Note: I forgot, again! The song used in Chapter 2 is called When I Look At The World by U2.

Also, I'd like to thank DarkElf for pointing out the Neville thing. You're right. He was there for Harry's party. I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed. You all are awesome! Kisses to all!

Genre: Humor/Romance

Category: Harry Potter

Pairings: H/D, etc

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: slash, language, a few Goth/Punk/Prep/RichKid cliches.

Disclaimer: Draco Malfoy is not mine. Neither is Harry Potter. Or Sexy Snape...GOD, WHY!

Summary: Tudor is a straightlaced, well bred town. Nothing interesting ever happens there. That is, until some new residents move in. slash

All was quiet, as usual. Not a creature was stirring. As usual. Nothing was happening. At all.

And it was driving Draco Malfoyabsolutely nutters! Tudor, Michigan was so boring. Even after five years there, he hadn't gotten used to the utter stillness. He envied his girlfriend, Pansy Parkinson. She'd managed to get out of this hick town by pitching her singing talent to some agent, and was now in England getting reviewed by two recording companies with weird names.

Draco hoped she was happy. He wasn't that attached to her. He just wished she'd taken him with her. Now he was stuck in this nowhere town with only Pansy's old friends to hang out with. Blaise Zabini, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle and Theodore Nott weren't boring, per se, just really Tudor-generic. They watched the same movies, liked the same shows, went to the same school (which was unavoidable) and were generally in the same circle.

The people of Tudor were well bred, and Draco was no exception. His father owned a lumber company in one of the valleys that brought in millions a year, since the Malfoy's had discovered a way to speed the growth of trees. They were the leading in the industry simply for that. It didn't make Draco all that proud though. He was the child of a lumber baron. How boring.

Narcissa Black-Malfoy was much more interesting. His mother was actually English, born and bred nearer to Scotland than anything. She was also nobility, as well as from a powerful aristocratic family. The Blacks were known in the best social circles. Her only faux pas was marrying someone as plebeian as a lumber baron. Lucius Malfoy might have been handsome and successful, but he still dealt with something as coarse as wood.

Draco didn't mind his parents too terribly much in the looks department, anyway. His mother had given him milk white skin that glowed in the moonlight and looked untouchable in daylight. He received his natural white blond hair and steel grey-blue eyes from his father. His slim build was also from his mother. He was a handsome boy, and he knew it, though in the right lighting and situation, he looked decidedly feminine. He shrugged it off, though. With the assurance of Pansy, his masculanity was intact.

Currently, Draco was strolling down Bowie St. with Blaise, hoping something new and different would happen in Tudor. They passed the same old shrubbery, the same old generic 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bathroom houses, the fire engine red motorcycle whizing by at high speeds, the...WAIT! Motorcycle!

Draco and Blaise froze at the same time, staring shock at the bright red motorcycle that stopped near them, two people seated on it. The "driver's" seat was taken by a tall man wearing a red helmet that obscured his features. Behind him was a small slime body, male from what they could tell, features also hidden by a red helmet. The motorcyclist inched his bike closer to the pair.

The driver pushed up his visor, revealing startling blue eyes. "Excuse me, can you tell us were the Dursley residence is?" he asked in a smooth, cheerful British accent. Dursley? They were looking for those weirdos?

Blaise simply stared but Draco recovered quickly enough. "They live on Privet drive, sir. Just down that road and take a right," he said, pointing. The motorcyclist's eyes brightened. Obviously he was smiling.

"Thanks," he said. He turned to the person behind him. "Say hi, Prongsie. These boys look about your age."

For a moment, the passenger did nothing, then he released the driver's waist and reached up to pull off his helmet. Draco and Blaise watched in rapt fascination. They'd been waiting for something new forever.

The helmet rose to reveal a slightly pointed chin, full red lips, a slim nose, glaring green eyes and unruly raven black hair. Draco stared. The boy was stunning.

"Hullo," the boy said, scowling. Apparently he wasn't happy with being there. Join the club.

"Hi," Blaise said cheerily, extending a hand. The boy simply looked at it, then away. Blaise pulled it uncomfortably back. "Um, I'm Blaise Zabini, and this is my friend Draco Malfoy. We live here in Tudor." As Blaise finished, the driver looked up.

"Did you say Malfoy? Narcissa's son?" he asked.

"Yes," Draco said simply, not sure where this was going. Excitedly, the man pulled off his helmet, revealing a long fall of ink black hair, a handsome face, and familiar blue eyes.

"Hullo, there. The name's Sirius Black. I'm your mum's cousin!" Sirius said excitedly, grabbing Draco's hands and shaking them enthusiastically. "This lump here is my god son, Harry Potter. In a bit of a mood right now. He'll come round." Sirius grinned. "Didn't know Narcy was here. Give her a hail for me, aye? I've got to go get this one settled." He pulled on his helmet and nudged his passenger to do the same. Once they were secure, Sirius set off, laughing.

Blaise and Draco stared at the spot they'd occupied. Blaise was the first to speak. "Rude, that one," he said, referring to Sirius's passenger, Harry Potter.

"Yes. And that other, he's mum's cousin? Have to ask her about that one. He did seem interesting, though," Draco mused, tilting his blond head slightly to the side. Suddenly, he smiled. "I wonder. Is Tudor about to become a little more exciting?"

Harry grumbled as Sirius pulled up in front of number 4 Privet Drive. He was finally here. His prison. His hell. The residence of Evil Petunia Evans-Dursley. This was the end of the old Harry Potter. He would now become a soulless shell of his former self, cursed to roam the earth without happiness.

"Stop angsting, Harry-boy. It's not the end of the world. Besides, a teen can only do so much of that before they're exhausted," Sirius said, grinning. "Now, come on. If you make nice with the Dursleys and get settled quick enough, I might take you with me to visit Narcy. Haven't seen her in years."

At that, Harry grinned. He would get to see Draco again. That beautiful, radiant boy. He frowned. And with Harry's luck, straight as an arrow. He sighed.

"It's not that bad, Prongsie. I admit, I haven't seen Petunia in ages, but I'm sure she's less...severe than she was as a teenager. Married life probably mellowed her," Sirius said. He put a hand on his godson's shoulder and guided him to the door. "Go on, press the ringer there."

Harry obeyed. An old-fashioned, generic jingle passed faintly through the house. After several moments, the door was thrown open by...a Whale! Harry and Sirius could only stare at the huge boy before them. He had dark blond hair, beady black eyes almost disappearing into his fat cheeks, and a width that rivaled the equator. He was an abomination, and most likely the Eighth Wonder of the World.

"Who're you?" the strange creature asked, snorting slightly and looking annoyed. A half-eaten twinkie was gripped tightly in his fat fist. "Are you Johobo's witnesses? We don't go to church until Sunday. Go away!" And with that, the kid slammed the door.

Harry and Sirius stared in shock for a moment. What exactly had just happened? "Have we just been accused of being God's hoboes?" Sirius murmured.

"Atleast we weren't accused of being door-to-door salesmen. They're evil," Harry joked.

"Yep. Right up there with telemarketers," Sirius shot back. They both laughed. After they calmed down, Harry pressed the doorbell again.

"Please don't be the whale boy. Please don't be the whale boy," he muttered. He really didn't feel like dealing with the kid again. The door opened. Dammit. It was the whale boy.

He squinted his beady little eyes at them. "You again! Go away. My mum says we don't gotta deal with you people," he said sanctimoniously. He sounded like he was miming someone.

Inside, Harry grinned. Time to have some fun. "My son," he began in a deep, adult, important voice. "My name is Father Harronius Potson, and this is Father Seronis Blacker. We have come here to inform your family that there is a demon in your house. We must exorcise it immediately, or else..." Here Harry paused, hoping Sirius would jump in with something sufficient to scare the little brat.

"Or else the demon will eat all the food!" Sirius yelled suddenly. At that, the boy's eyes widened comically. Harry grinned. Then the boy began to wail. Harry winced. Whoops.

"MUMMY!" the boy wailed. A split second later, a tall, thin woman with a horselike face rushed into the entry way and wrapped her arms around the whale boy. Despite how long her arms were, she couldn't quite get them all the way around.

"What's wrong, Dinky Duddidums? Mummy's here," Petunia said, voice dripping honey and overexaggerated worry. "Who hurt my Duddy Doodles?"

Sirius raised a hand. "Er, that would be us, Tunia," he said, looking sheepish. The horse woman rounded on Sirius like a rabid monkey.

"I am not surprise, Sirius Black! You are still a strange man like those others Lily kept bringing home. All those juvenile pranks." Petunia huffed, then glared at Harry. "I hope you haven't procreated since I last saw you."

Sirius scowled. "For your information, Dursley, Harry here is a Potter, not a Black. Your sister procreated with James Potter. Luckily something," he glanced at Dudley, "human came out of the match." Petunia turned red.

"How dare you, you heathen!" she shrieked. "When my husband hears about this, he'll...!"

"I'll what, dearest?" came a booming voice from behind them. A whale of a man appeared behind Dudley. "Who are these people," he sneered, looking at them with disdain. Harry scowled and opened his mouth to tell the extremely large man what for, but Sirius beat him to it.

"Vernon Dursley. Haven't seen you since your last diet. Obviously it didn't work out," Sirius sneered right back. "How are you?"

"I was fine until you appeared, Black. Get off my doorstep and back to Ireland or wherever!" Vernon snapped, face turning purple with rage. Harry snickered. Dudley and Vernon resembled each other more than ever like that.

"No can do, Vern. You see, Harry here needs a place to stay until we've finished furnishing his new house, and James can come down. We're prepared to...compensate you adequately for the incovenience," Sirius said. He handed Vernon a thick envelope.

Vernon opened it and peeked inside. "Very well, then," he muttered gruffly. "Bring the boy inside. Dudley, show Potter the spare bedroom."

"But Daddy!" Dudley whined.

"Now, Dudley!" Vernon snapped. Dudley pouted, but obeyed, entering the dark recesses of the house.

Sirius turned to Harry and enveloped him in a hug. "I'll wait here, Harry. Hurry up and take a looksee at your new room, then come back down so we can go see Narcy. I'm sure she'd get a kick outta you." He squeezed Harry's cheeks, then pushed him inside. Harry blew him a raspberry, then entered the house, tracing the loud footfalls up the stairs.

Dudley led him down a long hallway to a small room at the end. The room really was ridiculously small, with a cotlike bed in the corner and a small dresser. The closet was more like a shoe storage space. Harry frowned. His things certainly wouldn't fit here. But he wouldn't complain. His new home would be finished soon, and then he'd have all the space he'd ever need.

Shrugging his shoulders, Harry headed back down the stairs and out the door to Sirius. "Hey, Siri, call up the movers, k? Tell them only to bring boxes 4, 8, and 19. The others definitely won't fit," he said.

"Will do, Prongsie. Ready to go?" Sirius asked.

"Most definitely, Padfoot. Shall we be off?" Harry said.

"Of course, young Prongs. Say goodbye to the nice lady."

"Goodbye to the nice lady." Here Sirius and Harry laughed while Petunia turned red with anger. The two dashed to the motorcycle, hopped on, and took off, laughing happily.

Petunia's eyes narrowed. She would enjoy breaking that boy.

TBC...