Toxic Kisses

Reflections

A.N. The song Hermione sings in this chapter is: Trouble Sleeping by The Perishers From the O.C. Mix 2 Soundtrack

The ceiling was white, with those half semi-circles all along it. You know what I mean, don't you? You make them with those plaster brushes, and it makes the ceiling look like it's a massive white ocean. If you don't know, well, next time you go over someone's house, check their ceilings. Maybe they'll have it too.

My walls, they were a light pink. It was a very girly, princessy pink. It was the color I wanted when I was younger and Mum and Dad obliged. My parents were actually parents from the time I was born until I was six (shocking, I know. I can hardly believe it myself, and I am their daughter, if that). If only I could remember more from those years. Those were the blissful days of my life. I only had a sparse amount of memories from then, and those I treasure dearly.

Christmas Time was always the best. My parents would make such a big ordeal, and I loved it. On exactly December 1st, my mom would go into this psycho Christmas mode. Every single box of Christmas decorations came out of our attic, (there were over 20, my mom was obsessed) and my dad and I would willingly help her decorate. It took three days to get everything finished. We even had a schedule. It was very amusing.

On December 1st, my parents and I would decorate the exterior of the house. December 2nd was dedicated to the interior, and December 3rd was used just for decorating the tree. We had so many ornaments, it was a surprise the tree branches didn't break from the weight. Christmas was always so joyous.

But, I have to say, Christmas Eve was the best. Before I found out that Santa Claus was just a myth, my parents would put on this amazing show.

At exactly 10:00 PM every Christmas Eve they would send me up to bed. They would wait a half an hour, and just spend time down by the fire talking, because they knew I'd just lie in my bed and stare at those ceilings that reminded me so much of a vast ocean. After I fell asleep, they would bring the presents up from the basement, and festively put them beneath the tree. Then, my father would take his work boots, which were Timberlands (yah, he was just that cool), and put a mixture of sugar and baking soda onto the bottom, and make sparkly foot prints from the Chimney, to the Christmas Tree, up the stairs to my room, and then turn around at the door and come back downstairs and up to the chimney.

When I woke up on Christmas, I'd squeal in delight, just like every child did. Santa had visited my room! Santa had seen me! I always got such a rush from that thought. It makes me smile every time I think of it. I'm even smiling right now.

My parents would always smile and laugh at my excitement, and as I opened my gifts they'd sit close together. Nothing could separate them. And when I was done, I'd run over with my presents for them, and we'd give each other one big bear hug.

These are the kind of moments I cherished; the moments that will never again happen in my life time. The moments I so dearly miss.

This is what my summers were like, just lying in my bed reminiscing about the past. I got so bored, that I memorized every little detail in my room, as well as everything else in the house. I felt like a walking ghost.

I sighed to myself, and rolled over to my side.

I faced my closet door, and on it was a long mirror, with assorted pictures of my parents. Some were of Harry, Ron, Ginny and the rest of the Weasley's, and of course, these were moving. I let a smile play across my lips. Oh, how I missed them. Only thirty more days until September 1st. I couldn't wait.

For minutes, I just lay there watching Harry's smiling face. His emerald green eyes sparkling with mischief as he mentally planned another prank on the Slytherins. Over the years, he and Ron had caused almost has much trouble as his father, and that's saying something. I never mentioned it though, because being like his father, meant so much to Harry. That was a feeling I knew I'd never get the chance to experience.

My eyes glanced around my room. I don't know why. I already knew where everything was, but still I did.

In my right hand corner, I had a bookshelf with loads of cheesy romance novels. I loved to loose myself in those stories. One of those 'I wish it could happen to me but never will' tales, where you immediately fall in love with that 'knight in shining armor' and you knew you'd do anything to have that kind of romance. If only.

I also had a desk, which had a small lamp and quills and paper, along with my camera. I loved taken pictures. It didn't matter what kind. Muggle or Wizard was fine by me. I preferred the black and white kind though. There was just something so captivating and just frankly beautiful about them.

I have one picture that I have never let anyone else see. I keep it hidden in my dresser drawer. Sometimes, at night, when I can't fall asleep, I take it out, and just stare at it. The man in the photograph was captured perfectly. It was in black and white, and I couldn't help but close my eyes and smile when I thought about it.

The image played over and over in my mind, so I got up and retrieved it from my drawer. I shifted through the socks and undergarments. Most of it was just the normal, regular cotton underwear, but I did have my fair share of lingerie. Ginny convinced me one day during fourth year to take her shopping at a Muggle mall (I had her over. Mr. Weasley insisted that he drove her here, even though it took him about 3 days. But that's okay, he enjoyed the experience. He was such a Muggle-lover, Merlin bless him) and so I did. She was immediately drawn to the Victoria's Secret store.

"Muggle's wear lingerie too? I would have never guessed!" She exclaimed as she held up some very racy thongs. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Of course they do. Now come on, let's go find some clothes that actually cover our bodies."

"Uh huh, Miss Know-it-all-Granger! We are buying some lingerie. Now come on, let's shop baby!" She grabbed my wrist and together we sorted through the various items. I was surprised at how many different styles of undergarments there were. I have to admit, I bought a good $400 worth, and Ginny never let me live it down.

This may sound totally dorky, but after I bought it, I would occasionally wear some of the thongs, or lace bras underneath my clothes as I went shopping. It was like a secret that only I knew about, and every time I passed somebody I'd smirk. I felt even better when I walked through Hogwarts. Who would have guessed that I wore lingerie? If you were to tell me this during 1st year, I'd just laugh in your face and exclaim "Ha-ha, you're funny!"

Maybe I wouldn't have believed it because I was nothing special. My hair was frizzy and a complete mess. I had the occasional blemish, and my clothes were definitely not in style. But all of this changed after I met Ginny, and I guess hormones helped as well. During fifth year I noticed a big change in my body, and by the middle of summer, it was very noticeable.

I had curves.

Yes, I, Hermione Granger, had curves! My hair was barely frizzy anymore as well! It had turned a nice brunette color, and my curly locks fell delicately around my shoulders. I was surprised at how many boys my age had hit on me while I went jogging in the morning, some were even as old as 25. I felt confident, which is surprising, because that was never an emotion or feeling that normally described me. Oh well, things change, and thank Merlin for that.

I smiled as I shifted through my socks and finally I found the picture. I pulled it out, and once it was complete uncovered I just gasped. It was beautiful, and it got me every single time.

I backed up until I reached my bed, and I fell back, still holding on to the picture. It was a picture of him. Draco Malfoy was the man inside of this picture. I don't know why I was so captivated by it. Wasn't I supposed to hate him? But every time I looked at that picture, I wasn't so sure.

I took this picture the last day of school of fifth year. Harry, Ron, Ginny and I were all lying near the pond, and I was taking pictures of them for the summer. At one point, I got distracted, and I saw Draco walking back from the Quidditch pitch. He had gotten in one last practice before the year ended and his hair was all wind-blown in a sexy kinda way (he lost the gel in fourth year).

I lifted my camera to my eye, and pointed the lens in his direction. He was oblivious. And then, right as I clicked the button to take the picture, someone called his name, and his head spun around to face them. To say the least, this photo had captured it all.

The way his hair spun as he turned. The way his ice cold eyes turned just a tiny bit warm, if you looked close enough, from surprise. Maybe he was expecting someone to be calling him. Maybe he was hoping it was one of his many lovers. Who knows?

His mouth was parted just a small bit, which exposed his lips and parts of his white teeth. His skin was blemish-free and creamy white.

He stood like he was a god. There was this overpowering confidence that just flowed out of him. Whenever you were near him, you could feel it. I guess that's why he intimidated me so. Because I knew that I could never be as secure as he was. It scared me… a lot.

For an hour, I just sat there and stared at that picture. He looked so innocent. His face wasn't in the normal sneer or his trademark smirk. It was just… natural. And it drove me wild.

I guess you could say I had a thing for Draco Malfoy. He was intoxicating. He was deadly, and it made me fall head over heels.

But, no body knows. Not one single soul knows how I feel, and believe me, nobody would guess. I mean, he had been my bully since first year. Most people would never become friends with someone who bullied them, never mind like them. It was crazy, absurd, or what ever the hell you want to call it. It was just ridiculous, but I was that kind of person. I was just crazy.

I placed the photo down on my bed and stretched. It was only three in the afternoon, so I might as well do something. I headed downstairs to the kitchen and began to prepare myself an early dinner or maybe dunch/linner. Basically, it was just something to eat.

Quietly, I hummed to myself. I could sing if I wanted to. I had a good voice. My family members would always tell me that when I sang during the holidays. It was just another one of my hidden talents.

"I'm having trouble sleeping. You're jumping in my bed, twisting in my head. Leave me."

I sang quietly underneath my breath.

"I'm having trouble breathing. You're sitting on my chest. I sure could use the rest. Leave me."

The words hung in the still air hauntingly. I didn't mind though. This house had been silent for too long.

"It's you, why's it always you and never me? I've never dared to let my feelings free. Why's it always you and never me? I've never cared too much about honesty."

I sighed and reached into the cupboard for a bag of popcorn. Screw a big meal, this could be my dinner. Mechanically, I placed it into the microwave. I wasn't paying attention to my actions at all, just thinking about the words I had been previously singing.

The song completely described me. I never let my feelings free. I couldn't. Through all of the years of insults and bullying I had become immune to expressing how I felt. Instead, I kept those repressed feelings inside of me. One day I was just going to explode from it all. There is just too much and I have never spoken about it. It's just there. It's always there. I feel them the most when I'm alone. That's probably why the summers are so terrible. All of those horrible memories come back to haunt me. It scares me so much, and as hard as I try to stop cutting, the truth is, I can't.

Cutting is the only way I can feel good about myself. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm getting rid of some of my filthiness, part of my disgusting blood, the one thing that makes me different from others. Why do people have to be so prejudice?

I wish everyone would just get along, but yeah, like that'd ever happen. I let out a slow and shaky breath and just sat there watching the bag of popcorn rise and the cornels inside pop. I loved popcorn. It was my comfort food.

The microwave beeped after two minutes and thirty-five seconds, and I stood up to retrieve that wonderful buttery goodness. I opened the bag and watched the steam pour out of the top. I laughed and then poured its contents into a bowl and brought it upstairs into my room.

I sat down on my bed Indian-style and began to eat. I looked around and then down at the picture. For some reason it didn't move even though it was taken with a wizard camera. Something must have gone wrong, but I didn't mind. I liked the picture just as it was. I glanced one more time at it and then stood up and placed it back into my drawer.

This was going to be one hell of a year.

"It's 10:55 dear. You should get on the train; you only have five more minutes. You wouldn't want to miss it, now would you?" My father said cheerfully. He had one arm around me and he pulled me into him for one quick hug. I plastered on a fake smile and hugged back. My mom didn't feel like coming. Whatever, I couldn't let it bother me, so I didn't.

"Bye Dad." I replied and only then did he release me from his hold. Thank GOD! I grabbed the carriage that was holding my trunk and then began to sprint towards the barrier. With ease I disappeared from the Muggle world and re-entered into the Wizard World. Not once did I look back. Why would I want to anyways?

"Welcome home Hermione." I whispered to myself. This time I had a genuine smile on. I was finally back to where I belonged.

The train blew its whistle.

"One more minute to board the Hogwarts Express! One more minute!" The conductor shouted. I snapped back to reality and dashed towards one of the opening doors. I couldn't miss the train so as fast as I could I lifted my trunk onto the train and started down the corridors. I couldn't remember where exactly what compartment Harry, Ron, Ginny and I were supposed to meet in so I checked all of them.

Many people, mostly Ravenclaw's, Huffelpuff's and fellow Gryffindor's waved at me. The Slytherin's well, they just glared. Some gave me rude hand gestures. I gave them a glare in return. I would not let them have the satisfaction of letting them see me hurt. Nope, never again.

"My, my, my. If it isn't the whore of mudblood Granger." Someone spat from behind me. Great, just great. This is exactly what I needed. I took a slow deep breath and prepared myself for my response. I spun around.

"You know-" I began but then stopped completely when I saw who it was. It was Draco. I just stood there stunned. It was like I was immobilized. Not one part of my body moved, I couldn't even get enough strength to close my mouth. He made me that damn weak.

"Cat got your tongue?" He smirked and crossed his arms. He was leaning against the side of a compartment and one of his feet was crossed over the other. His hair fell in all of the right places, just like in the picture. And like always, his grey eyes sparkled with mischief. But not like Harry's. Noo, more like an 'I'm gonna get you good one of these day's' looks. Like he was planning just how to break you down as he spoke. It was crazy.

"Wow, Granger didn't answer a question. This is a first." I didn't know what to do. This was the first time that I couldn't answer him. That damn photograph was doing this to me. Merlin, help me! Quickly I thought up a response.

"Maybe because I don't want to waste my breath on you, Malfoy." His name came out of my mouth harshly, like it was poison. What a good little liar I could be.

Draco raised one of his perfectly arched eyebrows at me. "Is that so Granger?" He smirked again and lifted himself from the wall. He began to move towards me slowly. "I thought you just jumped at every chance you could get to insult me. Isn't it some kind of, um, what's the word, hobby?"

I glared at him but this did not stop his advance.

"Hmm, isn't that so, mudblood?" I shivered. He was less than a foot apart from me. He had me pressed up against the wall, and he was bent down so his face was right in line with mine (he was 6'2, I was only 5'7). I couldn't believe how close he was. The rush was amazing.

"Answer me Granger." He demanded. His lips were so close. He was so close. Close enough to smell. I felt myself getting lightheaded.

"Back off Malfoy. She doesn't have to listen to you." A strong male voice announced from behind me. "Back off."

I felt an arm slip around my waist. I let myself sink into the person. Draco smelt so good. I watched him back away in a hazy daze. It felt like an out of body experience. What the hell was going on with me?

He sneered at the man behind me, and then glanced down at me. His eyes seemed softer for some reason. Or maybe I was just seeing things. I just stared at him until he was completely gone.

"Are you okay?" The male voice asked. It sounded so familiar. I still couldn't move. "Hermione?" And suddenly my eyes locked onto a pair of emerald green. It was Harry. I nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm fine Harry. No biggie. It was just Malfoy. You know how he can be. I got to him though."

Harry smiled. "I know you'd be able to leave him speechless Hermione. You always do."

I smiled back. If only Harry knew that it was the other way around.

"Well come on, let's go find the others." He motioned down the hall with his hands. "Oh and let me get those for you my dear Hermione!"

I laughed. Harry was so adorable. He was the best guy friend a girl could ever ask for.

Together, hand in hand, we made our way down the corridor. Many people assume that Harry and I have some kind of secret love affair going on, and I might have believed it myself if I had not known that my heart really belonged to that mysterious Slytherin. Love works in such weird ways.

"Hermione!" Ron and Ginny exclaimed in unison as Harry and I walked into the compartment. They both glanced at our hands and I blushed a deep crimson and let go. Harry smiled sheepishly.

"Ah, Hermione it's been so long!" Ginny happily cried out. Before I knew it, I was embraced in one big bear hug from my dear friend. I laughed and hugged her back with all of my might. I loved her so much.

After we broke apart, I sat down and listened to the details of my friend's summers. Apparently Ginny, Ron and the rest of the Weasley's went on another vacation to Egypt after having such a great time before. I smiled when Ron handed me a pyramid that randomly opened up and revealed a decaying mummy that would jump out at you. I screamed the first time, and Harry and Ron found it quite amusing. Ginny hit Ron immediately after.

"You should have told her you twit!" she yelled, but this didn't stop their laughter. It was infectious, and soon the whole compartment was filled with it.

"Okay, okay. That's enough guys," Harry managed to say between gasps of air. We all had tears in our eyes from all of the laughing. I wiped my eyes and agreed.

"Oh Merlin!" I yelped. "We're going to be at Hogwarts in less than twenty minutes! I need to change!"

"So do I!" Ginny replied. The boys smirked.

"Well we already did." Ron stuck out his tongue and I crossed my eyes in response.

"Oh god, you two are just so brilliant."

"You betcha!" Harry yelled. We all burst into laughter again, and after we got the boys out, Ginny and I changed.

"So, is there something going on between you and Harry?" Ginny inquired as we pulled on our robes.

"No. Nothing at all. I promise." I turned and smiled at her. She just raised her eyebrows.

"Sure Hermione. You two are just 'good friends' right?"

"Exactly. That's all, I swear. You two should get together. You'd be cute."

"Me and Harry?" She laughed. "Like that'd ever happen. He is my brother's best friend. I doubt it'd work."

"Ginny, it's worth a shot. You are close to him as it is."

"Yeah, I guess. I still like him, but I just don't let it show like I did when I was younger." We both laughed as we finished dressing.

"I think you should go for it Ginny. Be dangerous! Take risks!"

"You are such a cheese ball Hermione!" I smiled.

"I know. Don't you love it?" We embraced each other again and then let the boys back in. I knew nothing would ever come between Ginny and I. We were too close.

"God, what is it with girls and getting dressed? It takes half a century for you to put on something as simple as school robes." Ron grumbled as he walked in behind Harry.

"Brother, we girls need to look good for the gorgeous boys. Duh." Ginny calmly stated and then we both started to burst into a fit of giggles.

I couldn't wait for this year to begin.

"Firs' years o'er here!" A large scruffy man called through the sea of students. His large hands motioned towards the lake and I noticed that all of the first years would glance up at him nervously. I laughed as I walked by.

"Hey Hagrid!" He smiled and waved. Harry, Ron and Ginny greeted him as well and then we piled into the closest carriage.

"I am so hungry!" Harry cried. He clutched his stomach as it growled noisily. Everyone heard it and we started to laugh.

"Nice Harry. That's very attractive." I told him and smirked. He smiled back. His face was bright red.

"I can't help it. I need fooooood!" He argued as he rocked back and forth to ease the growls but that only intensified them.

Once the carriage made its way to the top of the hill Harry and Ron ran into the Great Hall to get seats. They must have thought that getting there early would let them eat but the completely forgot about the First Years ceremony. When they realized this Harry groaned (his stomach did as well).

For fifteen minutes Professor McGonagall recited the names of the First Years to come up to the stool and put on the sorting hat. There were 20 new people added to our house and everyone was delighted when it was over. Food was more important to them than the Sorting. Especially to the guys.

Once Dumbledore made his beginning of the year speech the food appeared and everyone dug in. It was delicious. I definitely over ate, but that's alright. I needed the food anyways.

After a good hour of eating and talking, everyone was ready to rest. The prefect's led everyone up to their respected Common Room's. This year I wasn't one, but I didn't mind. Professor Dumbledore told me at the end of fifth year that he thought I had too much to deal with. He was right. I was disappointed at first to not be a Prefect, but after a while I was glad. There was too much work involved.

Harry, Ron, Ginny and I caught up with a few of our other fellow Gryffindor friends by the fire before retiring to my room. I loved my dorm. I shared it with three other girls but that didn't matter. We were all friends as it is.

As I made my way into my room, I noticed that the house elves had already placed all of my belongings into the drawers near my bed. I gave up on my fight to free them after fifth year because I realized that they actually enjoyed working. It came as a surprise to me at first, but oh well, I can't change them.

I pulled on my pajama's which currently consisted of a white t-shirt and shorts and then slipped into my bed. It was so comfortable. Much more so than my bed at home. I snuggled up into the warm satin sheets and closed my eyes. Within minutes I was asleep. Images flew through my head, but they were all of one person… Draco Malfoy. If only I knew he was in the same predicament as me.

But there was one thing I knew for certain. I couldn't wait for this year to start. And I knew that this year I was going to get Draco Malfoy. Yes, I would. It might take a while, but I was going to get him, and nobody was going to stop me.

A.N. Dun dun dun! Yay, I got the second chappie up! And it's sooner than expected. I'm going to try to update this story weekly. What do you think? Was this chapter good? I hope so. By the way, thank you SO much to all of you who reviewed already! Your reviews really motivated me. I know, I didn't get my 40 … but hopefully this time I'll get over 60. Possibly, maybe? I dunno, just review. Even if you didn't like it. Just don't be too harsh. Thanks everyone

Thanks to: devilchild13, Beach-Babi, Melody, Firennissi Assassin, Malfoy's Dark Angel, Goddess of Gorgeousness, PuReBLoOdaZn, Erika, Slytherin-Princess86, LadyLuck13, zanni, emerald sparrow, SiriuslyPadfoot'sGal, Cadee Blaze42, Nixin, ObSsEsSeD, Sophia elenchild, anonymous (the DM/HG story is coming, please be patient, it was only the prologue), mish-serenity, Kace08, vcklovestf, ginny-wannabee, revelyn, AngelFxyBaby, Darkwing731, Mistress-of-Mystery, evahyoung

Oh yeah, check out my LiveJournal. I'll be using that to keep you updated on my progress and other stuff. I'm still not sure how it works so help is welcomed.

--BrOoMsTiCkK