--
Shane knew Hunter would want to talk to him eventually, but he still couldn't prepare himself for it. He had no idea what to say to him. He didn't even know what he felt anymore. Everything was changing, and he didn't know what to do about it. Seemed like nothing could get worse.
He sat in his room with some of the other teachers, but his mind wasn't really on the conversation they were having. He kept thinking about everything else going on, he couldn't get his mind off it all. Especially Dustin.
"Hey Shane, you in there?" asked one of the guys.
He looked up. "Yeah, just thinking, I guess."
"What about? You haven't said a word all night."
Shane shrugged. "I don't know."
"You want us to leave?" Jeff asked, looking over at him. "It's pretty late, and you look like you could use some rest."
"Nah, I'm fine," he said. He sighed to himself as they continued their conversation again, realizing how little it all really meant, being with them. It wasn't like it had been with the others, these were just his friends, and barely that if even. He didn't care about them, didn't feel anything when they were all together. Not like he had.
But there was no way to go back to that now. Even if he tried, he couldn't make things right again, there was just no way anymore. So why did he keep thinking about them?
There was a knock at the door and Shane looked up, then glanced at the others. They shrugged. "Who is it?" he called.
"It's Hunter," came the familiar voice.
"Shit." He muttered as the others laughed when they realized who it was. "I'm busy," he called. "Come back later."
He turned back to the others, but the door opened and Hunter entered. "We need to talk, now."
"Hunter, what the hell?" Shane turned and looked at him. "It's not a good time, okay?" Damn, talk about bad timing. And Hunter looked pissed as hell.
"I don't care," Hunter said. "I want to know why you're being such a fucking bastard about everything."
Shane stood, aware of the others behind him and trying to think of Hunter as somehow not really being himself. "You know how things are now," he said. "Nothing's going to change that."
Hunter shook his head. "You want to stay here or go somewhere else? Cause either way we're talking this out."
"You really think there's anything to say?"
"I sure as hell do," he said sharply. "Maybe you think we're done but I have a lot I want to say to you, and a lot I want to know, so make up your mind."
Shane paused. "Fine. Say what you want." Maybe staying in front of Shane's friends would put him off some. This was Hunter after all.
Hunter looked surprised, but shrugged slightly. "All right." He folded his arms. "Why did you give up?"
Shane frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"You didn't even try to deal with any of this," Hunter said. "You just gave up. Why?"
He shook his head. "You're really surprised? I thought I explained that well enough. You're sick, you disgust me, and I can't stand being around you." Even as he spoke, he regretted the lies, but he just couldn't stand to speak the truth.
Hunter paused. "Why is it so hard for you to handle? It's not that big a deal, Shane, really."
"Well it is to me," he replied.
"Why?" Hunter demanded. "Cause I'm starting to think there's something you're not telling us."
Shane was silent a moment, wondering what Hunter meant and at the same time, wondering if he knew, somehow. He grabbed Hunter's arm. "Let's go." They left the room and he shut the door behind him, then shoved Hunter away. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"I honestly don't know," he answered. "But there sure seems to be something else going on here. I mean, why is this so different for you?"
"It's not," Shane said. "I'm not the only person who feels this way, you should know that. Everyone hates you for it."
"I know," he said. "But I thought you were different."
Hunter's blue eyes were steely, and Shane avoided looking into them. "Well, I'm not," he said. "So just give it up."
"I can't do that," Hunter said stubbornly.
"Come on," he pressed, frustrated. "I'm not doing anything to you. I'm leaving you alone, why can't you do the same?"
"This isn't about me," Hunter said. "Not entirely. I know what you've been doing here, what you've been saying. Hell, I could understand if you just couldn't be around us or whatever, but how could you do this?"
Shane paused. "What do you think I've done?"
"Don't play innocent," he said angrily. "Everyone knows you've been talking. Besides what Dustin's told me, there's Tori, and some others I've talked to, even the students. They all say you've been telling everyone what's going on. All your little so-called friends in there, I'll bet they know every detail, right? Probably pretty funny to them."
"Seems to be," Shane said shortly.
Hunter was quiet a moment, just staring at him. The hurt on his face was matched only by the anger. "Why are you doing this?" he asked.
Shane paused. "I don't know." There was nothing else he could say.
"You don't know?" Hunter repeated. He shook his head. "How can you not know? So what, you're ruining our lives because you feel like it or something?"
"They all knew something was going on," he vainly defended himself. "They would have figured it out anyway."
"So you had to make sure they got it all just right?" he asked.
"I don't know, maybe!" He sighed. "I don't know what to say to you, Hunter."
"You can tell me when we started meaning so little to you," Hunter said. "Why all of a sudden you're being a complete dick to everyone. And it's just getting worse, too. Dustin told me about the fights you two have had."
"Dustin needs to leave me alone," Shane snapped, feeling his anger rise as the other boy was brought up. "Look, I don't want anything to do with either of you. Especially him." Shit, he didn't just say that.
Hunter frowned. "Why him? What's the difference?"
"He lives here," Shane made up quickly. "I don't have to see you every day."
"What difference does that make?" Hunter asked. "What's your real problem here?"
"I don't know what you're trying to get at," he said.
"I'm not," he answered. "I'm just trying to figure out what's going on."
"There's nothing going on!" he exclaimed. "Now why don't you both just leave me alone?"
"Why do you hate Dustin more than you do me?" he pressed. "Come on, what did he ever do to you? Now you and I, we had our differences. But you two were friends long before I even knew you. Is that why?"
"No, that's not why," Shane said. "Now—"
"Then why?" Hunter was almost shouting. "Why don't you hate me more?"
"Hunter—"
"Why is Dustin so different?" Hunter cut in loudly.
"Because I love him!" Shane shouted. He froze, realizing what he said and at the same time, realizing it was true. He felt himself color and turned away quickly. "Fuck it, will you just go?"
Hunter was silent, a little breathless and obviously stunned. Then he spoke, quietly. "Are you serious?"
Shane hit the wall with his fist. "Just leave me alone, Hunter. And I swear I'll kill you if you tell anyone I said that."
"But it's true," he said. "We've gone through all of this because of you, and then you try and say that? What the fuck are you that you could do this to us?"
"Hunter, I mean it," Shane said lowly. "Just forget I even said that." Shane briefly wondered if the others in his room had overheard. The walls weren't that thick. But Hunter would probably get the word around anyway. Good payback.
Hunter stepped forward. "Shane, I don't think I can do that."
Shane gritted his teeth and turned to face him. "Fine, I don't care." He shoved Hunter aside and left, going nowhere but away. He didn't care what the others would think when he didn't come back, he'd find some way to explain that later. For now he just wanted to get out, away from Hunter, and everyone.
He couldn't believe he just said that. He'd never even admitted that to himself, let alone anyone else. He hadn't even really known, actually. Now . . . he had no idea what to do. He had thought things couldn't get any worse, but he was wrong. Things were impossible now. Hunter was sure to tell Dustin along with everyone else, and then what?
He sighed, leaving the building and standing outside, breathing in the night air deeply. Now he was positive. Nothing could make this any worse.
--