed off that feeling to make it stronger.
Life is hard. Take the hits. Take the pain. For someday, everyone will find true happiness.
I have not won the battle yet. She is not mine. She is my friend right now. Emotions are put on hold to the friend of the hurting, because you feel it too. When someone close to you is hurting, you can't help but feel hurt as well. I held her close to my heart now. My heart was beating wildly with the knowledge that she needed me. I fed off that need and realized that I needed her just as much. I let out all of my anguish with her. I let out all of the pain with her. Our tears flowed freely. My emotions overflowed with grief. Her grief. Our grief. What she has lost, I have lost. She has lost her happiness, as have I. We will get over it. Together.
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Thats it for now. I will update. I'm anxious to continue writing. Seriously.
-Jess-