Disclaimer: Everyone is Mr. Tolkien's except the Orcs and the characters'
personalites. Those are mine.
I can never begin to express my thanks to all the reviewers. You guys save my life each time you send those little messages, and it really helps me to keep writing. You guys all rock the day away! *bows to them*
Yeah!! Shortest one yet! You guys all just kick back and relax now, and grab lots of comfy pillows and blankets. It's chilly out here! Gotta' keep warm. Wouldn't want my reviewers all frozen! *looks worried at very thought*
Chapter 8
This is a note for Elrond, whoever you guys are.
Elrond,
We regret to inform you that we will not be giving the ten gold bars. Arwen says she loves you, and Aragorn says to take a pill. You were a most gracious lord, but all we can do now is hope and pray.
Your friends,
Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli, Gloin, Gandalf, Legolas, and Arwen.
Valar be with you.
When Pugley finished reading the note out loud to everyone inside the little cave-thing that the Orcs called their hideout, he let his arms fall to his sides, and looked around at all the blank, disbelieving faces around him. "That's all it said." He announced grimly.
Boss and Elrond were tied for looking the most dumbfounded.
"They're...they're not gonna send the money?" Boss murmured in disbelief.
"They're NOT going to send the money?!?" Elrond exclaimed, much louder than our poor little Boss had.
Pugley shrugged. "Guess not!" He said cheerfully. He looked over eagerly at Boss. "Can we kill im' now?"
Elrond glared at him.
Boss also glared at him...like a wolf. "You IDIOT!!! Of COURSE we're not going to kill him!!!" He scowled darkly at Elrond. "We're gonna send another note, this time threatening to chop him into little tiny pieces and then eat him!!"
"Ewww!!!" The other Orcs chorused. (Elrond resisting the tempation to do the same)
Boss glared daggers at them. "It's not "EWWWW!!" It's ORCISH!!!" He crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest. "Why, to not eat him after that threat would be..." He thought very hard on this. "Incongruous."
Elrond stared at him. "Do you even know what that words means?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, shut up!" Boss snapped. "We're thinking right now!"
"We are?" Slim asked uncertainly, looking around at his fellow Orcs.
Boss glared at him. "Yes we are." And with that, as if to prove his point, he started busily trying to look like he was deeply pondering the situation.
"Woa..." Bugley murmured. "When he looks like that we're usually in big trouble!"
Elrond gulped. "Really?"
All three Orcs (that weren't busy trying to look like some kind of scientist professor that couldn't remember what a rock was) nodded gravely.
Elrond was getting a little nervous with the situation. At first he had doubted that the Orcs would be smart enough to even think about doing anything horrible...but now he was beginning to wonder whether they would do it just because they were crazy enough.
At last, Boss straightened up. "I HAVE IT---OUCH!!!" He bellowed, straightening up so much that he hit his head on a stalagmite. Now he found himself with a great idea, and a headache.
The other three Orcs hurried over to him.
"Gosh, are you ok Boss?" Bugley asked in great concern.
"Oh, shut up." Boss snapped, straightening up once again, (this time carefully avoiding the stalagmite). "I was merely stating that I had another brilliant plan."
The other Orcs all looked quite hopeful.
Boss grinned a toothy, partially-evil grin. (it was all he could muster at the moment thanks to his headache) "We're going to send another note, this time threatening to chop him into little tiny--"
"You already said that." Elrond grumbled, not really wanting to hear his death sentence all over again.
Boss glared at him. "Don't interrupt me!" He snapped, then turned importantly back to his fellow Orcs. "As I was saying, we are going to threaten to chop him into little tiny pieces and--"
"Boss, the Elf is right, you already said that." Pugley interrupted seriously.
Boss looked ready to throw a pebble at him he was so angry. o.o
"DON'T INTERRUPT ME YOU IDIOT!!!" He bellowed so loud that a few grains of dirt fell from the dusty ceiling of the cave.
Slim was the first to take the hold off his ears. "Calm down Boss, or you're going to bring the whole cave down!"
Boss pretended to ignore this with all the dignity he could muster, but looked up at the crumbling ceiling for one fearful second anyway. After recovering from this, he cleared his throat, and tried to straighten himself up in an important fashion once again, (though it was pretty hard to feel important when everyone around him was at least three or four feet taller than he was).
"Well, what are you waiting for?" He pointed a stubby finger at Slim. "Write the note you idiot!"
Slim shrugged. "All right." He replied, and went in search of some paper.
"But Boss," Pugley protested. "What if they say no again?"
Boss put a very confident grin on his ugly, almost evil face. "They won't." He insisted simply. "No one in their right mind would sentence the Lord of Imladris to being chopped to pieces!"
~**~
This for Elrond again you guys.
Elrond,
Sorry, but we can't give the money over. Arwen says she loves you again, and Aragorn says to go bunji-jumping. Arwen also apologizes that she can't do as the Orcs ask, but you must understand.
Farewell.
Your friends, Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli, Gloin, Gandalf, Legolas, and Arwen
Sorry.
This time, Elrond finished reading out loud with the most utter look of horror on his face.
Boss was almost shaking with rage. "They're not going to send the gold are they?" He managed to grind out before he started shaking again.
Elrond was still staring at the note in stunned blankness. "Apparently not..." Finally, he dropped his arms to his sides, staring off into space with the most perfect picture of disbelief and disgust on his face. "I can't believe they are doing this to me!"
"Woa.I can't believe it either!" Bugley commented with a rather alarmed look on his face.
Pugley snorted. "Well, whoever these friends of yours are, they sure aren't very good ones! You should probably go get some new ones."
"Don't tell him THAT you idiot!!!" Boss suddenly snapped. "He's not going to get a CHANCE to make new friends!!"
Slim blinked. "Why not?" He asked in confusion.
Boss smiled proudly. "Because we have to kill him now!" He announced.
While Elrond looked horrified, the Orcs were looking confused.
"Why?" Bugley asked.
Boss's proud smile faded. "You idiot, because we said we WOULD!!!"
"Yeah, but we've never killed an Elf before!" Pugley pointed out. "What if they're blood is green or something?" He turned the slightest shade of green even as he said that. "I don't think I could take that."
Boss was looking disbelievingly at his comrades. "You idiot, of COURSE his blood isn't GREEN!!!"
"Actually Boss, it's quite possible that it is, seeing as we've got black blood and royalties have blue blood." Slim started counting off the different colors on his fingers until he had no more fingers to count with. ".And I think Master Eyeball has no blood at all."
"Ew." Bugley commented simply.
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!!!" Boss exploded. "What matters is that they won't give the money, and we've got to kill him!!!" He pointed a finger at Elrond.
"Ok." Pugley shrugged. "Whatever you say Boss."
"No, wait a minute!" Elrond held up his hands desperately for a halt. "I'll make a deal with you!"
The Orcs stared at him warily.
Elrond took this as his cue to continue, so he did just that. "Listen, if you will let me live, I swear to you that I will help you get the money you asked for."
The Orcs, all except for Boss, started pondering this.
"Well, that sounds fair!" Slim admitted cheerfully.
"No it does NOT you idiot!!!" Boss snapped. "We can't trust him! He's an Elf!"
"Oh." Slim thought hard on that, trying to find a way to make sense out of that.
"W-well, tell you what," Elrond continued. "If.if I don't get you the gold, then you can kill me." He grimaced as he forced those dreadful words out of his mouth. He honestly hated sentencing himself to death like that, but who knows? There was a chance it could save his life.
"Hmmmm." Boss put a finger to his mouth, doing his best to look like he was seriously considering the situation.
The other three Orcs leaned in closer to get ready to catch what he was going to say.
Elrond closed his eyes tightly and crossed his fingers, praying for the best.
"Mmmm.all right." Boss finally concluded simply. "But if you fail, then we'll chop you to bits. Comprendae?"
Elrond swallowed, but nodded. "All right. Comprendae."
Boss's beady eyes narrowed and he stuck out his hand. "Don't shake unless you mean it." He warned gravely.
Elrond grimaced at this gesture, but forced himself to come to know that this could save his live, and then stiffly stuck his hand out, clasping the Orc's in a firm handshake.
"I can't believe I am shaking hands with an Orc!" Elrond thought in disgust to himself, pulling his hand away as soon as it was released and wiping it quickly on the sleeve of his robes, just in case.
Boss grinned another toothy, dirty grin. "K then. What's the plan Mr. Elf guy?"
"Yeah, spill it!" Bugley ordered, then he stopped and muttered to himself. "Though this could really turn out like that time when we spilled that tar."
"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO MENTION THAT TAR AGAIN!!!" Boss exploded right away, causing everyone to hold their ears.
"Woa.sorry!" Bugley quickly apologized, not risking further wrath from his short-tempered leader.
Boss smiled importantly in satisfaction, then looked back expectantly at Elrond, attempting (and failing) a superior smile. "Well?"
Elrond, inspired by this, offered a real superior look. "I'll tell you.but you have to give me a decent meal tonight and swear you'll store some edible food up in this Valar-forsaken hole!" He announced, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly.
Boss blinked, then glared at Slim. "You heard him. Get it ready." He gave Elrond a very annoyed look. "Satisfied?"
Elrond smiled. "Quite." And with that, the Elven Lord leaned down a good distance in order to be able to whisper in Boss's ear just the plan that he had in mind.
~**~
Ok, THAT might have been a cliffie, I dunno. Depends on how you guys take cliffies. I, personally, like my cliffies nice and abrupt. Other people, however, might like them covered in chocolate, or nicely rounded, or maybe even baked for a while, I dunno. I tried though!
Bonus: Special congratulations to anyone who can tell me where that line "don't shake unless you mean it" came from. Good luck!
PLEEEAASEE review!!! It really helps me to write. Just click the little button and whee!!! Make my day a happy one!!
I can never begin to express my thanks to all the reviewers. You guys save my life each time you send those little messages, and it really helps me to keep writing. You guys all rock the day away! *bows to them*
Yeah!! Shortest one yet! You guys all just kick back and relax now, and grab lots of comfy pillows and blankets. It's chilly out here! Gotta' keep warm. Wouldn't want my reviewers all frozen! *looks worried at very thought*
Chapter 8
This is a note for Elrond, whoever you guys are.
Elrond,
We regret to inform you that we will not be giving the ten gold bars. Arwen says she loves you, and Aragorn says to take a pill. You were a most gracious lord, but all we can do now is hope and pray.
Your friends,
Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli, Gloin, Gandalf, Legolas, and Arwen.
Valar be with you.
When Pugley finished reading the note out loud to everyone inside the little cave-thing that the Orcs called their hideout, he let his arms fall to his sides, and looked around at all the blank, disbelieving faces around him. "That's all it said." He announced grimly.
Boss and Elrond were tied for looking the most dumbfounded.
"They're...they're not gonna send the money?" Boss murmured in disbelief.
"They're NOT going to send the money?!?" Elrond exclaimed, much louder than our poor little Boss had.
Pugley shrugged. "Guess not!" He said cheerfully. He looked over eagerly at Boss. "Can we kill im' now?"
Elrond glared at him.
Boss also glared at him...like a wolf. "You IDIOT!!! Of COURSE we're not going to kill him!!!" He scowled darkly at Elrond. "We're gonna send another note, this time threatening to chop him into little tiny pieces and then eat him!!"
"Ewww!!!" The other Orcs chorused. (Elrond resisting the tempation to do the same)
Boss glared daggers at them. "It's not "EWWWW!!" It's ORCISH!!!" He crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest. "Why, to not eat him after that threat would be..." He thought very hard on this. "Incongruous."
Elrond stared at him. "Do you even know what that words means?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, shut up!" Boss snapped. "We're thinking right now!"
"We are?" Slim asked uncertainly, looking around at his fellow Orcs.
Boss glared at him. "Yes we are." And with that, as if to prove his point, he started busily trying to look like he was deeply pondering the situation.
"Woa..." Bugley murmured. "When he looks like that we're usually in big trouble!"
Elrond gulped. "Really?"
All three Orcs (that weren't busy trying to look like some kind of scientist professor that couldn't remember what a rock was) nodded gravely.
Elrond was getting a little nervous with the situation. At first he had doubted that the Orcs would be smart enough to even think about doing anything horrible...but now he was beginning to wonder whether they would do it just because they were crazy enough.
At last, Boss straightened up. "I HAVE IT---OUCH!!!" He bellowed, straightening up so much that he hit his head on a stalagmite. Now he found himself with a great idea, and a headache.
The other three Orcs hurried over to him.
"Gosh, are you ok Boss?" Bugley asked in great concern.
"Oh, shut up." Boss snapped, straightening up once again, (this time carefully avoiding the stalagmite). "I was merely stating that I had another brilliant plan."
The other Orcs all looked quite hopeful.
Boss grinned a toothy, partially-evil grin. (it was all he could muster at the moment thanks to his headache) "We're going to send another note, this time threatening to chop him into little tiny--"
"You already said that." Elrond grumbled, not really wanting to hear his death sentence all over again.
Boss glared at him. "Don't interrupt me!" He snapped, then turned importantly back to his fellow Orcs. "As I was saying, we are going to threaten to chop him into little tiny pieces and--"
"Boss, the Elf is right, you already said that." Pugley interrupted seriously.
Boss looked ready to throw a pebble at him he was so angry. o.o
"DON'T INTERRUPT ME YOU IDIOT!!!" He bellowed so loud that a few grains of dirt fell from the dusty ceiling of the cave.
Slim was the first to take the hold off his ears. "Calm down Boss, or you're going to bring the whole cave down!"
Boss pretended to ignore this with all the dignity he could muster, but looked up at the crumbling ceiling for one fearful second anyway. After recovering from this, he cleared his throat, and tried to straighten himself up in an important fashion once again, (though it was pretty hard to feel important when everyone around him was at least three or four feet taller than he was).
"Well, what are you waiting for?" He pointed a stubby finger at Slim. "Write the note you idiot!"
Slim shrugged. "All right." He replied, and went in search of some paper.
"But Boss," Pugley protested. "What if they say no again?"
Boss put a very confident grin on his ugly, almost evil face. "They won't." He insisted simply. "No one in their right mind would sentence the Lord of Imladris to being chopped to pieces!"
~**~
This for Elrond again you guys.
Elrond,
Sorry, but we can't give the money over. Arwen says she loves you again, and Aragorn says to go bunji-jumping. Arwen also apologizes that she can't do as the Orcs ask, but you must understand.
Farewell.
Your friends, Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli, Gloin, Gandalf, Legolas, and Arwen
Sorry.
This time, Elrond finished reading out loud with the most utter look of horror on his face.
Boss was almost shaking with rage. "They're not going to send the gold are they?" He managed to grind out before he started shaking again.
Elrond was still staring at the note in stunned blankness. "Apparently not..." Finally, he dropped his arms to his sides, staring off into space with the most perfect picture of disbelief and disgust on his face. "I can't believe they are doing this to me!"
"Woa.I can't believe it either!" Bugley commented with a rather alarmed look on his face.
Pugley snorted. "Well, whoever these friends of yours are, they sure aren't very good ones! You should probably go get some new ones."
"Don't tell him THAT you idiot!!!" Boss suddenly snapped. "He's not going to get a CHANCE to make new friends!!"
Slim blinked. "Why not?" He asked in confusion.
Boss smiled proudly. "Because we have to kill him now!" He announced.
While Elrond looked horrified, the Orcs were looking confused.
"Why?" Bugley asked.
Boss's proud smile faded. "You idiot, because we said we WOULD!!!"
"Yeah, but we've never killed an Elf before!" Pugley pointed out. "What if they're blood is green or something?" He turned the slightest shade of green even as he said that. "I don't think I could take that."
Boss was looking disbelievingly at his comrades. "You idiot, of COURSE his blood isn't GREEN!!!"
"Actually Boss, it's quite possible that it is, seeing as we've got black blood and royalties have blue blood." Slim started counting off the different colors on his fingers until he had no more fingers to count with. ".And I think Master Eyeball has no blood at all."
"Ew." Bugley commented simply.
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!!!" Boss exploded. "What matters is that they won't give the money, and we've got to kill him!!!" He pointed a finger at Elrond.
"Ok." Pugley shrugged. "Whatever you say Boss."
"No, wait a minute!" Elrond held up his hands desperately for a halt. "I'll make a deal with you!"
The Orcs stared at him warily.
Elrond took this as his cue to continue, so he did just that. "Listen, if you will let me live, I swear to you that I will help you get the money you asked for."
The Orcs, all except for Boss, started pondering this.
"Well, that sounds fair!" Slim admitted cheerfully.
"No it does NOT you idiot!!!" Boss snapped. "We can't trust him! He's an Elf!"
"Oh." Slim thought hard on that, trying to find a way to make sense out of that.
"W-well, tell you what," Elrond continued. "If.if I don't get you the gold, then you can kill me." He grimaced as he forced those dreadful words out of his mouth. He honestly hated sentencing himself to death like that, but who knows? There was a chance it could save his life.
"Hmmmm." Boss put a finger to his mouth, doing his best to look like he was seriously considering the situation.
The other three Orcs leaned in closer to get ready to catch what he was going to say.
Elrond closed his eyes tightly and crossed his fingers, praying for the best.
"Mmmm.all right." Boss finally concluded simply. "But if you fail, then we'll chop you to bits. Comprendae?"
Elrond swallowed, but nodded. "All right. Comprendae."
Boss's beady eyes narrowed and he stuck out his hand. "Don't shake unless you mean it." He warned gravely.
Elrond grimaced at this gesture, but forced himself to come to know that this could save his live, and then stiffly stuck his hand out, clasping the Orc's in a firm handshake.
"I can't believe I am shaking hands with an Orc!" Elrond thought in disgust to himself, pulling his hand away as soon as it was released and wiping it quickly on the sleeve of his robes, just in case.
Boss grinned another toothy, dirty grin. "K then. What's the plan Mr. Elf guy?"
"Yeah, spill it!" Bugley ordered, then he stopped and muttered to himself. "Though this could really turn out like that time when we spilled that tar."
"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO MENTION THAT TAR AGAIN!!!" Boss exploded right away, causing everyone to hold their ears.
"Woa.sorry!" Bugley quickly apologized, not risking further wrath from his short-tempered leader.
Boss smiled importantly in satisfaction, then looked back expectantly at Elrond, attempting (and failing) a superior smile. "Well?"
Elrond, inspired by this, offered a real superior look. "I'll tell you.but you have to give me a decent meal tonight and swear you'll store some edible food up in this Valar-forsaken hole!" He announced, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly.
Boss blinked, then glared at Slim. "You heard him. Get it ready." He gave Elrond a very annoyed look. "Satisfied?"
Elrond smiled. "Quite." And with that, the Elven Lord leaned down a good distance in order to be able to whisper in Boss's ear just the plan that he had in mind.
~**~
Ok, THAT might have been a cliffie, I dunno. Depends on how you guys take cliffies. I, personally, like my cliffies nice and abrupt. Other people, however, might like them covered in chocolate, or nicely rounded, or maybe even baked for a while, I dunno. I tried though!
Bonus: Special congratulations to anyone who can tell me where that line "don't shake unless you mean it" came from. Good luck!
PLEEEAASEE review!!! It really helps me to write. Just click the little button and whee!!! Make my day a happy one!!