Something To Sleep To
It was obvious that morning when she walked into the Great Hall, late, that she was upset about something. She sat away from her friends at the end of the table closest to the doors. Easy entrance, easy exit, not once having to stop to answer questions. She was trying to eat fast, he could tell. She wanted to leave quickly without having to talk to anyone. He could understand that. After all, there were days when he didn't want to talk to anyone either.
And usually he respected that.
However, being the smart boy that he was, he knew that whatever was bothering her was bigger then that time of the month. It wasn't often that she had these kind of days. Her first year, when she was possessed by the dark lord, was full of them. But since then, the times where she wanted the world to disappear, leaving her the only thing left, were few and far between. So everytime she had one, he worried. He was especially worried this time, since that Slytherin prat Malfoy across the room was giving her funny looks. It was all too curious that he should take an interest in her just when Ginny went into a funk. All too curious that she would shake when she caught him staring.
Of course, he had no proof that anything had happened between them, so picking a fight with Malfoy would be stupid. For now. And again, he was smart. He would wait to ask Ginny what was going on.
Then he'd pick a fight with Malfoy.
It wasn't easy talking to her, though. Every time someone approached her, she disappeared. Regardless of who it was. Ginny was somehow getting from place to place, from classes to class, without being spotted. No one saw her in the Great Hall at lunch, and if they did, she disappeared. It was clear that she was determined to not talk to anyone. Determined to be distant. It wasn't at all surprising that she ran out of the room when her brother tried to talk to her.
Although, it was surprising that she ran to him.
"Ginny!", he practically yelled when she came into his dorm, locking the door behind her.
"Sh!", she sounded.
"Sorry." He sat up on his bed, making room for her. "You know, I've been trying to talk to you all day. What's wrong? Why are you here?"
A faint smile spread across her face.
"Because I knew you wanted to talk to me all day.", she spke just as faintly. She paused for another second before continuing. "Why do you care, Harry? About all I've been to you these past few months is nasty and horrible. I shut you out completely- I didn't even talk to you at Christmas! And then the first time I hide, even for a day, you not only care, but you go out of your way to find out what's wrong. Why?"
He didn't answer at first, considering his answer. He didn't think he needed a reason to care about her Before Hermione, they had been good friends from all the years of being around each other. He protected her when ever he could, and she made him laugh when he was miserable. He loved being around her. Almost as much as she loved him. He'd spent years caring for her, and he hadn't stopped. Why would she question him now?
"I never stopped caring, Ginny. Just because I'm trying extra hard now doesn't mean anything. I've gotta say, though. I'm a little surprised you came to me."
She cocked her head to the side, and her face shifted to that of confusion.
"What do ya mean?"
"Well, after what happened between me and Hermione, you seemed to seperate from us. Ron and I worked things through, and just as slowly, we worked things out with Hermione. But you.. I don't know. You just didn't want to, I guess."
"Something happened to me that night, and it changed everything."
Harry brushed a strand of hair out of her face, taking an extra second to feel its softness. "Well, what happened?"
"Same thing that happened last night.", she answered. It was a lie, of course, because the last time she had hid was when she slept iwith Malfoy. She was in the midst of creating some type of relationship. This time she hid because the relationship had been broken. "More or less."
"So you don't want to talk about it." It wasn't a question to confirm what she already knew. It was more like he was saying that she didn't have to continue. "If you don't want to about that, can we talk about us?" He sped up, knowing she would burst in any second. "I mean, we were so close to going out and then-"
"No, Harry, don't."
And there it was.
"It's too painful."
He nodded, saying he understood when he didn't. Ginny knew he didn't get it- it only confused him, really- but she would take what she could get. She crawled up to his end of the bed, cuddling against him. He pulled the covers around them, and an arm went around her shoulders. He placed a kiss on the top of her head. They just layed there like that for hours, not worrying about Ron or Hermione. Not thinking about the homework that sat waiting for them in their common room. Harry didn't think of how wonderful it would be to have Ginny in his arms like this every day, knowing she didn't want him anymore, and Ginny didn't think of how different it was to be in a bed with Harry compared to Draco, knowing she'd prefer to be with the Slytherin instead. Laying there, they somehow both understood that they just needed to be thankful for the company and the warmth being together brought. They somehow knew they would look back on this and celebrate for a happy memory that year. They somehow knew that their lives were about to change considerably.
And Ginny didn't even cry.
It wasn't until Harry fell asleep after supper that Ginny left. She was greeted at the bottom of the stairs by some very unhappy seventh years who had been trying to get into their room for some time. Instead of apologizing, she smiled at them and continued on her way. She passed Hermione and Ron talking by the fire, Lavender and Pavarti gossiping at a table while doing their nails, and Colin polishing his camera. The room was practically empty. She knew that if she was going to leave the common room, the time with the least amount of people around was when to do it. She figured she still had an hour until curfew, she might as well enjoy it. She skipped out quietly, no one noticing her leave.
She walked at what she though was aimlessly for about ten minutes before she reached a room she had been in previously. Lots of times. She had snuch out late at night to this room countless times. There were times when she had spent the entire night there, or at least until late morning. She'd never once stayed the entire night with him. He'd asked her more times then she could remember why she'd never just slept afterwards. Asked her why she never said goodbye. She never told him the answer. Why should she have to explain herself, especially when he never explained himself to her. He might have been leading this dance, but she wasn't going to be dragged down just because he lost count.
It half-surprised her that he had ever asked her to stay. Wasn't he a Malfoy? Wasn't sex all he was interested in? Didn't he hate sharing a bed, hate the cuddling? Why on Earth did he feel the need to have her in his arms each morning when he woke- just to feel as though he was doing the right thing? Her shock always make her feel like a prisoner to him, and she would stay. But not for long. Like she had done for Harry, she waited until he was asleep. She didn't know why, but the idea of actually staying scared her.
She'd never shared a bed with anyone. Ever. Growing up with six brothers, nights where the dreams were so scar that she wanted her mother, and summers of Hermione staying in her room hadn't changed that. Every bed she had, had been in just hers. A sea of soft, cool sheets that wrinkled with her movements and a giant, quilted comforter that was just hers to swim in. Having Malfoy with her was the closest to sharing she'd ever done. He should appreciate what she had given him, try his hardest not to demand more.
She had to admit, when he was offering her a chance at being his girlfriend, she felt rather flattered and awfully tempted to take it. She could see the days where she would see Malfoy- go for a swim, walk through the park, see a movie- and not have to sleep with him. She fancied the idea of being able to hug him or hold his hand or even just kissing his cheek when she was with him. It sounded almost like he was offering her a peice of heaven. And it still could look like that- when she didn't think of Ron.
Everything she had said the day before was true. Her family would never forgive her for seeing a Malfoy. Malfoy Sr. would have her killed for seeing his son. There would be a lot of not-happy going around. She could never be as selfish as putting herself before her family's reputation. Lucius- the Malfoys treat the Weasleys like crap, and she still dated one!?! No body would ever live it down.
No, Ginny would be smart. She would save both their families the humiliation. She had to.
But still.. A part of her, deep down, couldn't stop thinking about how nice it would be to achieve that perfect life where she was in lo... Where she was so crazy over someone to the point it made her head spin. It would be nice to feel so light of stress and worry that she felt as though she could just drift off like a baloon. It would be nice if she stopped teasing herself by thinking of this particular topic. She just couldn't, because that damned ferret took up all her time. Even when he wasn't driving her to ecstacy.
It took Ginny a little while to realize how late she was out. It was almost midnight when she fully understood she needed to go back. She hadn't seen Malfoy once, and that made her feel sadder then she thought it would. She wondered where he could possibly be, because she was sure he would have been there at least once. If she knew him as well as she liked to think, he should have come to the room that was causing him so much pain. That way he could feel some salt added to the injury. He was strange like that. He needed to be reminded just how hurt he was.
Draco, however, had spent more then enough time wallowing in his own misery. Tonight, he had decided to go and find someone to make take his mind off of his old love, instead of a something. He had approached Pansy, knowing that she would take any chance she could get to be with him. She'd been practically stalking him ever since the summer of third year. He'd ignored her for the most part, but now he could actually find a use for her.
Sexual release.
Pansy, despite what his class thought, didn't actually have that bad of a figure. Ture, her curves were accentuated with a little bit of plumpness, but she looked better that way. Her hair was a bright orange that came alive with a good cleaning, and her face wasn't even as pug-like as the Dream Team had made it out to be. A little eye liner and a little gloss and she was almost as pretty as...
No, no one was as pretty as Ginny.
But if he closed his eyes, he couldn't tell if it was Ginny or Pansy that he was undressing. He couldn't tell if it was Ginny or Pansy that he was kissing seductively as his fingers walked down the naked body to wards her most private area, which was matted with curls. He couldn't tell if it was Ginny or Pansy that he tickling slightly with his fingers in the body's sensitive, feminine area. He couldn't tell if it was Ginny or Pansy that he was dipping his sex into. He couldn't tell if it was Ginny or Pansy that he was making cry as she came with a sudden burst. And if he had kept his eyes closed the entire time, he might have been able to fool himself into thinking that he had just made love to his beloved.
Even if Pansy's voice had clearly been the one to ring out as she cryed out "Draco".
But as he collected his clothes, and as Pansy left his little loft, he knew the difference. He knew that no matter what he tried, Ginny would be the only person who could ever make him feel when he was orgasming. Ginny would be the only person who truly understood where he was ever coming from. Ginny would be the only person that had ever made it close enough to make him fall in love. And Ginny would be the only person that he ever wanted to try to love.
So as he began to drift off into a world where his dreams would allow him to be with his one true love again, he began to accept that he would only ever feel like half a person withouth Ginny.
Sorry this took soooo long... I got caught up in reading and suddenly I was going from finishing my homework (cuz I'm a freshman in high school) to reading G/D fics... And then suddenly I was like, "Oh no! My fic!" But yeah.. You don't wanna hear that...
Thanks soooo much for all your reviews! You're all so great! ::gets to work on next chapter so that it can be posted quicker than this one::
~V.S