Chapter Twenty-Three

--

Dustin looked over at Hunter beside him as they all sat talking, hours after they began. It seemed they'd never run out of things to say, there was so much to talk about. Everything that had happened since they'd all been together, and everything before that too, when they were. It never slowed down.

Hunter was having more fun than Dustin had probably ever seen him. Well, outside of, other things, he thought with a smirk. He seemed really happy. Almost as happy as Dustin felt. It was like things couldn't be any better, not in reality anyway. This was about as good as it would ever be.

Hunter looked over at him and Dustin smiled, causing him to do the same. Hunter reached over and took his hand, squeezing it gently, and Dustin leaned on his shoulder, looking down at their clasped hands quietly.

Blake stood slowly. "Well, I'll be back, guys. I think I'm gonna go talk to Tori."

Hunter looked up at him. "Are you sure? You don't want to wait a little?"

"No," he said. "I have to talk to her. I won't be long, okay?"

He nodded as Blake left, and Cam stood. "Dinner should be almost ready, I'm gonna start getting set."

"We'll help," Marah offered, standing up.

"Yeah, we can too," Hunter said.

Cam smirked. "No thanks, Hunter. Your job is to keep your boyfriend away. The rest of us can handle it for now."

Hunter laughed softly as they all went back inside, and Dustin slapped his arm lightly. "I'm really not that bad."

"Uh-huh," Hunter answered. His kissed Dustin's forehead gently. "Whatever you say."

He smiled a little and closed his eyes, and they were both silent for a while.

Then Hunter spoke. "Dustin, can I ask you something?"

Dustin straightened and looked at him curiously. "Of course. What is it?"

Hunter paused. "You said something a while ago, maybe a week or so after we got together."

He frowned. "Dude, I can't even remember that far back right now."

Hunter smiled. "You said, that no matter what came of all this, it would be worth it." He looked at Dustin a moment. "I was wondering if you still felt that way."

Dustin smiled a little. "Of course I do."

"Don't get me wrong," Hunter said. "I wouldn't give what we have for anything. But . . ." He shook his head. "You've just lost so much."

"We all have," he said. "But, anything that can be lost isn't really worth having in the first place." He shrugged. "That's what I think, anyway."

Hunter paused. "So you'd do it all over again?"

"Yeah," he said truthfully. He frowned again. "What's going on, Hunter?"

"Nothing," he assured him. "I was just thinking about things, and I started wondering."

Dustin leaned his head on Hunter's shoulder again. "Stop wondering."

"All right," Hunter said quietly. "I will."

--

Blake entered the teacher's lounge and looked around for Tori, spotting her sitting at a table reading a magazine. He watched her for a moment, trying to decide what to say, then he took a breath and went over, touching her shoulder nervously. "Tori?"

She looked up and a smile broke across her face. "Blake, hi." She stood, then her smile slowly faded. "What are you doing here?"

"I just, wanted to see you," Blake said. He glanced around, but the room was empty save for them, so he pulled out a chair and sat down, and she did the same.

Tori paused. "Blake, if you're here to try and change things, please don't even try, I've had enough of it."

"I'm not," he said. "I know I can't. I just . . . wanted you to know how I feel."

She nodded. "Me too. But . . . I don't really know what to say."

"Me neither," he admitted.

Tori laughed a little, nervously. "I just . . . Blake, I know it's over, but, I love you so much . . . and I don't think that's going to change."

He reached over the table and put his hand over hers, squeezing it tightly. "I guess this—it just wasn't meant to be."

She looked at him. "Do you really believe that?"

"I have to," he said. "Tori, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, but there's nothing for us now." He paused. "We've already tried."

"I know," Tori said, her eyes moist. "But, I just can't imagine my life without you."

"I'm sorry," he said. "But you have to." He took a breath. "Look, I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me. You always will. I'd better go."

She nodded as he stood, blinking quickly and avoiding his eyes. "I'm leaving tomorrow morning, I don't think I'll see you again. So, uh, goodbye."

"Goodbye," he said quietly.

Blake turned and started to leave the room, but stopped at the doorway, unable to go any further. He squeezed his eyes closed to fight back the tears and took a deep, shaky breath. This couldn't really be the end.

It wasn't. "No," Blake said. He turned and went back to Tori, pulling her up and kissing her firmly. Then he pulled back and looked her in the eyes. "I'm not doing this, Tori. I love you too much to lose you."

Tori stared at him a moment. "What do you mean?"

He let go of her arms. "We're fighting this out, now. We're going to make this work."

"We can't," Tori said. "Blake, we tried, remember? A few times."

"We didn't try hard enough," he stated, a little angrily. "Listen, I am not ready to give you up. I don't care what I have to do. And if you feel half of what I do you'll try too."

"We've been through this . . ." Tori began.

"And this is it," he said. "I'm not playing around this time, there is no choice. I'll be fucking damned if I let you throw away what we have."

"I am not throwing it away," she snapped. "Blake, do you think I want things to be like this? Cause I don't, at all. But I can't help it."

"Like hell you can't," he said. "How much did you even try? Did all this mean so little to you that you could just give it up?"

"You have no idea what it's been like for me," she said. "I hate myself for what I've done, for losing all of you. I'd give anything to have everything the way it used to be, but it can't be like that anymore."

"No, it can't," he agreed. "But it can't be over either, I won't accept that." She started to protest again and he cut her off. "I can't live my life without you, Tori, I just can't. Why can't you just get over yourself and see the truth?"

"I don't know!" she shouted. "I've been asking myself what's wrong with me for three months! I thought things could get back to normal, but they just can't. I can't. And it doesn't help that you haven't even been around for me!"

Blake blinked, staring at her a moment. "Tori, I didn't have much of a choice."

"You hardly even called," she said. "And what, you never had any time off? That's a little hard to believe." She shook her head. "You didn't care about me anyway, you only cared how they felt. You never even tried to understand!"

"How could I?" Blake asked sharply. "You changed in one second, as soon as you saw them together. Like that really changed anything! They needed your support and you just turned your back. Now what am I supposed to understand?"

Tori paused. "I did my best. Now what else do you want from me?"

"I want more," he said. "I won't give up on us, ever. I don't know what to do, how we'll do it, but I know this can work."

Tori sat down quietly, running a hand through her long hair and not looking at him. Her eyes were tear-filled and Blake felt a stab of pain and guilt as he watched her. Then she looked up at him. "I don't know," she said, the frustration clear in her voice. "What am I supposed to do? It's too late to change anything."

"No, it's not," he said firmly. He sat down in a chair beside her, taking a deep breath to calm down. "Tori, just give us another chance, I'll do anything."

"There's nothing you can do," she said. "It's all over."

"I won't accept that," he insisted. "Look, just let me help. We can do this together."

She looked at him. "Blake, I haven't even seen you in three months, how can we do anything together?"

He paused. "I'll come back. To stay."

Tori stared at him a moment, then shook her head. "No, I can't let you do that. You've wanted this for so long, you love it."

"I love you," Blake said. "That's more important than anything. Now with any luck they'll take me back when I can go, but if not it's okay. I need to be here." He shook his head. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," she said quietly. A tear escaped down her cheek and she brushed it away quickly. "I'm just so tired of all this."

"Me too," he agreed. "It feels like there's nothing else that can go wrong."

Tori nodded. "I'm so sorry," she said, her voice breaking.

"Tori, we can do this," Blake said. "It's gonna be all right. Now why don't we just try to start over? There's no way to get out of this one."

She shook her head. "They aren't just going to give me a clean slate."

"Then you'll have to prove yourself to them," he said.

"What if I can't?" Tori asked. "I don't want to let them down again."

Blake shook his head. "Don't even think like that." He took a breath. "Now, do you wanna go have dinner or something?"

"Aren't you eating with the others?" she asked.

"Yeah, I was," he said. "But they'll understand. You have to leave tomorrow, I want to be with you."

She paused. "Do you think, they'd mind if I just came with you?"

He looked at her a moment. "You mean, come have dinner with us?"

Tori nodded. "I know it'd be weird, and no one will really want me there, but you should go, and well, maybe it would be okay."

Blake smiled. "All right." He stood. "Let's go." He paused as she stood. "And if you decide you want to leave, we can."

She smiled a little and they looked at each other a moment. Then they took each other's hands and left the room.

--

They all gathered around the table together and Hunter looked up as Blake came in, Tori by his side. He frowned as they came over. "Hey, what's going on?"

Blake looked back at Tori, then at Hunter. "Just here for dinner," he said.

"Is, everything okay?" Hunter asked slowly.

"Not everything," he said.

Tori stepped up nervously. "Guys, I just want to say, I'm sorry. For everything, and . . . I want to start over, try again."

"Isn't that what you said last time?" Dustin asked, rather coldly.

She paused, looking at him. "Yeah, I did. And there's no way I can convince you this is different. But it is. I'm just asking that you give me a chance, again."

Dustin looked at Hunter and he shook his head a little. Dustin's call. For Blake's sake Hunter wanted to believe her, but for Dustin's he didn't want to risk it. Knowing Dustin, he'd make the right choice.

Dustin took a breath. "All right," he said, turning to Tori. "If you're sure."

She smiled a little, hesitantly. "I am."

He nodded. "Then get over here and sit down." He smiled.

Blake pulled up a chair for her and they both sat down, and Hunter shook his head inwardly at Dustin and his ability to move on. He couldn't quite believe it this time, if he were Dustin he would have told Tori to go straight to hell. As much as he wanted her there, he couldn't help but wonder. After everything that had happened, why the sudden change? He looked over at Cam, who shook his head, a smirk on his face.

Hunter reached under the table and took Dustin's hand, giving him a smile. It was worth a try. He looked at the seven of them around the table. He sat with Blake and Dustin in either side, Tori beside Blake and Kara by her, Cam straight across and Marah beside Dustin. It wasn't quite what he would have imagined.

But it was all right. Better than all right, really, he thought as he looked at Dustin again. He'd give up anything to have him, he knew that now. It didn't matter what.

Dustin looked over at him and smiled, then looked at Cam. "Can we get started or does someone have to say something really lame and cheesy?"

Cam smirked. "Anyone up?" No one answered and he shrugged. "Then go ahead."

It started out a little uncomfortable, but soon plates were being passed around and food piled high. They started talking and the conversation grew slowly, till they hardly noticed how different everything was.

Then they heard a knock on the door.

Hunter looked up, suspicion and nervousness already forming inside him. "I'll see who it is," h said, standing. He went to the door and opened it, and Shane stood before him. "What the hell are you doing here?" Hunter asked, sharply but quietly.

Shane paused, looking nervous. "I, I was wondering if I could come in."

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said. "Why don't you just leave?"

"Hunter, please," Shane said. "I have to explain."

He paused. "Explain?"

Shane nodded. "Can I talk to Dustin, at least?"

Hunter took a breath, studying him for a moment, and then opened the door wider. "If he wants," he said. "Come on in."

"Thanks." Shane entered as Hunter stepped aside.

Hunter went to the table and over to Dustin. "There's someone here to talk to you."

Dustin frowned and looked over, then stood as he saw Shane. "I'll be back, guys," he said.

Cam looked at him. "Are you sure about this?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Just go on without me."

Hunter watched them as they left, then sat down quietly, unable to think about anything else now but the conversation that would happen. Was Shane really going to tell Dustin how he felt? He had no idea how Dustin would react to that, especially after everything.

Cam looked over at Hunter, looking worried. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Hunter said. Then he shook his head. "I don't know."

--

Shane and Dustin walked down the hallway and headed outside, and he took a long deep breath before speaking. "Sorry for the bad timing. But there's something I have to tell you."

"I think there's a lot you have to tell me," Dustin said.

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. But this is important."

Dustin looked at him quietly, then spoke. "What is it?"

Shane stopped walking and folded his arms. "Look, I've done a lot to you these past few months. And there's no way to excuse any of that so I won't even try. I've been an ass and that's all." He paused. "I'm not trying to explain it even."

Dustin frowned. "What are you trying to do?"

He looked away, feeling his heart pounding hard against his chest. "The truth is, Dustin, I—" he broke off, then continued, knowing he'd never say it if he didn't then. "I love you," he said quickly. "And it took all this for me to realize that. I shouldn't have hurt you and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I just can't stand this anymore."

Dustin was quiet for a long moment, looking completely stunned. Shane watched him silently, wishing he would just say something. Anything. Then Dustin shook his head slowly. "Shane, I . . . I don't know what to say." He paused, the surprise on his face slowly turning to something much colder. "You did all this to us, and now you . . . you say that? What am I supposed to think?"

"I know it doesn't make any sense," Shane said. "And I know it doesn't change anything, but I really can't tell you how sorry I am."

"It changes a lot of things," Dustin said. He took a deep breath and turned away. "I can't believe this."

"Maybe I shouldn't have told you," Shane said, his heart racing. "And I'll never bring it up. I'll leave you alone, you don't even have to see me again once I leave the Academy, I just—"

"No," Dustin interrupted. "Shane, I'm glad you told me, it's just . . ." He took a deep breath, facing him again. "Why did you do this? Why didn't you, just say something?"

Shane felt an almost physical pain at the hurt and confusion in Dustin's eyes, and he didn't speak for a while. Then he shook his head. "I didn't even know for a while. And I hate myself for what I did, I'll never forgive myself. But if there's anything I can do to make it better, I will."

"There isn't anything," Dustin said quietly.

Shane looked at him. "I know you can't just forgive me, I'm not asking for it."

Dustin looked up at him, watching him carefully. "You really feel that way about me?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I do. I know it's hard to believe after the way I've been, but it's true." He reached out a hand, touching Dustin's arm. "Please, give me another chance, Dustin. I can't do this anymore. And I swear I'll kill myself if I ever hurt you again, in any way."

Dustin pulled his arm away. "What changed?" he asked.

Shane paused. "I guess it just got too far, and I, I told Hunter when he came here. It wasn't until then that I even knew. Before that, I couldn't even think that it might be true, and I just, I fought back. I was so confused, I didn't know what to do."

"Then I guess you know how I feel right now," he said quietly. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a breath. "I can't say this makes everything okay."

"I know," Shane said. "Nothing can."

"You might be right," Dustin said. "But maybe not." He paused, looking at Shane. "If you want, we can, try and work things out."

Shane felt his breath leave him and he stared at Dustin silently for what felt like ages. "Are you serious?" he finally managed to ask.

"Yeah, I am," Dustin said. "I know I shouldn't do this, but I'd like to have you back." He paused. "I, I don't know about the others."

"I understand," Shane said. He blinked quickly. "You have no idea what this means to me."

Dustin smiled slightly, but the distrust was still obvious in his eyes. "You wanna come in for dinner? There's still plenty I'll bet."

He shook his head. "No, I don't think so."

"Come on," Dustin said. Then he paused. "We'll talk about this, okay? But for now, let's go in and . . . just, be all together again."

"You don't think I might get thrown out?" Shane asked, dead serious.

He shrugged. "Maybe." He put a hesitant hand on Shane's shoulder. "Come on, we've missed you."

Shane fought the surge of emotion that hit him as he looked at Dustin. He smiled a little, for what felt like the first time in years. "All right," he said.

--

Cam watched warily as Shane and Dustin entered the room, then he glanced at Hunter, who looked surprisingly less suspicious. Cam leaned back in his chair, looking back at the two.

Dustin put a hand on Shane's shoulder as they came over, both looking pretty uncomfortable. "He's a little late, but I told him he was welcome. Make some room, guys." Marah was the first to move aside and Dustin pulled up an extra chair between him and her.

Shane paused as Dustin sat down, looking at each of them. "I know I have a lot to explain," he said. "And I'll leave if you want me to. But I was hoping you might let me stay."

They were all silent a moment, then Cam nodded. "Sit down, of course you can stay." His voice didn't sound quite as friendly as he tried to make it.

Hunter nodded slowly as Shane sat down. "It's good to have you here again," he said, his tone a little cold as well.

"It is," Blake agreed. He leaned forward on the table, smiling just a little. "You guys think it might be time for some of those lame and cheesy words?"

Dustin smirked. "I think it might be. Sorry." He paused. "Well, I'd just like to say that, um, I have no idea what's going to happen here, and I hardly even know what did happen these last few months. But in spite of all that, or because of it I guess, you guys means like, everything to me." He paused again. "All of you, for a lot of different reasons." Some cause I lost you," he looked at Shane and Tori, then smiled over at Blake. "And some cause I found you," his gaze traveled to Marah, then rested on Hunter. "And even though I don't know you," he looked at Kara. "You were there when I couldn't be, that means a lot." Then he looked at Cam. "And some cause, I wouldn't have made it without you."

Cam felt himself flush a little and glanced away quickly. Then he took a breath. "Dustin's right. Whatever happened, it did mean something. I know it made me realize some things." He looked at Hunter for a long moment, and then turned back to Dustin. "I think you speak for all of us."

Hunter smiled and nodded in agreement, and Cam felt a lump form in his throat as he watched him, knowing what he wanted could never be. Even the illusion was gone now. He could never tell anyone, he couldn't risk ruining everything for nothing. But he knew, more than ever, that it was never going to change. He would love Hunter forever.

--

Hunter and Dustin stood outside together later that night, staring out at the sky, both of them lost in their thoughts. They clasped hands tightly and Dustin closed his eyes, taking a deep, steady breath. Everything had just gotten much more complicated, but so much better too.

He opened his eyes and looked up at Hunter, who looked deep in thought. Dustin smiled as he watched him, still in disbelief over what they had. It was unimaginable. Never in his life would he have thought it could actually happen, no matter how many times he dreamed of it and wished for it. Now it was real. And not without a price.

But there was no way to change any of that now. They'd all just have to wait and see what the days brought next, and he couldn't begin to imagine what that would be. Probably more of the bad to come with the good that was sure to find them, but they could handle it together. All of them.

Hunter looked down at him. "What're you thinking?"

He paused, then looked at him. "I was wondering what happens next."

Hunter smirked. "I have no idea. But it doesn't matter, it won't change anything."

Dustin smiled. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Hunter said. He kissed Dustin softly, and then smiled. "Everything will be all right."

"Yeah, it will be," Dustin said, believing that for the first time. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "It will be."

--

There is no pain greater, than that of hidden love.

--