"O'Neill, I do not believe that that combination of clothing is suitable for me" Teal'c commented as he starred at a pair of tight Levis set neatly below a black weave sweater and matching cap upon his bed.
Normally, the Jaffa went curiously along with whatever Jack suggested he wear while on earth; this habit had developed when Teal'c had first arrived on the planet of the Tau'ri and had little knowledge of their customs. Not wanting to be conspicuous when leaving the base for the first time and going among civilians, he had implored O'Neill for help.
But ever since his very first fishing trip, Teal'c had been adamant never to go again, and so now, whenever Jack wrangled him into yet another trip to Minnesota, the Jaffa tried to be as difficult as possible in the hours before their departure. This meant doing his best to argue the General's packing advice.
"Trust me, T, it works for you" came the reply.
Unfortunately, Teal'c's dominating personality trait was subtlety and Jack's most dominant personality trait was ignorance, so the fierce warrior was never able to frustrate the man into not wanting to bring him along.
"I suppose" was Teal'c's reluctant response.
The Jaffa was looking forward to only one event on this vacation…playing Homicide with Daniel Jackson.
"Great. Now get out that Simpson's T-shirt I bought you and you can wear it with the Darth Vader shorts you love so much"
If Teal'c were a lesser Jaffa, he would have taken his staff weapon and disintegrated the phone at this suggestion and then built a bonfire for the offending articles of clothing. Sadly, Teal'c was simply much too honorable to loose his temper in such a manner.
If Bray'tac were there he would have an obscene thing or two to say about that crumbled excuse.
The warrior wondered what Master Yoda would do…
Use the force, you must…came the response.
Teal'c found that the knowledge he had gleaned from numerous Star Wars marathons helped him remain peaceable in dealings with Jack, although he worried that too many games of Homicide might detour more on the path of the Dark Side.
Teal'c obeyed the little green man's voice in his head and began to wave his fingers at the phone, whispering, "You do not wish to bring Teal'c along on this venture, O'Neill…"
But again, his attempts of escaping fate failed.
Funny how he always managed to untangle himself from disasters off world, when it came to life and death (or death and certain, irreversible, torturous destruction on a galactic level), and angry System Lords who had deemed him among twenty of the Universe's Most Wanted, a list in which he ranked third, right after George Lucas for copy write infringement (apparently Lord Yu had decided he was Luke Skywalker and Lucas owed him money for the making of his biography).
And our very own Dr. Daniel Jackson for the offense of looking nine degrees sexier than is allowed without any applicable effort (Ba'al had set the legal limit on a scale of Average to Sexiest, Daniel's recent rating was Demigod).
But when it came to avoiding disasters on earth, such as Minnesota and Fishing trips (or Simpson's reruns and Hockey), and an adamant General O'Neill who was determined that every member of his team required regular injections of what he considered "fun", the Jaffa could never formulate an effective escape
"What was that, T?" Jack asked.
Teal'c frowned, "I was not speaking, O'Neill"
"Yes, well, we'll have to work on your sarcasm skills this trip"
Teal'c's eyebrow went up.
"Don't give me that look," Jack said.
"How is any expression I have in response to your part of our conversation even effective enough to earn such a rebuke if you are not here to witness it?" Teal'c asked.
"That's…not important"
Teal'c knew that his friend was currently mouthing the words of the Jaffa's last inquiry to himself as he tried to filter it into terms he could understand.
"Just…Pack that flannel shirt and those biker shorts that Carter thinks you look good in"
Teal'c completed this task, hoping that there was a chance Colonel Carter and Dr. Jackson were in the middle of changing their votes, giving him one last option of not having to spend another score of downtime with Jack.
O'Neill seemed to have developed a skill of mind reading, because of the next sentence he uttered, "Don't even think about it, I promised Daniel cappuccinos and Carter my retirement"
Teal'c did his best imitation of glaring daggers.
"And don't forget, NO CELL PHONES…if there is one piece of technology that deals in communications with the outside world you are spending every weekend under cabin arrest…I will personally pay for you to fly out to Minnesota every week and keep you there until Monday" Jack threatened.
Teal'c did his impression again.
"Have to go, latter T"