-Sirius, I think this conversation is over. There's nothing more to say.» I walked in timidly, as if I'd never seen this place before.
-What makes you say that?» He was lying comfortably on his bed, confident. A kind of confidence that made me doubt my security. I swallowed hard, feeling butterflies tickling my insides. I'd started trembling.
-I think,» he said, lifting himself off the mattress and walking toward me «…you just wish there was nothing else to say. But there is.»
-There is…» I repeated. I wasn't thinking anymore, my body-nothing was responding. I felt my knees drop to the floor.
-Stop shaking.» he ordered, wrapping his arms around me.
-I- I can't…»
-It's the potion isn't it…» He said after a few moments. «You have to stop. You can't rely on it forever. »
-It keeps me from going insane, from falling apart, Sirius. I can't just let go.»
-You're just addicted.»
I backed off and found myself against the wall. I hated the fact that he seemed to always be guessing right, and I hated the fact that I didn't want it that way. It was like he knew me better than I knew myself. But how could he?
-Let me help you. I swear I'll do anything within my power.»
My heart was racing furiously, running a five mile race, trying to escape those blue eyes of his. I hated that intense stare that made you want to trust anything he said, but he was just a liar. He sat down beside me, his back also resting on the wall, staring into space.
-You can't always run away, Dawn. Face it; it's time you got help.»
-I- I don't want help.»
-You know you need it.»
-…Give me my potion.»
-No.»
-I need it…now.»
-No, you're just hurting youself even more.»
-Since when do you care whether I'm hurt or not?» I turned to face him, tears filling up my eyes. I couldn't shake them away. Not anymore.
-You've never gave me a chance to care before.»
-I'm not letting you care, ever. Stop trying to fix everything that's wrong with me ; you'll just end up making it worse!» I headed for the door without looking back. I hoped he wouldn't follow me. Who knows what would happen if I let myself go? My dreams would most likely become reality. I shivered : I could almost taste the blood in the air. His blood.
-What are you still doing here?» There was a man sitting on the windowsill. The same man from my dream. Sirius Black. His face was covered in crimson crusts from dried blood, but his vivid eyes hadn't yet lost their spark. There was a trail of red leading down his throat and, once again, his shirt had been drenched by the bodily fluid.
-You're the one who followed me, idiot. I was sitting here before you came.» Good point. « You're always following me. You won't leave me alone. Not even in my dreams.» There was utter hatred in his tone of voice as he spoke, as well as a touch of exhaustion. He'd been running from me, in more ways than one.
He turned to face the window to watch the sunset. The grounds were bathed in a color similar to Sirius's shirt and the tree of the forbidden forest ressembled an army of cloaked figures leaning forward, reaching out for our souls.
-Go away.»
-Sirius,» I asked« What's going on?» Turning to face me, he laughed heartlessy and threw a knife on the floor. I threw him a questionning glance. He laughed again.
-As if it wasn't obvious enough.» He showed me his wrists, and the dark, thick liquid gushing out slowly from a few deep wounds. «And you know what?» he smiled, knowing I didn't know what, and even if I did, I couldn't have mustered up the courage to answer. «It's all your fault.»
The fact shocked me at first. I knew it was true ; it would end this way one day. I'd accidentally let the creature inside me burst out and I'd have to live with the consequences. Part of me wished I could just jump at his neck and forget all about having to 'be good', but the other kept resisting. There was no support left, yet that part of me held on to a dream, a nice dream, the one where a prince rode up to me on his white horse and took me away to a happily ever after ending. I clung on to the pages of the boring fairytale in a useless children's book. There'd never be a prince, much less a valliant steed, and there was no use even thinking about a happy ending. If there was nothing left, however, why was I still here, like this? Maybe there was something to hang on to. Maybe there was a hint of hope somewhere, and maybe Black was trying to show me the truth I'd been denying.
-You're wrong.» I finally answered.
-Oh, I don't think so.» A crease had formed between his brows and he managed to get up and walk toward me as if the blood spattering on the floor wasn't his. He grabbed me by the neck.
-I know I'm right. I've finally found what it is you've always hid from me.» I stood my ground. He wouldn't make me lose or give up again.
-This isn't the end, Dawn. You can't escape.. You'll always spread hatred and death wherever you go.» He turned and vanished into thin air.
-Liar!» I yelled out. I knew he could hear me.
Something tickled my shoulder. My eyes blinked open. I'd had another dream. It was the dead of night, and the common room was dimly lit by the dying fire. I was sprawled across the long couch and the blanket that I guessed had been covering me had just fallen onto the floor.
-Dawn, shut up!»
-What?»
-I'm trying to sleep!»
-Potter?»
-Who else?»
-…Where's Black?»
-You don't expect him to watch over you 24/7, do you?»
-well… he's… done quite a good job these past few days…» I scratched my head. Ick. I needed to take a shower.
-You really don't remember what happened the other night, do you?» James grinned, comfortably resting on the rug placed in front of the fire.
-… I do remember one thing. The … quill in the empty ink bottle game. Then… blank.»
-Figures.»
-Huh? What happened after that?»
-Honestly?»
-Honestly.»
-Nothing at all.»
-What?»
-Padfoot told me.»
-WHAT? He remembers!»
-yeah, you don't think that he'd-Ey, Where're you going?»
That bastard told me he'd gotten as drunk as me! Why didn't he tell me he knew what'd happened that night? I sprinted up the stairs to the boys dorm and stormed in the 'Marauders' Quarters' and tore off the covers to Sirius's bed. He raised his head and opened his eyes. Surprise!
-You son of a troll.»
-Oy! Watch your language. What're you doing here anyway?» James stopped at the foot of the bed with an expression that explained : 'Couldn't stop her.'
-You told me you were drunk that night.»
-I was. What's wrong?»
-You didn't remember any of it!»
-Well, uh…» by the look on his face, I knew his mind was rolling ; he was looking for an excuse. He finally shrugged and picked up the blankets I'd thrown on the floor. «It just popped up in my head at some point during the day.»
-You never told me.»
-So?»
-I thought…God... what- what if I was pregnant?»
-Please, don't traumatize me right now.»
-I can't believe you didn't tell me nothing happened!»
-You never told me who you really were.»
-Oh yeah? What makes you think I'm not really who I told you I was?» I crossed my arms and waited. He couldn't know. It was impossible. How could he know? The thoughts were whirling in my mind ; again I was feeling dizzy. I wouldn't let it show, though. I had to be a good liar. Just like he'd been.
-First off, I never see you eating meat. Not at breakfast, not at lunch, not at supper.»
-So?»
-I highly doubt you're a vegetarian.» Shit. He continued; «I also never see you eat vegetables or anything else for that matter. Never.»
-...So?» My voice had started to crack.
-I highly doubt you're bolemic or anorexic.» Double shit. I didn't know what to say. «I heard- from a very reliable source- that you pass the most part of your time reading muggle story books… while the others are eating.» Exactly how much did he know? «I've got more,» he continued«...you also carry on you a certain vial, which, I must admit, has got me wondering…»
I shut my eyes tightly, hoping with all my heart that I'd wake up from another nightmare, though I knew this one was real, and I couldn't escape the truth : he'd guessed I was a vampire. He was most likely thinking of the most painful way to drive a wooden stake through my heart. I could see him now, standing over me, drenched in blood like in my nightmares, a satisfied grin on his laughing face. There'd always been a hint of daring madness in his eyes, but I'd never taken the time to really notice it until now. I cleared my throat and managed to say a few words.
-Wondering what?» I said in a soft voice, somewhat hoping he hadn't heard. I didn't want him to answer, I didn't want him to know, but it was too late.
-I want the recipe to the potion.» Sirius sat with his back against the wall and James raised an eyebrow.
-Why?»
-It's obviously some source of energy that replaces a meal, and I want it so I can miss a meal and set up pranks without risking running into anyone. Quite simple, actually.» Oh my God. «Surprised? You didn't think I'd guess it that fast, no?» Oh-my-God.
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