Author's rant of the day: Sorry this chapter took SO incredibly long…between annoying Econ AP and college acceptances stuff I've barely been living (NYU and Carnegie-Mellon! Woohoo!). I want to (hopefully) continue this story, so keep with me here. Reviews are greatly appreciated, I am hoping for maybe seven reviews to make me happy before the next update.
So, you may all think this will be a triangle fic, but I will try to keep it focused on just KBK. I love Himura Tomoe, don't get me wrong. She has a place in Ken's heart, but I'm too much of a Kaoru-Ken supporter…sad but true. All the KKT fanfics I read feature Kaoru as Kenshin's best friend who's in love with him but cannot tell him/express it to him because alas Kenshin's in love with Tomoe "the beautiful" so Kaoru's in dilemma/turmoil yada yada yada. Well, for once in this fic Kenshin is going to be in love with Kaoru. He will be helplessly, madly, head-over-heels, deliriously in love. Only he's gonna suppress it and suffer from it like crazy. (That's basically like in Dr. Zhivago.) Dude. I'm going to torture him a lot. Heh.
Kenshin: Ano…but haven't I been prone to enough angst and misery already in my many many lives, on paper, screen, and the imaginations of countless evil fan(boy)girls?
Titaness: Kenshin. I am your loyal patron. I buy your manga, I buy your OVAs, I buy your DVDs. And recently in an auction, I bid $167.83 to borrow you.
Kenshin: …
Titaness: Although I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, I'm lending him for $167.83 an hour. :locks him inside her commodious broom closet:grins:
And without further ado…
Chapter 5
A Means of Escape
The Diary of Yukishiro Tomoe2:13 A.M.
Tonight was so dank and cold. I received a phone call as soon as I got home that Enishi is safe in the hospital. The wound was not deep or serious, but he must stay there for the night. I'm not sure whether I should be worried to absolute madness or remain calm as I always am. I understand Enishi's whims are volatile, I fear that one day he should hurt himself or another. I wasn't surprised to find out it was Kaoru who shot him. Strangely, I can't force myself to resent the girl. She's been through so much suffering, and my brother is oblivious to the fact that his affections only mar her even more.
Another milestone. I met that man. He is the man who supposedly killed Kiyosoto. He is also the man who will be my husband. The moment I met him there had been no tension…He seemed courteous, charismatic even, and when we danced I was sure I felt a sort of warmth. Is this the warmth that comes with being in the arms of a murderer? For a second, I don't know if it was the music or the chaos, I forgot who he was and I buried myself in his arms like some sort of lost animal. I can't let myself slip like this anymore. By no means do I daresay I pity him, or understand him. Since I am his wife, there will be plenty of time to do my duty. There will come a time when all will be quiet, revolution will hush, and a deceptive silence will settle over us. I will wait patiently for this time to come, the perfect time to strike in retribution.
He received word from Hiko that his next assignment was tonight. Mentally, I wasn't sure whether to breathe in relief or sigh in displeasure. Relief, because I would not need to consummate my marriage with this murderer who killed my husband yet. Anguish, because it's been so long since I've had warmth from anyone. It's been so long since I've been allowed to love. Even if it's only pretend.
So Kenshin left promptly at 2, to, heaven forbid, the Kamiya household. Kaoru had been nowhere to be seen after the incident, and I imagine she must be at home. In spite of it all, I prayed for her. I prayed she would not witness the blood of his sword, or get lured by his glare, or suffer, or hurt because of my brother. After all, she is only a child.
Three months ago, when I answered Katsura's call, he had no idea who I was, let alone be aware of the fact that I already had a connection to his prized assassin. He had been looking for "a woman" for Battousai. If anything, it was a huge whim on my part to answer. This was really the one chance to stare face to face the murderer of my husband. At that moment the possibility of revenge did not occur to me. But that night it struck me that I could achieve it. Revenge. But can I do it?
The moment I entered Katsura's house I knew I would be tied, bound to this duty for the rest of my life. There had been no suspicion, no skeptical glances coming from him. This comes as a surprise.
Enishi had snickered when I mentioned this to him. He had said something along the lines of "It's your scent, sister. Your scent of white plums. Flawless, weightless, without any burdens. You are the perfect cool exterior. Not a snowflake of suspicion could fall on you."
And for some reason, I pondered those words. Was I really just a semblance of a real person? Enishi had meant to compliment me, but I couldn't help but look at myself differently. I've sacrificed everything for Kiyosoto, but what exactly did I sacrifice?
Truth. It was truth. I can no longer be true to myself. I will pretend to love this man. I will be his loyal wife, a pretty wispy face, a painted porcelain face that everyone thinks is beautiful but…
I am so utterly damaged. My best friend and husband has left me. I have nowhere to go. Revenge will be tiring…but I will be patient. Patient, as I've always been.
Tomoe
February 18th
Tomoe sipped her glass of sherry and stared out the window into the cold night. Thunderstorm. She suppressed a sigh. Suddenly she heard urgent footsteps outside her house, stalking toward her front door. Silently she peeked out the window—right into the panting face of her brother. His shoulder was bandaged, and his face was contorted into a sort of unfamiliar grimace.
"Sister! Let me in!"
Immediately she opened the door and ushered the soaking man inside. "Why are you here, Enishi? You should be recuperating at the hospital! That wound is still fresh—"
"Him, sister. Him." His voice was a hiss.
"What about him?"
"I've found out where he is. And he isn't here."
"I know where he is too. He's on an assignment. He'll be back by morning."
"That's not what I mean. He should be here. Instead, he wandered over to where? The Kamiya residence, I heard. Conveniently at the residence of Kaoru, who lives there, alone, without her daddy who now rots in a coma."
"He is there on guard," Tomoe said quietly.
"He is there to screw my woman and betray my sister."
"That's impossible. It is his duty to protect the Kamiya household – I think you would know that, considering Kamiya is the main patron of—"
"Do I need to explain to you, sister," Enishi interrupted. "The Battousai entered the house, and two hours later, left the house with different attire on. The attire, I'm speculating, of old Kamiya himself. Which means…" His eyes turned into jagged shards of glacier. "That Kamiya Kaoru, my woman, has been touched…by the hands of the very man we vowed revenge on…"
Tomoe was silent. "And so it wasn't our plan. What can we do about it? Moreover, what can you do about it?"
"So you believe me, sis."
"No, I don't. Himura Kenshin is a man who would not give in to temptation. He is an assassin, bound blindly to duty and nothing else. The most that could have happened tonight was that he entered the house to wash his clothes."
"Kaoru is no mere temptation…Otherwise if I didn't know any better I'd speculate that you've just insulted my judgment."
"Enishi, please...stop fidgeting. What matters most is your health. Let me make up a bed for you to sleep until morning. I will find a way to return you to the hospital."
"Sister," he said vacantly. "I am not going to sleep until that bastard comes back. And when he does, I'm going to knock him out so cold that he'd swear—"
"You're not," Tomoe said firmly. "This is not the time, or the place. My earning his trust and loyalty requires the help of kin, kin being you. Don't you dare touch or provoke him in any way. Understand?"
"But he touched my woman. You don't understand—"
"I do. I understand you're infuriated. I understand you're troubled. I understand you feel like a part of yourself has been ripped out and ground into ash. Do you really think I do not understand, my little brother? Do you?"
Her expression softened as he was caught by surprise. Instantly his eyes dropped and he went limp. Tomoe…his sister…god, nothing could compare to her suffering. Nothing, especially any suffering of his. No matter how valuable Kaoru was to him, he would never feel the same pain of losing her than Tomoe's pain when she lost her first husband. Kaoru was just an ornament, a beautiful, rare, delicate ornament he wanted to possess dearly, badly, obsessively. He could always possess her outwardly, but he acknowledged a long time ago that he would never completely attain everything from her. She would always keep what's intrinsic away from him. It drove him crazy. Sometimes he scoffed at himself for wanting what his sister had—that kind of perfect mutual relationship. But this was perhaps the only thing denied to him.
"I'm sorry, sister…I'm sorry."
"It's alright."
"No, it's not. Please forgive me."
Tomoe reached out her arms and cradled him, the way she did when he was only a small child. It was so familiar, the fragrance of plums sweeping inside his nostrils. So familiar, so beautiful and lyrical. It made him forget all pain, all fatigue, all demons.
"Enishi…please go to sleep. I don't want you to get sick," she whispered.
"Sister…" Suddenly he realized what he was waiting for. The Battousai. The Battousai, such a blatant entity. The Battousai, with his gaudy reputation to match his gaudy hair, who deserved to have the weight of the world crushed onto him until he slowly bleeds and suffocates to death. The Battousai was the answer, because the Battousai was the cause of all of his sister's sufferings. And some of his own. Himura Battousai existed solely to inflict death, pain, misery, and distress to the Yukishiro family. Most of all, to the one who was most beautiful, pure, the one who was the epitome of all that is kind in the world.
Yukishiro Enishi suppressed his urgent need to kill the Battousai only because of Tomoe's warning urging him not to. Without a word or a hiss he retreated to the bed.
Next time, he thought. He won't be so lucky.
Misao's strenuous ninja training paid off because of her amazing skill in climbing, jumping, and ambushing with the dexterity and nimbleness of a nocturnal animal. That morning she decided to pay a visit to Kaoru via her bedroom window. The tree was not stiff and vertical, thus easy to climb, so before she knew it she had her hands on the windowsill.
I'll have fun a bit. The mischievous weasel girl began scratching at the window. In her best banshee-like scream she yelled "AHHHHHHHHH!"
The next thing she knew she was dragged by the braid into the room.
"Nice try, honey," Kaoru yawned. "It may be early in the morning, but it takes more than that to have me go scampering around."
Misao stared at the dark half-moons under her friend's lovely indigo eyes. "Kaoru, have you not had sleep?"
Kaoru rolled her eyes. "You think I could sleep after all that?"
Misao wrapped her arms around her friend. "Lucky I was able to get a carriage to take you home. But I was hoping you'd get some rest." Her bright green eyes glinted in concern.
"Very hard to, considering I had a visitor last night."
"Who the hell—"
"It was him, the Battousai."
Misao's eyes widened into doorknobs. "Battousai! Did he follow you home! Did you invite him in! Why would he follow you anyway? I KNEW HE HAD A THING FOR YOU! And to think, you didn't even believe me last night! You owe me for denying it all--"
"Apparently he had some top-secret business with…let's just say, Misao, that it was very messy business. He was there…on a job."
Misao stood still, her mouth agape. "A…job? As in, assassination…"
"Yes. There were around six men near my house…He killed them all."
"What were those six men—and him—doing near your house anyway?"
"He said he had killed them because they intended to break in…"
"But why was he there in the first place?"
"How do you expect me to know? God, all of that just gave me a headache…"
"Oh god, Kaoru…this means that there are people after you…or your father, but I'm worried. You shouldn't be living here alone…"
"I'll be just fine," Kaoru declared firmly. "You think it's any safer for me to leave the house just empty like that? Who knows what strangers could do to it…"
"Your life is more important than some godforsaken house!" Misao yelled. "I wonder if Battousai hadn't been there, they would've…"
"Been clobbered to submission by me? Hell yeah," Kaoru interrupted. "It's not like I would have been asleep. In fact, I could have used a good fight. There are so many ways to liberate anger, but from experience I must say the best method is beating the crap out of someone, especially if that someone had intended to break in and attempt to harm you."
"Might I remind you that it was not someONE, but someONES," Misao said irritably. "And might I add, SIX someONES. I bet you didn't even get a glimpse of them."
"I didn't."
"So what else happened? Did you thank him? Hit him? Kick him out?"
"I…dragged him inside."
Misao's eyes widened. "My god. It wasn't part of my guesses only because you would never do that. What if he had been bluffing and intended to kill you?"
"He said he was going to kill me. But I think it was a joke or some sort."
"Oh my god, the Battousai jokes? My head is spinning. I am dizzied."
"Be serious…"
"But what did you DO?" Misao couldn't suppress it any longer. "Did you…have sex?"
"You really think I'd do it with someone I met only a few hours before…I'm sorry hon, you know the probability of that occurring."
"Come on…did you?"
"Hell no."
"Did you make out?"
"No..."
"Kaoooorrruuuu…that was your perfect opportunity! If I was alone in a big house with a wet Aoshi…" Misao sighed in disappointment. "Such a golden window of possibilities…"
"Get your seventeen-year-old mind out of the gutter."
"I can't help it. It likes the gutter."
"Whatever floats your boat…"
Misao was combing a brush through her friend's long black hair. "Say, Kaoru…how about we get away for awhile? Away from anyone and anything…I can take you to Kyoto to visit Aoshi-sama…you can stay at our luxury teahouse…You know, the Aoiya? There are so many lush gardens you haven't visited…Don't you think you need a break?"
Kaoru smiled. "Hey, for once…that doesn't sound like such a bad idea…"
"Really?" Misao's green eyes shimmered. "Just marvelous! We'll have an insane time! Just like old times!"
"When will we leave?"
"Aoshi-sama wrote a letter to me saying he'll be at Kyoto by the end of this week…So we can pack our bags today and head off to the port tomorrow evening."
"Awesome. Kyoto will be so far away…from that scary veiny…"
"Shhh…be quiet about Enishi," Misao said. "That loser deserves to be left alone. He will never come within a mile of you again. I swear it. I'll do whatever it takes to send that bastard to hell."
The sunrise cast a pallid mantle of saffron across the puddles on the street. It was deserted, save for a lonely Kenshin walking aimlessly into the morning. His heels crunched against the pavement and splashed unnoticing into the water.
It had been so bizarre.
His eyesight blurred as if he was seeing through misty glass. Last night's kill…the intensity he felt when he sliced open a man, when he ripped through flesh, when he heard the truncated screams, every bloody gash and gasp…it was something abnormal, even for him. Never had he felt such rapture in killing. It scared him. One of Himura Battousai's most deadly weapons was his detachedness. His cold calculation. The feeling he usually got from murder was sheer indifference. When he killed, he was neither human nor bloodthirsty beast. He let go of everything. He became one with the matter around him. He became an element, a natural resource. He became his sword. Cold, steely, swift, unflinching. Completely devoid of passion or emotion or human folly.
To slip beyond his own control was something unheard of. It didn't matter that he had finished the job, the only importance that holds lies with Katsura. Internally, it bothered him.
Even more bizarre was his second encounter with the Kamiya girl. From the moment he looked at her through his wet bloody bangs he recognized her fear, her utter shock, her fluttering pulse. But she simply stood still as marble, staring at him with these eyes three shades deeper than the rain, so luminous in the moonlight. Her voice had been shaky. He noted that.
Katsura has always declared Kenshin to be asexual, just as a joke among the Jinsa army. Kenshin was vaguely annoyed by his remarks, but he couldn't exactly refute it with evidence. Truthfully, he was far from asexual, but nothing held his interest. He'd never been with anyone.
He was almost bewildered by his attempt to kiss her. Something about her was…amusing. Not just amusing…but strangely enthralling. Could he say intoxicating?
The force behind her voice was almost tangible. There was force, but also something else. Something…softer. As if she possessed some sort of strange sorrow.
Whatever it was, he would do everything he can…to suppress it.
He found the steps to his house. A word welled in his throat. "Home…"
Tomoe's soft shadow lingered behind the curtain.
"This is home…"
Sorry if that was a boring and/or redundant chapter… . …A thousand apologies! More stuff will come soon!
To my lovely reviewers:
Half-breed-demon-fox – Thank you for keeping up with the reading. I appreciate every review from you :D
Kimberlyann – Such kind words! Horribly haunting…I guess that's what I try to go for :) Sorry for not updating sooner…I hope you keep reading, and thank you!
WaTaShiWaKaWaIIDeSu – Thank you very much…I won't be this bad with updates anymore. At least I hope not! Reignashii – I'm glad you think it's interesting. I updated, see! .Liara – thank you for the MULTIPLE reviews. It's people like you that drive me to write! You flatter me with your words…And Kenshin? Not angsty enough? Oh, he will be. Soon, my dear, soon. ;) wink
Misaochan – Thank you love! Do accompany as I add in more .
Neko Oni-chan – Yayayay! Hi Neko, my devART friend! Hohohoho! Ok, I'll shut up, lol. Yes, the sun-dried apricots thing – Kenshin's hair needs a VARIETY of metaphors, not just one or two. A SLEW of them. LoL, thanks for reading 3 I'll try to make it more interesting.
MizzLee – I'm ecstatic that it made you laugh hehe. Thank you for continuing to read! I'm happy you are less confused…:D
Nishikaze – Hah, I'm new to this fanfic biz…I guess I should warn that characters might be a little OOC? I explained in the last chapter that Kenshin is sort of an automaton…that's how he is in the beginning. Because he is emotionless, I guess he was able to walk away. Thank you for the criticism!
CryingOro – Such ebullience! I love your review, so glad you like it…and since you said "please do it for me" I dedicate chapter 5 to YOU. 3 :D
Sapphire – Now that I read it, yes Tomoe SHOULD be more concerned about enishi. Whoops…again, the characters thing. I will try to get better at that, I swear.
KissKenshin – Seee! I updated. Sorry to make you impatient . I won't stop! Wah!
Okai – Thank you sweety! I updated :D
Soniya Himoura – Thanks for adding my story to your favorite!