Title: Three blind mice

Note: This story is based on the saying: "Change one thing change everything." I wrote this is first person point of view (Buffy's) because I've just been writing that way a lot. When it says time turning it basically means that it's a flashback that i've changed. So yeah... I really don't know what to say... erm yeah I don't know if it will be continued... I guess it depends if anyone likes it. I have more ready to be posted but I wanted to know if I should... I really like to listen to what the readers say. So yes that's my long a/n and I hope that this isn't that bad... I spent a lot of time editing but I still suck at it!

I'm standing at the kitchen table thinking about my life. Earlier Andrew told me that Spike was alive... I was so happy and mad all rolled into one big mess. I couldn't believe he wouldn't tell us he was back. Dawn was so emotionally devoid for all those months and to think that it could have ended with one phone call. I know that it would be hard on him to just come back to life or un-life- whatever and to tell us but... It's just that so many things had to happen to get here, so many things- and he was a part of them. He should be here; he shouldn't even have been in LA when everything went wrong. Hadn't he done enough for the world? Okay I guess he's done his bad too but...

So this morning I phoned Wolfram and Hart to try to actually get a hold of him. You know tell him everything, yell at him, cry at him... All those things I do when things happen like this but I couldn't reach them. I was confused but I still tried; anyway possible I could to get through. So that didn't work... I wait, think maybe tomorrow I'd try again. It seemed the way to go. Dawn was all smiles and couldn't wait; she loved Spike in that best friend way of theirs. I smiled, a real smile, I just needed Spike to be Spike.

But all that was gone now. All the happy and the smiles, all the hope. See ten minuets ago, hardly any time at all... Gunn phoned. I didn't know him, never had met him, and maybe had heard his name once. From Willow when she went to LA last year and got Faith. He said there was a battle. My heart stopped, okay figuratively but you know. Spike was dead. Dead! Just dead. Gone, I wonder if forever this time. Angel was too... dead. Gone forever too. Gunn was in bad shape or so I heard, but I couldn't seem to care enough to really care. Gunn said my two ex boyfriends had fought together, an almost indestructible force. I smiled at this... how could they have stood each other? They died heroically, Gunn added... like I didn't already know that. I had placed the receiver down only to be devastated further by Dawn's smiling face. Let's just say that was so much fun... Oh yeah fun, fun, fun!

Now I'm here... thinking. Well actually writing. A note, a letter a reason to keep living. The pain of them being gone is too hard. I needed them even if I let them think I didn't. I need them to hold me and tell me that it'll be okay. Even one of them would be great. I just need the comfort. Dawn's crying, I hear her through the walls. I need her to save me but she needs me more so I don't dare let myself cry. Not one tear. No, I can't.... I can't, I can't. I walk towards one of the kitchen cupboards and pull out a few things and carefully set them out. Then I grab an envelope with the word 'Buffy,' printed on the side. Simple enough.

Dawn's sobs burn into me as I begin what I think is the only way, and that's to fix everything. I need to help, I need them back.

(Eleven minuets later)

The letter is gone from here. Gone in search of its reader. Dawn has stopped crying but I know that it won't take, she's too hurt. I walk to my room and jump into the bed. The softness comforts me only the slightest. Twenty minuets later I realize that there's no chance I'll sleep tonight, not with all that's happened so I quietly walk out of my room. I wander into Dawn's room and find her asleep. I wonder how she managed that, I wish I could be in the state she's in. I walk out of her room, careful not to awaken her, and to the bathroom. I open the cabinet and pull out a container of pills. Just sleeping pills, but I know that I still shouldn't take them, but all I can think is, 'what the hell do I care'. I throw two back into my throat and swallow hard.

I make my way back to my room and again try to sleep, this time I have more luck. I drift into a half waking state in hardly any time. But I could not dream of anything but black, bad omen. A really bad omen...

(Time turning)

I run outside to my mailbox, the last letters I'll ever get at this house await inside. Half of my being is telling me not to open it, to let it be left where it is. But what might be there is far too temping. I hurry and open the wooden casing and seize up what is inside. One note, just one. I pull it out and examine it. On the top in type the words, 'Buffy,' make me unsure. Who would be sending me anything? I expected, I don't know something for my mom... I breath in and out as I tear into the top and thus doing so the letter inside falls to the ground, I pick it up and stare at it before unfolding it. The letter is simple. Written out in blue pen. It seems so out of place somehow, out of time? I shake my head as I read...

'I know your going to think this is crazy. Who wouldn't, I know that you're the slayer but even slayers would be confused. As I stand here writing this down I know how weird it is... it's just that I don't want it to happen. You see it's not that it was all evil plans and bad-ness, okay fine yeah there was a load of that stuff but all the emotions. I need you to believe me without any doubt and listen because what I'm going to tell you is important. You're going to meet someone, I know doesn't sound all that shocking but keep reading. This someone is special he's different. He won't be what you were looking for but he'll be there for you. Now what I'm trying to get out is that on your birthday he'll need to leave town, you need to make him hurry and get out. Don't go with him for good-byes; if you do everything will fall apart. Believe me I know.'

I stare at the words for a few minuets wondering what this letter means? Who sent it? I read it once again, which only leads me to a blank stare. Somehow I know that this letter is meaningful, it should be followed. I don't know why or how but it's just 'intuitive'? "Buffy!" I hear my mom call from inside, "What are you doing out there? You need to get your stuff in the car."

I turn to the house, which seems oddly wrong now. I shrug the feeling off and reply, "Just getting the mail."

"We get anything interesting?" I hear my mom call back. I look back down at the letter, which still reads the same.

"Um you know, the usual... nothing," I yell back as I fold the letter and place it in my pocket. I know this is one of those things that mom won't understand. She doesn't know about the slayer part of my life, and I hope she never does.

"Okay then honey, then how bout you get all your stuff into the car... in ten we're out of here," Mom replies. I wander back to the house. Somewhere deep inside I know that my life won't ever be the same.

I sit down in the passenger seat as we leave the house. I don't want to move. I never did but how can I help it? I watch the house as it slowly disappears. On to my new life.

Our car stops at the house but I hardly notice. "We're home Buff," Mom tells me but I only stare at my hands. Slowly I open my door and get out. My legs feel heavy and I know that this is just the beginning. I decided, back in LA, that I'd stop being the slayer but the words in the letter assured me that wasn't going to work out. I walk up to my new room, ignoring all the bags in the car and mom as she pulls them out. A bed, dresser and a few boxes sit around the small room; all my stuff is waiting for me to put them in their spots. I don't.

"Buffy," I turn to the doorway. Mom stands there holding up a stuffy. "You almost left Mr. Gourdo in the old house," I stare at the stuffy as I move to retrieve it from her. I know sub conscientiously that I I'd left it there on propose. It reminded me too much of the pain. The big D. By this I mean divorce. But now I'm so happy to see dear Mr. Gourdo I don't mind the mild nagging. Sure he's a reminder but isn't everything? Old clothes? My bed? My reflection?

"Thanks mom. Don't know what I would have done without him."

"Yeah. So you like the room?"

I look around the room quickly taking in its simplicity. "It's fine. I like it I mean, "I correct myself as mom frowns, "You know its just I erm have to get used to it..."

"Okay, well I'm going to unpack a bit, you do the same too?"

I smile, "Yeah sure."

"New school tomorrow. You want to be able to find your stuff."

I frown, "Yeah school..."

Mom turns and heads out the door. I walk to it and shut it as I bound into my bed. It makes my life simpler. Just to lie on my old bed. I dig into my pocket and pull out the letter. The same words are read in my head but this time it feels all the more real, the words belong in Sunnydale, my new home.

Thanks for reading!