Chapter Four

Once in a Lifetime

"Gee, it 's good to have you back, Dr. Macy," said Nigel, greeting the chief ME on his first day back after suspension.

"God knows it's good to be back. Never thought I'd miss this place that much… but I did. And I missed the people even more," Garret replied.

"It's just good to get rid of that bastard Slocum," Bug joined in. "He reduced Lily to a file clerk and nearly worked Jordan to death."

"That's for sure," Nigel said. "She looks ragged out…"

"Yeah…but I'm not sure if that's from Slocum or Woody," Garret said, his voice trailing off as he saw Jordan round the corner and head over to him. "Speak of the devil…"

She chuckled as she hugged Garret. "I'll never take for granted looking over in your office and seeing your little, bald head again. Welcome back…and never, ever leave us again like that."

The group moved aside as some workmen moved Garret's old desk with the victrola back in his office. "Seems things are getting back to semi-normal," Jordan said, still keeping her arm around Garret while Nigel and Bug went back into trace.

"Some things anyway," he replied. "What are you doing here? With all the hours Slocum told me you put in on my case, I figured you'd be taking this week off."

"Nah. Not me. I live to work. Just add them to my five years worth of sick days and vacation time."

Garret caught Jordan by the chin and looked at her closely. The dark circles hugging her eyes betrayed her. She was tired. Slocum had admitted to Garret that Jordan had more than pulled her fair share of hours on clearing him, as well as helping the interm director keep all four autopsies up and going. Jordan lowered her eyes at his intense scrutiny.

"Go back home, Jordan. Sleep for a week."

"I can't…I just need to stay busy right now, Garret…at least for a little while longer…until I can put my life in perspective again…discover what is really important and who matters."

"Okay, but only trace for you today and you agree to knock off at three." He released her chin, but kept his hold on her hand.

She nodded and made to leave, but he pulled her into his office after the workmen had left. "Jordan…how are you holding up? I heard Woody was back…on crutches and doing a little better. But how are you holding up? Have things changed any between you two?" Garret was well aware that things were not back to normal between the couple.

"I'm…okay. And no, things have not changed between us. I guess…I'm learning to move on, too."

"Dating?"

Jordan snorted. "Slocum never gave me time to go to the bathroom…much less have anytime to try to do anything else."

"Will you? Get out there and date?"

She dropped down on the couch in Garret's office. "I…I…can't picture myself with anyone else but Woody right now. The thought of going out with another man…I just can't go there yet."

"But you'll try?"

"I don't know. Maybe if God drops a man on my front stoop with a bow around him and a Post-it note on his forehead that says 'This is the one', I might."

Garret chuckled. At least she was keeping her sense of humor. But the look in her eyes made him hurt. And in truth, Bug, Nigel, and even Sydney had told the chief ME how worried they were about Jordan. How crushed she seemed to be by Woody's rejection. "I don't know if I've ever seen her like this," Nigel had told him. "Even with all the stuff she went through with her mother's murder…how she went off the deep end….she was never this….down."

Garret understood what Nigel had meant now that he had seen her up close. Her emotions were right there on her sleeve. "You love him, don't you Jor?"

She nodded, blinking back the tears. "Yeah… I do. And I've told him…you know I told him at the hospital that day… he doesn't believe me. He thinks I'm acting out of pity or sympathy or guilt. But I'm not. The shooting just made me realize that I had loved him for a long time and we're not promised tomorrow. I needed to tell him then. I guess my timing was off…as usual."

Garret smiled softly at her. "I think…that maybe…he was worried about what loving him would do to you."

She gave him a quizzical look.

"I think," he gently explained, "that Woody was afraid that loving him would make you sacrifice too much of yourself … that you'd end up resenting him in the long run because he couldn't be like a 'normal' man."

"But that's not the way I feel."

"I know. But he doesn't know that."

"What would I have to do to make him realize that?"

"That's the thing, Jordan. You can't do anything. He's going to have to realize that himself, and come to terms with the fact that he still loves you."

She swallowed the lump building in her throat. "I don't think he does anymore. He's moved on, Gar. He's dating other women…and they're falling all over him to help him with anything he needs. He won't let me near him."

Garret absorbed this telling fact for a minute. If Woody was pushing her away…he obviously was still confused about his feelings and if he could try to have a relationship with Jordan again…and if this time Jordan would let it be on Woody's terms. If it happened…if they started seeing each other again…Woody would have to be in control…and Jordan would have to trust him enough to let him.

She obviously missed the detective…and her feelings hadn't changed despite the rejection Woody was putting her through. "Don't give up hope yet," Garret said pulling her in for a brief hug. "He's just gotten back from Walter Reed. He and everyone else is still adjusting to him being home. Give it a while. See what happens. Meantime…don't sit home on Friday night if opportunity knocks and asks you out for dinner."

"Woody…how are you?" Garret asked the young man at the bar.

"Dr. Macy… good to see you, man," Woody greeted the chief ME. "I'm doing better. I've got some feeling back in my legs, but not much. The doctors hope it will get better, but no one knows for sure. Meanwhile I just keep working with the physical therapist and being a detective." He paused and took a pull on his beer. It was Friday night, and Eddie Winslow had talked Woody into going out with him to McPherson's for a few drinks and to watch the game on the big screen television in the bar. "So how are you? I heard you're back and Slocum has gone to crawl back under whatever rock they let him out from."

Garret chuckled and ordered a Scotch, neat. "Yeah. I'm back…albeit on probation for six months. So the Governor's Commission on Crime is going to watch me like a hawk, but I'll be okay."

"I know everyone is glad to have you back."

"It seems so. And it's good to be back. With my morgue family again. They went to the wall for me and I'll never forget it."

"You don't forget people like that…ever."

"So…what about you, Woody? Any more surgery?"

"There's nothing more they can do. It's up to my nerves to make some kind of decision for themselves … and right now they can't make up their mind."

Garret smiled and looked down at his Scotch. He wished he could say that his meeting Woody here was a happy coincidence. But it wasn't. As more days passed after his return to the morgue, the more worried he grew about Jordan. Her work was still superb. But personally, the dark circles ate at him. Her listless attitude concerned him. And the look in her eyes worried him the most. Not only the pain that was there, but also the haunting realization that she may be pining for an irreparable relationship. And she didn't know what to do about it.

So Garret figured he'd try to "run into Woody" at a local bar the cops favored. It had taken him several nights, but he had finally scored success. Garret needed to hear Woody say that it was over between him and Jordan. He needed a look-him-in-the-eyes-man-to-man confession out of the detective. After everything Jordan had done for him, Garret needed to go to the wall for her. Hear Woody's confession and then tell him that Jordan loved still loved him…and it wasn't out of pity.

He owed Jordan that much…after all…Garret was the only pillar left in her life. Max was gone. Woody was proclaiming to have moved on…it was time for Garret to step up to the plate. "Have you made up your mind about Jordan?" he asked Woody…so softly the detective wasn't sure he heard right.

"Jordan? It's over between us. We've both moved on. I mean, we still will have to work together…at least on some level, especially if I get mobile enough to go back out into field work. Right now, I'm mainly behind the desk and doing some interrogation. We can have a working relationship, I'm sure. We're both professional enough to do that. But anything else…no."

"You're sure?"

Woody paused for a moment, the asked in a low, quiet tone, "How is she?"

"How do you think? Hurting like hell. She loves you."

"She thinks she loves me. It's pity, Garret. She waits until I may never walk again and then tells me she loves me. She tells me when I can't do a damned thing about walking…much less keeping her safe…protecting her…making her feel like a woman." The detective's voice lowered on the last part and Garret noticed a faint blush on Woody's cheeks.

"It's not pity. She loves you. It just took nearly losing you to make her realize she needed to tell you before it was too late. And as for the other part, Jordan's pretty good at taking care of herself…and the rest may not be as important as you think."

Woody shook his head. "It is to me…and I'm sure it would be to a woman like Jordan.'

"A woman like Jordan…what do you mean by that?"

Woody blew out a sigh, irritated by the entire conversation. "What do I have to do? Draw you a picture? In time, she would resent me and leave me….or worse. I don't think I could handle that."

Garret set his glass firmly down on the bar…with enough force that it startled Woody. "In all the years you've spent with Jordan, I don't think you ever really knew her. She's not like that. She loves you…and would go to the wall for you just like she did me." Garret threw some money down on the counter. "If that is your final decision…and that's the real reason why you want her to 'move on with her life,'…if it's the fact that you're worried about the sexual part of your relationship, for God's sake, go be completely honest with her. Tell her. Then maybe she really can go on with her life."

Garret pushed away from the bar and tookhalf a dozensteps before turning back to Woody. "But you're a fool, Hoyt. She may have kept you guessing for three years, but she loves you. Completely. And love like that from a woman like her doesn't come along but once in a lifetime."