A/N: I know this 'Nick healing after Grave Danger' topic has all but been beaten to death, but guess what . . . here's another one! I don't include the name of the other character because I occassionally read this story and picture different types of women. I think ambiguity adds a little more to this story than if I had tried to develop a character. Let me know what you think! -Jac

I looked at her with a bit of cynicism, but I was cynical about a lot of things lately.

She was beautiful; she was carefree. She loved me without asking for a thing in return. It confused me because I knew I took up so much of her time. I knew that I was the needy one. I needed her to check the locks before joining me in bed. I needed her to switch on the small nightlights in the hallway, kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. I needed her to assure me that nightmares were really only nightmares. I was a complete mess, but she didn't seem to mind it.

You'll make it up to me someday. Someday, I'll need you, and you'll be there to help me. That's just how love works.

I found her one night in the living room. It was three o'clock in the morning. There were tears running down her face, and she was using a hand to stifle her sobs. I wouldn't have known that she was there if I hadn't woken up alone in bed.

She said she cries occasionally. I don't want her to cry for me, but I know this situation has been hard for everyone to process. I don't blame her for not wanting to upset me. I don't blame her for needing private time to begin to process that I could have died if Grissom hadn't thought to hold my body down. I knew she had nightmares, too. She talked in her sleep once or twice.

I'm okay, Nicky. I promise. Sometimes, I think about if I had lost you. Sometimes, I think about what life would be like if I had to start waking up alone again. I think I've truly been blessed. I don't know what to do to show how thankful I am that you are still here.

She was so innocent. She wasn't the kind of girl I ever imagined meeting in Sin City. She religiously attended church; she had faith in people. She believed that there is goodness in even the hardest and coldest of souls. She made me believe that there is still goodness left in this world. She made me believe that I could never have pulled the trigger, though I know I was seconds away from causing my own death.

It's okay now. I'm going to help you get better. I'm not sure I would have done anything differently than you. Nick, it's an impossible situation. He tried to drive you into the arms of death.

Her kindergarten students sent me get-well cards. They asked me to get well so she could come back to school and finish teaching them the colors of the rainbow. They apparently were not too fond of their substitute teacher. Parents of her students sent over casseroles, flowers, and little religious tokens. I would have never thought that there was a religious Mecca buried within the darkness of Vegas.

She took me to her church. It was the first time I had been in church for ten years. She held my hand as the preacher talked about coming home to God. He said it is never too late to come home. I needed something to believe in; I couldn't believe in the basic goodness that all people had. People had proven to be evil. It shattered all that I believed in. My fundamental beliefs seemed like nothing more the wills of a child. I began to believe that I should come home.

It's okay. Religion might not be what makes you whole again, but we can keep looking. We are going to find something or someone to heal you. We need to heal more than the physical scars. We need to heal all those emotional scars that you carry around with you. We're going to do that together, Nick.

Warrick immediately fell in love with her. He was astounded at how patient she was with me. He couldn't believe that she had single-handedly taken care of me during my four week leave of absence. Warrick thanked her for making sure that I was okay. He said he was surprised that Catherine had relinquished that job to someone else. I told him that Catherine had other things in his life to worry about. Warrick said that getting me well was their top priority.

I like him. He hurts for you, Nick. I can see it in his eyes. He wishes that it would have been him in that box. Your friends . . . they love you like you are family. You're lucky, even if you don't feel lucky.

Grissom had a hard time looking at me. When he came to visit, it was incredibly awkward. She tried her hardest to spark some kind of conversation, but I felt like I let him down in so many different ways. I was always the CSI that managed to find himself on the receiving end of some kind of danger. I didn't know if I was careless or hexed.

He loves you like you are a son, Nick. He wants to make this all go away, but he's not sure how. It's the same way I want to help you, but you have to make yourself ready to accept our help and love. He's proud of you; he doesn't blame you. No one blames you for this. That man that did this to you wasn't human . . . he was evil. No one blames you, Nicky. You have to start believing that.

She held me as I tried to fall asleep. She occasionally would hum the melodies of old songs that my parents used to dance when I was a child. She tries to make me feel safe. She tries to make me happy, but I'm not even sure if I have the capacity to be happy anymore.

She's been my light when everything else seemed dark. I don't know how to thank her.

I love you, Nick. Go to sleep . . . it's supposed to be sunny tomorrow.

FIN