I am desperate, now. I have been told to stay home, to keep watch over the sleeping children here. But I cannot keep my mind from wandering.
I can only hope that May has not met some terrible fate. I cringe every time I think of her in pain. I continually pray that she is in none.
I am alone with my thoughts now. Why do I feel so guilty?
Chapter 5
It was just as I had pictured it, what I had dreamt about for the last two seasons, or perhaps my entire life. I stood before a mirror looking at the young woman in the white dress before me. Silk sleeves rested just below my shoulders, lace running along the edges to meet a white rose in the middle. The smooth fabric hugged my stomach and the top of my hips, then cascaded down in several layers, finally extending into a long, flowing train.
As I stood daydreaming, Ann, my maid of honor, entered hastily into the room, telling me it was just about time for the wedding to start. "Oh, Elli!" she said, smiling. "You look absolutely gorgeous." She walked over to where my veil was sitting, and taking it, studied it for a moment. "Like a newly blossomed white flower..." she said, almost inaudibly. Then she placed it gently on top of my head, bringing it to rest over my face. "I'm happy for you, Elle. You and Tim will make a great team." I smiled at her.
"Thanks, Ann." And with that, she left the room. I was anxious now, still a bit unsure, but that feeling was quickly fading. I thought about how I'd finally be together with Tim, how I would soon see the faces of my children. It was a pleasing thought.
The music began playing. Taking one last glance in the mirror, I walked toward the entrance of the church, and saw the aisle in front of me. Smiling, but sighing a bit out of nervousness, I took my first few steps toward my future husband. Stu, the ring bearer, and May, the flower girl, walked just ahead of me, loving the attention they were receiving. I could see the villagers standing along the pews, all warmly smiling and watching me.
Then I saw Ellen, at the end of the aisle, standing with the support of Doug and Jack. Tears brimmed her eyes as she watched me journey down the path, and I couldn't help but catch one in the corner of mine as well. I knew she had looked forward to this for a long time, and she had been determined to see me as a bride in her lifetime. And that day had finally come for her. As I approached her, she stepped out slowly to where I was at, and took me by the arm.
"I love you, Elli. I could not be more happy for you than I am now," she said, tears flowing softly down her weathered cheeks. I hugged her, tears starting to trail down mine as well.
"I love you too, grandma. Thank you..." I whispered to her. After a few moments she began to make her way back to the pew, and I walked up the steps with Tim.
The service wasn't long, but it seemed to freeze in time for me. I couldn't help but stare into the eyes of Tim while Pastor Carter spoke. I heard the children behind me, especially Stu, start to get antsy. He was relieved when we had taken the rings and said our "I do"s. Finally, we kissed, and walked happily together back down the aisle.
I was finally married to the man of my dreams.