By: Melphie13
Disclaimer: Don't own anyone except for my little Orcsies and the characters' personalities, as I explained in the previous chapter. There's really no point in suing me because I am dead broke. *holds up empty hands* Nothin' except my laptop. :0) The rest is J.R.R. Tolkien's himself.
AN: Thanks so much to my reviewers! You guys rock man! I'm going to try to do reviewer responses each time I post, but it may not be totally consistent because I don't have internet access at home just yet.
GrinnerGlad: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like it! It's really been a blast to write. Enjoy the new chapter!
Cestari: Hello Twin! Yeaaahhhh!!! A review!!! I could very nearly laugh in glee! But I musn't.no.lest I bring my newly-fixed ceiling down upon my unfortunate head.then again.*glances around*.it's bound to happen sooner or later.MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!! *ceiling (complete with plaster and shingles) crashes down on head* OOWWW!!! Whoo! I KNEW I shouldn't have gotten that new plaster put in... man, those Orcs are just nutty little weirdo's aren't they? Can you believe how much our Aragorns are alike?! And to think, we never even got the ideas from each other! Ahh, you make me feel all better whenever you write to me! And I also feel very content now that I know your trusty Balrog will be protecting me from any evil flamers. After all, you know what they say! Fight fire *with* fire. :0) I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as my freaky computer-system will allow!
Etheelflaed: Ooohhh!!! Thanks for the nice review! Yeah, Aragorn's a nut. So sorry that this does not appeal to you, but my sister and I found it funny in its own unique way.so, here he is! Tormenting Elrond and courting his lovely daughter. Hmmm.you and Sarcastic Wolf don't seem to get along very well. Oh well! You know what they say, best friends argue the most.or so I heard from some crazy old wizard named Saruman the White.*glances up at Orthanc with a suspicious frown* Yeah!!! I am Christian! *claps hands and does a few backflips* So glad to hear from another fellow Jesus-freak! :0) Uh oh. you don't think the sky will.actually.*gulps and glances up nervously at sky* Whoo! I'd better update asap then!
Miss Aranel: Thank you so much for your reviews and advice. I can understand that my characters may throw people off, but I think for right now I'm going to keep them the way they are, because I've already written the story, and I have a lot of people in my family and a few friends that like them the way they are. I'm glad you like the orcs though. I had fun writing them. Thanks again for the reviews and the input!
Katie: WHOO! Thanks for reviewing Katie! I'm glad you like the chapter!
What's wrong with my head?: *chuckles* I have often wondered the same thing; and originally I did have him as having little *things* with him too; but I found out it didn't work out with some of the drama stuff I did, and my sister didn't like it, so I changed him to be the way he is. *shrugs* I might try and make him crazy for a later story, but this one is already written and I'm too lazy to change it right now. Thanks for your review and input. I really appreciate it.
P.S Legolas is not the only one who does not have a mental defect. Arwen is one, and Thranduil is another. They are not *perfect*. They are just not that different from the way they are usually portrayed. Hope that makes sense!
One more thing, remember that these characters are not supposed to be seen as an insult to, or *anything* like the real characters. They are *not* to be compared. (not even really in looks. Looks can totally throw you off.) They are *totally* different, and should not be viewed as the same people. I did not make them go crazy. They just are crazy. Different is another word for them. *shrugs* I know it's nearly impossible to understand, but please try. If you really can't understand what's going on and everything is throwing you off, just let me know and I'll make some adjustments if my sister will let me. *grin* Remember, *points* AU.
Oh, and one minor detail. There is no Sauron. Or at least nobody is worried about him at the moment.
Ok. I'll shut up now.
Thanks Amanalda. Thank you for being my faithful editor and everlasting friend. *flings self into Amanalda's arms* You're my hero.
Ok, enough blabber. On with the story!
Chapter 3
"STOP!!!" Boss finally yelled when he was sure that he and his companions were far enough away from the place where that weird Elf lord had stood.
Well, things worked like dominoes after that. Boss stopped, and Pugley crashed into him, which caused Slim to crash into him, which finally caused Bugley to crash into him.
In other words all of them were sooner or later lying in a heap on the ground.
Boss was finally able to wiggle his head out of the enormous pile of Orcs, poking just enough of himself out to yell at the top of his lungs: "GET OFF OF MEEEE!!!"
Well, needless to say the other Orcs took this quite seriously and immediately clambered off of each other, and especially off of their leader.
"Boss!! BOSS!!" Slim quickly bent down and put his mouth right by a rather flat Boss' ear.
"Maybe he's dead." Bugley suggested.
"Oh nooo!!!" Pugley lamented.
"No...I don't think he's dead..." Slim said softly, leaning down further and then shouting in his leader's ear as loud as he possibly could.
"AAAARRREEE YOOUUUU AAALIIIVVEEE!!!????"
The reaction was sensational.
Slim was lying unconscious on the ground approximately two seconds later.
"Woa. I guess he is alive!" Bugley rejoiced.
"Yeah, but for how long?" Pugley pointed out, almost wisely, and then quickly dropped to his knees by the pancake-like leader. "Say Boss, are you alive?"
Boss peeled himself off the ground and glared at the other Orc. "I'm not sure with all the YELLING that you've been directing at me!!!" And with that, the angered Orc promptly stuck a finger in his mouth, blew, and soon popped out to his normal round self.
"Well, jinkies Boss, we sure didn't mean to...yell at you." A newly- revived Slim protested helplessly.
"Yeah right." Boss groaned, tenderly pushing himself up to his feet and straightening his back with a good long crack.
"Uh...so...what do we do now?" Bugley asked, looking around the area in confusion. They were pretty much on the outskirts of the city, and had absolutely no idea where to go...especially with no donkey to take them there.
"We were so close..." Boss was now sharing a lament of his own. "We had the maps..................it's just INCONGRUOUS!!"
"Boss, are you sure you know what that word means? 'Cause you use it all the time..." Pugley pointed out, but Boss was having none of it.
"Shut up so I can think!" He snapped, going back into pondering mode.
The other Orcs remained respectfully silence.
Full five minutes of utter silence passed by, nothing was hearable save the cheerful chirping of a nearby bird and the quiet thunder of the nearby waterfalls.
"I HAVE IT!!!"
Boss' voice abruptly broke the silence just as the turn of five minutes arrived.
"Ok, what is it?" Slim asked patiently.
"Well, I was just thinking that...well...you know that Elf guy that we were going to keep as a hostage?" Boss asked slyly.
"Yeah?" The other Orcs questioned further.
"Well, I think those Elves wanted him back pretty badly, and I was thinking..." Boss let the idea hang on the air to gain the proper mood for the occasion.
Unfortunately it didn't work.
"What were you thinking, Boss?" Bugley asked dumbly.
Boss glared. "RANSOM you idiot, RANSOM!!" He snapped.
"Oh! Right! Ransom." The others quickly seemed to the get the picture... but then their faces darkened when a new fact sank it. "What's ransom?"
Boss was getting very angry. "Let me carefully explain our plan to you so you can FIND OUT FOR YOURSELVES!!!" And with that, the leader Orc bent like a stick and grabbed up a twig from the ground, along with a leaf and a piece of grass. "Ok, now look here. This leaf is us. The twig is the Elf guy, and the grass is the treasure."
"Ok..." The baffled Orcs nodded slowly.
"And we...the leaf...will sneak into the city, grab the Elf...the twig...and bring him with us to our hideout!" Boss began.
"What hideout?" Pugley asked in confusion.
"Shut up. I'm getting there." Boss growled, and went back to explaining. "We'll send a note back to the Elf's friends or something, saying that they won't ever see him alive again unless they pay us with treasure...the grass... and if they give us the treasure, we release the Elf guy and be on our way! Simple!"
The other Orcs blinked.
"That doesn't sound very safe." Slim finally protested.
Boss glared. "Why you dare to contradict m-"
"He's gotta point, Boss, you're talking about kidnapping Elves here!" Pugley insisted, coming quickly to Slim's defense.
"And all for a stupid piece of grass!" Bugley added as well.
Boss groaned and slapped a hand over his eyes. "You are all just a bunch of idiots. EVERYTHING WE DO ISN'T VERY SAFE!!!" He finally burst out, startling his companions into taking a step back. "That's the life of an Orc!!! To do things that we may very well get killed for! To risk our lives in the line of duty! THAT'S WHAT WE AAAAARRREE!!!"
"Well, if we're so Orcish about this Boss, then why were we banished?" Slim asked simply.
Boss let his arms drop loosely to his sides, disbelief on his face. "You idiot. If you can't get this plan, fine, I'll leave you out of it. But if you're in on the plan......then I want you to go out, find a place somewhere around here that will serve as our hideout. Okay?" He was using all of his patience trying to explain this in simple words for his companions.
"Why do we need a hideout Boss?" Bugley blew it for the last time.
"AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGHHH!!!"
Well actually, sooner or later the Orcs did end up finding a hiding place. A rather risky one, but a hiding place.
It was right behind one of the great waterfalls of Rivendell. You never would have known it was there, because it was cleverly hidden...
But you might ask how in Arda these dense Orcs managed to find it. Well, the answer isn't that hard to explain.
While searching for a hideout, Bugley and Pugley had split up from Slim and Boss and decided to go across the great river to look some more.
As you might imagine, crossing the great river right by the waterfall wasn't an overly splendid idea.
And so, with that, Pugley volounteered to go first...and went right over the waterfall in the end.
Bugley, on the other hand, immediately went searching for Pugley over the falls, but on his way down to the bottom to search the stream below, he happened to look up at the waterfall and see Pugley's feet sticking out of the waterfall itself...and Pugley wasn't falling.
And so, after a bit of pondering, Bugley went up to see why Pugley was suddenly flying, and after going behind a certain, very thick bush, he found that the other Orc had landed on a small ledge sticking out into the waterfall, though it was just about entirely hidden by the roaring water. But behind the ledge...was the nicest little cave you could ever imagine.
Naturally they screamed at the top of their lungs for their friends, and if their voices had been a bit louder they would have alerted all of Rivendell that Orcs were nearby.
And so now, here they were, inside their all new hideout and trying to find ways to remember where it was.
"Oh, I won't have any trouble remembering!" Slim quickly said.
"Me neither." Pugley said painfully, still sore and dripping wet from his unfortunate trip down the falls.
"Ok, that's all fine." Boss said in complete content. "Though this location is quite incongruous, I think it will work quite well. And now...all we need to do is find some supplies, get some sleep, and then tomorrow we'll work out our plan...and strike that night."
"Fine with us." A few very tired Orcs agreed, flopping right down to the cave ground and beginning to fall asleep.
"Not YET you idiots!!! We have to gather supplies first!!!" Boss shouted at them, immediately waking them up from their half-sleep. "You can sleep when we're done."
"Aw, but Boss, the sun's already half-way in bed!" Bugley protested sleepily.
"And you can go to sleep when it's all the way in bed." Boss said simply, grabbing some sacks that they always carried wherever they went, (usually they were slung over the back of the donkey) and tossed one to each of them. "Now go find some berries or roots or something. And if you need to steal something, you better darn well be an Orc and do it!" He ordered. "Go!"
The other Orcs all nodded and rushed off, while Boss stayed to imagine life with so much treasure that he was the richest Orc on earth.
Ok! There's chapter three. Now you can kind of see the story fitting together here. But who will be the unlucky Elf to be "gotten" by these Orcs?! Hmmm, I wonder. It could be anyone...*puts on scary Dracula face* I vant to suck some Elviss blood...hee hee hee. Thanks again SO MUCH to my reviewers. I am forever in your debt, and I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as humanly possible!
Disclaimer: Don't own anyone except for my little Orcsies and the characters' personalities, as I explained in the previous chapter. There's really no point in suing me because I am dead broke. *holds up empty hands* Nothin' except my laptop. :0) The rest is J.R.R. Tolkien's himself.
AN: Thanks so much to my reviewers! You guys rock man! I'm going to try to do reviewer responses each time I post, but it may not be totally consistent because I don't have internet access at home just yet.
GrinnerGlad: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like it! It's really been a blast to write. Enjoy the new chapter!
Cestari: Hello Twin! Yeaaahhhh!!! A review!!! I could very nearly laugh in glee! But I musn't.no.lest I bring my newly-fixed ceiling down upon my unfortunate head.then again.*glances around*.it's bound to happen sooner or later.MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!! *ceiling (complete with plaster and shingles) crashes down on head* OOWWW!!! Whoo! I KNEW I shouldn't have gotten that new plaster put in... man, those Orcs are just nutty little weirdo's aren't they? Can you believe how much our Aragorns are alike?! And to think, we never even got the ideas from each other! Ahh, you make me feel all better whenever you write to me! And I also feel very content now that I know your trusty Balrog will be protecting me from any evil flamers. After all, you know what they say! Fight fire *with* fire. :0) I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as my freaky computer-system will allow!
Etheelflaed: Ooohhh!!! Thanks for the nice review! Yeah, Aragorn's a nut. So sorry that this does not appeal to you, but my sister and I found it funny in its own unique way.so, here he is! Tormenting Elrond and courting his lovely daughter. Hmmm.you and Sarcastic Wolf don't seem to get along very well. Oh well! You know what they say, best friends argue the most.or so I heard from some crazy old wizard named Saruman the White.*glances up at Orthanc with a suspicious frown* Yeah!!! I am Christian! *claps hands and does a few backflips* So glad to hear from another fellow Jesus-freak! :0) Uh oh. you don't think the sky will.actually.*gulps and glances up nervously at sky* Whoo! I'd better update asap then!
Miss Aranel: Thank you so much for your reviews and advice. I can understand that my characters may throw people off, but I think for right now I'm going to keep them the way they are, because I've already written the story, and I have a lot of people in my family and a few friends that like them the way they are. I'm glad you like the orcs though. I had fun writing them. Thanks again for the reviews and the input!
Katie: WHOO! Thanks for reviewing Katie! I'm glad you like the chapter!
What's wrong with my head?: *chuckles* I have often wondered the same thing; and originally I did have him as having little *things* with him too; but I found out it didn't work out with some of the drama stuff I did, and my sister didn't like it, so I changed him to be the way he is. *shrugs* I might try and make him crazy for a later story, but this one is already written and I'm too lazy to change it right now. Thanks for your review and input. I really appreciate it.
P.S Legolas is not the only one who does not have a mental defect. Arwen is one, and Thranduil is another. They are not *perfect*. They are just not that different from the way they are usually portrayed. Hope that makes sense!
One more thing, remember that these characters are not supposed to be seen as an insult to, or *anything* like the real characters. They are *not* to be compared. (not even really in looks. Looks can totally throw you off.) They are *totally* different, and should not be viewed as the same people. I did not make them go crazy. They just are crazy. Different is another word for them. *shrugs* I know it's nearly impossible to understand, but please try. If you really can't understand what's going on and everything is throwing you off, just let me know and I'll make some adjustments if my sister will let me. *grin* Remember, *points* AU.
Oh, and one minor detail. There is no Sauron. Or at least nobody is worried about him at the moment.
Ok. I'll shut up now.
Thanks Amanalda. Thank you for being my faithful editor and everlasting friend. *flings self into Amanalda's arms* You're my hero.
Ok, enough blabber. On with the story!
Chapter 3
"STOP!!!" Boss finally yelled when he was sure that he and his companions were far enough away from the place where that weird Elf lord had stood.
Well, things worked like dominoes after that. Boss stopped, and Pugley crashed into him, which caused Slim to crash into him, which finally caused Bugley to crash into him.
In other words all of them were sooner or later lying in a heap on the ground.
Boss was finally able to wiggle his head out of the enormous pile of Orcs, poking just enough of himself out to yell at the top of his lungs: "GET OFF OF MEEEE!!!"
Well, needless to say the other Orcs took this quite seriously and immediately clambered off of each other, and especially off of their leader.
"Boss!! BOSS!!" Slim quickly bent down and put his mouth right by a rather flat Boss' ear.
"Maybe he's dead." Bugley suggested.
"Oh nooo!!!" Pugley lamented.
"No...I don't think he's dead..." Slim said softly, leaning down further and then shouting in his leader's ear as loud as he possibly could.
"AAAARRREEE YOOUUUU AAALIIIVVEEE!!!????"
The reaction was sensational.
Slim was lying unconscious on the ground approximately two seconds later.
"Woa. I guess he is alive!" Bugley rejoiced.
"Yeah, but for how long?" Pugley pointed out, almost wisely, and then quickly dropped to his knees by the pancake-like leader. "Say Boss, are you alive?"
Boss peeled himself off the ground and glared at the other Orc. "I'm not sure with all the YELLING that you've been directing at me!!!" And with that, the angered Orc promptly stuck a finger in his mouth, blew, and soon popped out to his normal round self.
"Well, jinkies Boss, we sure didn't mean to...yell at you." A newly- revived Slim protested helplessly.
"Yeah right." Boss groaned, tenderly pushing himself up to his feet and straightening his back with a good long crack.
"Uh...so...what do we do now?" Bugley asked, looking around the area in confusion. They were pretty much on the outskirts of the city, and had absolutely no idea where to go...especially with no donkey to take them there.
"We were so close..." Boss was now sharing a lament of his own. "We had the maps..................it's just INCONGRUOUS!!"
"Boss, are you sure you know what that word means? 'Cause you use it all the time..." Pugley pointed out, but Boss was having none of it.
"Shut up so I can think!" He snapped, going back into pondering mode.
The other Orcs remained respectfully silence.
Full five minutes of utter silence passed by, nothing was hearable save the cheerful chirping of a nearby bird and the quiet thunder of the nearby waterfalls.
"I HAVE IT!!!"
Boss' voice abruptly broke the silence just as the turn of five minutes arrived.
"Ok, what is it?" Slim asked patiently.
"Well, I was just thinking that...well...you know that Elf guy that we were going to keep as a hostage?" Boss asked slyly.
"Yeah?" The other Orcs questioned further.
"Well, I think those Elves wanted him back pretty badly, and I was thinking..." Boss let the idea hang on the air to gain the proper mood for the occasion.
Unfortunately it didn't work.
"What were you thinking, Boss?" Bugley asked dumbly.
Boss glared. "RANSOM you idiot, RANSOM!!" He snapped.
"Oh! Right! Ransom." The others quickly seemed to the get the picture... but then their faces darkened when a new fact sank it. "What's ransom?"
Boss was getting very angry. "Let me carefully explain our plan to you so you can FIND OUT FOR YOURSELVES!!!" And with that, the leader Orc bent like a stick and grabbed up a twig from the ground, along with a leaf and a piece of grass. "Ok, now look here. This leaf is us. The twig is the Elf guy, and the grass is the treasure."
"Ok..." The baffled Orcs nodded slowly.
"And we...the leaf...will sneak into the city, grab the Elf...the twig...and bring him with us to our hideout!" Boss began.
"What hideout?" Pugley asked in confusion.
"Shut up. I'm getting there." Boss growled, and went back to explaining. "We'll send a note back to the Elf's friends or something, saying that they won't ever see him alive again unless they pay us with treasure...the grass... and if they give us the treasure, we release the Elf guy and be on our way! Simple!"
The other Orcs blinked.
"That doesn't sound very safe." Slim finally protested.
Boss glared. "Why you dare to contradict m-"
"He's gotta point, Boss, you're talking about kidnapping Elves here!" Pugley insisted, coming quickly to Slim's defense.
"And all for a stupid piece of grass!" Bugley added as well.
Boss groaned and slapped a hand over his eyes. "You are all just a bunch of idiots. EVERYTHING WE DO ISN'T VERY SAFE!!!" He finally burst out, startling his companions into taking a step back. "That's the life of an Orc!!! To do things that we may very well get killed for! To risk our lives in the line of duty! THAT'S WHAT WE AAAAARRREE!!!"
"Well, if we're so Orcish about this Boss, then why were we banished?" Slim asked simply.
Boss let his arms drop loosely to his sides, disbelief on his face. "You idiot. If you can't get this plan, fine, I'll leave you out of it. But if you're in on the plan......then I want you to go out, find a place somewhere around here that will serve as our hideout. Okay?" He was using all of his patience trying to explain this in simple words for his companions.
"Why do we need a hideout Boss?" Bugley blew it for the last time.
"AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGHHH!!!"
Well actually, sooner or later the Orcs did end up finding a hiding place. A rather risky one, but a hiding place.
It was right behind one of the great waterfalls of Rivendell. You never would have known it was there, because it was cleverly hidden...
But you might ask how in Arda these dense Orcs managed to find it. Well, the answer isn't that hard to explain.
While searching for a hideout, Bugley and Pugley had split up from Slim and Boss and decided to go across the great river to look some more.
As you might imagine, crossing the great river right by the waterfall wasn't an overly splendid idea.
And so, with that, Pugley volounteered to go first...and went right over the waterfall in the end.
Bugley, on the other hand, immediately went searching for Pugley over the falls, but on his way down to the bottom to search the stream below, he happened to look up at the waterfall and see Pugley's feet sticking out of the waterfall itself...and Pugley wasn't falling.
And so, after a bit of pondering, Bugley went up to see why Pugley was suddenly flying, and after going behind a certain, very thick bush, he found that the other Orc had landed on a small ledge sticking out into the waterfall, though it was just about entirely hidden by the roaring water. But behind the ledge...was the nicest little cave you could ever imagine.
Naturally they screamed at the top of their lungs for their friends, and if their voices had been a bit louder they would have alerted all of Rivendell that Orcs were nearby.
And so now, here they were, inside their all new hideout and trying to find ways to remember where it was.
"Oh, I won't have any trouble remembering!" Slim quickly said.
"Me neither." Pugley said painfully, still sore and dripping wet from his unfortunate trip down the falls.
"Ok, that's all fine." Boss said in complete content. "Though this location is quite incongruous, I think it will work quite well. And now...all we need to do is find some supplies, get some sleep, and then tomorrow we'll work out our plan...and strike that night."
"Fine with us." A few very tired Orcs agreed, flopping right down to the cave ground and beginning to fall asleep.
"Not YET you idiots!!! We have to gather supplies first!!!" Boss shouted at them, immediately waking them up from their half-sleep. "You can sleep when we're done."
"Aw, but Boss, the sun's already half-way in bed!" Bugley protested sleepily.
"And you can go to sleep when it's all the way in bed." Boss said simply, grabbing some sacks that they always carried wherever they went, (usually they were slung over the back of the donkey) and tossed one to each of them. "Now go find some berries or roots or something. And if you need to steal something, you better darn well be an Orc and do it!" He ordered. "Go!"
The other Orcs all nodded and rushed off, while Boss stayed to imagine life with so much treasure that he was the richest Orc on earth.
Ok! There's chapter three. Now you can kind of see the story fitting together here. But who will be the unlucky Elf to be "gotten" by these Orcs?! Hmmm, I wonder. It could be anyone...*puts on scary Dracula face* I vant to suck some Elviss blood...hee hee hee. Thanks again SO MUCH to my reviewers. I am forever in your debt, and I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as humanly possible!