Yes, people, the rumors are true. I'm back! I'm very bad for not updating earlier and leaving my poor readers dangling. Very, very bad. Spank me. Oh, who remembers that? I loved it.

Anyway. School is insanity these days. I end on June 10th but I have these two HUUUUUUGE projects due and I'm freaking out in my usual way. Like, AAAAAAAH IM FREAKING OUT WE'RE NEVER GOING TO FINISH THESE PROJECTS. So naturally I took some time off the unnecessary writing of this fic. I feel guilt every time I think.

And I have another issue. Sometimes when you're going through FanFic and you come across a fic that is just so terrible and terrible and terrible and horrible and just really terrible, you have to keep reading it. Like, you're waiting for a 'Just kidding! That wasn't my fic. For me to purposely write a fic like this and expect positive responses would have guaranteed an IQ under 12 and a troubled past. My mother had very slippery hands when I was younger. Liked to dip her hands in oil. I was dropped a fair few times. Part of my insanity came from her, while the other part was my late father, who died while trying to prove to the United States Government that shooting yourself repeatedly through the heart with an AK-47 wouldn't injure you at all if you kept the right mind frame.' That's how bad. And so you press the 'See Review' button, drooling in anticipation for the giant, burning, on-fire flames justly shot at the illiterate author with a flamethrower by readers with even the smallest sense of pride and entertainment value. And you get this. "Wow that is SOOOO good! Omg u so have to keep going! What happens next to Luke!" And "that's like one of the best fics I've ever red. Keep going with it. Uve gota good direction." Also some "ooh I think that next lorelei and look should drive somewhere and be like where are we and they have to break into a museum and sleep in the exhibits together and then lorali gets a hairy thinng form one of the cavemans and pretends to be a caveman and luk gets scared and gets madd at loralee. OLL!" Barring the obnoxious grammar and spelling mistakes, these people come right out and say how much they love the fics. My mouth literally hangs down on occasions. And so this is my dilemma- what if my writing actually sucks and I'm gaining false confidence from my positive reviews? What if you all are idiots and are giving me good reviews because you don't know any better? This is a probable… probability.

And hey! 10 points for the one who knows where my penname is from.

Precious Roquefort: Is that how you spell that type of cheese? It's so cool. Anyway. I will never think of honey the same way again. The exploiting bees thing makes sense. After all, what is honey REALLY? It's like finding out that the fluffy cute yellow stuff that comes from flowers is really FLOWER SPERM. Which it is! And I think I would've preferred death to you really not reviewing because you didn't want to. At least for the death thing I could cry and feel bad. And wear black. I look good in black. I'd be such a hot mourner. I love that it's impossible to read. And hey! Was that Muffin comment about my penname! I just realized that! Because my soccer sweatshirt at school says 'Muffin' on it and I was like 'how does my molded milk know that?' It's interesting how many blonde moments a redhead can have. But my friend has a theory on that… a blonde can't have a blonde moment because she's a blonde all the time. Only someone without blonde hair can have a moment where they seem blonde!

Hmm, everybody else's reviews are so short. I lose interest reading them. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Well, I read them, and I appreciate them. Just don't want to write about them. Because, that's right, I have a fic to write! I know you want it…

And am I allowed to say my favorite parts of my last part? No? Well, damn society.

"Luke, you really should've stretched before the race or something because you are not as fast as…"

What about you? What… well, stupid question. I can imagine what you were doing… not that I'm imagining it. Because that would be sick and wrong."

Safety Dance

Chapter Eight: Murray the Evil Giant Squirrel

The bell announced in the most annoying way possible that the most annoying person that could possibly enter through the door of the diner had entered the diner through the door.

"Ugh," groaned Kirk, "my trophy is just so incredibly heavy! My triceps can't handle the strain of carrying my large metal trophy all the way from my house, where I stored it. Because it is mine, so what better place to store my trophy than at my house?"

"Brag all ya want, Kirk," said Lorelai smugly. 'Nothing you could say would upset me today." She smiled up at Luke, who had his arm around her waist and smiled back. He gave her waist a squeeze and disappeared into the back.

Oblivious to the couple making the rest of the diner stare, he set the trophy down in a chair and sat down in the other, tapping his fingers on the smooth table surface for a few seconds. "Luke, do you think you can close the windows and turn off all the lights?" he called

"Why, Kirk, planning to make love to your trophy?" Luke said dryly, reentering the diner and setting Kirk's usual Sunday order of eggs and sourdough toast down in front of him with a clang.

Kirk paused. "Well, no. I just don't want the glare of my excessively shiny trophy to blind anyone."

"Very thoughtful of you," he replied, walking back behind the counter. He muttered into Lorelai's ear, "It disturbs me that he paused before answering that question."

She smiled and said into his ear breathily, "Everything about him disturbs me."

"I said that to you two days ago! Not verbatim, admittedly…"

'What can I say, I'm taking after you. It happens when you spend time with someone."

He leaned over and gave her a soft, lingering kiss. "That's very good to know. Maybe I can get you to stop poisoning your body with that stuff."

She pulled away. "Woah, bub, that joke has gone a little to far for my taste. Backtrack and regroup."

Just then a call came from Kirk. "Luke, do you think I could have two plates of eggs today? Just in case my trophy gets hungry."

Luke was quiet for a second. His eyes got very wide, and then he disappeared in back.

Pause. "Do you think he's getting my second plate of eggs?" Kirk questioned Lorelai.

Jess stepped slowly up the steps of the Gilmore household. He hated to admit it, but he was a little nervous. He wasn't sure how to act after last night. He and Rory had walked around the town in silence, just enjoying each other's company. They had spoken a little about some book or other, he really couldn't remember. His brain was racing the whole time. Around 5 they went back to her house and shared a passionate kiss on her doorstep. About three, actually. She had smiled and left with a quiet "Bye, Jess" while he was still breathing heavily from the third one.

He didn't know how to be with a girl like Rory. What was he expected to do? He had a feeling it would be different than with Shane or any other girl he had ever 'hung' with before. And what did he call her? His girlfriend… the girl he was in a relationship with… his special friend… his girl…his romantic partner… his lady friend… his mistress…his chick… his love-monkey… He shook his head violently. Geez, man, stop getting so worked up about it. You're acting like a love-struck kid. Like Dean, he thought sourly.

He took a deep breath (it would all work itself out) and rung the doorbell.

2 minutes later the door opened to reveal a very tired Rory. Her hair was tousled and she was wearing ducky pajamas and a blue robe. She gasped when she saw him. "Jess!"

"Rory. Like the new look," he commented. She looked down at herself and her face reddened.

"Oh. Um, thanks. It's the newest summer wear in Cosmo. I was getting a head start on the newest hip fashions. You know me. When you think Rory, you think… style scouter." She cleared her throat nervously.

Jess smiled to himself. He wasn't the only one who was nervous, and that made him feel a whole lot better. "Come outside, let's get some coffee. Unless you want to change first."

"Oh, right. Wouldn't want my style secrets spilling out too early. Gotta keep something from the masses, ya know?" she rambled. She coughed again. "Um…just a few minutes. I'll just…wait here." She disappeared inside.

Lorelai was upstairs taking her clothes out of the dryer when she heard the door open. Two strong hands slipped around her waist and she felt warm lips on her neck.

"Hey, you," she said, turning around in Luke's arms with a smile.

"Hey… what are you doing?" he said suddenly.

"Laundry," she said innocently.

"Since when do you do laundry?" he said, peering inside the dryer and pulling out one of his flannel shirts. "What are you doing to my shirt?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, was this one of your favorites? Well, I saw about at least 26 other shirts in your closet that looked the same, so not to worry."

"Don't mock. What did you do to it?"

"Nothing. I had no part in it whatsoever. See, this giant…squirrel came in through the window. Like, really giant. Kirk's trophy style big."

"Sounds dirty," he had to interrupt.

"Let me finish!" she said indignantly.

"Sorry, continue. You were just at the part with the giant squirrel."

"Right. So the squirrel- Murray- came in through the window and knocked over the coffee pot right onto your shirt. I tried to tell him no, 'No, Murray, No!' I was screaming, but that rascal didn't listen to a word."

"Why was my shirt on the counter?"

"Well, there's a perfectly good reason behind that. See, I was…airing it out."

"Airing it out."

"Yes! See, I was going through your closet, looking for… a pen so I could…write down all the good things I planned to that day. You know, just how Mother Teresa used to do. Except not with a ballpoint pen. And then I saw this shirt on the bottom, all smushed down and lonely-looking. So naturally I pulled it out, laid it on your counter…."

"Naturally…."

"And then in came Murray and the rest you know."

She paused under his gaze for one second and then folded. "I was wearing your shirt because it's comfy and it smells like you and then I spilled coffee on it so I washed it and then dried it but it might have possibly been shrunken in the process through no fault of mine."

He smiled. "You're all domesticated now."

"What, like I'm a Labrador?"

"Well, you do have a pretty good yelp…"

Lorelai hit his arm playfully. "Luke, that is dirty! I guess I've rubbed off on you too."

"Dirty!"

"I know it was… I wanted to hear you say it. It sounds really dirty when you say it."

He leaned in and kissed her, pressing her against the washing machine. She moaned, running her fingers through his hair.

"You're so good at that," she grinned.

"You're not too terrible yourself."

"What every woman loves to hear!" She held both his hands. "So, I guess we are officially dating, right?"

"Well, no."

Lorelai's face fell and she dropped his hands. "Oh. We're not?"

"We haven't gone out on a real date yet, besides the dance."

Lorelai relaxed, seeing where he was going. "Very true."

"So I was thinking that maybe on Tuesday we could go out to dinner?"

"Good thinking," she said. 'I would love to go to dinner with you, Luke Danes."

He let out one his rare smiles, the kind he had been giving off nonstop that weekend. "Good. Now…" He leaned into her and placed his lips on hers firmly.

"One-track mind, huh?" she murmed through his lips. "I guess I could deal with that."

Rory took a deep breath and opened her front door to see Jess leaning against the side railing. He looked up and saw that she had changed into a pair of tight jeans and a short sleeved blue shirt.

"So I see you've changed your style vision. Funny thing, I kinda miss the bunny slippers."

She smiled. "You look good too." He was wearing a tight brown button up and black jeans.

"Yeah, well… what do you wanna do?"

"I don't know. Let's get some coffee or something," she suggested.

She walked down the stairs and he stepped closer, giving her a tentative kiss on the lips. His eyes questioned her. She smiled and slipped her hand into his, leaning in and kissing him hard. After a bit she pulled away and felt his head still going forward, his forehead pressing against hers. She smiled. "Let's go." Hands still linked, the couple strode down the walk.

Lorelai and Luke reemerged downstairs just as Jess and Rory entered. "Hey, mom," said Rory, sitting up at the counter with Jess. "So I see you have entered the red zone of behind Luke's counter. And he seems aware of it enough, and yet your butt is still within the establishment and not outside on the pavement."

"Yeah, well, just goes to show you how things really have changed," she smiled. Still smiling, she turned to Luke, who leaned in and gave her a short kiss which she lengthened by slipping her tongue into his mouth, leaving him no choice but to surrender.

"Pretty good change," said Luke.

And she had to agree.

So… I think that's it! I mean, where else to go from there, huh? I know not. If I dragged this on any longer it would kill the fic. I might start a new one soon since it's the summer soon, and hopefully updating will be in abundance then. All the better for you!

Aw, I'm going to miss this fic. So many good times… I feel like I just finished high school. Where's the montage backed by floaty nostalgic music? I want pictures of me hunched over my keyboard…pictures of you hunched over yours…hmm. That's about it, isn't it? Boring montage. We'll just get some really good music. Hey…Safety Dance would be appropriate! Good old Men Without Hats.

And I just realized I won't be able to respond to answers about my penname. I'll just answer for you. Remember in "Back in the Saddle Again" when Paris is discussing why the first aid kit is a good idea?

PARIS: Monday morning, Muffin wakes up and looks in the mirror. 'Oh no, I have a zit on my face. I'll just look down when I walk so hunky football player won't notice.' And bam! Muffin smacks right into the cafeteria wall. Ouch, that's gotta hurt.

MADELINE: Who's Muffin?

Ah, I love it. And I love you still, so review and tell me what you think. Of it all. And then I will start a new fic. Possibly soon. Can you wait? I know I can't.