When I stumbled back downstairs the next morning, it was much earlier than I had planned. I'd once again spent the entire night lying in my bed, dressed in the previous day's clothes, hair in a bloody mess. What had been keeping me awake were not only Sirius's words, but also, to my dismay, his body glistening with sweat, lust invading his stare, and his lips and hands caressing my neck, shoulder, chest… There was no way I could keep him out of my head. I was beginning to find myself pathetic, rather like the fanclub that worshiped him.
'Morning. » Came a deep, drowsy voice from under the blankets spread across the rich red of the couch. It was Sirius. Again. «What're you doing down here so early?»
Couldn't sleep.»
Had a dream about me?»
…»
Nightmare?»
Understatement.»
I see.»
What about you?»
You really wanna know?» He had that grin on his face that only meant he's had dirty thoughts. I shuddered at the idea that maybe he'd had a dream like mine. Ick. Well… yeah. Ick. For my age.
No.» I replied, half-jokingly backing away. I yawned. «I'm so tired. » I looked at him and frowned. «How long have you been awake?»
Few hours. You?»
Few hours.» The first ray of sunshine crossed the room and illuminated a faded spot on the wallpaper of the common room.
« Why did you do it? » I asked, refering to the recent incidents between us.
Not that again! » He growled, although seeming suddenly very uncomfortable. «Can we not talk about this right now? It was a bloody stupid mistake, and now we're over it. Got that?»
No.»
Give it up, Dawn. It's been a week.»
Four days.» He rolled his eyes.
Women…» He sighed.
What about us, Sirius?»
You make such a big deal out of everything and you always insist on making life more complicated than it already is!» He threw his hands frantically in the air as he spoke. And I was overreacting? «Know what?»
What?»
That's why I liked you at first-yes, I liked you, » he added, catching a glimpse of my expression. « You seemed so simple, so carefree.» I chuckled. Carefree… Funny. Ironic, rather.
I suppose it's too bad that you liked me, and I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough for you. »
Now you're just exaggerating. »
Indeed. Have a nice day.» I wasn't planning on coming back at all to the common room if I had to cross his path all the time. I'd eventually find a nice spot somewhere secluded. I hope.
My anger had forced me, not that I really cared, to wander about the school for a few minutes, and I found I was walking somewhere in the vacinity of the dungeons. I didn't entirely know where I was, not that I cared, but I thought the walls surrounding me looked familiar. All corridors were the same. I'd find my way around sometime.
I was surprised to hear footsteps coming toward me, a dark figure approaching slowly, calmly. It was Lucius Malfoy hidden behind a cloak's hood.
There you are, princess.» He stopped only inches from my face. «You aren't lost are you?»
No. » I lied, stiffening in fear.
You missed our meeting.» Shit. «Thought I'd keep you informed.» He smiled, his teeth creating a contrast with his shadowed face. «You'll get your mark this summer, as soon as we're out of school.»
Oh, fantastic,» I forced saliva down my throat. «I can't wait.» His face turned to stone. I'm sure he noticed something was wrong. Truth is, I wasn't exactly thrilled, or looking forward to the event.
You'd better stop playing games with the big boys, princess. Especially if you can't handle them. I know you don't really want to.» He grabbed my arm and squeezed it so tight I thought he might've ripped the skin off it.
I don't really have a choice, though, do I.» I stated.
Ah, obviously not... Don't go telling you little friends, princess. I'm sure we wouldn't want them to die prematurely.»
I'm guessing that was a threat.»
It was an order.»
I must admit I would've been glad had we left it at that, glaring into each other's eyes, but fate had it going another way. Lucius forced my lips onto his, pressing me against the wall, holding both my hands with his firm grip, and blocking my legs so I wouldn't kick. I felt the passion in his kiss, but I swear, had I been human, I would've died of fright. I was in frozen disgust, waiting for this be over : I couldn't move a muscle. If I'd been able to, I'd have fought him off and run away, but my mind was busier thinking about Sirius. I hoped, I pleaded he'd come to my rescue, and at the same time, I was cursing at myself for having been so stupid on so many occasions in my life.
Malfoy pulled himself off, offended by the fact that I wasn't 'into it' as much as he'd like, and retreated to some other dark corner. I ran back to the Gryffindor common room with the speed of a cheetah, grabbed any tube of toothpaste I could get my hands on, and headed for the washrom, or a sink, or anything that would help get the filth out of my mouth, and off my body.
There was a loud rap at the door, the fourth one since I'd locked myself in the girls' washroom.
Dawn, how long have you been in there? »
Um... » I looked at the clock dangling off a screw that had been violently hammered into the wall- the paint was chipping off in a roundish pattern. I'd been brushing my teeth for three bloody hours «...A while...» I answered.
Is there something wrong?» they worried.
No, not exactly.» I replied, deciding to let them have a turn. The look of the sink area surprised them as they came in : empty toothpaste tubes littered the counter, and a few very used brushes lay scattered around the wastebin.
Wow. » They exclaimed incredulously. «What did you eat?»
By 9, this little incident had gotten half-way 'round the school, and I'd rapidly found a reason for it. James Potter had come over to talk to me, seeing as Sirius was in no mood for a conversation ; he'd had even less sleep than me, and everyone knew that was dangerous. I was explaining to him what had happened.
Ew. I think I would've done the same thing. » James said, disgusted by the fact that Malfoy had 'kissed' me. « Wha'do you tell everyone else?»
I've actually found something edible to humans that I like.»
Toothpaste?»
Yeah. It's minty, not hard to chew, not hard to swallow, I heard it was good for the whole body functonning part.
But you're alreay dead. »
Wat 'til you see me in the decomposing part of life. »
You decompose when you get old?»
Yeah, sorta like wrinkles, except… nastier. » His expression made me laugh. It seemed normal to me to rot when you get old, but James was so dumbfounded about it… « Of course, » I added, « you have to be really old. Around 500 years old, if I'm not mistaken. Vam- well, we live around 700 years. »
So you're telling me that you decay slowly for about 200 years before you die? »
Yeah, but most of them, or us, decide to take a two hundred year long nap, hiding in a coffin. »
Thrilling. »
It's like hibernation. »
Don't vampires always sleep in coffins?»
Only the sadistic ones. It remins them about death.»
Wow. How do you know about that stuff if you don't even know how you became one? »
The one who did this to me sent me an entire book of this stuff. I guess it was some sort of 'guide to becoming a vampire'. I tried looking for a copy, but it seems to be unique.»
Dawn,» James said in a serious tone, glancing over at Sirius who had a glazed look in his eyes. He was staring straight ahead, barely blinking, like in a trance. «What did you say to him last night?»
We just fought. Again.»
That's it?»
Yeah.»
No.»
Well, he told me something about-» I paused to lower my voice and I leaned toward James. « He told me something about his past, about his family mistreating him.»
That's why his uncle left him his house.»
I never would've thought that he, of all people, would have such a hard childhood.»
He doesn't like to show it.»
I kind of figured.»
James glanced at the board. The notes had been flashing by too fast for him to keep up. I guess he wasn't mullti-tasked.
You got the last few lines written down?»
Yeah. Here. » I passed him the parchement I'd just filled. «Why?»
Too busy talking, maybe?»
Right. I think you're just lazy.»
Shush.»
The bell rang and the students, as was their routine, rushed out of class as fast as possible.
I hate transformations. » I said, picking up my bag to head outside to the greenhouses where we had out next class. «We've been copying down notes for what… seven days now?»
Six more weeks to go.»
Then we have our end of the year exams.»
I hear they're not bad.»
I hope you'll study.»
Me? Right.»
Where's Sirius?» I asked, looking around.
I thought you hated him. »
I still worry when he looks like that.»
Ah, there 'e is. » James pointed beside the greenhouses. A group of students were smoking.
You've got to be fucking kidding.» I exclaimed, agry. « Now this?»
I thought you didn't like to smoke, Sirius.» James said when we were within hearing range. Sirius shrugged.
Changed me mind, I guess.» He took another puff and smiled. «What're you doing here, Dawn?» I glared at him, silent. «So I hear you've found a new fetish. You like toothpaste?»
Much more than I like you.»
He grinned as a reply, threw his cigarette butt on the floor, and headed inside the greenhouse, followed by the awful stench of tobacco and his new friends.
What was wrong with him? It was like Sirius wasn't really Sirius anymore. He was so cold, so empty of emotion. And to top it off, he'd started smoking! I knew it was bad, yet I felt that there was nothing that could change him, there was nothing I could do. I hated seeing him unhappy, and I hated being powerless. I hated him now, like this, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. My mind was clouded by the thought of him, and I couldn't concentrate throughout the entire day… and night.