Disclaimer : The only things I own are my soul, my dragon-gerbil minions, my collection of mangas and games, and my notebook. Check the list. Do you see Final Fantasy or Tekken Fighters 4? No? Then I don't own them...yet.
Read on!
"Okay, if you're staying here, we have some rules. One, killing hours are between 11am and 5pm."
"What about indirect killing?" Seymour asked. If you're going to kill someone make it look like an accident, that was his motto.
"Hmm. Well, for now that's under the usual hours. But you may indirectly kill anytime with special permission from me, Lynx, or Insanity-chan. It may not be a good idea to ask Insanity."
"Is anyone else aware of how wrong this sounds." Rikku muttered. Everyone raised their hand. "Just checking."
"What about bringing doom to the masses in a fit of bloodlust and loathing of humanity." Lulu asked.
"Anytime. It would be nice if you brought me along, though. Sounds like fun."
I-chan glared. I think she means 'Anytime as long as you don't disturb I-chan or Insanity unless you have a wish to have your heart ripped out, fed to you through your nose, then be thrown into a river never to be found until you get caught in the motor of a passing boat and then they find a suicide note in your hollowed out chest in a waterproof container.' "
"She's not kidding." Lynx murmered, being one of countless of I-chan's and Insanity's rage victims. "But don't worry too much, we're good at sleeping through screams of extreme pain and agony. We've had lot's of practice." They stared at the cheerful girl as she munched on skittles.
"Right. Next rule: no going off of Ari's property without permission or one of us. You may get lost, or run over, or sidetracked."
"Hey!" Rikku whined, stretching out the 'e'. "We're not...ooh, a pacifier. Mine." She divebombed the poor binkie. It will never be the same again.
"My point exactly. Rule three, do not, I repeat with emphasis not, destroy my house. Or I will be forced to sic one of my many radio-active gerbils and have her attach to your face. If my parents come home to a destryed house, you will find my corpse on the sidewalk as an almost unrecognizable rotting lump with blood and guts leaking from my mouth and pieces of bone through my skin and my intestines ripped out. (I can't believe I wrote that)
"Aw-righty then! Part two of our insane little presentation is you must choose a room. Most of you will end up bunking so pick a room-mate who you trust not to come up with plans for your demise so they can have the room to themselves." Lynx backed up against the wall, dragging her friends with her. "Ready...set...GO AWAY!" They stood staring at her for a few seconds, then disappeared in a cloud of dust leaving the three girls and Kimahri blinking after them.
"Are you going to wait until everyone picks a room and then take whatevers left?" I-chan asked.
"Do you ever speak in complete sentences?"
"Do you speak at all?"
". . ." Kimahri stood silently, his eye almost un-noticeably twitching. Almost.
"I'll take that as an 'Only when it's important, you stupid girl. You shouldn't call people
stupid, you know. Of course, I do it anyway."
". . ." His eye was now noticably twitching.
I-chan grinned. "Am I annoying you?" He finally walked away, probably to keep his summoner from being splattered from the choose a room frenzy. "Aww, there goes my fun."
A 'thunder' was heard, then a frightenedshriek and a crash. Ari stood there, her eye twitching more than doctors would think is healthy. Well, we aren't doctors, are we. "Ari? Did you have too much coffee sometime on the impossible space of I-chan's one-sided conversation?"
"Nggh..." Ari walked into the living room and sat down, her eye still twitching. A particularly loud crash sent her into another convulsion. "Nggh..."
"Just sit there. We're going to go make dinner. Relax, don't go out and maim innocent pedestrians."
Lynx started hopping towards the kitchen. "If she can't maim anyone, how does she relax?"
"Shut up. Just...shut up. Please."
Over the next few minutes, the room assignments were solved in a painful way. Auron, Lulu, Wakka, and Rikku had migrated to the kitchen, intending to either help or be a hinderance. I-chan took one look at Rikku and Wakka before literally kicking them out. She then assigned kitchen duties, and they started preperations for their meal. It did not go well.
I-chan forgot Lynx is a horrible cook. She burnt water once or twice. There was seriously a burnt quality to it. Lulu decided using a fire spell would make everything cook faster, so she used one and walked off to talk to Auron. Now everything was a little burnt on the outside. Even what they weren't supposed to cook. Auron decided to put his own personal touch to the meal.
"Alright, dinner's ready!" Ari was now in a cheerful mood because she beat the pants off of Tidus, Wakka, and Rikku at every multi-player game she owned. Seymour and Yuna were doing questionable things in the back of the game room. They insisted they were playing cards, but Yuna's hair was messed up. I-chan glared at her throughout the whole meal thinking evil destructive thoughts. Who really knows what Kimahri was doing. He was silent the whole time.
Those who made the meal watched as every one else took there first bite and froze. Tidus stared at his plate blankly. "This tastes like what my old man used to make." He then proceeded to shovel it in the general direction of his mouth, without spilling.
Lynx tentativly tasted their creation before spitting it out. "It has alcohol in it. Are you feeling spiteful, I-chan?"
"It wasn't me." She looked at Auron's too-innocent face. Instead of ratting him out, she simply lied. "It's just your imagination. It tastes perfectly okay for the fact we made it." Everyone but Lynx knew she never tasted it. "Eat before it gets cold."
"Fine, eat it and get drunk! I'm sure that was your intention in the first place so you could take advantage of Seymour! Get drunk, Rikku. Go on and get drunk Kimahri! You too, Lynx! No, you can't make me! Oh, you want to bet? Yeah I'd like to be-" Lynx looked up. "Hi." She said in that tone that clearly said 'Why are you staring at me you crazy stalker freaks.'
"Talking to yourself isn't healthy, ya know."
"It's only bad if you answer yourself."
"You were, Lynx. You were arguing with yourself on whether you could make yourself drunk or... are you even listening to me?"
Lynx had grown bored of this conversation and was now dancing. "When I grow up I want to dance like a gerbil. And eat the possesed birdies from badminton. And marry a cheesewheel." Wakka and Tidus had passed out from too much alcohol. Auron snorted. "Wussies."
"Blackmail!" Lulu and Ari shrieked, stumbling to their feet. Ari whipped out a camera and Lulu arranged the two in some...intimate...positions. "Black-mail! Black-mail! Black-mail!" After snapping tons of pictures, Ari put the camera in a safe place. "Destruction blood murder?" She suggested to Lulu. "Pain agony fun!" Lulu agreed.
"This is your fault." Lynx stated to Auron. She finally figured out who spiked the food. "You go with them."
"The words were hardly out of her mouth as Auron dashed after the two sadistic murderers.
"Lynx you moron! He wanted to go with them! He's going to help them! Bad, very bad!"
"Stop over-reacting. He has high alcohol tolerance, he's not drunk, and he's probably the most sane besides you, Auron, and Kimahri. Grab Rikku and let's go play Tekken Fighters 4."
And so the night passed with screams of pain, drunkness, and Tekken Fighters 4.
AN: I'm happy'cause I bought volume seven of Fruits Basket and volumes two and three of Fushigi Yugi! I love them!
I promise, the plot is coming soon. This story does have a plot, but I think I misplaced it somewhere. Oh, here it is. My dragon-gerbil minions had a litter recently, and they're teething. They're sooooo adorable. RR please.