Title: Right Now

Author: Joy

Pairing: B/J

Rating: 13+ (language)

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Notes: Byron's diary entries. I guess this goes out to lj userleah1878, who just keeps writing and inspiring us all.

Feb. 19

Haley had some sort of post-Valentine's party. Guess it was supposed to be a "whomever didn't get laid needs to now" party. Then MJ showed up, and it became much more interesting... Jeff is not the best driver, but I won't tell him. Of course, then there was the incident. Do I want to write about this? Do I want to admit it happened? Yeah, I guess. Not like my brothers would find this. So like, Jeff and I went wandering around the house and we ended up on Haley's bed. Bed, yes, I said bed. Then he started like, touching me. I don't think he realizes I like him. I bet he was just messed up. We fell asleep and Haley found us, but I don't think she'll say anything. Cuz then she would have to tell people about the party, and she wasn't supposed to have anyone over.

Feb. 28

Hung out with Jeff. He hasn't said anything about the party. I bet he forgot. I hope he forgot, except that I don't want him to forget, I want him to do it again. He said he'd never. Never what? He lives in California, the wild state. People... do that stuff there.

March 11

Still nothing. If he goes back to CA and we never talk about this again... I don't know. Maybe I should forget. But I can't. I dreamed about it last night, except Haley never came in, and we... Uh-oh. Brothers coming.

April 5

Dammit I can't stop. Thinking, I mean. I think he really did forget it happened, except that after school, he grabbed my hand. I was walking away but he could have just yelled at me. It's so frustrating to know that I make him happy, but not happy like he makes me happy. Sometimes I wish I could talk to other people about this. Sometimes I wish I could just talk and have people listen to me. Me. Byron.

April 8

Love sucks. I believe it. Jeff either touches me or he starts acting all cold. Maybe it's the weather. I know he considers anything below 60 degrees a crime. But he goes back to his dad in a month and a half. I swear I'm going to die if I don't find out what he's thinking.

April 9

Dreamed I went to CA with Jeff. Only when we got there, it was like Sea City.

April 16

Maybe he didn't forget. At lunch today, Jordan was talking about how we needed to see more of MJ. Then Jeff agreed and he smiled at me. I shouldn't think about it too much.

April 23

Went to mall with Jeff. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. It was really really really really REALLY cold today. Hoping it doesn't get that cold again before Christmas. Jeff was miserable. He kept shifting around and wanting to go do something else. No matter what we were doing, he wanted to be somewhere else. I just knew he was pissed about the movie selling out. He wanted to hang out with my brothers. I'm sure of it. And it was such a cold day and he was so cranky that I couldn't help it. I cried. I cried like Nicky does when we leave him out of something. It was awful. Jeff really freaked out. And then... then he said... I can't believe I'm writing this. He said: "I don't think I want to be with girls like... like with you." Oh my god. Oh my god. I think this can warrant an "oh my fucking god". Except now he's going to leave for CA and I won't see him again for months and months and I cannot do this. Why is he getting taken away right now?