CHAPTER 3- Wish I was

"Wish I was too dead to care if indeed I can at all"

Last Line: "Now get out of my site" He spat angrily.

Now:

Dear Draco,

You haven't written for ages. I'm really worried about you.

What's going on? Are you Ok? Remember if you need my help all you

Have to do is ask. I'll come straight away you know that. Please don't

Keep me in the shadows.

Love Hermione xxx

Draco was out in one of the gardens. Sitting in a Gazebo, which was over looking the acres of woodland and lakes. Millions of stars reflected onto the lakes.

He had his head in his hands. "Why do I feel this way? These feeling can't be love. God I wish I didn't have all these new emotions so strange and unreal. They're not real they can't be."

Draco was wondering about what to do. He didn't know whether he should run away to Hermione's. But that was endangering her and showing he is no man running away. Or if he should continue ignoring Hermione and that way she will be safe and his father will be happy.

But that is cowardly also taking the easy way out.

"I've never stood up for myself before." Draco murmured.

"I've always obeyed my father, without question. I've always lived in fear."

Draco had just tipped a glass of water over the floor. He was only six years old. He was trying to help his sick mother; he had got a glass of water for his mother because She had been sick again. Draco was really worried; she kept throwing up bight yellow sick. She had put on quite a bit of weight recently. But Draco didn't mind she was cuddlier this way.

"Mummy I'm really sorry I spilt the glass. I tried to carry it in here for you." Draco burst into tears "I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry."

"It's ok baby, come here sweetheart. I'll help you clean it up before father comes home. Show me where it is you tipped it."

Draco led his mother to the kitchen and pointed on the floor. Narcissa bent over and began to wipe it up…just as Lucius walked through the door and into the kitchen.

"What are doing?" Lucius asked sharply.

"Hello Darling, I spilt some water on the floor. Draco was helping me clean it up." Narcissa answered.

"Is this true Draco?" Lucius asked slyly.

"Father I spilt it. Mummy was sick again, so I got her a glass of water and I spilt it. I'm sorry Father…it wasn't mummy's fault." Draco said terrified, his whole body shook. He hid behind his mother.

"Why did you lie to me?" Lucius asked Narcissa.

"It wasn't his fault…don't punish him. I asked him to get me a glass of wat…" Lucius smacked her across the face. The sharp sting echoed through the kitchen.

"Don't lie to me again!" Lucius grabbed Narcissa's stomach tightly and pulled her to him, "You need rest or something could get seriously hurt…you know me Cissa I don't play games…I create them." He looked at Draco, who was still hiding behind his mother, "Now get out of my way!" She flinched as he let go of her stomach. She looked at Draco sadly and mouthed to him "I love you." She then turned towards the door and quickly left.

Draco slowly moved towards his father still shaking, pulled his top up his back.

"Bend over" His father pulled out the leather whip and slashed it onto Draco's back several times. Then left Draco while saying, "Don't cry or you'll have many more whips upon your back."

Draco flinched at the thought. How could Hermione care so much about him after all the mean and horrible things he did to her. He hurt he badly. What if he did end up like his father after all they did have the same genes and blood. But was Draco's grandfather like that? He never had anything to do with his father's relatives.

"I don't even know if I can care. What if it's something else I feel?" Draco muffled under his breath.

Lucius had always threatened Draco like his house elves. He probably did it because he new Draco was afraid to protest; petrified to stick up for himself.

Draco wished he had never done any of the bad things he did. All of the bullying he did etc.

Draco remembered he always wanted to be like his father, but he gave up trying when he was ten. He new the more he tried to be like his father, the more abused he was by Lucius and the more he broke his mothers heart.

I did one good deed; maybe that's why Hermione likes me!

Draco thought confused, She must have thought I can care. After all I did save her life from Drowning in the Hogwarts Lake. Stupid Potter he shouldn't have made her so upset…she wouldn't have tried to drown herself then.

"I want to make it up to the people I've hurt but I don't know?"

Draco was lost in his thoughts once again.

I have to go back to Lucius and stick up for myself.

"I'll write to Hermione. Tell her I'm leaving. My father won't threaten me again I can't let him. Why should I be afraid?"

Draco didn't take long to write his rushed letter:

My Hermione,

Sorry about not writing sooner. I don't want you endangered

I'm fine so far. I don't know how to…well I'll get straight to the point. I need

Your help Mione. I'm leaving Malfoy Mansion tonight but I need you to help

Me. I need somewhere to hide only for a little while, till I get a job and then I

Can sort my own house out. But I don't want to live with you, I don't want

Anyone to have an excuse to harm you. I miss you so much like the moon

Misses the sun. You are the only warmth left in my life. I'm sorry I've been

Keeping you in the shadows. Please understand I don't want you to get hurt.

Thank you

D.Malfoy

Draco ran down the winding paths, which were over run with Foxgloves. He ran to the large barn where he kept his owls and August. He gave a sharp, loud whistle and his black eagle came swooping down onto his shoulder.

"August, I need you to take this straight to Hermione, Ok? Don't stop for no one. Understand? Not even father! Here are some extra treats for your journey." He kissed the bird between the eyes. The bird bowed his head, "Don't worry, you'll be alright." The eagle looked at Draco and began to flap its strong wings. Draco whispered "Good Luck" and told the bird to "fly". The eagle left Draco's shoulders and flew out of the barn door. Draco followed the eagle out of the door and watched as the bird was eventually out of site in the moonlit sky.

Draco sighed deeply and walked towards the cold Mansion.

"You don't need me father, plenty of others would love to have the chance to join the Dark Lord, rather than me. I'm changing and it's time you listened to me. Back off Father. I'm not afraid no more. I'll die before you try to trap me in this life.

DRACO'S DIARY

January 12th 2009,

Wish I were too dead to care. If indeed I can at all. Never had a voice to protest. I've always done what I was told. Never asked any questions just listened. All He does is threaten me. Why does he have to do it all the time? He just gives you shit to digest. I wish I had a reason, my flaws open season. For this I've given up trying to put my father in his place. I'm too afraid of him to run away. But one good turn deserves my time. You don't need to bother father. I don't need to be like you father. I'm changing, there's nothing you can do, I won't change back. I won't let it go till it bleeds.

Draco