A/N: Yeah, I know I said it's a stand-alone. But this idea just popped into my head a while ago and it kept nagging and pestering me until I wrote it down. I contemplated making it a complete different story, but I think it fits here. Everyone who tought the first chapter was good on its own - which I agree with - stop reading, you might find that this one sounds tacked on.

Timeframe: 'TOW the Secret Closet', in the universe of this story, this is what could've happened before Joey and Chandler had that 'lone wolf' talk

Chapter Two: Moving Out

When he stepped into the apartment, the fact that she had moved out was apparent on the first glance.

Everything seemed different. Lifeless, joyless, empty.

Yeah, he was the one wanting her to move out. It had been the right thing to suggest. It was better for everyone and in the long run, it would be better for him as well.

He had to get over her.

Two months hadn't gotten him any closer to that, but maybe living without her would give him enough distance to get to his feet again. Although right now, the thought of having to live without her was so agonizing, it robbed him the ability to breathe.

He slowly dragged himself to the bathroom and the pain got even worse when he saw the half empty shelves. No lipstick next to his razor anymore, no plethora of flasks and little bottles, of perfume flacons and unidentifiable things next to his after shave.

He was alone… all alone. And endlessly lonely.

He braced his arms against the sink and let the tears roll, sobbing quietly. A long while later he looked up and saw his tears streaked face and the red eyes and he determined that this was the lowest he had ever seen himself at.

Bending over the sink again, he splashed a few handfuls of ice cold water into his face. After toweling it dry and taking a few calming breaths, he felt ready to face his empty apartment again.

When he came out of the bathroom, he didn't find an empty apartment. He found her, sitting on the lounger, duffle bag beside her, lovingly caressing her belly.

It was unbelievable how big she had gotten in two months. It was strange to think that there was a human being growing inside of her.

He had felt it, he had touched her more than once to feel the little one kicking and moving around inside of her. It had been almost overwhelming. Also – it had shown him where she belonged. Because it wasn't his child she was carrying and he wasn't the man she loved.

"She's kicking," Rachel said quietly when she saw him.

He nodded mutely and walked over to her, crouching down in front of her and placing his hand on her belly. Feeling the movement inside made him smile a little, as always.

She gently placed her hands over his and held it against her, even after the baby had stopped moving.

"We're gonna miss you," she finally said.

Still not trusting his voice enough to speak, he nodded again without saying anything.

"You gonna be okay, Joey?" she asked and again he didn't manage more than a quiet nod.

Finally fed up with his silent treatment, Rachel took his chin in her hand and forced him to look at her. "What's with you? Cat got your…" she trailed off and sadness replaced the anger on her face when she looked into his eyes.

"Oh my God, Joey, I'm so sorry."

He shook his head in a silent dismissal of her pity and looked down again.

"Joey, there had been not one single day in the last two months when I haven't regretted putting you through that, breaking your heart like that. I know… you… you don't want us to talk about this, but… if there is anything I can do to make things right again, to help you heal… I'd do it. Because… because I love you Joey. Me moving out… I know it's a step on the way for you to get better. This is the main reason I agreed to it. Among others. I hope… I just hope to see you smile again someday. Really smile. It's your smile I miss the most."

He didn't know what to say to that. There probably wasn't anything to say to that. Besides, if talking would have been hard before, after hearing her say she loved him, even if he knew that she hadn't meant it the way he longed for, saying anything was out of the question now.

She gently caressed his hair, maybe waiting for him to talk. But he didn't. Eventually she kissed the top of his head, got up, took her bag and left.

He stood up abruptly when he heard the door falling into its lock.

She was gone, vanished out of his apartment, out of his life. The pain filled his eyes with tears again and he pressed his fist against his mouth, unsuccessfully trying to fight them back.

Suddenly the door flew open again and Rachel came storming in, slamming the door shut on her way to him. She threw her arms around him and pressed herself against his body as close as her protruding belly would allow it.

Feeling her so close against him, inhaling the smell of her hair, feeling the warmth of her body seeping into his finally broke him.

He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face against her neck, openly crying now.

"I am so in love with you," he managed between sobs, "I love you so fucking much I don't know who to deal with that."

Her hand had wandered into his hair again and she comfortingly stroked his back. Now that she had opened the gate, everything poured out of him.

"I don't want to feel this way, I know it's bad and wrong and… and it hurts like hell. I know you're never gonna love me back but I… I don't know what to do about it."

He held onto her tightly until her presence, her comforting caresses calmed him down again. Then he pulled back and flinched at seeing tears running down her face too.

"I'm sorry, Rach, I shouldn't have…"

"No… no Joey. Maybe it's a good thing you told me. Maybe that's gonna help."

He shrugged dejectedly. "That'd be good."

"Since when…?" she asked helplessly, looking at him with tears filled eyes.

The question made him smile a little. Rachel. Always trying to get to the bottom of things.

"Dunno," he shrugged again, "Feels like forever. I just hadn't realized it until that night."

The tears were streaming freely down Rachel's face now.

"Joey, I love…"

He shook his head determinedly and interrupted her. "Don't… don't… please… "

She pulled him to her again and hid her face against his chest. "I can't leave you like that," she mumbled sadly. "How can I leave you now when I know how much you're hurting?"

He took a shuddering breath, trying to locate his strength, his normally infallible sense for the right thing to do.

"But you were right. It's gonna make it better, it's gonna help me. And I want to be your friend again, Rach. I need to."

She pulled back again and looked at him. It made him remember the fleeting moment at the crack of dawn two months ago. It made him realize that in a way, although she wasn't in love with him, she would always see something in him that no one else saw.

"Go," he said quietly, seeing remembrance flickering in her eyes, too.

She left his embrace reluctantly, still holding his gaze. Then she slowly turned and walked to the door, not looking back.

When Rachel walked back to Ross's apartment, she felt dazed, confused; sad and a bit angry.

How could he? How could he love her? She knew that he had feelings for her, she knew that night had meant more to him than to her, but how could he fall in love with her?

How could a man who had broken the hearts of dozens of women have his own heart so unguarded? How could he be so vulnerable? Even after what had happened with Kate, or with Ursula. Why hadn't he learned something from this?

Why had he allowed her to hurt him that badly? And why… why for crying out loud was there nothing she could do?

When she stood in front of Ross's door, she fumbled for the key, still deep in thought.

She didn't understand why this affected her so much. Of course, he was her friend, if he was miserable, she had to be compassionate. And since it was her fault in a way, she ought to feel a bit depressed as well.

But that didn't explain why she had gone back into the apartment a second time, it didn't explain her tears, it didn't explain the overwhelming urge to run back to him, to kiss him and hug him for as long as it took to make him smile again.

While she still fumbled with the key, the door opened and Ross stood there, smiling brightly.

"There you are, how…" he fell silent and his cheerful expression vanished when he looked at her.

"You've cried," he stated.

"It was… kinda hard so say goodbye to him," she sighed, avoiding Ross's searching gaze.

"Rachel, he's just across the street. You'll see him almost every day at the coffeehouse and at Mon's…"

"It's not gonna be the same, Ross. Not to him… and not to me."

Ross took a step back from her, as if he wanted to give her space. "Is this because of… what happened… between you?"

She looked at him warily, looking for any sign of jealousy, or of reproach, but she found none.

"No, it's because we both loved living together. Even before… things happened."

Ross sighed heavily. "I know that he… has feelings for you."

I am so in love with you.

His pained words came back and a dull ache held her heart in a tight grip.

"Yeah… he has," she said after a few moments of collecting herself. "Pretty… serious ones, actually."

"Do you…" Ross started helplessly, obviously not even quite sure what he wanted to know.

Exhaustion crawled through her like black oil, making her wish she would never have to think about that ever again. That things would be easy, that there would be no questions, no doubts, no 'what if's'. She wished decisions were simple. There was another person growing inside of her, she felt she had no strength for all the other things anymore.

"Ross, I… I love him. I never had a friend like him and I know I'm gonna miss him. He's a great guy and there's more to him than most people see. But…it's you I have all the history with and… because of the baby, we certainly have some sort of future. You're the most important man in my life."

"You really think we might have a future?"

His wide and hopeful smile gave her a bit of her strength back. This was so right, so simple. It would be so perfect.

"Ross, we… shouldn't rush things, okay. But I think… maybe we should… try to… find out where this could lead."

He stepped to her again, lightly placing his hands on her hips, searchingly looking into her eyes. "Does that mean you forgive me?" he asked haltingly.

"I forgave you a long time ago. As long as you don't…"

"I won't. I swear," he said urgently, "I learned my lesson the hard way."

"Alright then… let's live together," she smiled bravely.

Ross tentatively took her in his arms and she couldn't help but think back to half an hour ago, to heartache and tears. It diminished her joy about new beginnings.

While holding her tightly to him, Ross started to speak.

"So with Joey, that was really just a one time thing?"

She closed her eyes for a moment, fighting down the urge to tell him to let that go already. Now was probably not the right moment for this, but she knew she would've to tell him eventually. Ross had a tendency to cling to things like that.

For some reason, telling him what he wanted to hear proved to be harder than she would've imagined. It felt like lying, which was stupid, because it wasn't a lie at all. Maybe it was just because that stupid phrase everyone had repeatedly used for the night two months ago always sounded like a very inadequate description of what had happened, of what it had meant. For both of them.

She tried to push all those thoughts away, to concentrate on the man who held her in his arms right now. The man who just wanted to hear that there was no one standing in the way of their future.

He didn't see that a single tear rolled down her cheek as she was saying, "Yeah… just a one time thing."

tbc