Disclaimer: If I owned anyone from YYH, I'd be taking over the world.
Underlying Tragedy: Okay, this chapter could be part of the reason this is rated R. Finally, ne? If SI (Self Infliction) disturbs or bothers you (or if you just hate people like that), leave now.
Kurama: I'm quite worried about you now…
Underlying Tragedy: Oh, quiet you. This can't be too big of a shock. If you have a problem with how I write, too bad. I may not own you, but I can sure as hell write about you!
Kurama: What's your point?
Underlying Tragedy: How'd ya like to be gay?
Kurama: O.O Point taken.
Underlying Tragedy: Review, bitches!
They passed a corridor when Kay backed up suddenly, "Wait – that looks familiar!" She exclaimed, "I think this is it." Pulling Melissa with her, they both walked silently down the hallway, which, she noticed, had no other rooms in it. 'Probably because of Cira,' Kay thought, referring to her mother, 'Koenma wasn't kidding when he said "isolation"'
They finally reached the end of the hall. Kay pulled the key out of her pocket and used it to open the ancient looking oak door. As soon as she walked in she noticed something was different; 'Oh it's the walls again.' She thought dumbly, 'I don't know if I'll ever get used to that.' She looked at the bed and realized it had her suitcase on it.
Kay blinked: when had that gotten there? "Well, I guess we're expected to stay here a few days. Did anyone tell you we didn't have to go back to school if we join the team?" Melissa looked over at her, "No school? What team?" "Youko really sucks at explaining things." Kay stated. "I'll tell you tomorrow, I need to shower and whatnot. Melissa nodded and sat down on the bed, looking at the pictures on the nightstand.
Kay grabbed her suitcase and walked into the bathroom. Closing the door, she opened it, wondering what was in it, like some faeries had packed her bag with all the things she'd always wanted. Right. It was the majority of the clothes she left lying on her bedroom floor, which made her smile, then grow annoyed; they had been in her room. She didn't appreciate that. In fact, she'd rather have Hiei attack her every day until the day she died than have her privacy thrown out the window like that.
Digging through some of the pockets, she found some of her candles and incense, and three pictures; one was her dog, who she loved dearly until the day she was run over by her own car. Another was her cat, who had… Disappeared while she was out of town, leaving her utterly alone without her precious animals. The other was one of those small wallet-sized ones you get taken at the mall in those photo-booths with your friends; it was her, Duckie, and Lissa crammed into that small compartment. She smiled as she remembered how difficult it had been to convince Duckie to just sit on the two of them so they could take the picture. They all looked ridiculous in it because of how uncomfortable it had been and how mean the camera was that day, but that's what made it all the better. As nice a gesture it was, having her things brought to her, Kay would've appreciated doing it herself. And she didn't like the idea of having a shape shifter in her room, either.
Kay sighed and turned on the water. She removed her jacket, which had been caked with dried blood. "Great, now I need another jacket." She said dully. She looked at her right shoulder where Hiei had cut her; it looked nasty, and it was probably going to scar – she really didn't need anymore of those. Kay closed her eyes for a moment before looking at the rest of her arms; they were already covered in scars, but these were different. These were the result of her weakness, of her inability to cope.
She ran a hand over the notches on her left wrist, sighing lightly. Her upper arms were in no better shape. She glanced at the walls, and noticed that the bathroom didn't have the same "emotion paint" or whatever as in the bedroom. 'Thank Goddess,' she thought. The cuts on her torso and legs had finally stopped bleeding, but they still hurt. Kay shook her head; she was already used to pain.
Stepping out of the shower wrapped in a fluffy towel, Kay was suddenly overcome with grief. She had no idea where it had come from, but it was strong. It stopped her in her tracks and made her put a hand over her heart. "Ow…" she said feebly, trying to keep the pain from showing in her eyes. Looking down, she didn't know why, but at the same time she didn't care. Everything hurt right now – she hurt. Kay felt tears sting her eyes, making her disgusted with herself; how dare she cry? What right did she have? How dare she show such weakness to… She looked up into the mirror; herself. Her appearance horrified her: dark, tear-filled eyes showing no strength, only weakness. She looked away, unable to stand the sight.
Going over to her shoes, which had been placed by the door, she reached inside the left and pulled out a small razorblade. From there she sat down with her back to the wall, across from the door, brought the razor to her wrist, and did the only thing she knew would make the emotional pain seem obsolete. Dragging the razor across her pale skin, she watched ribbons of anguish trace the blade's path, and felt nothing.
Kay's heart dropped. 'Nothing?' She obviously wasn't trying hard enough. Trying again, she pressed the blade down a little harder and carved into her wrist, determined to feel something – something she knew was hers and hers alone. Three cuts down, still nothing. Something was wrong; she should be feeling this. Any normal person would feel it if their arm was being torn apart. Kay almost cried out in frustration, she didn't understand, and her heart still ached for some unknown reason.
Four minutes and twenty-something new gashes later, she still felt the same, if not lightheaded again. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, searching within her to find something – a twinge of pain – something to focus on. Kay ignored the small puddle of blood slowly forming around her, knowing she'd take care of it later. Searching on her arm, once again covered in blood, she located a spot near the vein. 'That'll get something, it has to.' She thought, feeling hopeful. With a shaking hand, she dug once more into her wrist, focusing on the sensation. Blood began to gush from her wrist, 'Oh no,' She thought in a panic, 'that's not right.'
She reached for a towel and quickly pressed it onto her lacerations, but the towel was quickly covered in blood. 'Oh no!' she was frantic, 'I couldn't have missed… I never miss…' She leaned back against the wall, too tired to do anything about the growing pool of blood around her.
Kay still hadn't felt what she'd been looking for; there was no twinge of pain, twinge of life… Nothing. She began to feel a loss of warmth in her limbs, but that hardly surprised her. Closing her eyes, Kay decided to try again in the morning, after she'd cleaned up. Depending, of course, on if she woke up or not.
Black. There was nothing. It was oblivion. There were no emotions to get in the way, there was simply… Nothing.
Then there was a faint banging noise. What could that be? It almost sounded like knocking, but it was so far away, probably somewhere else… Nothing concerned Kay at the moment. But the knocking got louder. Louder, louder, until it resembled a frantic attempt to get through something. Kay barely made out the far away voice of someone… Melissa? Saying something, but what? What could be so important as to interrupt her during this… Wonderful oblivion?
Everything came back into reality in a snap. She was lying on the bathroom floor covered in blood. 'What?' Kay thought, attempting to sit up. "Kay! Open the door! Did you fall asleep in there?" She blinked, "Uh, hold on Lissa." She managed to get out loud enough to carry to the other side of the door. "Well hurry up – I really have to use the bathroom!"
Kay pushed herself into a sitting position, feeling incredibly dizzy. She looked down at her arm; it was only a little sore. Feeling slightly disappointed, she examined the wounds she had gotten from Hiei; they were still there, but they didn't hurt for some reason. Kay grabbed two more towels from the towel rack and began to clean up the blood. She looked around the bathroom; most of the floor had blood on it. 'Wow, I had no idea there was that much blood in me…'
Though she was lightheaded and feeling very weak, she cleaned. It was imperative that she cleaned this up. When she was done, she stood up and looked in the mirror; she was covered in blood again. 'Damn it.' She had no idea how long she'd been in there, but it looked like she was taking another shower. At least she didn't feel horribly sad anymore.
Stepping out of the shower, yet again, she grabbed another towel. Then she realized there were three other towels that had quite a bit of her blood on them – what was she supposed to do with those? Her eyes darted around the room, and the only thing she could think of was putting them in her bag. So she did. Stuffing the bloodied towels into her bag after changing into a pair of black sweat pants and a dark blue long sleeved shirt, she walked out.
"Finally, you were in there for 6 hours! Did you fall asleep?" 'Six hours?' "Sorry, guess I was more tired than I thought." Kay said with a slight laugh that hurt. She looked at the clock as Melissa ran into the bathroom: 2AM. She sighed and fell onto the bed, welcoming the darkness.